


Obsession

by chelou



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Bottom Dean Winchester, Cas is 17, Child Abuse, Drug Addiction, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Kinda, M/M, Not Beta Read, Other, Secret Relationship, Some angst, Top Castiel, Underage Sex, also secret relationship isn't a huge part of the plot, but just know that its there, cuz he's kinda really soft when it comes to cas, dean is 18, dean's first time doing it that way, gabriel is an addict, he kinda loves it, heavy talk of addiction, i don't think its gonna last very long, if you can imagine it, im not awesome at writing bad boy dean, im sorry, is it child though because dean is 18, like a lot, like at all, not really slow build, not too bad i don't think, sorry if you like secret relationships, unsurprisingly, well pretty secret
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-09
Updated: 2019-02-20
Packaged: 2019-08-20 23:08:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 103,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16564874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chelou/pseuds/chelou
Summary: Just your regular ole High school AU. Pretty cliche. Cas and Sam are friends, Cas has a long term crush on Dean, who is Mr. Bad Boy, leather jacket guy. Does he return Castiel's feelings? Guess you'll just have to read to find out.Also the title is just a Jon Bellion song that i like a lot.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Don't really have a lot of notes except that, as the tags say, there is heavy talk of drug addiction in Cas' POV and sometimes in Dean's but it's usually brief then, though a lot in Cas'. I'm writing this fic as a way to project and sort out my own thoughts and feelings and what's happening in my life with it, and the fic doesn't really center around that, but a lot of Castiel's chapters is what's going on with his brother and how he and the rest of his family are dealing with it. if it's not really your thing then I totally understand, but just warning you - it deals a lot with addiction. 
> 
> Also, Dean is 18, senior  
> Cas is 17, junior  
> and Sam 16, sophomore

Castiel Novak had a VERY strong dislike for high school. 

Well, not the learning or the education, just the people. He hated basically all of the teachers. He hated the class schedules. He hated the students, the sports teams, the mascot. Most of all, he hated his sister Anna, for making him come to this stupid fucking party and then just  _ abandoning _ him as soon as the place crowded up.

He pushed his way from the living room through the sweat soaked dancing bodies and made his way to the kitchen that he was already oh so acquainted with. He sped straight past the sink filled with ice and beers, grabbed a water from the refrigerator and headed out back for some fresh air, pulling out and lighting a cigarette as he stood on the porch that he knew all too well.

It was a chilly night, as it would be in the middle of fall in Kansas. Cas took a drag off his smoke, closing his eyes as the heat hit the back of his throat and his body became slightly dizzy as the familiar rush of nicotine hit. 

“Those things will kill you, you know.” A raspy voice sounded from behind him. 

He turned around, raising his eyebrow as he took another puff. “Helps me relax.” He’d figured by the sound of the voice and the smell of car oil and leather that filled the air around him that he knew who was standing there, yet he was still surprised when it was confirmed that that was, in fact, Dean Winchester currently coming into his line of vision and taking the cigarette out of his hand to smoke it himself.  _ “ _ And you smoke them all the time.” 

Castiel followed the movement with his eyes, a subtle hitch in his breath as he watched plush lips curl around the filter and he vaguely wondered what the guy was doing here; who invited him, why he was at this party in particular, why he was talking to  _ Cas _ of all people and smoking half his fucking cig. 

Green eyes met his blue ones and held his gaze. He could feel his face getting hot so he reached for his smoke and took another hit, looking down. 

Dean shrugged, smirking. “Helps me relax. Not enjoying the party?” He took the cigarette back. 

Castiel's eyes roamed over the boys’ body from his short hair - too light to be brown, too dark to be blonde - to the green flannel he had on, a grey t shirt beneath it and a brown leather jacket over it, dark blue jeans and brown boots. Make no mistake, Dean Winchester was without a doubt the most gorgeous person in their entire school. “Parties aren't really my scene.”

“But you're here though, aren't you?”  _ Only because he didn't have a choice.  _ “Not that I'm complaining.” He winked; something that no matter how many times he did, it always managed to make Cas blush. 

He’s known Dean for a few years now but he’s never  _ really  _ had a conversation with him before. You see, Dean Winchester was the older brother of Sam Winchester, which happened to be one of Cas’ best friends. And despite the number of times Cas has been over to their house, the amount of words between the two have been few and far between, mostly because they ran in different circles. Dean hung out with Ash; this super rocker dude with a mullet, Jo; Ash’s sister and also probably the scariest person Cas had ever seen because she was blonde and wild and had a lot of knives and could probably most likely kick any dude in their entire schools ass, nevermind the fact that she was pretty much the female version of Dean. Cas didn’t know  if that was a good thing or a bad thing. 

Then there was Charlie; Dean’s other friend who was a redhead and definitely the complete opposite of him, in the sense that she was very bubbly and charismatic, and really was a genuine person, and Dean was...not. He was mysterious and intimidating, quiet and.. _ ominous.  _ Like, fucking Dallas Winston, or Jim Stark. He just had this whole air about him that said “ _ don't fuck with me”  _ and so no one ever did, obviously. 

No one except for the girls, who more or less worshiped the ground he walked on, and he  _ allowed it  _ because Dean Winchester was the walking epitome of smugness, cockiness,  _ and  _ narcissism. 

And there was no denying that Cas thought he was attractive, especially because he had been crushing on the older boy since he and Sam became friends. Cas used to just avoid Dean around school like everyone else - he wouldn’t spare him a second glance because he was  _ Dean.  _ But the first time Cas had gone to their house last year and saw Dean all sweaty and greasy from work, he knew he was a total goner. And his crush only deepened when, over time, Cas had learned Dean was more than his “bad boy” persona at school and was only the best fucking older brother ever. He was actually thoughtful, and protective, and surprisingly very paternal. He worked and worked and worked to keep food on the table and to keep their house up and running while their drunken asshole and shitty excuse of a father was gone basically 24/7 either “on a job” or plastered somewhere hanging off the edge of a barstool. 

But that was a side of Dean that he didn’t allow a lot of people to see; only his friends and Sam, and since Cas was close with Sam, he was lucky enough to get to see it as well. 

Problem was though, whichever type of “Dean” he was being - the one Sam and friends saw, or the one the rest of the school saw - he knew exactly how attractive he was. He was perfectly aware of the effect that he had on all of the girls at their school and  _ he basked in it _ . He used it to the best of his advantage. He threw a fucking wink and smirk around to anyone. It was a flirtation, definitely, but a lot of the times he used it Cas just knew it was because he enjoyed watching the other person squirm, which, 90% of the time, they did - Cas being one of them. Dean did it to him all the time and it always got under the younger boy’s skin. 

He’d do it when he was walking by the kitchen and saw Sam and Cas studying, Cas would look up and catch Dean’s eye and then the senior would wink at him and keep moving. Like he wasn’t totally making Cas’ stomach churn with butterflies. 

Or sometimes in the hallways at school Cas would pass him and he’d do it then, and just keep on fucking moving. But he’d never talk to him. No matter how many time’s they came across each other’s paths, no matter how many times Dean would wink, he’s never made an attempt to attach a comment along with it.

Not until tonight. 

He moved a little closer to Cas now, about a foot away and Cas would be lying if he said he wasn't at least a little weirded out by it - definitely welcoming it, for sure, - but weirded out, too. “Yes,” Cas spoke, finally responding to what Dean had said. “But only because my sister dragged me here and then left me.” By now, they were trading the cigarette back and forth but it was burning quickly and was almost time to be put out. Cas would have offered Dean his own, but if he was being totally honest, he’d really rather share his with him, and the boy didn't seem to mind anyways.

The senior squinted his eyes and cocked his head, a sly grin pulling at his lips. “Can you be dragged to and left at your own house?” And Cas sighed. It was true - the party was indeed hosted by his siblings at their home.  _ Much to his dismay. _

His plan was to stay gone for the entire night like he did every time there was a party here, but  _ nooo,  _ Anna wouldn't let him. AND, she locked his bedroom and stole the key so he couldn't hide in there all night! His siblings were  _ always  _ getting onto him about “socializing more” but really, he’d rather count every brick in the city than be at this party. And  _ he had friends _ ! Obviously! He had Sam, of course, and Meg?? Balthazar? Kevin? He wasn't completely antisocial. He smiled at people in public and he said ‘hello’ when kids spoke to him in the halls! What more did they want from him? “Yes, you can. It’s not pleasant.”

Dean took  _ another step closer  _ and by this point they were mere inches apart from other. He looked down to Cas with hooded eyes, his voice dropping an octave when he said, “Maybe we can change that.” 

“W-what?” Cas stuttered, because  _ what??  _ Was that a flirtation? Was Dean flirting with him? Dean was straight, right? He was straight! He doesn't  _ do  _ guys. He does girls and only girls. Like, every girl in the school, actually. And probably a good bit of girls from the surrounding schools. 

_ But you don't know that, _ Cas mentally chastised himself; those were only the rumors - that Dean got around. Cas didn't actually know for himself because he’s never actually seen any girls other than Jo and Charlie at their house but that doesn’t really mean much, does it? And Cas had more than once been a passerbyer during conversations between random girls in the hallways talking about how amazing their night with Dean was. Lisa Braeden included.

Dean chuckled, low and throaty, “You heard me.” He emphasized the statement with a good draping of his eyes all the way down Cas’ body and then back up again. 

“Are-- are you drunk? Because I feel like you’re drunk.” Castiel’s voice got higher the more nervous he got; the more anxious and uncomfortable he got...but anxious and uncomfortable in a good way. He was just shocked and completely taken off guard and he was almost positive Dean was fucking with him but he still liked the feeling that it brought to his body. 

“I’m not drunk.” and after a beat, he raised a curious eyebrow, “Are you?” Cas shook his head no. “So?” Dean asked as he sucked his bottom lip between his teeth. 

“So what?”

The blonde leaned in, right until his breath was tickling Cas’ ear and caused a shiver to go down the younger boys body. He whispered, “Do you want me?” The hitch in Cas’ breath must have been answer enough, because then he was admitting, “Because you should know, I want you too.” he nuzzled his nose into Cas’ neck, inhaling a big whiff. 

“Dean,” Cas started. His hands were hanging by his side because he had no idea what to do with them. Did he want to grab onto Dean? Clinch his fucking clothes and hold on for dear life? Wrap his arms around Dean’s waist and just see what it felt like to lay his head on the other man's chest and hear his heartbeat? Pull Dean closer so that their groins were pressed together and they could each feel each other's erections? Slip a hand down over Dean’s perky fucking ass and just squeeze? 

Yes. Yes, he wanted to do all of those things but he was too fucking confused for that. 

Dean hummed against his throat, pressing feather light kisses there while one of his hands slid behind Cas’ waist, resting on the low of his back and the other on his hip. Cas continued, “What is happening?” 

“What do you mean?” The words were mumbled as he touched his tongue to the skin. 

“I mean what is happening?” Cas brought up a hand and pushed lightly on Dean's shoulder so that he could look at his face. “What are we doing?” 

“Do you want this?” He asked it so bluntly, his eyes piercing into blue ones with such an intensity that it made even Cas feel a bit intimidated. His voice was weighty, no trace of cockiness or any of his usual bullshit that he spoke with. “If you tell me you don't want this, I'll walk away right now and we’ll never speak of it again. But if you do, I'll take you upstairs and you won't be able to sit down for a fucking week afterwards.” Odd as it may be, Cas knew they weren't empty promises. Dean meant what he was saying, and Cas cursed himself inside for wanting to take the the latter option. He wanted Dean to take him upstairs and fuck him so fucking hard he’d feel it days later. 

But he couldn't, right? This was his best friends brother! No way Sam would be okay with that, let alone any of Castiel’s siblings. They'd shit an entire barn if they found out. 

It was tempting though, it really was. They could do this and never tell another soul. It could stay just between them and be their own little secret. 

But what happens after? Is that just it? Dean fucks Cas and then they never communicate ever again? They go back to being on different sides of the planet? Cas didn't want that. He was definitely most likely pretty sure that there was a fairly great chance he was  _ already  _ in love with the older boy (if he was being dramatic, which he almost always is) by now and there's no way he would be able to last with this being a one time thing. It would hurt too much. Way too much. 

Luckily, before he could answer anything Dean’s phone rang. He glanced at the screen and then to Cas, green eyes shining in the light of the moon, “Saved by the moose.” he exclaimed, and smirked before greeting an enthusiastic, “Sammy! What's up?” 

However, his mouth quickly morphed from the toothy grin to a dark frown. His brows furrowed, eyes darkened. “Okay. I’m on my way.” He hung up the phone and then turned back to the brunette standing before him, he pointed a finger. “We’ll talk about this later.” Giving Cas no choice but to just nod dumbly. With that, he left as quickly as he appeared, across the yard and to the back fence that lead to the front of the house. Cas stood there watching after him, wondering what the actual hell just happened and making a mental note to text Sam tonight and see what the emergency was all about. 

For now, he was going to light another cigarette and try not to think about what the fuck that scene just was. 

 

\--

 

\--

 

“Have you seen Gabe at all?” Cas was leaning over a bowl of Lucky Charms as he questioned his sister. He wondered if his oldest brother had returned at all since he left a couple of days ago. 

“No? You’ve been here as much as I have, Castiel.” 

Cas barely resisted rolling his eyes. “You also stayed up longer than I did last night and your room is right next to his. I just wanted to know if he’s been back.” 

Anna sighed, her tone softer this time as she replied, “No, he hasn't.” She considered her sibling for a moment, “Don't worry so much about him, Cas. He always comes home, you know he does.”

He didn't have time to reply, saying something like “until he doesn't”, or other glass-half-empty shit that he tended to think about way too often. He opened his mouth, but a groggy headed Michael was already stumbling down the stairs asking, “What the hell happened last night?” Cas assumed he was referring to the party but you never know. 

“Where the hell were you?” Anna demanded from her spot at the kitchen island. Shortly after Dean had left, Cas had went back inside to see that everyone at the party was crowded into the living room which could only have meant one thing; an altercation. It was Benny - Michael’s best friend, and Alastair - a douchebag on the football team that no one liked. Seeing as none of the Novak siblings seemed to be around at the time, Cas was left with no choice but to break it up himself. (With the help of some of the other football players, of course.) 

“I was..off somewhere, what happened?” 

“Well let's see. Someone invited that douchebag Alistair and then he said something to piss Benny off, and then a fight ensued. And  _ you, _ ” She pointed her finger at him accusingly, “the  _ host, _ were nowhere to be found.” 

Michael glared at her, affronted and confused as to how this was his fault. “Uh, it's your house too, Anna. Where the hell were _ either of you _ ?”  

Cas swung his head around to his brother to protest, but Anna spoke before he could. “It’s not our job to keep an eye on your drunk friends, Michael. It also wasn't either of our ideas to throw a fucking party.” 

“Mike,” Cas started, his voice softer than Anna’s because he knew it wasn't a good idea if they both started on him. “She just wants to make sure it doesn't happen again. You’re lucky things didn't get too out of hand.” 

“Yeah, okay. Whatever.” Mike relented, he poured himself a cup of coffee and bowl of cereal and then left back up to his room. 

“I don't know why you coddle him.” Anna chastised. 

“I don't coddle him. I just don't think it's a good idea for us to gang up on him. You know that it's only going to make it worse.” 

“Yes you do  _ coddle him, _ Castiel. Just like you do Gabriel. You let them both fuck up way too often for you to not do anything about it.” 

“I do a hell of a lot more than you do with Gabe, and Michael is a different story. Neither of them are my responsibilities but at least I actually try to fix this shit rather than just ignore it.”  _ Like you, _ he wanted to add. 

“He needs to grow up, and you know that.” Cas wasn’t sure which brother she was referring to. 

“ _ Anna. _ ” He warned. He hated talking about this. Was Michael immature? Yes. Did he throw parties too often? Most definitely. But he wasn't going to listen to his  _ younger _ siblings about it because in his eyes, Anna and Castiel were babies and were always going to be babies because they simply weren't the same age or older than him. Gabriel was the same way. “ _ You _ need to stop acting like mom all of the time. Where the hell were  _ you _ last night, hm? Because the last I checked,  _ I _ was the only one of us present at the time.  _ I _ was the one to break it up while  _ you _ were off with fucking Balthazar God knows where.” 

Anna glared at him, had the nerve to look fucking offended by his words, and then stood up and stormed off upstairs to her own room, leaving Cas in the kitchen to himself. He sighed, looked around his house at the mess the party had left and knew that, once again, he’d be the one to clean it up because he knew no one else would. He reached into the drawer for a trash bag and headed into the living room to start. He passed by a picture on the mantle of all of the Novaks, every single one of them smiling and looking so happy together. It made Cas reminiscent of those times even though it was only taken a couple of years ago when Rachel was still just a baby and not the 3 year old, nosy little toddler that she was these days. 

Cas’ eyes skimmed over each of his siblings ; Gabriel, who was 7 years older than Cas. He was short and lean, probably the most devious person Cas had ever met. But he also had one of the biggest hearts of anyone he’d met, too. He was street smart rather than book smart, but knowledgeable nonetheless. He was kind, and a family man. He was always so full of jokes and laughter, and though Cas would never actually tell him this, he was pretty cool to be around when he wasn’t pranking you. 

He still lived at the house them all. He moved out at some point for about 2 years and then came back and has been living with them ever since. Him, his two dogs, and occasionally his girlfriend. 

Then there was Mike, obviously, freshman in college and already rising star of the football team. He was what you'd call the “it boy”. A genius, was ridiculously athletic, wasn't terrible on the eyes either. He was very protective of his siblings, did the whole “break her heart and I'll break your face” thing with all of Anna’s boyfriends. Sometimes even Cas’ on the rare occasion he had one. 

And speaking of Anna, her and Castiel were the same age but they weren't twins, or even related at all.. biologically, at least. When Castiel was one, his mother and father divorced. His mom, Becky, had been married to his father, Inias, and together, they had Gabriel, Michael, and Castiel. After finding out that Inias had been cheating on Becky, she divorced him and they moved to Lawrence where her sister lived. Then she met Chuck, who already had a daughter, Anna, with his previous wife, and after Chuck and Becky married, they had Rachel. Even though Anna wasn't biologically the 3 boys’ sister, they all loved her like one and treated her like one. And when the baby came along, it wasn’t any different with her either. 

The siblings all fought like cats and dogs but when it really came down to it, they were there for one another. 

Like this morning, 20 minutes after Anna and Michael both pitched their fits and stomped off to their rooms like the little children that they were, they ended up re emerging and actually helping Castiel clean up the rest of the house for their parents to come home later that day. 

 

\--

 

\--

 

He dreaded monday morning. He didn’t want to wake up, he didn’t want to get dressed. He certainly didn’t want to go to school and deal with everyone. But unfortunately, life must go on, despite what Cas wanted or didn’t want, so he slammed the button on his alarm clock so hard that the thing fell on the floor. After checking his phone and not actually answering the texts he got, he headed towards the shower. 20 minutes later and he was dressed, downstairs eating the biggest bowl of cereal he could possibly find. 

“You’re a human garbage disposal.” Anna scrunched her face at him when she walked in, a very tired looking Rachel following closely behind. The kid immediately walked over to him and he smiled at her, greeting his little sister. She put her arms up to him and he reached down to pick her up. 

“Morning, munchy.”

“G’morning, Cassie.” Rach mumbled, tucking her head into the space between his neck and shoulder. He wrapped an arm around her middle, holding her tight. Out of all the siblings that the 3 year old has, for some reason she seems to adore Cas the most. Maybe it’s because he spent the most time with her as a baby, maybe it’s because he’s the most calming and comforting out of him, Michael and Anna, or maybe it’s just because he’s good with children and she just likes him better, no rhyme or reason to it. She just  _ took to him _ better than she did anyone else. Even their own parents. 

From the corner of his eye, Castiel could see Anna looking over at them with a fondness to her gaze. 

“Ready to go to school?” He asked Rachel, speaking softly into her ear. All he got was a nod in response, but he wasn’t expecting more. No one in his family was really a morning person other than him, his father and Gabe. Everyone else, it was best not to speak to them until after they’ve had their coffee, or in Rachel’s case, juice. 

In the next few minutes, the rest of the members of their family started piling in. Castiel’s mom came in, made her morning cup of joe and then took the baby to help her get ready. Within 20 minutes the house was just about empty as everyone began to separate and go their own ways. Castiel took Anna in his car, and since Mike always chooses to sleep in until the  _ very  _ last minute and be late to 1st period because he just  _ insists _ on primping himself until he thinks he’s absolute perfection, he drives his own car. Cas doesn’t have time for that. 

He pushed his way through the school halls until he successfully made it to his locker, where Balthazar was already waiting for him. He grinned as soon as he caught sight of Castiel’s face this morning and knew instantly he wasn’t feeling it today. “Someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed?” Instead of answering, Cas glared at him and opened his locker, stuffing everything inside that he didn’t need, and pulling everything out that he did. “Seriously, Cassie, we need to get you laid.” 

“I don’t need to get laid.” He didn’t, really, and even if he did, there was no one at this school that he was attracted to enough to be interested in “getting laid” with, or by, or  _ however _ . The guys at this school were either exactly like Michael, or just your regular ole Kansas Boy - which he was  _ not  _ about. - What category he himself falls into, he hasn’t decided yet, but it definitely wasn’t a jock, and it for sure wasn’t the Kansas boy. 

_ Except, Dean wasn't either of those and you’re attracted to him, Castiel.  _ He fucking wishes he wasn't, but there probably wasn't a person, male or female, at Lawrence High that wasn't attracted to the leather clad teen. And maybe it was dumb because Dean was most likely just fucking with him, or drunk or  _ something,  _ but their conversation the other night kind of made Cas think his interest in Dean wasn't for nothing.

Because, like most students at their school, they all had crushes, all had people they secretly liked, sometimes it isn't always reciprocated. And with Dean, despite the number of girls he's rumored to have slept with, there  _ have been rejections,  _ as surprising as that may be, what with his whole “reputation” bullshit. But Dean had very blatantly flirted with him, very blatantly checked him out, and  _ very blatantly  _ came onto him. 

Of course, like Cas previously mentioned, it could have not been serious, but he didn't think that was the case. 

He shut his locker door, turned to his friend and decided it was due for a change of subject. “Hey, uh.. Lisa hangs out with you and Anna pretty often, huh?” 

“I guess so, yeah.” 

He was going to regret asking this, definitely, but it had been bothering him all day yesterday and all night on Saturday so he just had to know. “Does she ever talk about who she’s seeing?...” 

Balthazar tilted his head in mock confusion, “Cassie, correct me if I’m wrong, but..aren’t you gay?” And Cas rolled his eyes. 

“Yes, Balth, jeez.” 

“So why the curiosity? Thinking of switching teams?” He teased, throwing an arm around Castiel’s shoulders, “Because I have to say, darling, Lisa’s a beautiful girl and all but I think she’s a bit floozy for your taste, hmm?”

Just as Cas was about to retort, he caught sight of a sandy haired boy leaning against a locker talking to Charlie.  _ Dean. _ He was actually looking right at Cas, watching him as he traveled down the hall. He even smiled. But Castiel’s face remained neutral. They weren’t friends, they weren’t even acquaintances. And despite how fucking cocky and just completely sure of himself Dean was the other night that Cas “wanted him”, the last thing he needed was for his ego to be fed with an affirmation from the Novak.  

“Cas? Hello?” Balthazar was snapping his fingers in front of Cas’ face. “Anyone there?” Cas bat his hand away and fixed him with an annoyed look as they walked into their first class. “Does this foul mood have anything to do with your sister and I? Because I know you’re still a bit on the fence about it but I promise you, I do care for her. You don’t have anything to worry about.” 

Taking their seats with their other friends; Meg, Kevin. “No, Balth, I’m fine with you and Annie.” 

“Are you sure?” Cas nodded. 

Meg eyed them as they sat down, and hearing their conversation, she felt the need to contribute. “Well, I for one, am still weirded out by it.” 

Balthazar rolled his eyes, “Yeah well, that doesn’t really matter to me as much as Cas’ opinion does.” and Meg twisted her face, mocking him. 

If Cas were in a better mood, he might have chuckled at his friends’ banter but he wasn’t, so he didn’t. He faced forward and laid his arms on his desk, resting his face in the crook of his elbow as he waited for their teacher to begin class. An hour in and she had them reading their textbooks, jotting down notes. He was bored out of his fucking mind.

His phone vibrated in his pocket, and he groaned, not wanting to sit up and check it but deciding to anyways. 

_ Wanna come over tonight?? Dad’s home so we’d have to go to Bobby’s.  _

He smiled at the message from Sam and texted him back a promise but couldn't help the way his minded drifted back to the older brother. Would Dean be there? Would he be working tonight? Would Cas get to see him all covered in grease and sweat with his too tight jumpsuit? 

He could only hope. 

He fucking loved going over to Bobby's. The man lived at his work, his house was behind his garage and the entire property was a salvage yard.  _ Singer’s Auto Salvage and Mechanic.  _ He worked Dean as often as the kid wanted and anytime they spent time over there, it was almost a shoo in Cas would get to see Dean in his work space. 

The more Cas thought about the Winchester, the more he tried to convince himself that whatever it was Dean was after from him, he should give it. He’s pined after the older boy for the better part of 2 years now and Dean was only just now beginning to actually show any interest in him. He should just take what he could get, right? 

What's that saying? Don't cry because it ended, smile because it happened? Or some shit? Or maybe..it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all? Now technically, he hasn't really “lost” anything yet, but he was preparing himself because it was bound to happen at some point. Dean was  _ Dean  _ and Cas was... just Cas. 

  
So maybe he  _ should  _ give in and have fun, enjoy it while it lasts. This was Dean Winchester after all, right? How many more opportunities like this would Cas get?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for abuse

Dean was good at hiding his feelings and keeping his cool. 

He always had to push that stuff down while he was growing up. He couldn't show he was sad, or angry, or that he was bothered by anything because he had a job to do, and that job required putting his needs and emotions away so that he could take care of Sam.

After their mom died, John turned into a completely different person. At first he was sad, but that was to be expected. He quit his job at Bobby’s garage, instead deciding to hide himself in his room with a couple bottles of whiskey. Since Dean was only 4 years old at the time, he and Sam stayed with Bobby for a few weeks, and then a few months until one day John up and decided to move them. Apparently he had gotten a job as a trucker and it moved them around a lot, also causing John not to be home for weeks at a time. As Dean got older, the longer John was away. When he  _ was  _ home, he drank. 

Drank, and drank, and  _ drank.  _

He would get so angry at Dean for things Dean didn't even understand and when Dean would get upset about it, John would hit him. “ _ Are you a baby?” _ He’d ask, “ _ No? Then quit your goddamn crying, Dean. You're too old for that shit.”  _ Eventually Dean learned how to keep what he was feeling to himself, and that he wasn't allowed to be upset. He didn't get to be because he had to look out for Sam, because Sam needed someone he could rely on, and depend on, and trust, and that clearly wasn't going to be John. Therefore, it was Dean. 

So over the years, he got pretty good at putting on a mask of fake smiles and cocky attitudes. He knew how to keep his cool.

Except for when it came to Cas. 

Castiel fucking Novak. 

With his dark brown sex hair, and his cheekbones and pink chapped lips, and his blue eyes that were like looking up at the sun from underwater.

Dean had no idea what he was doing when it came to this kid. He’d never been with a guy before but that wasn’t anywhere near being part of the problem. He’s always known he was attracted to guys, he’s just never met one that he was interested in enough to act on it. Don’t get him wrong, he’s shared beds with plenty of bodies in his day, they’ve just all been females. The difference between them and Cas though was that Dean was actually  _ more _ than sexually attracted to him. He  _ felt  _ something for him. He… to put it simply, had a crush on him. 

As middle school girl as it sounds, it was true. 

The first time Dean had seen him was in 7th grade; John had just moved them back to Lawrence and started them in school immediately. Dean didn’t have any actual classes with him, but they had PE at the same time, even though they both had different coaches. Some asshole had thrown a basketball at Cas and hit him the head and knocked him over. The guy had just laughed about it and no one else seemed to see what had happened so Dean left his group to go help him up. Cas thanked him but it was short, Dean got the feeling he was upset about it - probably didn’t feel like he needed the lift up. And since then, if there was one thing Dean knew about Castiel Novak, it was that he didn’t fucking like - or need - help. 

Dean has seen the kid punch one of the baseball players square in the fucking nose for saying something to Anna. He watched Cas get tackled during football one time in gym and after they had come to the conclusion his thumb was broken, he still insisted on finishing the game they were in because apparently he had some bet going with his brother - Dean didn’t know. The point was, the kid was a badass. 

But was also generous, and he was caring, and he was smart. And Dean’s heart thudded a little harder in his chest every time he saw him. 

It wasn’t always like this though; Obviously. When Dean first saw the younger boy, he didn’t have feelings for him. He didn’t think his face was beautifully built, or that his eyes were fucking mesmerizing. Dean didn’t want to wrap his arms around the smaller boys frame and just hold him. The sight of Castiel wasn’t as instantly soothing back then as it was now. In fact, Dean barely thought about him for rest of his time in middle school. And when Dean was a freshman and Cas was still in 8th grade, he never even crossed his mind. Then one day in 10th grade Dean was walking through the hallways, spending as much time out of class as he possibly could before he got caught, and he saw little freshman Cas, in his fucking sweater vest and khakis and combed back here. It was adorable. 

Sophomore year he came back and lost the whole “nerd” ensemble and was sporting  _ actual fucking sweaters.  _ Some a little loose, some a little snug, some fitting perfectly, yet they all looked fucking amazing on him. His hair had gone from laid back to just all over the damn place, like every time Dean had seen him he had just got done having bomb sex (which just the thought of that made his stomach churn.) He had gone from khakis to skinny jeans, sometimes  _ black ones  _ and wow. 

Castiel went from this small, shy, little twink, to this kid who didn’t give a damn what people thought and he wore whatever the hell he wanted to. He actually had fucking muscles that were  _ visible  _ every time he wore a t shirt. He wasn’t just some kid that anyone could mess with if they wanted. 

Within the span of the first day of Castiel’s sophomore year to his last, Dean had fucking fallen for the kid. And now here they were, juniors and seniors. And Dean, fucking “bad boy of Lawrence” or whatever the hell they were calling him these days, had scrounged up the courage to actually drive himself to one of Michael’s infamous parties, find Cas, and  _ speak to him.  _ After all of the times Cas had been to his house, or Dean had passed him in the hallways, he finally,  _ finally  _ felt confident enough to say something and Cas didn’t even seem the slightest bit interested. 

And okay, he can see it for himself that maybe he was being  _ a little  _ cocky, but he was fucking nervous, okay? His heart jumps out of his chest every time he hears the kid talk, alright? And just being there, standing that close to him and mapping out every little thing on his face, looking into his eyes like that,  _ smelling him, _ Dean was damn near overwrought. His lips spoke without checking with his brain first. His hands were on their own when they reached for Cas’ cig basically right out of his mouth. His legs did it by themselves when they kept shifting closer. 

And when Dean fucking said,  _ “Do you want me? Because I want you too.”  _ he was truly surprised Cas didn’t punch him in the throat right then and there. Even though really, that’s not what he meant to say. And now Cas most likely thinks Dean was just being a dick to him, or mocking him for his sexuality or something and that’s not true! Dean wants to sleep with him, sure, of course, but he wants so much more than that. So much that if someone got inside his head and peeked at all the cheesy, romantic, and straight up cliche things that Dean wants to do with Cas, he’d lose his bad boy image for sure...not that that really bothers him. Like Cas, he isn’t one that cares about what people think of him. He is fully aware about what it is exactly people say about him and his family - his father especially - he couldn’t be bothered though. And he knew Cas couldn’t be bothered with it either. He’s stuck around for this long with Sammy, right?

Now you may think that the Novak wasn't someone that Dean would generally be attracted to. His usual dig was, well, female, yes, but also he was more into the easy ones. Or, not so much  _ easy,  _ per se, but… experienced. Usually, they were experienced with half the football team.  _ Like Lisa.  _ Whoever it was though, it was all just meaningless sex for him, and he made that abundantly clear. He didn't want any misunderstandings to complicate things. It was just sex. 

These days he doesn’t do relationships because anyone he’s with is just a warm body until he could hopefully have the honor of being with Cas. A relationship isn’t just about having sex and going on dates. It was about  _ knowing  _ someone, and  _ being close  _ to them, and  _ sharing  _ with them on a certain fucking level, and not that he ever told people this, but relationships to him meant  _ all in.  _ He wanted to be with someone he had genuine feelings for, someone he felt a connection with, someone he could get to know in ways no one else knew, and vise versa. He didn't want games, he didn't want secrets. He wanted exclusivity and honesty. He wanted something  _ real.  _

Dean had never met someone and thought “that’s the person.” Not until he was watching some lame romcom with Sammy one night and when the two characters got together at the end of the movie, the only person in his mind was Cas. 

Coming to that realization was both fucking refreshing and fucking painful. Like seeing sun after 40 days of rain. In this case though, 40 days of rain was really a lifetime of never having felt so profound towards someone like he did Cas, who, of course was the sun. But staring up at the sun hurt, and so does feeling that way about someone who doesn’t feel the same way back. 

That doesn't mean he couldn't fucking try though. 

Monday afternoon, Dean had a shift at Bobby's. It was a pretty slow today, not a lot of in and out, so Dean pulled the impala up into an empty bay and began touching her up a bit. The other guys were all either sitting around not doing shit, or working on the few cars that were there. After about 2 hours into his shift, Dean decided he was due for a break so he rolled out from under his car, wiped his hands on a rag and then headed out the back door of the shop and up to the house. 

He was only a little surprised when he walked in and saw a mob of dark hair sprawled out on the couch. Sam was next to him, but Dean was really only interested in the one. Surely they had heard the door open up but neither of them acknowledged him. 

Dean chuckled at the two, too engrossed in whatever documentary they were watching to pay any attention to Dean. He walked straight past them, into the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water and heading to the back porch to smoke. It was only about 3 minutes before the door slid open and out came Cas, wrapped in his fucking orange sweater that made him look like the most adorable pumpkin ever. 

He didn't say anything as he plopped down next to Dean on the edge, but Dean offered his smoke and Cas took it, hit it, and gave it back. Neither of them said anything for quite a few minutes, but after they finished the stick of tobacco and Cas wasn’t making a move to get up, Dean asked, “Where’s Sammy?”

“Ah, he fell asleep. Quite a while ago, actually.”

“Oh yeah?” Castiel nodded, he set a hand by his side between them, centimeters away from Dean’s own. Dean side glanced him, lingering on the brightness of the orange. “Couldn't handle all of the excitement of your bee documentary?” 

Castiel was looking straight ahead, focusing on a squirrel moving around in the tree in front of them, but Dean was too busy watching him; tracing his facial expressions. A grin split his lips and Dean mimicked the action. “Bee’s are very crucial to the environment, Dean. Did you know that a third of the food humans consume per day, relies on pollination by bees?” 

Fuck, this kid was going to be the death of him. Bee facts? Really? How much more adorable could he get? 

“No, I didn't know that.” Dean replied softly, still watching Cas as he watched the squirrel. 

“Yes, apples, blueberries, cherries, pumpkins..without bees you wouldn't be able to eat all that pie that you love so much.” Castiel smirked and Dean just gawked at him. 

“I don't eat  _ that much  _ pie,” he grumbled, crossing his arms and pouting. “What's wrong with pie?” 

The junior finally turned his head, eyes resting on Dean’s. “Nothing,” his smile was small but bright - it held a lot of meaning. Meaning that Dean didn't know or understand. Meaning that could mean a different number of things that he didn't really want to think about right now. He could do that tonight while he was laying alone in bed wallowing in self-pity. 

“Listen, I-- I’m sorry about the other night...” Admitted Dean, twiddling his thumbs in his lap - a nervous tick. “At the party, I was acting like a total ass.” 

“It’s quite alright, Dean. Your behavior and actions were not..” he paused, contemplating what word he was going to use, while Dean basically sat at the edge of his seat biting is teeth in suspense. “Unsought.” he finished, and turned his attention back to the squirrel in front of them. 

“Not unsought, huh?” Dean’s voice dripped with tease. 

“No.” 

“Uhuh,” he inched closer, his tone deepening, quieting. “So what you’re telling me is..I was right. You  _ do  _ want me.” He brought a hand up and brushed a piece of hair from the other boys face, his fingers grazing the nape of his neck.

Castiel’s breath hitched, but his eyes kept to the front him, his vision unwavering. “Maybe,” he whispered, and  _ then  _ turned his head to the guy next to him. Their faces were centimeters apart as Cas leaned forward, just a little bit, his blue eyes focusing on Dean’s lips as he stuck his tongue out and slowly licked a stripe on the skin there before pulling back only a smidge. They were so fucking close, if Dean just leaned back in he could-- “But not today.” Cas jumped up, smirking. “I’ve got to get home. I’ll see you tomorrow, Dean.” He threw a wink and left, swaying his hips a little because he  _ fucking knew  _ Dean was watching him go. 

“Fucking a,” Dean muttered. He needed a goddamn shower. 

 

\--

 

\--

 

A week later on a Thursday night, Dean pulled into his driveway after dropping Sammy off at Bobby’s; they had gotten a call earlier that day from their father saying that he was on his way home and he’d be there this evening. Dean didn’t want Sam to be there tonight, in the case that John might not be in the best mood. 

When he saw his father’s truck parked on the side of the street he sighed. He really didn’t want to deal with this tonight. 

The door was unlocked when he went inside, all the lights were off and he figured he was alone - maybe John was asleep - but then he heard rattling in the kitchen and his body stiffened. He wasn't expecting him for a few more hours or so. On uneasy feet, he leisurely made his way into the kitchen, he could feel his lunch whirling around in his stomach, wanting to make a second appearance for the day. He pushed it all down, willing himself not to throw up as he stood in the doorway. John was rifling through the cabinets with his back towards Dean and from here, even without speaking to him or seeing his face, Dean could tell his father was already drunk. At a certain point, you begin to recognize these things. 

He cleared his throat, announcing his presence as he dreaded whatever interaction might come of this. John turned his head over his shoulder, not fully rotating his entire body, just looking over his back to see who was there. He didn't say anything, just raised his eyebrow in an unimpressed manner and went back to searching for whatever he was searching for. Alcohol, probably.

“You’re home early.” Dean spoke, trying not to show his nervousness in his voice. 

John grunted in response but didn't say anything. He opened up another cupboard and reached to the top before pulling down a bottle of whiskey. 

Naturally. 

“Where’s Sammy?”

“He’s at a friend's house.” 

“What friend?” 

“A friend, dad. He’s a nice kid. Sammy’s fine there.” 

He wasn't going to tell him that Sam was at Bobby’s - that would only make things worse. They had this conversation every time John was home. “ _ Where’s your brother, Dean? Why aren't you watching him, Dean?”  _  When dad came home a few months ago and Dean told him Sam was at Bobby’s, he stomped his drunk ass over there and threatened to burn down the place. Accused Bobby of stealing his children from him.

_ “ _ You watch your tone with me, boy.” John's words were slurred as he growled. He glared at his oldest son, a threatening look on his face. 

Dean had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. He was in a good mood tonight and he didn't want his asshole drunk of a father to fuck that up for him. He knew that if he did anything other than what his father told him then this night wouldn't end well, so he gave his father a curt nod. 

When he was in this type of state, the brothers would leave him to himself because the smallest of things would set him off. Dean always made sure Sam was out of the way; either locked in his room or out of the house - depending on how bad the situation was. And then Dean would go to his own room and out of Johns way. That's what he intended to do this time, but as he turned and headed towards his room, his father yelled, “Hey! Don't you walk away from me!” and slammed his bottle down on the table. Dean let out a frustrated breath as he continued to walk down the hall to his room. He just had to get in there and lock the door and then he wouldn't have to deal with this anymore. 

However, before he could get there, a fucking bottle flew past his head and hit the wall in front of him. He snapped his head around to see John standing at the top of the hall with a furious look on his face. “What the fuck!” Dean bellowed. 

“I told you to get back here.” 

“You crazy son of a bitch!” 

The hallway wasn't very long, the 2 Winchesters were only a few feet away from each other, and Dean’s head was still reeling from the fact that his dad just threw a fucking bottle at his skull, so obviously he wasn't prepared for John to jump him in .5 and slam him up the against his bedroom door, a hand on his throat. 

He wasn't a stranger to John being rough with him, he wasn't a stranger to getting a beating from him, and he certainly wasn't a stranger to John taking his anger out on him. But no matter how many times this happened, or how many times his dad had almost killed him, there was always this tiny little piece of him that was still surprised every single time. Still a little part that couldn't quite wrap his head around the idea of  _ why  _ this always happened.  _ Why  _ John hated him so much.  _ Why  _ Dean deserved this. 

His fingers instantly reached up and wrapped around John’s wrist, an attempt to loosen the grip. He could feel his face redden, he could hear the blood in his head - the thumping, as it no longer had anywhere to go. “Dad..” He tried, but his voice was barely there and he couldn't hardly get enough breath to try again. His head was spinning, he tried inhaling but he couldn't. John's hand was a heavy weight on his jugular and he could feel his lips starting to purple as the circulation was cut off. His vision was starting to blur; he could see black spots as his body slowly drifted out of consciousness, and then everything was black.   
  
  


He came to a few minutes later.

Waking up in front of his door, his head aching, his throat hurting, his fucking  _ rib  _ was throbbing, and the house was silent. He picked himself up, leaning on the wall for support since he was a little dizzy, and took a few seconds to regain his balance. The first thing he did when he could stand by himself was check Johns room, only to see it was empty. He then checked the living room and kitchen, seeing those were empty as well. 

John was gone. Probably to a bar, maybe to a friend's, or possibly even passed out somewhere on a park bench or something. Dean didn't know, and he didn't care either. 

Good fucking riddance. 

He ambled into the bathroom to see how his neck looked. He knew it was going to leave a pretty decent bruise and yep, there it was. Already starting to form. 

At the moment, there wasn't anything too noticeable at the front but when he turned his head he could see a few faint lines of purple from where his father's fingers were. That shouldn't be too hard to hide, all he’d have to do is wear his collar up. 

Next, he pulled his shirt up to see why the fuck his side was hurting so bad and there was a damn bruise there, too. Dark, almost black. The size of a freaking disk. 

John must have kicked him. Shit. 

He opened up the medicine cabinet and took out the bottle of ibuprofen and popped 3 in his mouth. The whole upper half of his body was killing him, all he wanted to do was go to sleep. 

After cleaning up the broken glass from bottle, turning off all the lights in the house and double checking that the front door was locked, he then locked his own bedroom door and climbed into bed. It wouldn't take long for him to fall asleep; the events of the night really took a toll on him. He was exhausted. 

He glanced at the alarm clock next to his bed and saw it was only just before 7. Didn't matter though. He sent a quick text to Sam, asking if everything was okay, then he didn't put his phone down until it vibrated with Sam’s response that yes, things were fine. After that he allowed himself to shut off his lamp, plug up his phone, and then roll over onto his back as he closed his eyes, and for the second time that night, let the blackness engulf him. 

_ Beep _

_ Beep. _

_ Beep.  _

It had been going off for about a minute now, the alarm clock. He couldn't muster up the energy to hit the button.

He’s been awake for a couple of hours now, since 5 o'clock, at least. It's not unusual - he doesn't normally sleep through the entire night, but  _ last night _ , oh, it was hell. Every time he moved he could feel his rib; every inhale, every exhale. If he moved his arm on that side he could feel it. He woke up several times during the night due to the pain and finally, when he woke up this morning he just said fuck it and laid there. He should probably shower though, maybe it would help if not just a little. It should certainly help his fucking headache. He just had to haul himself up though. 

Very slowly, very carefully, he reached into his bedside table and got out the bottle of codeine he keeps in there. He bought it from someone before he moved back to Lawrence; it's not a regular thing, he only uses it when the pain is so bad he can barely move. Usually he can suffer through this shit, and trust him, it's been way worse than this but… John really got him this time. 

He popped one and swallowed it dry. With all the strength he could gather, he pulled himself up and carried all the way to the bathroom, leaning as best he could to turn on the shower. Undressing, he stepped into the tub and let the soothing drops of hot water wash over him, instantly relieving. 20 minutes later and he was out, feeling 5x better than before. He brushed his teeth, observed himself in the mirror and decided the bruises on his neck were bad enough that he’d have to cover them up if he didn't want anyone asking questions.

In 15 minutes he was out of the house and making his way towards school, the bottle of Codeine tucked away in his backpack and a hoodie snug around his neck.

 

Walking through the hallways, his bag slung across his shoulders, the kids moving out of his way like he’s going to hurt them if they don’t, he struds to his locker, not a care in the world. He’s feeling comfortable, the pills finally starting to kick in so he’s sporting a mellow high. He wasn’t a expecting a certain dark haired boy to appear beside him, but then there he was, popping up in a maroon sweater that just about hangs off his shoulders. “Dean.” He announces, voice ruff and his hair looking particularly fucked. Dean grins just looking at him. 

“Morning, Sunshine.” Castiel blushed, a small smile gracing his lips as his blue eyes scanned over Dean’s body and then he did his little head tilt thing that he tended to do when he was confused. It was one of Dean’s favorite things about him.

“You’re not wearing your jacket today.” 

“You like my jacket, Cas?” 

“No,” he answered with the same condescending smile that he had on Saturday night when Dean asked if he was into him. Despite his answer, he was lying. His voice might have said one thing, but his eyes and the pink tinge to his cheeks said a totally different thing. “In fact, I rather like you without it.” 

“Like me, huh?” Dean didn’t think he’d ever seen someone so red. Fuck, Cas was really fucking cute. “And here I thought you hated me all this time,” he smirked. 

“I don't hate you..” It was almost a whisper, sending fucking butterflies straight to Dean’s stomach. He tried not to think too much about how desperate Cas sounded for him to know that. His own eyes softened, his smirk turned from cocky to genuine. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to say back - there was nothing he could think of that didn't make him sound like a sappy 13 year old. Instead he and Cas stood there for however long just staring at each other. It was intimate in a way Dean had never experienced before. There was a connection, a bond, a  _ spark _ between them. He knows Cas felt it too. He had to. 

This was different than last week when they were outside at Dean’s.  _ Liking _ someone and  _ wanting _ someone are two different things. You can  _ want _ someone without  _ liking them, _ you can want someone even though you despised them. 

“Um, anyways..” Cas said, continuing on with what he came over here for in the first place. “Michaels having another party after the game tonight, my parents are out of town again.” 

“Oh, yeah?” 

Cas nodded, “I was wondering if you were planning on going.” 

Dean leaned a hand against the locker as he turned to fully face Cas, smirking. “Are  _ you? _ ”

“Well it is at my house..” Cas trailed off and  _ fuck,  _ Dean just wanted to fucking devour him. 

“We both know that doesn’t matter.”

Cas snorted and grinned at him, his blue eyes shining, “Are you going or not?” 

“Maybe,” he shrugged. He was, but he wanted to see where this would go. 

The junior nodded, seemingly accepting the answer. “Okay, well  _ maybe  _ I'll see you there then.” He raised his eyebrow and smirked at Dean -  _ for the second fucking time -  _ and Dean thought his knees might go out. Cas started walking backwards, leaving, he said, “Goodbye, Dean.” before turning away and walking on. 

“Dean?” Suddenly his little brothers voice was sounding and  _ oh yeah,  _ he was standing in the middle of the hallway. He cringed, knowing that Sam was instantly going to realize Dean wasn’t completely sober and with his fucking psychic ways (Dean didn’t know how the little dude always knew when he was hiding something and exactly what it was) he’d know Dean was hurt. 

Whatever, he was just going to have to deal with it. “Yeah? What’s up, Sammy?” Hand on the back of his neck, he turned towards the freshman. 

“Was that Cas? What did he want?” 

“Ah, I winked at his sister and I guess he wasn't too happy about it.” 

“Would  _ you _ be too happy if another you winked at  _ your  _ sister?” Dean flicked him off, shutting the door of his locker. “How did last night go?” 

Dean shrugged, as nonchalant as he could be, “Ah, you know. Went great.” He knew he was caught as soon as Sam started fucking observing him like he does when he suspects something. 

Then it was the damn bitch face. “Your pupils are blown.” Voice fucking monotone. “Dammit, Dean. How bad is it?”

After a minute of silence, shame filling his insides, he finally answered, “Beer bottle.” 

“And?” 

“Ribs,” he sighed. “Listen Sammy, I know what you’re going to say but there’s nothing I can do about it right now and I don’t want to have this conversation in the middle of school. Capisce?” 

Sam looked like he wanted to protest - he always wanted to fucking protest with this shit - but then he nodded in understanding and agreed. Dean threw his bag over his shoulder and put his arm around his little brother, guiding him down the hall. “So, any girls catching your eye?” 

 

The rest of the day passed by quickly, but not as quickly as Dean would have liked. He suffered through all of his classes, all of his God awful teachers, and all of the annoying douchey students. He saw Cas a couple more times throughout the day but they didn’t speak; didn’t have time to speak. He passed him on the way out to the parking lot after school, the boy was talking animatedly to Benny - another senior like Dean. They looked to be having a pretty serious discussion as they chatted in front of Benny’s car, if the frown Cas was wearing was anything to go by. 

Dean walked on by them until he approached his own vehicle.  _ Baby.  _ Sammy wasn’t there yet, which was beginning to happen more and more often. Dean leaned up against the side of his car, sunglasses on his head as he watched the people pass. Girls with their boyfriends, laughing and kissing. Jocks and their friends, pushing each other around and ribbing one another. Band kids lugging their instruments to their cars. Dean was so absorbed in what was happening in the parking lot that he didn’t notice the scent of perfume fill the air around him until it was too late. Lisa was right next to him, sidling up against him like they belonged together, like she belonged no other place but by his side. “Hi, Dean.” She drawled, her lips too close to his ear. He could smell the fruitiness of her fucking lip gloss.

He subtly stepped away, disconnecting any of their touching body parts. It was a gentle movement, a small but effective one so as not to offend her. Had he been the complete dick that everyone made him out to be, he might have pushed her away, uncaring of her feelings. But he wasn’t, so he didn’t. He merely stepped away, putting a decent amount of space between the two. “Lisa.” He greeted. 

“You haven’t been answering my calls.” 

“My phone’s been broken.” 

“Oh,” she was disappointed but quickly recuperated, she twirled a few strands of her hair between her fingers. “Well, I have a way you can make it up to me.” She stepped closer, her voice flirtatious. 

“Well I’d love to hear it but unfortunately I’ve got to get going.” It was pure fucking luck that this was the time Sam decided to finally get his shit together and  _ get a fucking move on it with it,  _ damn! Lisa huffed and walked away, sauntering off to her friends as they all giggled at Dean. He rolled his eyes and glared at his brother, throwing himself in the car and heading out. “What the hell took you so long?”

“I was talking to Jess.” 

“The blonde?” Sam nodded, “I thought she was with Dick’s little brother.” 

“Yeah, so? We’re just friends, Dean.” 

The senior laughed, “Not by your choice though, right?” 

Sam glared at him and muttered a “shut up” as they pulled into Bobby’s.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings for talk of addiction, a brief scene with attempted non con (kinda??) and a little smut! 
> 
> unbeta'd so sorry for any mistakes!!

By the time Cas and Meg got to the house it was already extremely packed. Michael had them stop on their way home to pick up some extra bags of chips and a couple more bottles of soda. Cas drove his car down the street a little until he found an open spot, it wasn't far from his house but it was far enough to make him grumble about it. The two friends walked down the street, each carrying bags of chips and sodas. They were a couple houses down and Cas could vaguely hear the music bumping. “I don't understand how Michael hasn't gotten the cops called on us yet.” 

Meg snorted, “Are you kidding? Your neighbors are a meth lab and a house full of college students.” 

Cas laughed at the joke his friend made. They weren't 100% percent sure that the house next to them was a meth lab, but he was almost positive. It was a running joke between his family and his friends for as long as he could remember. There was a 3 bedroom double wide on the property next to his and there were at least 10 people living there. He thinks. What he  _ knows _ is that there’s a couple there about the same age as his parents except they look 10 years older, and their 2 children (one of which has 6 children of their own) also live there. Which, that isn't really much to speculate on other than  _ where does everyone sleep? _ But there are constantly shady people in and out of there on the regular, all with greasy hair and scabs all over their faces. Now, Cas is pretty naive, but he knows the difference between  _ acne _ acne, and  _ drug _ acne. And therefore - it's almost definitely a meth lab. 

“Cas?” Meg inquired, looking straight ahead of her. 

“Yeah?” 

“Where do your parents go all the time? Why are they gone so often?” 

“I’m not really sure. They say they're going to Wichita to visit my aunt because she’s like really sick or something, but she’s been “really sick” for a few years now and they’ve never brought us with them so, I don't know.” 

“You don't ever ask them?”

“I’ve tried to a few times. We all have, but they always get super weird whenever we bring it up and so eventually we just stopped asking.” 

“You don't ever wonder?” 

Cas shrugged as they turned onto his side walk, “Not much anymore. We’re all kinda just used to it now.” 

Meg laughed to herself, “Probably in the mob or something.” 

“That would be my guess.” Cas smiled at the brunette and then opened his front door. He was immediately overwhelmed with the amount of people who were inside his home. You’d think he’d be used to it by now but, no. He slid through the bodies until he was in the kitchen and they set all of the bags down on the counter. He got a few bowls from the cupboards for the chips and then unpacked the solo cups they bought. 

“Hey Cas? Pour me a drink, would you? I’m gonna go look for Ash.” He nodded as his friend left the kitchen, he picked up a cup, poured some ice, poured some soda and Captain, and turned around to take it to Meg but stopped short at the body standing in front of him. 

“Hi, Castiel.” Cole. He was a fucking snake and he gave Cas the creeps because he was always flirting with him and it made him uncomfortable. No matter how many times Cas politely turned him down, or flat out told him no, the kid just wouldn't let up. Michael never seemed to notice, he was used to his friends teasing Cas in a brotherly way, and Cole wasn't dumb enough to upset Michael's little brother in front of him because he knew how protective the older Novak was of his younger siblings. 

Well, that, and Cas was pretty sure Cole would rather jump off a bridge than admit he liked guys, no matter how much he hit on Cas. “How are you, Cassie?” He had the most disgusting fucking sneer.

“Fine.” Cole stepped closer and Castiel backed into the counter behind him, the stone digging into his lower spine. “Now if you’ll excuse me…” He trailed off and began sliding out from the tight space he was in, but the other guy put an arm out and rested his hand on the counter, trapping Castiel. 

“Oh, you’re leaving? I was thinking you and I could maybe go upstairs and--”

“I’m good, Cole. Now please--” Cas didn’t want to push him or punch him; he didn’t want to cause another scene this weekend so he tried being polite as possible, yet still firm and clear. 

This prickhead just wasn’t getting it though. “Come on, Castiel. We’ve been playing this game for ages now, aren’t you sick of it?” He slid a hand down Cas’ arm and behind, resting it on his hip. Cas squirmed, 

“Cole.” He insisted, and finally began pushing back but it only made the senior lean in. 

“Pretty sure he said he was good, asshole.” A deep, angry voice came from behind Cole and Castiel exhaled, relieved. Cole turned around, grimacing at the interruption. 

“This isn’t any of your business, Winchester.” 

“Doesn’t look like it’s any of yours, either.” Dean stood guard, shoulders wide and menacing and Cas didn’t have to see the look on his face to know that his eyebrows were drawn together and his lips were puffed out. It was his threatening face, his, “ _ try something, I dare you” _ face. Cas had seen it too many times in passing when Dean was about the fight someone. 

Cole turned around to face him, scowling, but the Winchester wasn’t backing down. “Is there gonna be a problem here?” Dean asked, voice sinister.

Cole glanced back at Cas and then to Dean. “No.” He relented, making Dean grin. 

“Great. Move it.” He jerked his head to the side. Cole glared for a moment more before turning around and walking the other direction, all but stomping off like a fucking toddler who doesn’t get it’s way. Dean’s eyes followed him until he was out of sight, and then did he relax. “You good?” He asked, and Cas nodded, stepping forward. 

“Thank you.” Dean just smiled at him fondly and Cas exclaimed, “You came,” he matched Dean’s smile with his own. 

“Couldn’t pass up a chance to annoy the shit out of you with my charming and incredibly tempting ways.” 

Novak out right laughed and reached for Dean’s hand, “Come on, let me get you a drink.”  

They ended up out on the porch again because it was quiet and secluded, private. Cas liked it when he could sit here and talk, not have to worry about people listening or watching. He could hear Dean, hear everything he has to say and Dean him. Currently they were talking about the crush Sam had on Jess. Cas wasn’t entirely sure how they got to that topic but here they were. 

“She’s with Brady, yes, but I don’t think she’s  _ really  _ in it.” Cas tells him, “She’s with Sam more than she is him.” 

“So he talks to you about her?” 

Cas shrugs, “Sometimes. Not a lot, why?” 

“He doesn’t talk to me about it because he thinks I’ll tease him.” 

“You  _ will. _ ” Cas chuckles. Dean playfully nudges him and Cas takes the opportunity to move closer to him. 

“So, what else does he talk to you about?” Dean’s tone turned quiet, hesitant and serious. 

“This and that.” Castiel looked at the guy next to him and contemplated whether he should bring it up or not. In the end, he decides he will. “Tells me about your dad.” 

Dean’s head snaps up at that, eyes wide. Castiel is aware the topic of their father has always been a tough one. From what he knows, Dean all but refuses to speak about it, with Sam or anyone, meanwhile Sam just wants to get it off of his chest so he comes to Cas about it. In the year and a half of their friendship, Castiel has never had the misfortune of meeting the man, and he can’t say that he’s particularly looking forward to that time to come. “What does he say?” Dean asks. 

“Everything, mostly, he just doesn’t get into detail about it. He implies certain things, and then it’s not hard to put two and two together after that when you come to school with a black eye, or you’re limping and I know John’s home. He’s never outright told me exactly what happens, but I can guess. And sometimes if he doesn’t say anything and then you come to school looking different; you’ve changed something about your appearance, then I can pretty much guess what happened.” Castiel paused and waited for Dean to say something, and when he didn’t, Cas continued, “Like this morning...you wearing your hoodie instead of your jacket…” he trailed off, leaving it open so Dean knows he isn’t 100% sure on the details about that.  The senior remains silent, twirling his bottle between his fingers as he stares at the ground. Cas puts a hand on his arm, “You can talk to me, Dean,” he whispers and begins rubbing circles into the skin with his thumb. 

“He’s a good man,” Dean says eventually, “He just-- he lost himself somewhere after my mom died and never found his way back. And Sammy, he-- he doesn’t get that. All he’s ever known is this drunken bastard who doesn’t give a shit about his kids, but I’ve seen more than that. He used to be a good father, he used to care more about his family than he did drinking and  _ I know  _ that he can be that guy again, he just-- he’s too loaded to ever even think about that and I can’t ever get him sober enough to remember my name is ‘Dean’ and not ‘Little Shit’.” He was quiet for several moments before perking up, his attitude completely changing. “Whatever, I don’t wanna talk about this anymore.” he smiled at the blue eyed boy next to him, “Let’s go get some more drinks.”

 

\--

 

\--

 

Dean didn't want to drink too much tonight since he'd be driving. He got another beer but Cas opted to just get some water and sat on the kitchen counter with his leg pulled up as Dean stood there next to him. Admittedly, their bodies were closer than one would consider completely platonic, but it was really just the two of them in the kitchen and no one else was paying any attention to them. Cas didn't really mind too much right now anyways. He was happy sitting here talking to Dean, listening to him go on and on about Metallica and Led Zeppelin and every other band he loved. This was something Cas never thought he would get to experience with the older boy - having any actual conversation with him, Dean opening up to him about his dad, them sitting and talking in a public place,  _ Dean’s hand on his leg.  _

It felt amazing to be here in this moment. He was high on fucking euphoria. 

“Sammy hates when I play  _ Night Moves _ in the car but he always ends up singing along. Always.” 

“Why?” Cas’ head was leaning back on the cabinet as he watched Dean talk and sip his beer and retell stories, fingers drumming casually above Cas' knee.

Dean chittered as he recalled, “Caught me in the middle of a hook up with this chick one time when we were out of town with dad. I played it on our way home just to fuck with him and now he hates it.” 

Castiel remembers the story, remembers the look on Sam’s face as he talked about it, he remembers how hard he had laughed at his friend when he heard it. He remembers the little tiny tinge of jealousy he had felt when he envisioned the scene and thought about how lucky the girl was. “You're such an asshole.” he teased and lightly pushed Dean’s arm, the older boy caught it with the hand he had on Cas and then entwined their fingers.

At that moment the kitchen door opened up and Lisa and Anna walked in, both of them too busy talking to each other to realize they're not alone, and then Anna looked up and, “Oh!” she said, “Hi.” 

The two boys dropped their hands and subtly parted a couple of inches. Dean waved at Anna politely and Lisa exclaimed in that loud and obnoxiously flirty voice that she does, “Dean! You made it!” 

“I did,” he replied in mock excitement. The girls didn't seem to notice though, only Cas. 

“Come dance with me!” Before the senior had a chance to protest she was already grabbing his hand and dragging him out of the kitchen to the living room. Cas wasn't Lisa's biggest fan, and he always got irritated when he’d hear her gossip about her and Dean’s time together, but he couldn't help but to watch in amusement at Dean’s face as he was being forced away. 

“Dean Winchester? Since when are you two friends?” Anna inquired as soon as they were alone. 

“I don't know, we hang out sometimes when I’m at Sam’s.” He wasn't going to tell his sister the truth, not when she’s never liked Dean for the way things with him and Lisa are, and Cas thinks that Anna’s ex boyfriend had some problems with the Winchester that resulted in her opinion of him to be not so great. Her ex was a douche though and everyone in the fucking school had issues with him, her brothers included. 

“He isn't someone I'd imagine you having any interest in spending time with.” 

“Meaning?” 

“Meaning he’s a shallow person, Castiel. He doesn't care about anything but getting laid and getting drunk.” She said it so quickly, without hesitation like she’s always thought this way about him and no one was ever going to change her mind. 

“Sounds a lot like Lis if you ask me.” 

She cut her eyes at him, “Don't be an ass.” 

“It's okay for you to insult my friend's but I'm not allowed to do the same to yours? Where’s the logic in that?” 

“He isn't your friend, Castiel. I’m just telling you the truth about him.” 

“Fuck off, Annie. You don't know anything about him.” With that, he left. Pushed through the dancing bodies until he saw Dean, standing there all awkward and lost as Lisa grinded her ass into him. Cas took his hand, leaning up to his ear and said “Let’s go,” as he started pulling him away from the girl and up the stairs. 

“Where are we going?” Dean asked over the music and chattering people that filled the house. Castiel didn't answer, just tugged him along, their fingers tangled together until they came to his room. He shut the door behind them, drowning out the noise as best he could. Dean only had a second to look confused before Cas backed him into the door, surged up, and connected their mouths. 

He doesn't really know why he did it or where the hell the confidence to do it came from, and it definitely wasn't a “heat of the moment” type of thing, he was sure of that, but he does know that as soon as their lips met it was like the entire world had stopped. No music around them, no chatter inside, no lights. Nothing else existed. Nothing else mattered. It was like Cas’ entire life had been leading up to this particular moment and it was absolutely beautiful. Just fucking perfect. 

Dean's body collided with his own as their lips met in a heated kiss, he felt like he could pass out doing this. Just fucking faint right there because this was the type of shit to make his knees weak, his head spin, his heart to just stop beating. It was goddamn soul crushing as their tongues slid against each other. Their lips melting into the others mouth. And when it was over, when he pulled back and the string of spit connecting them broke, he opened his eyes to wide, beautiful fucking green ones staring back at him. 

He stepped back, afraid that maybe  _ he _ had overstepped this time, and he scanned his eyes all over Dean’s face, just to get some idea of what he was thinking; if maybe he was okay with what just happened and he felt the same things Cas did. “What was that for?” Dean whispered. He didn't sound upset - though Cas couldn't really tell what he was feeling - but it definitely wasn't anger. 

Cas shrugged, smiling a little. “Just felt like doing it.” He walked more into his room and sat on his bed as Dean looked around, scoping the place out and taking in all of Cas’ knick knacks. He went over to the bookshelf, his hand skimming along all of the the spines. 

“Got any Vonnegut?” 

“Uhm,  _ Hocus Pocus _ , and  _ Slapstick _ .” 

“Ever read  _ Slaughterhouse-Five _ ?” 

Cas smiled, remembering the first time he read it. “I have. I used to own it but Gabe stole it from me and lost it.” 

“Ugh, Heathen.” Dean chuckled and moved further down the shelf. “Aw, man! I love this movie!” 

Cas peered over Dean’s shoulder to see what he was talking about, seeing he was holding Cas’ copy of  _ Labyrinth.  _ He’d never gotten around to seeing the movie, but he did quite enjoy the book, and he told Dean just as much. “You kiddin? Next time you’re over there, we’re watching it.” His fingers ran further down the shelf, all the way over to the last section, separate from everything else. “What are all of these?” Cas turned his head to see and though Dean’s body was blocking the view of the books he was looking at, Castiel knew exactly what he was referring to. 

“Oh, those are my “Drug Books” as Anna calls them.” 

Dean picked one of them up, the red one,  _ Tweak  _ it was called. Nic Sheff. He looked over the cover, flipping it over and putting it back in its slot. “What are they for?” 

“I like to read about addiction..” He muttered it like it was such a normal thing. For him, it was. 

“Any particular reason why?” 

“My brother’s an addict.” There. He said it. He told someone - someone else. Another person outside his family knew. “Gabriel.” 

Dean looked down, moving over to sit next to Cas on the bed. “Sam never told me that.” 

“Probably because he doesn’t know.” He let out a breathy laugh but he knew he wasn’t fooling anyone. “I don’t really tell people and if it never gets brought up then I don’t tend to volunteer the information. My parents don’t like for it to get out.” 

Dean nodded in understanding, “What, uhm--" he cleared his throat and Cas knew what he was trying to ask - knew that Dean didn't know how to though in fear of being rude.

“Crack.” 

“Do you..do you talk about it and stuff?” He was hesitant to ask what he wanted to, Cas knew because he was used it. Everyone tiptoed around the situation, not wanting to make anyone dealing with it upset, but Cas liked to be blunt about it. He wasn't ashamed of it, he wasn't going to act like it wasn't a thing. His brother is a drug addict and that's that. He wishes things were different but they're not, so he just has to deal with it. 

Gabriel, along with the rest of their family, has been living with this for almost a decade now. He was 17 when he started using and he’s 25 now. He’s been on and off all this time, started with shooting up and taking pills, almost got himself killed which ended up being enough of a scare to get him clean (with the exception of marijuana.) That worked for about 3 years, then his dog died and it was a drastic and stressful enough change in his life for him to start using again. It’s going on 3 years of him smoking crack and they still haven’t managed to get him to stop. 

He has his good days and his bad days, sometimes he’ll leave and they won’t see or hear from him for at least a week. Then he comes back and acts like he never left. The last time he did this was last weekend. Luckily, he was only gone for 4 days and he actually responded to some of Cas’ texts this time, but it was still 4 days of constantly wondering where he is and if he's okay. 

Unlike most addicts, he’s actually social and spends time with everyone when he  _ is  _ home, but usually he’s on the move, unable to stay still for longer than 15 minutes at a time. On his good days, when he’s broke and doesn’t have any money to buy his shit, therefore forcing himself to sober up, he’ll sleep for about a day and then wake up, talking and eating and laughing with everyone, cracking jokes and sometimes Cas can convince him to watch a movie or two with him. 

On his bad days, when he’s made a decent sale on weed and is loaded with cash, he’s out all day and won’t return until the early hours of the morning. Sleeping for no more than 4 hours and then he’s up and out, the process repeating itself. On his worst days, he makes questionable decisions that end up taking him a few days (weeks, even) to bounce back from. Those are the days that Castiel hates. 

And at this point, after feeling like she’s done everything she can for him, Castiel’s mother has all but excluded herself from the situation. She feeds him, gives him a place to stay when he needs it, but after so many years of incidents and problems and situations that he’s caused/put her and Chuck through, she’s grown mentally and emotionally incapable of getting any more involved than she has to. She’s dealt with a lot, more than most people would, and Castiel knows she’s strong because of it. He knows how much this has affected her and how much stress it’s put on her, so he doesn’t blame her for pulling back some. He knows that she takes as much as she can until it’s too much for her - they all do. But then again, every time they say they can't take anymore, they do. Things just keep getting worse. 

At the times that he randomly leaves for a week or 2, or does something that proves difficult for the family to forgive, Becky has to force herself to be angry with him, to be upset with him to the point that she can’t look at him or even think about it. Because if she isn’t, if the single thought of him doesn’t make her blood boil, then she’ll make herself sick with worry. She’ll be up all night torturing herself with horrible thoughts that he’s been arrested or killed, either by drugs or an actual person, and she’ll ache and cry and on more than one occasion she's spent the day in bed because she just couldn’t bring herself to get up - too drained and exhausted to do anything but mourn the boy that used to be her son. 

Anna chooses not to think about the things that go on with him, and she’ll never admit it to you, but everyone, including Gabe himself, knows it’s because she’s ashamed of what he’s doing. She's ashamed of who he is, of why her own brother let this disease take over him. She's ashamed at the fact that she can call her brother a “crackhead” and be as serious and literal as she wants because it's the fucking truth. 

Michael separates himself from the situation also because it hurts too much for him. Gabriel and him have always been very close, but when the oldest Novak is using, he just isn’t himself. To the point where they can’t recognize their brother or son anymore, and Mike feels betrayed by that. So he gets involved when he needs to, and he’s there when Gabe is sober and feeling better, but otherwise he stays out of it for as long as he can. He says he has other things to worry about; school, the team, a job. He says it adds on too much stress for him. 

Chuck tries to be supportive as possible. He helps out the best he can, gives advice when any of the children need it, and he steps in when it becomes too much for Becky to handle, but for the most part, he’s there with a kind smile and an open ear for anyone who might want or need it. For everyone. 

Castiel on the other hand is different. He and Anna were both kids at the beginning of this whole ordeal, they were young and naive and completely clueless to the things happening with their brother. Their parents kept it hidden from the the younger kids as much as they could, and it worked. He didn’t know the full details and extent of things until he was in 8th grade and was mature enough to handle it, and understand it and grasp how bad it actually was. But when he was in 8th grade, it wasn’t like this. Gabe was clean, he was sober _.  _ He was a brother and he could do no wrong and he was the person Cas called when he needed someone. In 8th grade, Gabriel was still Gabriel. 

It was in his and Anna’s sophomore year when things really took a turn for the worse. Gabe had said he was going to Wichita to stay with his girlfriend for a few weeks. It struck Castiel as odd; so many reasons as to why it was unlike Gabe to do this, but then he figured it was actually nothing because if it was out of character for the oldest Novak, it was also  _ exactly like something he’d do. _

Then one night Castiel had gone with Chuck to pick up dinner for the family, and in the car on the way back from the restaurant, Chuck had said, “Your brother’s using again.” It was so random and nonchalant Cas had thought he was joking.

“What?” He asked. 

“Crack.” After that Chuck told him not to say anything to the rest of the kids, but as soon as they got home he ran into his mother’s room and asked, “He’s on crack?"

Becky stared at him shocked, turned to her husband, “You told him?” 

Not giving his father a chance to answer, Cas butted in and demanded, “For how long?” 

His mother sighed and told him it had been about a year of this happening, none of them knowing any better. Then apparently Gabe decided he wanted to change, he didn’t want to be this person anymore, so he confided in his parent’s and told them about his issue, and they decided that it was best for him to get out of town for a few weeks to get clean. He went to stay with Kali.

He wasn’t gone for 2 weeks before he was home again, and within the next couple of days he was back on it. Using and smoking and selling more than ever. It’s been like that ever since. 

At some point Castiel had become so engrossed in his brother’s actions; his patterns of using, his behaviors on and off, that he buried himself in research. Bought all the books he could afford; on addiction in general, on crack, on other drugs. On recovery, on rehab, on how to handle it as a family. On ways to prepare yourself for the worst. He wanted as much knowledge on the disease as he could get, which is why he has so many books about it in his room, and why he wears a plastic “Crack is Whack” bracelet under his sleeves, and why he doesn’t drink or smoke himself. 

He recalls all of this to Dean. In less words, and not as dramatic as it sounded in his head, but he tells the key parts; the important parts, and Dean listens. Takes it all in stride and soaks up everything Castiel tells him. It feels good to talk about it, to tell someone and not be afraid of how brutal you’re being about it, not be worried you’re going to make someone upset with your words and thoughts on it. Not scare someone. 

But addiction  _ is scary.  _ It  _ is brutal.  _ It’s honest and it’s real and it’s happening and it doesn’t care who you are. Rich, poor, black, white. Castiel wishes his family (siblings mostly) would understand that. They can’t escape this, there's no use in hiding from it. Fucking face it. Deal with it. It isn't going away. 

“Wow,” Dean says after a few moments of silence. “Here I was thinking you guys were the Brady Bunch.” His tone was easy and light, taking the edge off of the conversation. Castiel laughed, 

“Unfortunately not.” 

Dean rubbed his hand on Castiel's thigh, patting just above his knee but not going any higher. Cas contemplated the events of the last couple of weeks. He and Dean had been doing whatever the hell it was they were doing -  _ flirting -  _ for long enough now, and honestly he was done playing games. He liked Dean, and at this point the guy had proven that he wasn't being a total dick and was actually into Cas. 

Plus they just shared their biggest burdens with each other tonight. Their deepest darkest thoughts, things they didn't talk about with anyone else, okay? Which means they trusted each other enough to talk about it together, to be there.  That was good enough for Castiel. He had no reason not to give in to his wants and needs now; what he’d had a desire for for almost 2 years now. 

He lifted a hand to Dean’s cheek, resting on his jaw as he turned the seniors head to look at him. He leaned in, capturing his lips in a slow kiss. Dean seemed a bit surprised at first but quickly caught up, sliding his tongue across Cas’ bottom lip. 

Cas took the hand that was on his thigh and moved it up until it was pressing against his growing member. He gasped at the friction and Dean took the opportunity to stick his tongue in, licking its way around the inside of the other boys’ mouth. 

Cas bucked his hips into Dean’s hand, which just pressed harder into the the crotch. After a few minutes of this, the junior stood up and threw a leg over Deans, straddling his thighs. He pushed back until Dean was laying flat on the bed and Cas stared down at him; his flushed cheeks and swollen lips, green eyes sparkling with arousal. He reached to take his own t shirt off, throwing it in the floor and basking in the way Dean’s eyes roamed down his chest. He raised an amused eyebrow, “See something you like?” 

Instead of replying, Dean ran both hands up Cas’ chest and in a quick move, flipped them so that Cas was on his back and Dean was leaning over him between his legs. “Fuck yes,” he breathed in ragged breaths and bent down to nip at the open space between the brunettes neck and shoulder. 

“Dean,” Cas moaned, arching his back up. It felt fucking amazing having his hands on him, feeling him and then getting hard because of it. 

Before either of them knew it, Dean’s shirt was also off and both of their pants were undone, pulled down to mid thighs, and cocks bobbing out as they simultaneously jerked each other off. Their fingers entwined as their hands wrapped around both dicks and pumped, using precum as lube. Dean was moaning encouraging things into Cas’ neck as he licked and kissed and bit. 

Cas could feel the orgasm building low in his stomach, “ _ Dean, _ ” he sighed in pleasure, “C-close,” 

“Yeah, babe--  _ fuck,  _ me too,” he replied, groaning as Cas squeezed their members, pressing then impossibly closer. Within a few minutes they were coming in hot, white spurts down each other's hands and stomachs. Each of them cursing and trying to catch a breath of air. 

Honestly Cas is surprised he lasted this long. With the noises Dean was making, it was enough to make him come untouched. 

“Shit,” Dean breathed out as he collapsed next to Cas, who just smiled over at him and wiped a few strangers of hair that were plastered to Dean’s forehead. 

“Where is Sam?” 

“I dropped him at Bobby’s.” 

“So you don't have anywhere you need to be tonight?” Dean shook his head no, “Will you stay?” He looked taken aback by the request, like he wasn't expecting it - honestly Cas wasn't expecting it either - but he seemed pleased enough to be asked, and he grinned, 

“Yeah, yeah I can stay.” 

They sat up for a about another hour, just laying in bed talking, both tucked under covers next to each other but the only part of them that was touching was their hands. Cas held Dean’s hand as he drew pictures with his finger on his forearm. When it was time to sleep, he reached to turn off the lamp and buried himself further into the blankets. He turned on his side, facing away from the boy next to him, but pleasantly surprised when he felt an arm slide over his waist and pull him closer. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see you next chapter!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistakes!

Castiel was fucking beautiful when he slept. If Dean wasn’t worried about being creepy, he really could just sit here all day and watch as the brunette dozed because it was  _ fucking amazing.  _ His face was mostly relaxed but his eyebrows furrowed in the middle and he kind of looked like he was frowning and it was adorable. He looked so comfortable, his breath coming and going so smoothly, evenly, it was-- Dean loved it. He didn’t think he’d ever get a chance to see Castiel like this, but he was damn glad it’s happening. 

He’s damn glad  _ last night  _ happened. That was-- fuck. Dean doesn’t even have words to describe it. He was locking the memory away in the  _ spank bank  _ part of his head because  _fucking a_  was it something. 

He looked over at the clock on the bedside table and saw that it was nearing 9 am. He should probably get going if he didn’t want any of the Novak's to see that he had stayed the night. His car was parked a little ways down the street so that shouldn’t be an issue, he’d just have to be quick and quiet as he left. 

He thought about waking Cas up but in the end decided against it, not wanting to interrupt how fucking peaceful the kid seemed right now. Instead, he walked over to the desk in the corner of the room and grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and wrote out, 

_ Figured you wouldn’t want your family to see me so I took off. Call me when you wake up.  _ He wrote his number down at the bottom of the note because surprisingly enough, they didn’t have that for each other. Then he added,  _ PS, you snore but it’s okay because you’re cute enough to get away with it.  _

With that, he grabbed his shoes, keys, and phone, and headed out as quietly as possible. It didn’t seem anyone else was awake so he was able to make a clean break. He pulled his jacket tight around him as he stepped into the cool air, weaved his way through the maze of cars still parked outside that he guessed belonged to Michael and Anna’s friends who stayed over. 

He opted to drive straight home as opposed to stopping at Bobby’s to get Sam. It wasn’t often that he got the house all to himself - usually if Sam wasn’t there it was because John was, but it was rarely just him, so he took advantage of it. He turned the stereo in the living room all the way up, blaring some fucking Metallica as he started himself a shower and left the bathroom door open as he did so. He took his time in there, replaying the events of last night to help him get off, and when he got out he put only a pair of underwear on and went into the kitchen. Started a pot of coffee and lit a cigarette while he waited for it to brew, and when it was finished, poured a big steamy cup and sat on the counter. 

The place was a fucking wreck; dishes in the sink piled to the fucking roof, empty beer bottles and cartons of milk scattered on the counters, boxes of cereal sitting out all over the place. The living room wasn’t in much better shape, in fact, it was in desperate need of a good vacuuming and dusting. 

It was decided then, he was going to spend his Saturday morning alone fucking cleaning. 

It took 3 hours until he was done, finishing the kitchen, living room, bathroom, and he even picked up John’s room a little bit (only gathering up the empty liquor bottles.) A little before 1 the front door opened and in walked Sam, but Dean was totally unaware of his little brothers presence as he was currently singing  _ Renegade  _ at the top of his lungs, using the broomstick as a mic, still sporting nothing but his underwear - not to mention the fact that he found old hair gel while cleaning the bathroom and obviously felt he had no other choice but to style his hair into a mohawk. - 

Really, who knows how long Sam was standing there, laughing at him and definitely filming him on his phone before Dean had dramatically spun as part of a dance move and  _ that  _ was when he noticed he wasn’t alone anymore. 

The thing with Sammy is that he teases Dean with the expectation that he can embarrass him, but the thing about Dean is that he doesn’t get embarrassed. Not by shit like this at least.

So as soon as he sees the camera following his movements, he looks right into the lens and fucking winks because what else is he to do? Then he continues on with his singing and dancing until the song ends and only then does he stop and turn the music down. “Sup, Sammy?” 

Sam sets down his things on the couch and wrinkles his nose, taking in all the different scents of cleaning chemicals. “Is that-- did you spray febreze?” 

Dean chuckles, proud of himself, “Yeah, right? Didn’t know we had any, I was kinda surprised myself.” He doesn’t mention the part where he continuously sprayed in it slow motion in the shape of a rainbow like they do on the commercials, because  _ that  _ might be something to be embarrassed about. “How was Bobby’s?” 

“Has dad been back?” Dean shook his head no and doesn’t really constitute it as lying even though he isn’t totally sure. John wasn’t there when they left for school yesterday and there wasn’t any evidence he had been back when Dean got home this morning so that was the conclusion he had come to. Plus, he couldn’t really tell his brother that  _ he  _ also hadn’t returned home after the party so he had to sound sure about shit. “Did you go to Castiel’s last night?” 

“What? No, why?” 

Sam gave him a weird look and then shrugged, “I don’t know, Michael was having a party and you enjoy drinking so I just figured…” 

“Ah, no, uh,” he cleared his throat, “I stayed home last night. I can get drunk here and not have to deal with jock-y douches.”  _ That,  _ he definitely constituted as lying - the first part, not the second part, the second part was true. 

“I’m sure people say the same thing about you, Dean.” 

“That I’m a jock?” He huffed, “If that’s what they’re saying about me then clearly I’ve gone soft and need to change some things.” 

“No, I mean that you’re a douche.” 

Dean contemplated, “A douche? Jackass maybe, but douche?” ‘Douche’ sounded so prepschool-frat-guy to him. ‘Jackass’ was more like his level. 

Sam rolled his eyes and walked into the kitchen, apparently deciding not to dignify that with a response. “We need to go to the store!” He called from the other room, and then it was Dean’s turn to roll his eyes. His phone vibrated in his pocket and reached for it, yelling back, 

“Make a list and we’ll go, but be quick about it because I don’t want to spend all day there while you look for your damn rabbit food.” He laughed to himself and could  _ feel  _ Sam glaring at him through the walls with bitchface #283. He looked at his cell and smiled when he saw that he had a text from an unknown number. 

_ Snoring?? You’re lying.  _

Dean quickly replied,  _ nope, got filmographic evidence.  _

_ Now you’re definitely lying.  _ Dean chuckled and a second text came through,  _ Tell me you’re lying.  _

His only response back was  _ ;)  _

It was a few minutes before he heard anything back and he briefly wondered if Cas really thought he was serious. His phone started buzzing impatiently in his hand and Dean looked down to see that the younger boy was calling. He glanced to the kitchen and noted that Sam was still in there and then answered, “Hello?” 

Cas didn’t miss a beat as he growled into the phone, “Dean.” And the Winchester squeezed his eyes shut, not expecting the deep, sleep-roused voice. 

“Fuck, you sound good.” He breathed as quietly as he could and prayed his brother couldn’t hear him. 

“You didn’t take a video of me sleeping.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement. Like he was defying Dean, like he knew the truth, knew Dean was lying but just needed to hear him say it. 

“No, I didn’t,” he finally relented.

“Asshole.” He could hear the smirk in his voice. 

“Are you just waking up?” 

“About 30 minutes ago but I don’t usually sleep this late.” he paused, “What time did you leave?” 

Dean rubbed the back of his neck with his hand as he paced the living room, “Around 9.” Cas whistled, 

“Early worm gets the worm, huh?” 

“God you're such a fucking dork.” It's adorable. 

Sammy was calling for him from the kitchen, telling him that he had completed the grocery list and was ready to go whenever Dean was. “Okay!” He called back, and then spoke into the phone, “I gotta go, Sammy and I are gonna run some errands.” 

“Okay, I'll talk to you later.” They said their goodbyes and Dean hung up, going into his room to put some actual clothes on. It was chilly out and he didn't feel like doing much, so he slipped on some sweatpants and a sweatshirt and he and Sam headed out.   
  
  


When Dean was a kid, he hated grocery shopping. It was the worst thing ever. And not that they really went to Walmart a lot, but it was probably his least favorite store. He never understood the whole concept of buying clothes from the same place you buy your food. It just never made sense to him. He still isn't sure it makes sense to him to this day, but now he’s old enough to not hate shopping anymore. 

In fact, he kind of enjoys it. He likes to cook, likes to try as many new recipes as he can with his limited resources, likes to see how many times he can surprise Sammy with something and it end up being one of the kids favorite meals ever. 

When he’s shopping, he enjoys searching for things that he could use. Odd mixes. Things you'd never think go together but is actually perfect when combined. One time he made this fucking amazing peanut butter fried chicken that he had all of his friends try and they were all repulsed by the idea but tried it nonetheless and ended up all but praising him about it afterwards. He was pretty damn smug that day, not gonna lie. 

Today, going through the aisle with his brother by his side, listening to him read things off of their list - a couple of times he’s had to veto things that Sam suggested because it was just a bit too hippy for his liking. ( _ “Tofu, Sam? Absolutely not.” “It's good for you, Dean. A whole hell of a lot better than the red meat you inhale everyday.” “You a tree hugger, Sammy? Might be an issue.”)  _ Sam had rolled his eyes and grumbled, giving up on the tofu but insisting they buy at least 5 different green foods and 3 different fruits. 

They were mostly finished with their list but Dean remembered one thing that hadn't been on it, and he turned down the aisle with all of the cleaning utensils (mops, dish soap, sponges, etc.) and went in search for a dish scrubber.

“Why can't you just use a wash rag?” Sam asked him, lazily pushing the buggy. He had taken over about halfway through the trip when Dean decided he wasn't allowed to make or read grocery lists anymore because he was no fun about it. 

“Because they don't do the job, Sammy. I need something that was actually meant for scrubbing dishes and not wiping down counters, or whatever they were made for.” 

“Then what about a sponge?” 

Dean wrinkled his nose, “Because you can only use them a handful of times before they start to stink, Sam, have you ever done the dishes?” 

“Geez, Dean, if I had known you were gonna be such a girl about this then I wouldn't have said anything.” Dean didn't reply, instead reaching his hand behind him and flicking Sam off as he continued to look for a dish scrubber. He found one that would fit in his hand and you can put soap in the top it so you never run out when you need it. 

“This one will do.” He threw it in the buggy and started walking, he could hear Sam chittering behind him. 

“You know, you make a pretty good housewife, Dean.” Dean's face scrunched up as he silently mocked the little moose behind him. They turned at the end of aisle to head back to registers, passing by rows of food and drinks when Sam suddenly called, “Oh hey, look, it's Cas!” And Dean didn't have time to respond, or react, before Sam was already pushing the buggy down the aisle to meet his friend. Dean was taken aback, not having expected this to happened, but he couldn't help but watch the familiar head of fucked brown hair bounce as Cas turned his head in surprise. He knew then that he couldn't play the roll of the annoyed big brother right now, he’d rather see blue eyes up close than stay behind and act like he was upset with his brothers wandering. 

He followed Sam down the aisle and smiled as he caught Castiel's eyes. Cas smiled back politely as not to raise suspicions. “Sup, Cas.” it's what he would have normally said before anything between them was ever a thing, back when he was just Sam’s best friend. 

Then again, Cas has never really been “just Sam’s best friend” to Dean, has he? 

“Hello, Dean.” 

“Are you here with Anna?” Sam asks, and Dean tried to hide his laughter. The kids’ always had a crush on her, it was actually really adorable. He got all nervous and stuttery whenever she'd talk to him and his face would turn red as a fucking tomato. Dean really gave him a hard time over it. 

Huh, maybe that was why he didn't talk about Jess around his older brother. 

“No, my parents are apparently coming home today so they're cleaning up while Gabe and I restock my dad's booze.” 

“Right, how  _ was  _ the party? Was Brady there?” 

Castiel nodded, “Only because he came with his brother. Jess was there, too. She asked about you.” 

Sam’s ears practically perked up like a dog's. “What did she say?” 

“Just if you were coming or not.” 

Sam pointedly looked at Dean, “Well maybe if my brother wasn't such a jackass, I could have gone.” Dean had to resist the urge to roll his eyes. He didn't want Sam to go to parties because he didn't want him to end him up like himself. Dean wasn't someone to base your kid off of. He was trying to protect Sammy and keep him as pure as possible. 

Also he wanted to go to the party and he couldn't exactly have gone with his brother there, so.  

Cas snuck a fond smile in Dean’s direction as Sam wasn't paying attention. “You really weren't missing anything. I stayed in my room most of the night anyways. You would have  _ hated it. _ Drunk people everywhere, like 3 different people threw up inside. It was horrible.” 

Sam turned his nose up and made a look of disgust, “Gross.” 

As much as Dean enjoyed standing here and watching Cas talk; watch his mouth move as he spoke, his eyes widen when he got excited, watch him throw his head back in laughter, watch him lick or bite his lips and then glance at Dean to see if he was looking... they really should get going. He was starving and wanted to go home and cook something, stuff his face and then bury his head into his pillow and sleep while he dreamed about a dark haired boy with blue eyes. “Okay, Sammy,” he announced, “We should get going.” 

Sam nodded without protest and took hold of the buggy, “I’ll see you at school, or maybe we can play a game or two tonight.” 

Cas smiled and bid the boys adieus, winking at the oldest when Sam turned his back. They didn't see the Novak's again as they checked out, or as they loaded to trunk of the Impala, or as they drove off. 

Castiel seemed to be acting okay towards Dean, not like he was upset with him for any reason or like he regretted what happened between them. Dean was relieved for that, he’d been worried that Cas was going to wake up thinking that it was a huge mistake - it didn't appear so, but things could still go wrong. Like maybe he didn't enjoy it as much as Dean, maybe he didn't feel anything from it, maybe he had fun but wasn't looking for anything more, or to even do it again. 

If that was the case, any of those, then Dean wasn't necessarily “okay” with it, but if that's how Cas felt then he couldn't do anything about it. He could respect that decision. He  _ would  _ respect that decision. 

 

\--

 

\--

 

They texted for the next few days but neither of them were able to get time alone with each other and they couldn't exactly meet before and after classes. So they texted and texted and texted and on Tuesday Dean called him after Sammy had gone to bed and they talked for about an hour before Cas began drifting off. He actually started to snore again and Dean took the opportunity to give him a hard time about it the next day.

Sometimes they chat in the hallways before school, either Dean meets him at his locker or Cas meets him at his. Only for a few minutes, though. Sometimes Cas will say something and all Dean can think about is kissing him and then it's really hard to not just lean down and take his lips right then and there. He resists, obviously, but hardly. 

He starts growing tired of not being able to see the other boy for longer than 5 minutes at a time. On Thursday, he meets Cas outside of the building when the day is over and he walks him to his car. Cas doesn't question it, doesn't seem to mind. In fact he had ended up telling Dean he hadn't had a great day and being able to see him then made it a lot better. Dean definitely didn't blush, it was --  _ not _ blushing, that's for sure. His face had turned red, yes, but it was very chilly outside and you know when your cheeks and nose start to color in cold weather? It was that. It was not blushing. 

Though with all of his teasing of the snoring, he should have expected Cas to return the favor. Of course. “It's also making me quite happy to see you so flushed like this.” 

Dean raised his eyebrows, fighting back a smile. He pointed to his face, “This? Don't flatter yourself, sweetheart. It's cold out here.” Cas just gave him a knowing grin, making Dean’s lips burst into one too, and he shook his head. “Shut up.” 

“You’re very cute, Dean.” 

Dean rolled his eyes fondly but couldn't protest. “Yeah, well, some might say the same about you.” 

“Oh? Is that a bad thing?” 

_ Yes. _ “No,” he said instead.

“Are you working tonight?” 

“Just for a couple of hours.” 

“Sam invited me over to play games. Maybe we can watch a movie when you're done?” 

Fuck, Dean would love nothing more. “Yes,” was all he said, but he couldn't help the smile plastering over his face currently. 

They spoke for a few more minutes but Dean really needed to get to work or else Bobby was gonna have his ass. He said goodbye to Cas, only just keeping his hands to himself as they ached to touch the boy. From the way he was acting, Dean was pretty sure Cas was feeling the same way. Maybe they could get a moment tonight.   
  
  


Work wasn't bad, he just didn't want to be there really so maybe he was slacking a bit. No one seemed to notice though, Bobby stayed in his office most of the time grading the tests he had given out in class that day. When 6 o'clock hit, he was all but running out of the shop, Bobby yelling at him on his way out to slow down. “You got a date or somethin’?”

Dean shrugged as he grabbed his bag, “Somethin’.” 

“Well be careful. Idjit.”

Dean snorted, “Yes, sir.” And with that, he finished his race to his car and drove the short ride home. When he got there it was quiet, the only noise coming from Sam’s room. He could hear them laughing and joking, teasing one another about the video games. It made him happy, knowing Sam has a friend like Cas, and knowing Cas has a friend like Sam. 

He knocked on the door and stuck his head in, “I’m home,” he said, because that was what he did everytime he got back; from work, from a date, from wherever he was without Sam. As soon as he arrived back he let him know he was here and safe. 

“Okay,” Sam barely took his eyes off the screen, just glancing at Dean for a millisecond before his attention was back to whatever he was playing. Dean peeked over at Cas, who was watching him with a hungry look in his eye. The boy observed him, checking out as much as he could see of Dean's body that the door wasn't blocking. 

“I’m gonna go take a shower.” He didn't know if he said just to let Sam know that was what he was doing, or if he said it because he wanted  _ Cas _ to know that was what he was doing. 

His brother muttered a “‘Kay,” but didn't acknowledge him anymore than that. Cas squinted his eyes and shifted, and Dean winked at him before the shutting the door. He went on to his own room to set his things down and gather some clothes, and then he made his way to the bathroom.  He had just turned the water on when he heard someone clear their throat from behind him, and he spun around to see Cas leaning against the doorway. Dean smirked, “Hi,” as he rested his back against the sink. 

Cas stepped closer until he was right in front of him, and Dean spread his legs a litter wider so the boy could step between them. He lightly grabbed the lapel of Dean’s jumpsuit and cast his eyes down; taking in every part of the body in front of him. Dean was sweaty and greasy, he felt dirty actually, but he’s seen Cas check him out like this before, so he knew it was being appreciated. “Hi,” Novak finally replied. 

“See something you like?” Dean joked, a mock from their night at the party - something that Cas had asked himself. 

Cas chuckled and leaned closer, “You’re funny.” 

“So I’ve been told.” 

The brunette nosed at the skin beneath Dean’s ear, and the blonde slid his hands around Cas’ waist and into his back pockets. “Too often, I would imagine.” Despite the ways their bodies were touching, there was no intent for anything sexual. Their chests were pressed close, their hands around each other, Cas’ hair right under Dean’s nose. It was nice to just hold the other like this. To just be in the presence of one another and touch like this,  _ feel  _ like this.  _ Connect.  _ Just liked Dean’s wanted - he’s always wanted this. “I should get back to Sam. I told him I was getting drinks.” Cas left an open mouthed kiss under his jaw. “Would you still like to watch a movie?” Another one. He whispered, “Labyrinth?” A kiss. 

“Please,” Dean tightened his hold around the boys’ frame and leaned his head back so he could see Cas’ face before he caught his lips. It was short, sweet, chaste. No tongue. Cas broke it by smiling, and then pecked him once more, and then twice, before fully letting go and stepping back. 

“I’ll see you when you get out.” He shut the door behind him. 

Dean wasted no time in getting undressed and jumping in the shower, the warmth of it immediately relieving him of all of the stress the week has caused. On Tuesday night John had come home completely sober, complaining about how he didn’t have any money to buy drinks because his spoiled ass kids used it all up buying groceries. Luckily he had locked himself in his room and Dean figured he had finally found one of the bottles the man had hidden in there for rough times, because they didn’t see him for the rest of the night and he was still crashed when they got up in the morning. 

To be sure, Dean had gone in there just to check that he was still breathing; he was, obviously, but there was a part of him - a very small, very shameful part that he’s not at all happy about - that maybe kind of wished he wasn’t so alive. That maybe he had finally drank himself to death, and then Dean wouldn’t have to be in constant fear of his own life, or his little brothers. 

As soon as he caught himself thinking that, he pushed it all down and chastised himself. Inside his head he was yelling, screaming at Dean Winchester that John was their father - he raised them, however shitty, but he did and for that they should be thankful. 

But even after trying to tell himself  _ that,  _ there was yet another voice in his head that sounded a lot like Sam, reminding him of all of the horrible things John had done to them in their lifetime. 

Even now, today, standing in the tub under the hot spray of water as he rinsed the shampoo out of his hair, just thinking about it all stressed him out. He wanted better things for Sammy, he wanted to be a brother who wasn’t too coward to tell their father to fuck off and then leave. He wanted to be someone that Sam could look up to - he wanted to be the man in Sam’s life that would make him say, “I wanna be like you when I’m older.” because that obviously wasn’t going to be John. 

But John was still their father, no? Family is family, right? You don’t leave your family behind? What was he supposed to do? 

He thought about talking to Cas about it, maybe he could help Dean see some things that he couldn’t see himself. Should he confide in Cas? Open up to him? Dean usually wasn’t one to talk about his feelings, but he found that with the Novak, it wasn’t actually all that hard. He knew he could trust him, he knew he could talk to him and not feel judged, he knew Cas would understand where he was coming from. Maybe open his mind up to see other things. 

He stood under the water for about 10 more minutes before shutting everything off and drying himself. He didn’t bother doing anything to his hair, but he did brush his teeth and put on deodorant and all that jazz. In the end he was only wearing some sweatpants and a Led Zeppelin tee and slipped on some socks. He texted Cas just for kicks, saying,  _ thought about you.  _ Just to see what the other boy would do. 

When he came out of his room and went into the living room, he saw that the two boys were already sitting on the couch next to each other. Dean grabbed himself a beer from the fridge and, just to be an obnoxious ass, wedged himself between the two boys and purposely sat more on Cas than Sam. His brother huffed a breath and rolled his eyes but didn’t say anything, just scooted over. Cas did as well, but not too far. He pulled his legs up so he sat criss-cross-apple-sauce, his knee resting on Dean’s leg. It looked pretty normal if you saw it from an outside view, some might even say platonic, but Dean, and Cas too, knew it was anything but. 

“So what are we watching?” He asked as his beer sat between his legs and he threw his arms around the back of the couch, another excuse to be touching Cas and it not be suspicious. 

“We don’t yet,” Sam replied, “What do you want to watch, Cas?” 

“Ah, would you happen to have Labyrinth? I read the book but I’ve never seen the movie.” 

It was at this point that Dean was supposed to feign surprise, and choked on his beer to make it more believable. “I’m sorry, what?” he asked, disgusted. “Sammy, you hearin’ this?” 

“Yeah Cas, that’s-- okay, we’re watching it.” He got up to find the dvd and slipped it in, and while his back was turned Dean looked over at the kid sitting next to him and winked, sliding his hand on his thigh real quick while he had a chance. Cas grinned at him and patted his arm. “Okay, get ready for the greatest cinematic experience of your life.” 

“Oh yeah?” 

“Dude,” Dean started, “You don’t know what you’ve been missing. And it’s even better that you’re watching it with us,” he waved between him and his brother, “because we’re super fun.” 

Sam nodded eagerly, “We know all the words.” 

“Words to..?” Cas trailed off, confused. Dean smirked, answering, “Everything.” 

The movie started playing and both Winchesters quietly hummed along to the song that played during opening credits, and Dean felt Cas shake with poorly stifled laughter next to him as he watched and listened.    
  
  


Throughout the movie, Dean would glance over at Cas to watch his expressions; see if he was enjoying the movie, see if he thought David Bowie looked as good as Dean thought he did in that costume. 

Dean quoted Sarah when she met Mr. Worm, and since Sam has a pretty killer british accent, he was the one who got to quote Mr. Worm. “Did you just say ‘Hello’ ?” Dean mocked in his best girl voice. 

“I said ‘Ello’, but close enough.” Sam replied, and they both laughed. More minutes into the movie and it was nearing Dean’s favorite part of the entire film.  _ Magic Dance.  _ It was one of his best memories with Sam, actually; singing long together as they watched. 

Dean looked over at Cas as the music started, “You’re not ready for this.” He warned, but the boy didn’t have time to reply before Sam started singing, 

“You remind of the babe.” 

“What babe?”

“The babe with the power.” 

“What power?” 

“The power of the voodoo,” 

“Who do?” 

“You do.”

“Do what?” 

“Remind me of the babe.” 

They sang the next parts together, dancing on the couch as the music played and Cas sat and watched them, giggling in his seat but staring in shock at the sight in front of him. Dean always loved this part because he felt like a kid whenever they did this. He could sing and laugh and joke with Sam and just have fun, not have to worry about the other endless responsibilities that he had. In this moment, it was all about the fucking magic dance. 

And making Cas smile, it was also about that, too.    
  
  


“So, what did you think?” Dean had to whisper it at the end of the film because Sam was passed out next to him, leaning his head on Dean’s shoulder. It was no surprise he fell asleep - he tended to do that more often than not whenever they watched movies. 

“I enjoyed it quite a bit.” 

“ _ Enjoyed?? _ That’s all? You  _ enjoyed it? _ You didn’t fucking love it?” 

Cas chuckled and took Dean’s hand in his own. “Okay, I loved it.” Dean muttered a ‘ _ thank you, _ ’ and Cas said, “I think I liked sitting here with you, mostly, though.” 

“Yeah?” Dean glanced down at soft, pink, chapped lips. “Wanna sneak off to my room?” Cas nodded, and Dean slowly stood up as not to jolt Sam awake. He pillowed his brothers head onto the cushion, and then the 2 boys both snuck off. Castiel looked around the room with curious eyes, observing every little thing in there that Dean had. Not that it was much, but still. 

“So this is Dean Winchester’s room, huh?” 

“It appears so.” 

Cas looked around some more, walking around the walls and taking in each individual poster.  “You know, I've always wondered what it was like in here.” 

“You have?” He stood behind the younger boy who was currently staring at a  _ Sublime _ poster Dean had, something someone had given him. 

“Oh yeah, dozens of times.” 

Dean snaked his arms around Cas’ waist and felt a surge of happiness when the boy leaned back into him. “Well don’t leave me hanging.. What have you wondered about it?” 

“If it was as cool as I’d imagined it to be, or if it looked anything at all like imagined it to.” He paused, “Or if it smelled like I thought it would.” 

“And does it? Smell like you thought?” 

“Smells like you.” 

“What do I smell like?” He let out a breathy laugh and laid his chin on the shoulder in front of him. 

“Apples.”  _ Apples?   _ “Apples and cologne, but also grease and leather.” He turned around in Dean’s arms, “I like it.” He pushed against the wall and started walking them backwards until Dean’s knees hit the back of the bed and he let go, moving to look around the room more. There was a picture by Dean’s bed, a picture of him as a baby and his mother hugging him as they smiled into the camera. Cas picked it up and held it with delicacy, smiling down at the photo before looking back at Dean. “She’s beautiful,” 

“That she was.” 

A few more minutes of Cas looking around and then Dean caught him as he walked by and pulled him down on the bed with him. Cas collapsed on top of him, struggling to sit up right but Dean had a tight hold. Eventually the boy gave up and relaxed his body, Dean relaxed his hold and Cas rolled over onto his side, his head resting under the blonde’s chin. 

Laying here with him, Dean staring down at the boy on top of him and just admiring him, he thought about how beautiful Cas was. For some reason, it had reminded him of something. “So what’s the deal with Cole?” He felt the body tense above him but it didn’t move to get up. 

“Did he say something to you?” Dean shook his head no. “He just-- he’s creepy, I don’t like him.” 

“He bothers you a lot?” 

“Not too bad, he just gets annoying. Usually it’s just stupid remarks when I pass him in the hallway, sometimes he’ll slap my ass.” As Cas was saying these things, just talking about it like it was no big deal, Dean could feel anger swelling up inside him. Part of it was jealousy - the thought of anyone touching Cas’ ass was enough to make Dean’s blood boil, but the other part, the bigger part, was because Dean hated assholes like Cole who couldn’t take no for an answer and forced themselves onto people just because they thought they could. 

“Cas..” Dean began, wondering something and becoming genuinely worried about it now that he realized, “What’s the difference between the way Cole acts towards you and the way I acted towards you?” 

“What do you mean?” Dean sat up, and Cas had no choice but to move his head and look up at him, their eyes leveled with each others. 

“I mean, Cole says rude things to you thinking he’s being sexy but really it’s harassment, right? Because it’s unwelcomed and you’ve done nothing to make him think you wanted that, right?” Cas nodded slowly, confusion written all over his face. Dean looked at him pointedly, “My first actual words towards you were ‘ _Do you want me? I want you.’_ ” He mocked himself, bobbing his head and you’d think he was he mocking some other douche but unfortunately not. “I-- I _objectified_ you, Cas! And then I tried kissing you, I-- that’s-- I’m a dick!” 

Cas started laughing, his head thrown back as the sound echoed throughout the room. “You’re not a dick, Dean. I was perfectly okay with the way you were acting.” 

“I didn’t know that though!” He tried keeping his voice down but he was getting worked up about it, and super fucking disappointed on himself for not seeing this earlier. “You never said you were interested in me!” 

“Dean.” Cas sat on his haunches, facing the guy in front of him and put a hand on his cheek, an attempt to soothe him. “If I didn’t want you to, I wouldn’t have let you, okay? Believe that.” His tone didn’t give Dean the choice to argue - went without saying that was the end of the discussion and Dean decided to drop it, choosing to trust the words coming from the Novaks’ mouth. After all, Cas  _ has  _ punched quite a few people when he felt like he needed to. Dean knows that - Dean has  _ seen that.  _

He nodded dumbly and Cas smiled sweetly, leaning in to brush his lips against Dean’s own before sitting back and moving to actually get next to Dean. “Cas?” 

“Hmm?’” 

“Did Cole have anything to do with why you had a bad day?” 

“Sometimes I just have off days.” He didn’t sound like he was going to elaborate, so Dean raised an eyebrow and cocked his head forward. Cas smiled slightly but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Anna and I got into an argument on the way to school so I was already upset, and then after 2nd period I passed him in the hall and he said something about Michael.” 

“What did he say?” 

Cas hesitated, “That he was going to end up like Gabe.” He said it so quietly, and Dean asked how he knew about Gabe. “Because Cole’s brother and another guy, Uriel, all used to be really good friends, but then they each got into drugs, at different times by different people and for different reasons, and when Cole’s mom found out her son was using, she blamed it on Gabe and Uriel and said it was all their faults. Now none of them hang out anymore and they’re all doing as bad as each other - even if Cole's family is refusing to see that for their son."

Dean put his hand on Cas’ leg and his thumb circled into the denim. He wasn’t sure if Cas was the type of person who liked to be touched when he was upset, but right now Dean was shooting for comfort without suffocating the kid, so he settled with the hand on the thigh. If Cas didn’t want it, he would move it. “Why does Cole think Michael's gonna end up like Gabe?” 

“Because he parties so much. And he gets drunk a lot, and smokes a lot, and sometimes he does adderall. That’s how Gabe started out. It's how they all start out.” Dean didn’t say anything - didn’t feel like Cas was done. He was right, in a sense, but also wrong. “This conversation is such a downer. Will you tell me about yourself?”

Dean repeated Cas’ question, and Cas nodded. “Okay, what do you want to know?” 

“Mmm, what’s your favorite color?” 

“Plaid.” Dean replied, monotone and without missing a beat. It caused a soft blow to his stomach. 

“Liar,” Cas accused. Dean chuckled. 

“Blue.” 

He smiled, “Mine is green. What’s your favorite animal?” 

“Alligators, you?” 

“Bees.” 

“Bee’s aren’t animals! They’re insects!” 

“Shh, all insects are animals. It’s your turn.” 

Dean scooted down on the bed so he could lay his head on the pillow and rest his arm under it. Cas stayed sitting up, but turned so he was back to sitting facing the blonde. He took Dean’s hand that was on his thigh and started playing with his fingers. “Umm,” Dean contemplated, he didn’t want to ask something boring, but he also didn’t want to be intrusive. “What’s the most embarrassing way you’ve ever hurt yourself?” He really couldn't tell you where that came from.

“Ah, in 6th grade I sprained my wrist playing frisbee.” 

“ _Frisbee?_ ” Dean tried not to laugh at that, he really did, but that had to be the most geekiest thing he’s ever heard anyone say. He wiped his eyes, cackling, “Who does that?” 

“Shut up! It was raining and I’m really clumsy and I slipped, okay?”  

“Okay, okay. It’s not funny. It is adorable, though.” 

“It’s not!” He was doing this little pouty thing right now where he furrowed his eyebrows and tried not to smile, but even he couldn’t keep a straight face, so he lightly flew himself forward, his head going straight into Dean’s abdomen. “Hush,” he mumbled into the fabric, “next question?” 

Of course, with the younger boy’s head being where it is, Dean felt it only natural to stick his hand in the dark chocolate locks of hair. “What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?” 

“You’re not allowed to ask questions anymore! You just want to hold these things against me.” He still wasn’t letting his head up. In fact, he repositioned the rest of his body so that he was laying down on his stomach. Dean wasn’t complaining. 

“I bet I can get some stuff out of Sam.” Dean smirked. He could hear Cas scoff, and then the lips drooling all over his shirt were no longer there, and he looked to say blue eyes shining up at him. 

“Yeah, well,  _ ditto. _ ” The childlike tone of his voice made Dean smile, and he tangled his hands further into Cas’ hair, pleased with the content look on the boy’s face because of it. Cas sighed, “I should leave soon. I have a paper I need to finish writing tonight.” 

“I can drive you home.” 

“I drove here,” Cas grinned, that really gummy one that he always did and it made Dean’s heart ache. “You can walk me out, though.” 

They went into Sam’s room to get his things, and then passed the kid on the couch, still passed out like a fucking light. Dean chuckled at how adorable Sammy was, he’d have to fuck with him a little when he came back in. Cas apparently knew what he was thinking and pointed a stern finger, “No.” he warned, and, who was Dean to argue? The authoritative voice was hot. 

When they got out to the car, it was already dark outside, the time nearing 9 pm, which surprised Dean because he had no idea they had been in his room for that long. He opened up the door for Cas and watched as the boy threw his things in, taking the opportunity to appreciate the work of art that was Castiel Novak’s ass. “I know what you’re doing,” the boy said from where his head was poked in the vehicle, moving something around, reaching for something, Dean didn’t know. 

“What’s that?” Dean asked distractedly. Cas stood up straight and turned around to face Dean, a smug smirk blossoming over his features. He bowed his head until he was mere inches away, and stared down at Dean’s lips while saying, 

“You’re not very subtle in your checking people out.” 

“Maybe I’m not trying to be.” 

Cas laughed, closing the extra space between them. His hands instantly came up to wrap around Dean’s middle, squeezing and Dean thought it was because he enjoyed the feeling of their chests pressed against the other. It wasn't urgent or needy. Wasn't a lead to sex (obviously, seeing as they were outside). It was hot, but it was slow. It was the two boys getting to know each other's mouths, testing out the waters. It was Dean conveying his feelings through the flick of his tongue, it was Cas trusting and letting himself be swept away by the ‘Dean Winchester Charm.’ 

It was a damn good kiss. 

But eventually the lack of oxygen was becoming a problem and they both pulled back, only to rest their foreheads against each others. “Okay, I’m leaving now.” He started pulling away but Dean only tightened his grip. 

“I wanna see you later.” Cas only looked at him, eyes wide. “Or-- tomorrow, I just-- want to see you.” 

“Okay.” It was a short answer, and that one word could mean so many things if you weren’t able to hear the tone when it was used. In this case, when Dean heard the one, simple little word, he beamed. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yes, I will text you, okay?” Dean agreed, and Cas nodded, “Okay now I really have to go.” Dean stole one more kiss from him before he let him slip into his car, and he watched as Cas drove off. He went back inside, and after seeing Sam still asleep, he went over to the stereo, turned it on and then grabbed a spoon from the kitchen and slipping it into his brothers mouth. He snapped a picture real quick and then turned the volume of the stereo all the way up, watching in amusement as Sam jolted awake, disheveled and confused. 

“What the-- you jerk!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm contemplating just going ahead and uploading all of the chapters i have so far, what do you think?


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talk about drug addiction. 
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes!

Cas was not lying when he’d said he’d had a bad day, he just -- he didn't tell Dean everything. He and Anna had gotten in a fight this morning, yes, and Cole had said Michael was going down the same path as their older brother, yes, but those were all things Cas could deal with. He was used to it. This was not his and Anna’s first fight, and it certainly wasn't the first time someone had some shit about Michael, or especially Gabe. 

What really bothered Cas and had taken a toll on his day was what had happened the night before. It wasn't really a huge deal, and he knew that it wasn't affecting his siblings as much as it was him. Perhaps it was the books he had read that was getting him so paranoid of the things happening, or maybe it was just that he was naturally a negative person with anxiety and usually always thought the worst and made up horrible things happening inside his head that would end up fucking with him like they were actually real. 

Nevertheless, 

There was a guy, Bartholomew, Gabriel had met him this past July and the guy had talked him into (one of many times) getting sober. Gabe had for some reason agreed and then spent all of July in Washington state at a rehab type of thing that someone was running out of their house. Bart paid the fees he needed to get Gabe in, and even for the plain ticket it took for him to get there. It worked, evidently, and the next time they saw their brother he looked better than he had in years. His face had cleared up, he put on weight. He was happy and you could tell just by the way he looked how much lighter he felt, how he wasn't ashamed to be around his family any more, but you could also see the toll that being sober had put on him. He didn't have drugs to fall back on anymore, he couldn't get high and then things were suddenly easier. It was probably a lot harder on him being drug free. Cas felt for him, but he was immensely proud of his big brother. 

Unfortunately though, it took all of 4 days before he relapsed. Cas wasn't really sure who to blame - whether it be his brother, for letting the need for a fix overtake him once again and simply not being strong enough to resist, or Bart, who had been the person to give him the shit in the first place. 

It didn't make sense to Cas, or any of the rest of the family really. Bart had been 5 years clean when he met Gabe, and then relapsed himself one night in Wichita, called Gabriel to come get him and then met him with a crack rock and a pipe. From then, he was the least welcomed person on the Novak's property. 

If you think about it though, and Cas does a lot, Bart isn't really to blame for what he does under the influence of drugs as much as Gabe isn't to blame while he’s under the influence, right? Because you're not you when you're using? You're the worst part of yourself? You're not thinking straight, you're being controlled, right? That's what drugs do to you - they make you do absurd things, thing's you wouldn't do if you were in your right mind.

Some people, the ones who have no sympathy for addicts, who believe addiction is a choice and not a disease, will blame the person and not the drugs ( _ they can help it. They can say no, they can just  _ not  _ do it. _ ) And other people, the ones who keep trying to help, who know that their loved one is still in there, will blame the drug and not the person. Cas isn't really sure which to blame - he can see is from both views, but he also knows that the person his brother is while he’s using, is not actually his brother; it's the crack. And in his opinion, initially it does start out as a choice - you  _ choose  _ to take that first hit, you  _ choose  _ to try that new drug. And then, if all of the specialists are correct and addiction really is genetic and you're unfortunate enough to have the gene, then when you do choose to take that first hit, you're triggering something. Opening a door you can't shut, flipping a switch that you can't turn off. Then you're just fucked for the rest of your life. You're either on drugs and struggling, or you're off and struggling forever to stay off. 

So really, what Cas supposes he’s trying to say is, yes, he does blame the drugs, but yes, he also does blame the addict. It's a choice, it starts off that way. Then it becomes an addiction when you can't stop thinking about it, when you just  _ have  _ to have more and it starts taking over your life; it's controlling you. And from there, it becomes a disease. When you're not really doing the drugs anymore - the drugs are doing you. It becomes a disease when you're sick because you're  _ not  _ high; when you run out of drugs and you don't have the money, and you don't have any other ways to get it, and then you become ill and the only medicine to help you is the drugs. The only thing that can cure you is the drugs. 

_ That's  _ when it’s a disease.  _ That _ is not a choice. People don't  _ want  _ to be drug addicts. 

And if you look at it from that view, then why can't you forgive? If the Novak's can forgive Gabriel for everything he’s done while he’s high (1, intentionally blowing up someones car who had owed him money and refused to pay up. 2, paying two guys to beat the shit out of someone he was selling to so that he could rob the guy afterwards. 3, lying to Gadreel and telling him that the guy who had tried to kill him 7 years ago was getting out of jail and still held a grudge) then they can forgive Bart for what he's done, and convinced Gabe to do, while he was on heroin. Right? 

But, Cas thinks, the only difference is that Bart isn't family. Bart doesn't mean anything to them. He’s just the person who helped their brother relapse and then continued to get him to do stupid shit. That's all. 

Which is why Becky and Chuck were so upset when he knocked on their door last night. Especially because for the last 3 days, Gabriel has been avoiding him and saying he wants nothing to do with him anymore. 

Then there he was - on their porch and saying Gabe had texted him to come over. 

“He’s not here,” Chuck told him. “He took the car to get an oil change and we haven't seen him since, sorry.” Bart left without question. They thought that was the end of it, not having heard anything else the rest of the night, but it still bothered Cas knowing he was here and looking for Gabe. It kept him up that night, really. He went through every possible awful thing that could have been the reason as to why he was there, or resulted in him looking for Gabe and not being able to find him. 

It was actually what had been the cause of Anna and Castiel's argument this morning. She told him to stop worrying so much, he told her maybe she needed to worry  _ more,  _ and things escalated from there. 

The whole situation troubled Castiel. Probably because he knew some things that the rest of his family didn't, he kept secrets from them that Gabe had asked him to. He knew that things weren't actually as great as his brother lead their family on to believe, he knew they were much worse. He just couldn't talk to anyone about it. He feared it would just add onto the stress his parents were already burdened with, and Michael and Anna weren't exactly super open to any conversations involving Gabriel’s doings. So he kept it all to himself, and he worried about it and stressed about it and kept himself up at night thinking about it, but he felt he had no other choice because he didn't want to tell Chuck and Becky. Really, this was on him. Everything he was dealing with internally, was all on him because he  _ chose  _ not to enlighten anyone else. 

But being with Dean helped a lot. Helped tremendously, actually. It helped more than he could have thought it would. 

The hours that he spent with Dean today were completely Gabe-free (aside from the short talk they had about what Cole had said.) It was refreshing, it was relaxing, it was really what he needed. He was surprised, actually, that he needed up feeling so free and open with Dean. He didn't expect it. 

He also didn’t know what he was doing. And he wasn't sure when it happened, but his resolve around Dean slowly started to slip with each time the older boy spoke to him, until eventually it was just lower and lower, almost gone, and now he found himself craving the older boy. More so than he did before Dean started showing interest in him. 

He craves the feeling he gets when he’s walking down the halls and can feel Dean’s eyes on him, or the feeling he gets when sometimes he does a certain thing and it will catch Dean off guard and make him flush. He craves the smirk Dean throws him when he’s being cocky and Cas is being stubborn, but Dean knows he’s gotten him. There are so many things about the senior that he craves, so many things that he  _ likes,  _ and so many things he has no idea about but would love to learn.  

When Castiel got home tonight the first thing he did was text him. It was risky, the text. For him at least. He wasn't usually the one to initiate these types of messages, it was always Dean who sent them first.  

_ I miss you.  _ It read. Not sexual like you’d think, what with the way he was so nervous about sending it. It was still intimate though. 

Dean’s reply came almost immediately.  _ I miss you more.  _ Cas smiled; the text was sweet and so fucking --  _ not _ something you’d expect to see under Dean Winchesters name, that's for sure. It was conflicting, really, because Cas didn't know if he should feel special or what. Was this what all of the girls Dean had been with received? Or did he only act this way with Cas? 

Truthfully, there was no “ _ only acting a certain way with Cas.” _  Not yet, at least. Cas didn't even know what they were, so why would he get special behavior from Dean? He asks himself, not for the first time, what made him so different than all of the other girls? 

He thinks about today, thinks about the way Dean walked him to his car and asked how his day was. He thinks about how, during the however many hours they spent together at the Winchester house, he was perfectly respectful. He didn’t try to have sex with Cas, he didn’t even try to makeout with him. He didn’t feel him up or anything, just little tiny fond touches of affection that wasn’t even remotely sexual. He thinks about how Dean listened to him when he talked, and asked questions like he was genuinely interested in what Cas was saying. 

He thinks about that, and then thinks about himself; how he’s just Castiel, this nerdy boy who isn’t social or athletic, he isn’t a partier, he doesn’t enjoy any of the things that kids their age typically enjoy. He’s awkward and he knows weird things about weird things. 

He thinks about how incredibly insecure he is and not at all confident, not like Dean. He’s introverted and pensive, modest in the worst way. His hair’s too messy, his lips are constantly chapped, his nose is too long. He just -- he doubts himself way too much, he’s so fucking unsure, you know? Why would Dean want that? 

Of course, he’s been thinking these things since he could remember. He’s always been self conscious and self loathing.  

The point is though, not a single person on this planet has looked at him and thought “I wanna be that guy” or “I want to know that guy” or even just been instantly attracted to him on  _ some _ level. And it scares him because along with the horrible thoughts of himself, there's this tiny little corner of his brain that says “hey, you're wrong. Dean is that person.” 

_ And???? _ He’s never even considered that about someone before. But then here's Dean, all charming and sweet and just totally amazing and Cas  _ wants  _ to not give in so quickly and let himself fall for the older boy. He  _ wants  _ to be stronger than this because he’s almost positive he knows how it’s going to end. After all, the only reason he did finally give in is because he said  _ fuck it, yolo.  _ It wasn’t anything that Dean did to convince him. Not at first, anyways, but after Mikes party last weekend?? After today in his room?? Cas just spilled everything to him about Gabe, not hesitant at all, not wary, nothing, and Dean just fucking absolved everything? 

How was Cas supposed to believe Dean didn’t actually care about him now? 

And if that wasn’t enough, what about the fact that they jerked each other off last weekend and then fell asleep cuddling, and Dean left a fucking note in the morning explaining why he wasn’t there?? And how after that, his interest in Castiel hasn’t dwindled at fucking all?? It seems like it’s only greater?? 

How the hell was he supposed to let his doubts outweigh the facts now? 

He sighs, maybe that’s the point though, isn’t it? Because if you were to ask him, and he honestly, truthfully answered you, then he would not able to tell you that he 100% believed Dean treated everyone else the same way. 

He sighs again,  _ fucking a,  _ he wears himself out with all of this damn thinking. 

He finally texts Dean back and says,  _ Hang out?? _

He’s aware that it hasn’t even been an hour since they parted, but everything that just ran through his head, all of the thoughts and the worries and doubts and reassurance, it just -- it  _ really  _ made him miss Dean. 

The senior responded quick enough, asking,  _ already finished your paper??  _ And f u c k, he has a paper to write. 

Oh well, he’ll just have to do it when he gets back.  _ No, but I’d like to see you so will you come pick me up??  _

His phone buzzed again,  _ I thought you’d never ask ;)  _ it made him smile, made him happy that this was a thing. Before he could reply, Dean sent another text asking him when he would like for him to come. Cas texted back and said 30 minutes because he’d like to take a shower (though he didn’t tell Dean that last part) and Dean texted back with a promise to be there in exactly 29 minutes, at which Castiel chuckles.    
  


 

He makes quick work of the shower, only being in there for about 15 minutes - if you include the brushing of the teeth - and he goes downstairs to see the rest of the family. 

It was always hectic at the Novak's. Castiel often found himself wondering how the hell anyone ever got any damn work done around this place, even if it was nearing 10 o’clock at night. 

Michael was in the basement with half the fucking football team, blaring their music and getting overly excited about whatever games they were playing down there. Anna was in the living room with Lisa talking animatedly about boys, also with the TV louder than it needed to be. Becky and Chuck, Cas assumed were in their room getting ready for bed. 

Castiel grabbed a water from the refrigerator and opted to sit in the living room with the girls while he waited for Dean. As soon as he sat down, however, he realized how much of a mistake that was because which boy were the girls talking about? Dean of course, who else? Just as he was sitting down, he heard Anna ask Lisa if she was “getting anywhere with Dean”. 

“No,” Lisa grumpled and crossed her arms, “I told him to meet me at the math hall bathrooms during 3rd and he fucking stood me up.” 

“No he didn’t!” Anna gasped, her hand over her mouth in disbelief. “Are you serious?!” 

“Yeah, like, I’m super upset.” 

“What an ass.” 

“I know,” Lisa said, “I asked him out like 3 times last week and he blew all of them off.” 

“You mean he didn’t want to, or he actually never showed up?” 

Cas kept his eyes on the tv but his ears were listening intently on their conversation. He gulped down the jealousy making it's way up his throat before he reminded himself that  _ he  _ was the one hanging out with Dean today, kissing him and touching him, and he really would like to blurt out that he was going to do just that right now, but he stopped himself. 

“He didn’t want to. He rejected me every time.” Lisa sounded kind of sad, but then she said, “Oh! And remember how I got him to dance with me--”  _ You mean you  _ forced  _ him to dance with you,  _ Cas thought. “--last weekend??” Anna nods, and Lisa, to Castiel’s great dismay, starts retelling, “So I’m grinding on him, right? And I think he’s really into it, and then all of a sudden he just isn’t there anymore! I turn around and he’s fucking gone, An.” 

He does kinda feel bad about that but oh well. 

Anna ponders this for a moment, and then glances at Cas and asks, “Cassie, you were with Dean at the party, right?” Of course he was with Dean at the party, does she not remember biting his fucking head off about it? Maybe she was too drunk, she tended to do that.  Cas nodded, and his sister continued, “Did he say anything??” 

“About?”  _ You’re really just gonna act clueless, huh, Cas??  _

Before he could answer, Lisa butted in, “Of course he didn’t say anything to him, An. They’re probably not even really friends, I mean, you two practically run on opposite sides of the world, Castiel.” She laughed as she said it, and just then his phone buzzed - a text from the guy himself telling him he was outside, and then, for some unknown reason, also decided to honk the horn. 

Cas smirked to himself and stood up, eyes beading into Lisa's, “You know what, he didn’t actually say anything to me about you, Lis, but I’ll be sure to ask him tonight.” He nodded, gave her a tight, condescending smile, and walked out the door. 

Dean was waiting on him outside, leaning against the passenger side door and opened it as Cas approached, “Evening, Sunshine,” he greeted with that perfect fucking grin plastered on his perfect fucking lips. 

“Hello, Dean,” the senior shut the door for him and then got into his side. It was Cas' first time in the Impala and as he settled into his seat, it was only then that he noticed the amazing fucking scent that was Dean Winchester. Leather, and car oil and cologne and just fucking Dean. It was nice. He expected it to feel like it does every time you’re in someone else’s car instead of your own; awkward and kind of out of place, like you can’t touch anything or you can’t move, and it’s weird being the in the passenger seat because you’re so used to being in the driver seat. It didn’t feel like that though, it was comforting and welcoming being in the Impala, like he had been in it a thousand times before - which was especially odd to Castiel because this was  _ Dean’s car.  _ His baby. Everyone in the whole fucking town knew how he felt about his car. 

But Cas felt safe here. Like he belonged.

The driver looked him up and down, observing him, checking out, Castiel didn’t know. It just felt good to be under his gaze like this. 

“So, missed me, did ya?” 

The junior fondly rolled his eyes, “I did.” 

“Uh huh,” Dean bit his lip and looked him up and down again, “And so I came and picked you up,” and Cas nodded, “So would you say that earns me a..kiss?” 

Laughter rumbled throughout the inside of the car,  _ Castiel’s  _ laughter. He couldn’t help it. “Yes,” he said, “I suppose it does.” he leaned in, close enough to smell the blonde, and Dean’s eyes closed as the space between them lessened, and then Cas was right at his ear, his lips touching the cartilage as he whispered, “Maybe I’ll give it to you later.” He smirked and leaned back. 

“You’re an asshole,” muttered Dean, and the other boy only chuckled. 

“Let’s go.”    
  
  


They ended up parked somewhere by a lake. Dean said it was his favorite place to go when he was upset, or needed to think, or just wanted to be alone. “You’ve never brought anyone else up here?” Cas asked, “No girls, or..” 

Dean smiled a let out a breathy laugh, “No, I’ve never brought anyone else here.” 

“Is that what you tell us all?” 

“By ‘us’ do you mean my dates? Because that would imply we’re on a date. Are we on a date, Cas?”  He was teasing, his voice was cocky, but that didn’t stop Cas from noting how hopeful he still sounded when he asked that.  

“No,” he said simply, and watched the way Dean’s eyes darkened in disappointment so he quickly added, “Not until you ask me on one.” He raised an eyebrow, challenging him, and Dean lightened. 

“How do I know you’ll say yes?” 

“Aw, afraid of a little rejectment? Now that doesn’t sound like the Dean Winchester  _ I  _ know.” Dean looked at him with a leveled gaze, and Cas decided to continue. “I guess you’ll never know until you try.”  He looked skeptical, but Cas thought he was going to ask anyways. He was ready, he had prepared himself. Dean Winchester was going to ask Castiel Novak on a date. 

“Okay,” he said at last, and Cas anticipated the rest but all that he followed up with was, “But not when you’re expecting it.”

Cas didn’t say anything, only smiled in answer and they sat there in silent for a few moments. The radio was playing low in the background and Cas could just barely hear it but as soon as the guitar started and he recognized what it was, he leant forward and turned the volume up, singing, “ _ I could escape this feeling, with my China Girl. I feel a wreck without my, Little China Girl.”  _ He bobbed his head as he sang - the song always bringing out a joyful feeling in him. He had no idea why, but it always made him so happy when he heard it. 

“No shitting,” Dean says as he watches him, a look behind his eyes that Cas can’t really decipher, just knows it’s a different look. 

“Hmm?” He continues to dance in his seat. 

“So he knows Bowie but had never seen Labyrinth. Huh.” 

“Labyrinth really isn’t that popular of a movie, Dean. Did you know that it only made a mere half of what they spent making it in box office sales? People didn’t actually love it when it first came out.” 

“Right, but  _ now.. _ ” he raised his eyebrows cockily and motioned his hand for Cas to continue the sentence. 

Cas sighed, “Now it’s a cult favorite.” 

“Exactly. You know why? It’s a fucking classic.” 

Cas smiled and shook his head, Dean really was adorable. 

They chit chatted for about another half hour. Cas eventually moved to the middle seat to be closer to the other boy and sat listening to music and laughing about things, Dean told Cas cheesy jokes just to make him giggle. He said it was because Cas had a “nice laugh” and he “looked amazing” when he smiled. 

“I’m serious,” he swore, and the tone of his voice told Cas he was telling the truth. “It was my favorite thing to be sitting in my room fucking around, and then I’d hear you laugh through the walls or from the living room. Fucking awesome.” 

“ _ Was  _ your favorite thing?” 

“Well yeah,  _ was.  _ Nothing beats actually seeing it up close, I mean come on.” He sounded so fucking fond, Cas really could just kiss him right then and there. “Or being the one to cause it, that’s really what’s great.” He winked, and it was only then that Cas could no longer resist. 

It was like a button had been pressed or someone fucking snapped and he was triggered by the wink. It was just-- he didn’t want to  _ not  _ be kissing Dean right now. That was all he wanted - to taste his lips, see what it feels like when they’re up against his, to run his tongue along them and to suck them and bite them. 

And so he did - planted one right there, smack dab on those perfectly pink plushy lips, and when the other boy gasped in surprise, taken aback, Cas, naturally, took the opening for what it was and plunged his tongue into Dean’s mouth, licking. His hands came down to grab at Cas’ hips, pulling him as close as he could in the confined space of the car. Their tongues twisted, making smacking sounds echo through the car and Cas pulled back only a little, resting his forehead against Dean’s. “Okay,” he whispered, “Now I want a cigarette.” Dean chuckled, nodding his head as he reached into his pocket for a pack. 

He got one out and then tilted the pack towards Cas, silently offering him one but Cas shook his head and Dean smirked, knowing exactly what he was thinking. They passed it back and forth, Dean laid his arm around the back of the seat and Castiel tucked himself under it. He was happy here - pressed up against a firm, yet soft side, listening to the best genre of music there is, warm and toasty in the  _ fucking impala,  _ and sharing a cigarette with Dean Winchester himself. It was certainly something he had never expected seeing in his future. 

He glanced at the clock on the dashboard and at the same time his stomach grumbled. He blushed, knowing Dean had definitely heard it and even though everyone’s bodies do it, it was still embarrassing. 

“You hungry?” The older boy asked him, flicking the cigarette out of the window and rubbing his hand up and down Castiel’s arm. 

“A little bit,” he replied quietly. Dean took his arm off Cas’ shoulders and shifted in his seat, turning the keys in the ignition. 

“Let’s go get some grub, then.” When Castiel smiled at him and moved to go back into the far seat, Dean stopped him with a hand on his leg and murmured, “You can stay right here.”

The car roared to life as they set off to the regular roads, going into the more busy parts of town. Since it was past 11 pm on a thursday night though, the place was all but deserted. Cas didn’t ask where they going, he trusted Dean in whatever they were doing, he just rode along in the middle seat, still pressed against Dean’s side with his hand on Cas’ leg. 

After about 10 minutes of driving around, Dean finally pulled into an old diner, one of those places that look horrible on the outside but actually have fucking great food. He opened his door and smiled at Cas, nodding for him to get out. When he did, Dean took his hand, giving him a look that said it was okay; no one was out, no one could see them. Cas relaxed and let himself be pulled along, but Dean stopped short just outside of the door and turned to the boy behind him. “Castiel Novak,” he started and was very intriguing, “Will you do me the honors of having dinner with me?” 

No, he was not expecting Dean to do this right now, but he smiled nonetheless and nodded, moving in for a quick peck. “Of course, Dean, I would love to.” 

The boy beamed and opened the building door for them both. There was sign in front of the hostess stand that said to seat yourself, so Dean led them to a booth in the corner. They sat across from each other, neither of them even trying to stop smiling, when the waitress popped up. She was small, blonde, late twenties, maybe. She was very cute, seemed very nice. But tired, Cas noticed. 

“What can I get you two to drink to start off with?” They both ordered coke and she left with a promise to return shortly. Cas wasn’t sure why, but seeing the lady had reminded him of a different lady and he remembered,  _ oh yeah, I was meaning to ask about that.  _

As Dean pretended to look through the menu, Cas decided to as well, and after a few minutes he looked up and said casually, “So Lisa Braeden.” 

Dean looked up, not bothering to move his head but he perked an eyebrow.    
“Yeah?”

“What, um--” he cleared his throat, suddenly nervous to continue. “--is that?” 

A sly grin spread across bow-shaped lips, “You jealous, Cas?” 

_ Was he?   _ Yes, of course. He didn’t want to be, but he was. “No.” It wasn’t very believable, he can see. 

Dean laughed and set his menu down as he leaned back in his seat, throwing an arm across the headspace. “It’s nothing.” He said firmly, “Lisa and I are nothing.” 

_ Well she seems to think so,  _ Cas wanted to say, but instead he inclined his head and said okay, and that was that. 

Their waitress came back with their drinks and asked if they were ready to order, they both agreed and actually ended up getting the same thing. “You a burger guy?” Dean questioned once the waitress had gone, and Cas smiled and said, “They make me very happy.” 

They were at the diner for a little over an hour. They ate, they refilled their drinks, Dean ordered a slice of pie for them to share and then Dean insisted on paying for everything because  _ “I’m taking you out, Cas, my treat.”  _ and who was Cas to disagree with that? When they left, they left with Dean’s hand on Castiel’s lower back, guiding him out and then opening the door for him. The car ride back to the Novak's was comfortably silent, both boys quietly humming along to the songs. When they pulled into the driveway Dean set the car in park and turned to the boy next to him. “So do I get a goodnight kiss? This is a date, after all.” All Cas could do was smile and inch closer until their lips were but one. 

Slow, chaste, very nice. Cas didn’t want to break it, but it was late and he still had to finish his paper, so he did pull away, however reluctantly. “Goodnight, Dean.” he whispered against his lips. 

“Goodnight, Cas.” 

With that, he exited the vehicle and made the short walk to his front porch and, maybe he swung his hips a little because he knew Dean was watching him, but the was no ones business. 

After he unlocked his front door he turned around and waved at Dean, a signal that it was good for him to go, Cas was okay. Dean winked and drove off. When he got inside, he was simultaneously both surprised and not at all to find Anna and Lisa still sitting on the couch together, but staring at him with wide eyes. “Hey,” he muttered and passed on up to his room to finish his paper. 

 

\--

 

\--

 

Yet another week had passed, uneventful to say the least, but in Castiel’s mind, that was a good thing. 

He and Dean have met 3 more times since that thursday night, gone on 3 more “dates”.  _ Their  _ versions of dates, not your typical date. Didn’t matter to Cas though, he enjoyed spending time with Dean no matter what they were doing. 

Right now, on a wednesday afternoon, Cas just so happens to have the house all to himself. Anna’s out doing something with Balthazar, Michael’s at football practice, their parents don’t get home from work until 6 (his mom was seeing one of her friends, actually) and that’s when they pick Rachael up. Gabe is out doing whatever the hell he does when he isn’t home, so here Cas is - laying on his bed with an armful of Dean.  Turns out Sam is at some after school club thing and Dean is off today, so they took the opportunity for alone time. 

He was sprawled on his back, the blonde resting on his front between Cas’ legs, his head pillowed on Cas’ abdomen while Cas ran his fingers through the hair. “So um, Charlie’s having a thing on Friday,” Dean was saying. 

“Yeah?” 

He nodded against the fabric at his cheek, “Yeah, it’s a monthly thing. She has all of her friends over to watch nerdy movies and stuff, you know.” Cas smiled at how cool Dean was trying to sound, like it would impress him or something. “Maybe it won’t be so lame if you were there, too…” He trailed off, very obviously nervous. 

Cas continued to tangle his fingers in the blonde lockes, “Are you inviting me to come hang out with your friends, Dean?” 

“I mean, if that was something you might be interested in. There are usually drinks so it won’t be  _ so  _ horrible.” 

The junior laughed, “Yes,” he said, “that is something I might be interested in.” 

“Cool,” He was all nonchalant and whatnot. Cas thought it was cute that he still got nervous about things like this, like Cas might not want to hang out with him or something. 

He lifted his head up, looking Novak in the eyes and laying a kiss on his stomach. Cas smiled, and Dean laid another. He could feel himself hardening, could feel the familiar rush of arousal inside his gut. Dean lifted himself and moved forward, kissing his way up Cas’ chest until he was at his neck, biting and then licking to sooth. “Anybody ever tell you how good you smell?” He drawled, “Or taste?” Cas shook his head slowly, his breath deepening as he pulled on Dean’s hips while the latters hand began pushing up his shirt, up his chest to skim over the peck. “No?”

“No,” he breathed and bucked his hips as Dean’s thumb and forefinger enclosed around his nipple, still pressing kisses to his neck. 

“Mean’s I’m the first one, huh?” He leaned back and smirked because he’s a cocky fuck. 

“Not a big deal,” Cas countered wearing a smirk himself, this one smug. 

“Maybe not,” he rotated his hips and Cas moaned. “You ever fuck anyone, Cas?” The brunette nodded, watching Dean intently. “Anyone ever fuck you?” 

Cas leveled him with a stare, “No,” - he’s never let anyone do that to him, no. 

“Mean’s I’m the first for that too, eh?” 

Cas laughed and tilted his head back, letting Dean suck another spot into his neck. “Getting a little ahead of yourself, huh, Winchester?” Not that the idea of that wasn’t  _ fucking enticing.  _

Dean turned his head from left to right, once. “Getting a little  _ hopeful. _ ” He corrected and Cas smiled again, releasing a breathy laugh, and Dean continued. “Preparing myself, actually.” The hand on Cas’ chest slid to his back and rested there. “If I ever do get lucky enough.” He winked, and, oh he was  _ definitely _ getting lucky enough, Cas was sure of it. Just-- maybe not today. 

“And until then?” 

He feigned a sigh, “Guess you’re just gonna have to fuck  _ me _ .” he emphasized the statement with a wet kiss to the lips. Then he spoke again, his voice weighty, far reaching, he said, “But I’m serious. Until then, I go only as far as you’ll let me. We wait until  _ you’re  _ ready. I want you to feel comfortable, and-- secure. I want you to be certain that you want it, and I want you to be certain of how much you mean to me.” He sounded so sincere, so meaningful and just -- not what you’d ever expect to hear come out of Dean Winchester’s mouth, and it made Castiel’s heart  _ actually ache  _ because it was so fucking soft but just made him that much more attractive, really. 

He put a hand on Dean’s face, caressing his cheek as he surged forward and kissed him. “Thank you,” he whispered. He kissed again and bit on his bottom lip, smiling as he did so. Dean pulled back and sat up, still in between Cas’ legs and his hand still on the boys’ lower back. “Whoever knew Dean Winchester was such a softy, huh? A romantic.” He teased, enjoying the red blush that took over Dean’s face. 

“Yeah, well, only for you.” 

“Guess that makes me special, yeah?” He reached and grabbed onto Dean’s shirt, pulling him back down so they were only an inch away. “Pretty cute when you’re like this, you know. All sweet and stuff. Very hot.” Their lips met and Cas slid his tongue across Dean’s seam until he opened up; an invitation. Cas took it, accepted it, fucking invaded his mouth. 

Then they heard the front door open and Cas internally groaned, knowing that their time has probably come to and end. With a few more pecks, Dean rolled off Cas as footsteps started up the stairs. 5 seconds later Anna was knocking on his door, “Cassie?” she called, and Cas made sure he and Dean were a respectable distance away before he answered back, “Yeah?” and his sister was opening the door. She looked between the two boys, and most likely didn’t fail to notice Cas’ fucked up hair, swollen red lips, and shirt hiked up to mid stomach. She cleared her throat, “I, uhm-- just letting you know I was home.” 

“Okay,” Cas nodded and gave her a tight smile as her eyes shifted over to Dean again who just sat there looking like the smug little shit that he is. “Ah, cool.” 

“I should get going,” the senior announced and moved to get up. “Should probably head to pick Sammy up.” He swiftly crawled over to the end of the bed and began the process of putting his boots on. When he was done he stood up and smiled at Cas, who then got off the bed too. 

“I’ll walk you out.” They started towards the door, Anna eyeing them the whole way and then moving out of the way when they got to her - she watched until they were down the hall and out of sight. 

“Your sister doesn’t like me much.” 

“She doesn’t  _ not  _ like you, she just-- has heard the way you are with girls and then you were with Lisa and  _ that  _ didn’t really help, and then there was that one time when you tried to fight Mick when they were dating and--” 

“What, Mick  _ Davies? _ ” He asked incredulously and Cas nodded. “Your sister _dated_ that douche? And she hates  _ me? _ ” 

“He’s not a very likeable person, I know.” 

“Try, as big a douche as Dick Roman. I’m insulted.” 

Cas lovingly rolled his eyes as they approached the impala. They walked over to the drivers side and he grabbed Dean’s hand. “You’re a much better person than Mick Davies or Dick Roman.” He smiled. 

“Well I’d fucking hope so!” Dean exclaimed, throwing a hand up and all Cas could think about was how cute it was when he was so worked up like this. “I can not believe that. She hates  _ me  _ but dated fucking  _ Mick Davies, _ ” he spit the word like it was the most disgusting thing in the world. “That’s gross, Cas. Why are you laughing?” 

He’s said it many times before, and he’ll say it many times again, he didn’t care. “You’re very cute.” 

“I’m  _ manly. _ ” 

“Yet still cute. Huh.” 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some Dean feelings cuz I felt like Cas was getting it all. 
> 
> Warnings for abuse 
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes!

By the time Dean was picking Cas up by Friday, his stomach was rolling with butterflies. He was excited, of course, but so fucking nervous. Not new - he was always slightly nervous before seeing the younger boy, but this time it was because they would be hanging out with  _ Deans friends _ . Dean had never done that before! Like, s ure, he’d been around them with a hook-up before, but he’s never brought a hook up to them! He’s never introduced  _ anyone _ to them before! Or-- not on purpose, and definitely not with the intent to say “hey, this is my new person who we aren't really dating but I'd really like to, I just haven't been able to build up the courage to ask him yet.”

He pulled up to the Novak’s 30 minutes before they were supposed to meet at Charlie's. Knocking on the door, he waited only a few moments before Cas was standing there in his purple sweater with little black cats all over it, and his black skinny jeans. Dean almost drooled, but he had enough self control to keep it in. 

Cas checked him out from head to toe and he slowly made his way back up Dean’s body until he was met with Dean’s trademark smirk. He knew what he was doing to Cas, and he made it even more evident when he opened his mouth, dropped an octave and said, “Hey.” 

He took pride in the way Castiel's face flushed red and Dean knew the boy wanted to look away, wanted to avert his eyes and look literally anywhere other than green, but he just couldn't break the contact. “Hello, Dean. You look... handsome.” God, as many times as Dean’s been called that before, it’s never made him feel quite like it did just then. 

“You don't look so bad yourself.” He praised Cas yet again, this time with words, and basked in the way Cas’ eyes lit up. They stood there, staring at each other, admiring each other, until footsteps came from behind and then Cas’ mother was there. Or, Dean assumed it was his mother. 

“Castiel? Someone at the door, honey?” 

Cas’ eyes widened, panic filled his features as he quickly turned around to see the woman standing in the doorway to the kitchen, watching them curiously. “Ah, yeah. Just Dean…” He trailed off, clearly not knowing what else to say because he obviously wasn't expecting her to be  _ right there _ , and for God knows how long. She stepped forward, walking toward them. 

“Well don't be rude, Castiel! Invite him in!” 

Cas ran a hand through his hair, “Actually, ah, we were just about to-

“Are you here for Michael, Dean? He should be in his room.” 

Dean smiled politely at Cas’ mom as he took one step across the threshold after watching Cas struggle for too long. “No ma’am, Mrs. Novak. I was actually hoping to steal Cas for the night if that's alright with you.” He turned on his charm, something he got from his father back before he was drunk. He saw Cas bite back a grin, no doubt surprised at how well Dean was handling Mrs. Novak's unplanned presence. Dean could be polite and respectful. 

Her eyes bounced back and forth between Dean and her son, eyeing them suspiciously. If she thought they were hiding something, she didn't comment on it. “Call if you decide not to come home.” She told her son.

“Yes ma’am.” Cas nodded, looking at the floor to hide his blush as he quickly kissed her on the cheek and thanked her before the two boys walked outside and closed the door behind them. “Sorry about that. She doesn't really-- neither of them know I'm gay.” 

“S’okay, Cas.” Dean smiled reassuringly, “Sammy doesn't know either. Though he probably suspects it, smart as he is.” 

Dean opened the passenger side door for him. He read hesitance all over Cas’ face, he asked what it was and Cas inquiried, “What about your friends? Do they know? Or..” 

“I haven't told them, no, well-- not officially or anything, but-- they're all very accepting.” He paused, not sure if he should add it but decided to anyways. “They're also pretty great at keeping secrets, too..” Cas looked at him, considering him and Dean didn’t think he seemed super upset, so he continued, “I know you don’t want your siblings to know, and that’s fine with me! I don’t want half the school in our business, either, but I swear-- you can be whoever you want around them. It’s up to you.”  He was done, but then felt like he should add, “But Charlie already knows because I told her.” 

A fond smile blossomed over Castiel’s mouth and he reached for Dean’s hand. “Okay.” was all he said, but it was a good okay. Dean was happy with that. 

“Cool. Um, we’re supposed to be there at 7:30 but maybe if you wanna do some stuff before we went in, or--” He cringed,  _ internally _ , but he cringed nonetheless. He hadn’t meant for that to sound sooo..  _ “hey let’s suck each each other off in my backseat before we hang out with my friends who will definitely be able to tell what we just did.”  _

Cas laughed easily, “Yeah, Dean, sure.”    
  
  


3 ½ hours later found them all sitting around Charlies den. They had watched  _ Infinity War  _ and when that was over, Jo decided she wanted to drink. Then it turned into a tiny little party of just the 6 of them, spread out around the room in separate conversations with music playing low in the background. Cas was standing by the fire, all cute and laughing and whatnot with Jo and Dorothy - Charlie’s girlfriend - and Dean was on the couch talking to Ash and Charlie in the middle of a friendly argument about  _ Game of Thrones. _

“She has  _ dragons, _ okay? Dragons!” Dean quarrelled, he was getting pretty worked up over it, much to everyone’s amusement. 

“Yeah, but Jaime is a Lannister. He’s the freaking kingslayer! And they've got like, a ton of men!” Charlie was basically squealing now. 

“Yeah, okay, but  _ d r a g o n s.  _ Not to mention her army from Slavers Bay, but also, dragons!"  He drew the word out and at the slight raise of his voice, saw Cas glance at him from the across the room, stifling a laugh at him. Every now and then Dean would sneak a peek at the brunette, only to find him watching back. They’d smile at each other and Dean would wink, then he’d chuckle to himself because he made Cas blush,  _ yet again.  _ He loved the fact that no matter how many times he’s winked at younger boy, even after all of this that’s been going on between them, and  _ before that,  _ he can still manage to make the boy blush. 

“Well the Lannisters have the shooter that kills your  _ d r a g o n s. _ ” She mocked the way he said it and he barely suppressed an eyeroll at his best friend. 

Dean turned to Ash, gave him a look that said  _ you gonna jump in here anytime soon?  _ Ash smirked and said all ‘matter of factly’, “None of that's going to matter for either of you once the army of the dead comes, man. They have dragons too! Shit breathes  _ ice,  _ dude!” 

“Uh, that's where you're wrong, friend. Because then  _ we're, _ ” she motioned between her and Dean, “gonna team up  _ together  _ and kick some white walker ass!” Charlie fist pumped, and Dean had a brief thought about how much of a nerd she was, but then he high fived her and knew he was just as bad.  

“Damn right.” The conversation switched to something else, something Dean wasn’t paying that much attention to because he was too busy watching Cas. Dean was worried that the boy wouldn’t have fun, like he wouldn’t be comfortable or something because these weren’t really the type of people he surrounded himself by, but he looked to be enjoying his time. Charlie took to him almost immediately, Dorothy too, and insisted he sat with them during the movie. Jo, as expected, took a little longer to warm up to him, just because she was slightly overprotective of Dean, but she seemed to like him as well. 

He caught Castiel’s eye again and tilted his head in invitation. Cas smiled at him, excused himself from the two ladies, and made his way over to the couch. Dean put his arm on the back of the cushion and the Novak fell right into his side. “Hi,”

“Cas!” Charlie exclaimed before he got a chance to say anything back. “Settle this for us. DC or Marvel?” 

Cas’ eyes shifted between Ash and Charlie, debating on whose side to choose and who was rooting for which. “Marvel. For sure.” He finally said, and Dean grinned - he was hoping he’d choose that one. 

“YES!” Charlie yelled and stuck her tongue out to Ash before turning back to Cas, she smirked. “I knew there was something about you, Novak. No wonder Dean’s so hot for you. I mean,  _ seriously,  _ you should hear the way he talks about you! Some days I just can’t get him to shut up, he just--”

“Charlie!" Dean hisses. He could feel his face growing hot and he knew his cheeks were the color of a fucking cherry. He wasn’t embarrassed, not really, he didn’t mind that Cas knew he talked about him, he just-- would prefer that Charlie didn’t make it sound like Cas was all Dean talked about. He didn’t want to scare him off. “That-- she’s joking. I don’t do that.” He was trying to be convincing but all the stammering really didn’t help, and Cas’ graceful smile and raised eyebrow told him that it wasn’t working at all, so. 

“Yeah, right! He’s always going on and on abo--” Ash’s hand was on her mouth, stopping her from talking and Dean swore he never loved anyone as much as his mullet-headed friend right then. 

“Come on Charles, I need some more beer.” With that, he all but picked her up and drug her off to the kitchen. Dean didn’t wanna look at Cas, didn’t want him to see how red his face was or how he would definitely be 100% convinced of all of his with just one look into Dean’s eyes. 

“You know how the other day you told me it was cute when I did the whole head tilt-confusion thing?” Dean didn’t answer, but he did move his head just an inch towards Cas, the latter’s hand coming to rest on his knee. “I think it’s very cute when you’re embarrassed.” 

“I’m not  _ embarrassed!! _ ” He squawled, trying to keep his voice low, though Jo and Dorothy have both almost definitely heard them by now. There was no way they couldn’t. Christ, Dean wanted to die right there. 

It wouldn’t be such a horrible death, he figured. Pressed against Castiel’s side, the boys' body tucked tightly under his arm. It was a nice place to be. He wouldn’t mind dying in this spot. 

Cas put his other on Dean’s cheek, turning his face so that green eyes met blue. “You talk about me.” Not a question. Okay. 

“Maybe.” 

“What do you say?” It was almost a whisper, not quite, but it was-- intimate? Not the words, per say, but..the tone of his voice. It was like, that specific tone was only meant for the two of them and no one else. Dean decided he liked that. 

The older boy shrugged, “That you’re alright,” and Castiel’s head flew back in laughter, catching the two girls attention but they didn’t say anything. Thankfully. His eyes shifted down to Dean’s lips, lingering, and then back up. He leaned in for a kiss, Dean responding in kind, but they didn’t get very far before Jo’s voice was ringing their ears. 

“Okay, Winchester! Googly eyes is one thing but swallowing each others tongues is a whole ‘nother.” 

Dean pulled back and rolled his eyes, tightening his arm around Cas’ shoulders. “No worse than what D and Charlie do on a regular basis,” he smirked. 

“Oh can it, blondie. Charlie and I don’t undress each other with our eyes when we’re halfway across the room.” Dorothy countered.

Dean drew back, a hand over his chest, he looked affronted. “Cas and I don’t do that.” 

“Yes you do.” Both girls said at once, and he looked over at the brunette next to him, a  _ do you hear this shit? _ expression written all over his face. Cas smiled at him and flipped his shoulders. At this point Charlie and Ash were walking out of the kitchen and she asked, “What are we talking about?” 

“Castiel and Dean eye fucking.” And wow, leave it to Jo to say it so classy.

“Which is not a thing,” he added.

Jo threw her hands up dramatically and flopped down on the other side of the couch next to Cas. “Oh, please, you two haven’t taken your eyes off of each other since you got here, you fucking love birds.” 

“He also said I was lying about him never shutting up about McDreamy over here.” At Charlie’s words, which Dean couldn’t help but agree with, he looked at Cas to see a tinge of pink on his cheeks. 

“Oh, Dean. Sweetie, come on. Be real.” Dorothy winked at him and sat on the love seat, patting the cushion next to her for Charlie to join, which she did so happily. 

He felt Cas squeeze his knee and from the corner of his eye he saw the boy with a grin on his face at the mention of Dean not being able to keep his mouth shut when the topic of him came up. He should have seen this coming, really. Who were his friends if not the kind of people to gang up on him when he finally brought a date home to them? “You guys can shove it.” He grumbled, moving a little in his seat to be pressed closer to the body next to him. 

 

They stayed for about 30 more minutes before Dean decided it was time to get Cas home. He wasn’t  _ really  _ planning on that (unless Cas wanted to go home) but he used it as an excuse just because he wanted some time by themselves. Cas didn’t drink anything and Dean only had a beer because he didn’t want Cas to be the only one not drinking - and also he was driving, of course. He was responsible. 

They stood to say goodbye; all of the girls insisting they give Cas a hug and a kiss on the cheek. He responded to all, accepted everything they threw at him. Dean saw Jo whisper something in his ear when she hugged the boy, but he couldn’t think too much of it before Charlie was saddling up next to himself, saying, “He’s very dreamy.” 

“I know,” Dean replied, “He’s great, right? You like him?” Dean didn’t have a ton of people in his life that he really cared about their opinions of him, but his friends were certainly folks that he cared whether or not they liked the person he was seeing. When he was with Cassie, for the very brief amount of time, none of them really took too kindly to her. Jo never trusted her, always thought she was a snake and it often caused arguments between the group. Charlie didn’t care for her much either but tried to be as nice as she could. 

Turns out they were both right about her because she ended up cheating on him. That was the last time he introduced someone to his friends as a person he was legitimately seeing. 

“Dean,” she said, a hint of something in her voice that always comforted him. “You’re lucky I’m not straight because I would have already snatched that up.” She smiled at him and nudged him with her shoulder, and he let out a breathy laugh, a weight lifting from his chest that he hadn’t really noticed until it was gone. 

Sure, Dean talked to her about him and everything the two of them were, or potentially were, but Charlie had never actually spent time with, or ever really talked to Cas before tonight. 

“Thanks, Charles.” It was the only words he trusted himself enough to say without making him sound ridiculously fucking cheesy and all lovey-dovey. They knew each other well enough though that all of his feelings were conveyed through just those 2 words. 

Cas turned to the duo and smiled, “Thank you so much for having me, Charlie. I had a great time, really.” 

“Then you’re coming next time and I won’t take no for an answer.” 

“It’s a date.” He was so fucking genuine, so fucking nice and open and just-- Dean’s stomach fluttered with butterflies at the adoration he felt for this guy. He knew he liked him big but he didn’t know it was this big. 

 

\--

 

\--

 

It was Monday morning and Dean was absolutely  _ dreading  _ getting out of bed. The first thing he noticed when he woke up was that his head was  _ fucking pounding.  _ He sat up and then immediately laid back down, cursing himself for sitting up too fast. He brought his hand up to feel and hissed as it came in contact with the cut on his forehead. He bit his lip to muffle the moans before he realized that  _ that, too,  _ was a mistake because he  _ definitely _ just bit through his entire lip. He was sure of it. 

He tried sitting up again, slower this time as not to dizzy himself anymore. “Fucking John.” 

His dad came home around midnight and as soon as he stepped through the doors, started raising hell. Dean tried to get him to quiet down before he woke up Sam, but John wasn't having it. Started yelling at Dean, telling him that he shouldn't speak to his father like that and that he’ll do “whatever the fuck he wants”. Again, Dean tried getting him to calm down until John struck him a good couple of times and then disappeared to his room, muttering something about “ungrateful kids”. 

Dean popped a couple of codeine before carrying himself to the bathroom to shower. The hot water would definitely help. When he was done, he examined the cuts in the mirror and noted that they didn't at all look as bad as they felt.  _ It’s gonna be difficult explaining it to Cas though, that's for sure.  _

He sleep walks sometimes and last night he tripped and fell? No, Cas wouldn't want to sleep with a sleepwalker. 

He and Sammy got in a little tif and it went too far? Nah, because Sam doesn't have any cuts or bruises on him and it won't really look cool for him to have gotten not only one, but  _ two _ good hits to Deans face, and Dean get none. Though, it's not like Sammy couldn't actually do that. Kid's got one hell of a right hook. 

He’ll have to think about it on the way to school but right now he’s got to wake the moose up and get ready. He went to his brothers door, banged on it a couple times before opening it. “Yo, Sammy! Up and at ‘em!” He heard him groan once or twice before there was movement in his room, and then Dean went to his own to get dressed. 

Usual attire - he doesn't really own anything else. Lucky for him, Cas seems to totally dig his clothes. 

In 20 minutes both Winchesters were loading their book bags in to the back seat and settling themselves in the front. It was only then that Sam really got a look at his older brother and noticed the injuries - however minor - on his face. “Dad?” Dean nodded once. “Did he punch you?” Nod.

Instead of saying anything else, Sam faced forward and glared out the window. You’d think that this reaction was better than him arguing, but it wasn't. In fact, this was way worse than Sam getting angry and yelling at Dean about how this can't keep happening. Now, Sam was.. disappointed, and that--  was something that Dean never wanted to have to deal with. 

The drive to school was accompanied by tense air and 80’s rock. There was no conversation, no bickering or teasing. Sam didn't say anything. Didn't even look in Dean’s direction, and Dean didn't try to talk to him either since he knew it wouldn’t do any good. 

Anytime Dean and John got into it it caused problems between the brothers. Sam had this whole notion that since Dean was 18, the two could take off and leave John’s ass in the dust.  _ “You can move out and take me with you. Become my legal guardian if dad proves to be an unfit parent, which he is!”  _ But Dean couldn’t do that. Not because he didn't want to take care of Sam, hell, he raised the kid practically all by himself..taking care of him was second nature to Dean, he had no qualms with it. But he could barely afford keeping things above water with John's income as well as his own. He’d have to drop out of school and get a _ few _ jobs to do it, and he just couldn't do that. He didn't want to risk it. And who was to say they'd put Sam in Dean's custody anyways? They wouldn't. They'd see Dean wasn't fit to take care of Sam either and they'd put him in the system and then Dean would really lose him and he didn't want to chance that. 

Things were fine as they were now. He could take a couple of beatings every few weeks as long as Sam was with him and safe. He just wished the kid would understand that. 

Sam hadn’t spoken to Dean for almost 2 days the last time this shit happened. He was furious Dean didn’t tell him about it and instead let him figure it out himself, and then the two got into yet another argument about them needing to ditch but Dean said he couldn’t just leave John to die like that, which resulted in the nearly 48 hours of silence. 

He wondered how long this time was going to last.    
  
  


He was at his locker when the smell of cheap perfume filled the air around him. He didn’t have to look to know it was Lisa, and he certainly didn’t have to guess after that when he felt her hand scrape across his back because he knew it wasn’t Cas and she was the only other person that would be that touchy with him. “Hey, handsome,” she breathed almost directly into his ear and he fought the urge to shiver. 

“Lisa,” he cocked his head once in greeting and then turned back to his locker. 

“My phone must not be working because I didn’t get a call from you this weekend?” she was putting on this fake sad in-my-feelings-thing that Dean just really wasn’t in the mood for dealing with today, or any day, but he had less patience this morning than he normally had. 

“Were you expecting one?” 

She reeled back a little, cutting her eye’s at him like she was offended by that. Maybe it was kinda dickish, but he was fucking exhausted and he didn’t feel good and really all he wanted to do was tuck himself back into his bed and sleep all day. With Cas, preferably, but if not he could deal. 

Her expression didn’t last long before she slapped an obviously forced smile back on her face and laughed, “You’re funny, Dean, and very  _ very  _ cute.” She put her hand on his arm and he looked down at it in question, and then back at her before slightly moving his shoulder out from under her touch. “You know, my parents are gonna be out of town all week and I don’t really like staying there by myself, so maybe--” 

“Look, Lis, you’re a nice girl, really, but I’m just not that interested...Sorry.” Shutting his locker door, he picked up his bag and gave her a small, tight smile before walking off and not giving her a chance to reply. Though he wasn’t really expecting one because he swore as soon as he said that, her eyebrows shot up to her forehead and her jaw hit the ground. Apparently she’s never been rejected before. 

He kept walking until he got to the math hall and then detoured into the bathroom. His head still throbbed and the pain pills didn’t seem to be working, but he didn’t think it a good idea to take more than he already has. 

He stared into his reflection in the mirror, all of these thoughts running in his head that he didn’t fucking want to think about, when the bathroom door opened up and in came Cas - a fucking wave of relief washed over Dean then. He instantly felt better at just the mere sight of the boy. Cas walked up to him, his eyebrows furrowed as he gingerly rested his hand on Dean’s cheek, avoiding any bruised area and he turned Dean’s head to face him. “What happened?” He asked softly. He was upset, yes, but he wasn’t demanding an answer and for that, Dean was thankful. 

“Flight Club,” he was trying to be cocky and he smirked, but Castiel’s face just fell more serious. Dean sighed, “I don’t wanna talk about it, okay? Sam’s already on my ass and my fucking head hurts. I just--” He didn’t know what else to say so he stopped himself, knowing that anything else would just be a messy bundle of incomprehensible words and he didn’t want that. 

“Okay,” Cas said, voice even softer than before - lighter, calmer, understanding. “But when you do, I’m here.” His thumb brushed the skin where it lay and he leaned in for a gentle kiss on the corner of the blondes mouth - opposite the cut - then he pressed another one on his forehead next to his brow. “John?” and Dean nodded once. Cas didn’t say anything else, just moved the hand that was on Dean’s face to the back of his head and guided it down his shoulder, sliding his other hand around his waist and hugging him. 

Dean’s never had this before. He doesn’t hug people, he doesn’t cuddle with them and he certainly has never been held like this before. Especially when he was feeling so shitty. Sometimes Charlie tried to hug him when he was just really feeling down, but he wouldn’t let her because he refused to admit to how vulnerable it might make him feel. But Cas just had this way about him - he felt safe and warm and welcoming and it made Dean just want to engulf himself in the other boys’ arms and never leave. It was fucking cheesy, and Lord knows cliche, but Cas felt like home. Like, Dean was created just for the sole purpose of being held by Castiel Novak. 

That’s what it fucking felt like. 

“Come over after school?” Cas whispered to him. He had to work today, but he knew Bobby would let him off without issues. He’d definitely have to work extra hours though just for the cash. 

“Okay,” He took in a large breath, inhaling Cas’ scent - like fucking honey and cinnamon and it was a weird fucking mix but damn was it enticing when it was this kid. 

Cas pulled back some but kept a hand on the waist and then ran his fingers through Dean’s hair. “Okay,” he smiled, “Come on, let’s go to class.”    
  
  


The rest of the day passed by pretty quickly. His headache faded a bit - well, the pain that was coming from being hit last night had faded, but there was still just a regular ole headache from having to deal with all of the asswipes around him. Unfortunately though, there wasn’t much he could do about that. 

In 3rd period, while he was listening to his God awful English teacher spouting shit that didn’t actually have anything to do with Math, his phone buzzed with a message. 

_ Let Anna borrow my car for her date with Balth. Do you mind giving me a ride? _

He smirked, knowing Cas didn’t intend to sound as sexual as he had, but Dean couldn’t exactly pass up this chance.  _ Oh I can definitely give you a ride,  _ he replied, and waited not even a minute for a text back. 

_ Thank you, _ Cas had said, and then after a moment,  _ assbutt.  _

_ Assbutt?????? _ Dean tried to stifle his laughter as he was still in class and his teacher always wanted to act like she was raised by Satan himself, but he’d never heard the word “assbutt” before and that in itself was funny, even better coming from Cas though. 

His phone vibrated in his hand but the noise he was making trying not to laugh had caused Ms. Trunchbull. (Dean refused to refer to her by anything else because that's what she reminded him of. Principal Trunchbull.) After she sent threatening looks his way for what felt like 10 fucking hours, and she finally turned back around, he checked.

_ Don't laugh at me, _ Cas said,  _ I can hear your snickering from all the way down the hall, Winchester.  _ When he read it, he imagined Cas saying it in his really authoritative voice that he did sometimes and Dean almost shuddered thinking about it. There was only a few minutes left in the class and Cas texted him again, asking if he felt any better now than he did this morning, and before Dean could reply and say he felt fine, Cas sent one more saying,  _ I know when you’re lying, so don’t even think about it.  _ It made Dean smile. 

_ Just tired, but my head does feel a little better.  _ Within in seconds, Cas was answering back, 

_ Well if it’s any consolation, you’re pretty sexy all banged up.  _

_ Yeah? How sexy?  _ It was slim chance this would go anywhere, and if he knew Cas then he knew it definitely wasn’t going anywhere. Especially when they were in the middle of class with only 5 minutes left. His doubts were confirmed when the boy responded, 

_ Not sexy enough for me to sext you in school :)  _

Dean chuckled,  _ Tease. _

They texted until the bell rang, and they didn’t see each other during this break, but as soon as the last bell of the day rang after 4th period, Dean slipped out as quick as possible to Castiel’s locker, where he waited as unsuspiciously as possible until the boy showed up, a toothy grin spread across his features and Dean couldn’t help but return it. “Hi,” 

“Hello, Dean,” Dean’s fucking knees tried collapsing everytime Cas said that. 

“Have you talked to Sammy?” 

Cas gave him a sideways glance, a little hesitant before answering, “Yes, a little.” 

“And? What’s he saying?”  

Cas didn’t respond for a moment as he moved some books in and out of his locker. “I think he just needs time, Dean. He’s not so much mad at  _ you _ as he is at the situation. He doesn’t like knowing that this is all happening and there’s nothing he can do about it.” 

“Which is why I don’t tell him when it happens.” Dean grumbled and crossed his arms defensively. 

“Which only makes it worse.” Cas countered, giving him a pointed look. 

“Well I can’t fucking help it then.” He didn’t mean to sound so harsh, and he definitely didn’t mean to lash out. He saw a flash of something in Castiel’s eyes and he didn’t know what it was, but he knew it wasn’t fair of him to have put the junior in the middle of it. “I’m sorry, fuck, I’m sorry,” he shook his head slightly and looked down, his hand rubbing at the back of his neck. He felt Castiel’s fingers on his shoulder and he looked up. “I just-- it’s not fucking great for me either, okay? And Sammy, he’s always on me about us leaving and shit and-- I just, I can’t do that, but--” He stops short because he knows he’s ranting and he knows that this isn’t the fucking time to have a damn meltdown, and he really doesn’t know where this is all coming from all of a sudden because when he asked the question, this  _ was not  _ how he was planning on reacting. 

Castiel just stares at him sympathetically - but not with pity - and says, “Come on, we can talk about this somewhere else.” He shuts his locker and takes Dean’s arm, dragging him through the halls and out the door until they’ve reached the Impala. Dean thinks he sees a glimpse of Lisa watching them somewhere from the parking lot but he doesn’t do anything, or acknowledge her really, just keeps on. The drive to the Novak's house is short and silent, neither of them say anything but he knows Cas wants to say something, know he wants  _ Dean  _ to say something. When they’re halfway to their destination, he reaches over and grabs Castiel’s hand in silent apology for the outburst. The other boy accepts with a smile and they stay that way until they’ve arrived. It isn’t until they’re inside Castiel’s room, alone and in private, that the boy sits on the bed and pats the spot next to him in invitation. Dean sits down with a sigh, lets himself be pulled into Cas’ side when the junior finally speaks. “Talk to me.” 

“I don’t wanna talk about it anymore.” 

“Dean.” and he relents, of course, because he can’t say no to Cas when he says his name like that. 

“He has this thing, this--  _ plan. _ He thinks that the two of us can just leave dad and not look back and then all will be okay, and he doesn’t understand that I can’t do that.” 

“You can’t do what?” 

“Any of it!” Dean exasperates. “I know that my dad’s an ass and I know that he doesn’t deserve half the shit that I do for him, but I can’t just leave him to die by himself by picking up Sammy and hauling ass out of town.”

“Is that all this is about?” Cas asks, running his fingers through Dean’s hair and it really helps, but it’s also putting him to sleep. “You don’t want to leave your dad? That’s your only reason?” 

Dean ponders the question and he knows the answer. He’s known it forever now. He’s known it his entire life, and he explains it to Cas, he tells him that he doesn’t want his brother to live that way, to have to move constantly because they can’t afford the place they’re in, or to have to beg for food because they’re definitely not going to have enough at times. He explains that he wants to help Sam, he doesn’t want him to be scared every time John comes home, and that it’s not okay that Sam is unfortunate enough to be the one who has to clean Dean up when John’s done with him. That it’s bullshit Dean feels the need to lie to his brother when he isn’t home to witness the fight, and Dean knows that Sam would kill himself with guilt if Dean did tell him, and that’s what ends up happening anyways because Sam  _ always knows.  _

“It’s not fair to him, I get that. But if this is how  _ I  _ have to live - with John tearing me a new one, and Sammy not speaking to me from time to time, then I’ll fucking do it if it keeps him okay."

“I know you don’t think so,” Cas starts in whisper, “but you’re a good brother, Dean. You don’t see it, I know you don’t, but I do, and I’m positive Sam does. Everything you do for him, Dean, you’re  _ amazing.  _ You’re fucking amazing.” 

No, Dean doesn’t believe it, but it’s nice for him to hear it, it makes him feel a little better about it, even if he doesn’t think it’s true himself, but it means something that Cas thinks he’s a good brother, especially with the shit that he goes through with his own siblings. 

And, Dean thinks, Cas is Sam’s best friend, so they talk about these things. That means something, right?  


“Thank you,” Dean says alas. He shifts so that he’s laying his head on Cas’ chest, and he never thought that he’d be the little spoon, or especially not enjoying cuddling as much as he is, but it’s nice - to be held. To  _ want _ to be held. He feel’s a kiss press to the top of his head and he can’t stop the grin that forms on his lips. “Wanna watch a movie or something?” 

They settled on  _ Happy Gilmore  _ because it was one of the few things Cas had on DVD, and Dean considers it a classic, so. 

It doesn’t appear they make it through the entire movie though, seeing as how at one point Dean was watching Shooter confidently exclaim to Happy that he  _ “eats pieces of shit like you for breakfast,”  _ and Happy smugly counters, “ _ you eat pieces of shit for breakfast?”  _ and then the next thing Dean knows, he’s waking up to an incessant buzzing sound at his ear. He opens his eyes, looks at his phone and sees he has 3 missed calls from Sam, and he curses, realizing he did actually fall asleep and is now late to pick up his brother from club. Rolling over, he took in Cas’ sleeping form - on his side with an arm slung over Dean’s abdomen - and he didn’t want to wake him up because it was just such a nice sight, but decided he should. He didn’t want Cas to wake up and Dean be gone. 

“Cas,” he shook him slightly, “Wake up,” he tried. “Come on, babe, I gotta go.” Putting a little more force into the shaking and deciding it wasn’t working, he leaned forward a peppered kisses across the adorable sleeping face. Cas scrunched his nose, brows furrowing before he simpered and starting returning the soft smooches, keeping his eyes closed. “Okay, I gotta go.” 

“No.” The younger boys’ arm tightened where he rested on the waist. “No,” he said again. 

Dean breathed a laugh, “I have to, I’m late picking up Sam.”

Cas groaned and relented, loosening his hold until Dean was free to slip out. He was sitting up just as his phone began ringing again, and this time he steadied a breath to answer. “Hello?” 

“ _ Where the hell are you? _ ” Sam’s angry voice filled his ears, and Dean resisted the urge to flinch. 

“I fell asleep, I’m on my way.” 

“ _ I already got a ride from Kevin’s mom. _ ” 

“You’re home?” He felt a sense of panic at the thought of Sammy at his house when John could be there. The kid knows better than that though, right?

“ _ No, I’m at Bobby’s. _ ” And Dean silently exhaled. “ _ Where are you? _ ” 

He looked around the room, “I’m...at a friends house.” 

“ _ A friend? Seriously, Dean? You bailed so that you could get laid? _ ”

Dean cringed and turned around to glance at Cas behind him, a look on his face mixed with curiosity and worry. “No, Sammy, I’m at a fucking friend’s house.” 

“ _ Which friend? _ ” 

“A fucking friend. Just stay put. I’ll be there in 20.” With that, he hung up and shoved the cell in his pocket. He leaned down and put his head in his hands, sighing. He was fucking stressed. He didn’t want to go home, he didn’t want to deal with his father, he didn’t want to argue with Sam. 

But he had to. 

“He’ll come around, Dean. I can talk to him if you want me to.” 

“No, it’s okay. I can deal with it.” He stood up and shoved his feelings down enough to spend the next 30 seconds with Cas being happy. “You’re kinda great, you know that?”

“I’ve been told.” He crawled on his knees across the bed until he was right in front of Dean, and he wrapped his arms around his neck. “Are you gonna be okay?” 

“I’m always okay,” he smirked, trying for cocky because that’s the Dean Winchester Way. 

Cas of course, sees through it. “You’ll call me?” 

“Yes, if I need you.” 

Cas grinned slyly, “And if you don’t.” 

Dean wanted to say that he’d always need him, because it was true, but instead he settled with, “Of course.” Cas kissed him for a few minutes and Dean let it happen because he enjoyed it and he needed the intimacy, needed the feeling of the boys’ lips on his, he needed the connection and the warmth. Eventually he pulled back, with much reluctance, and leaned his forehead on the one in front of his. “Walk me out?” 

Turns out that the entire Novak family was home, plus some. Cas says that Michael was down in the basement with all of his friends like he usually is, but Anna and  _ Lisa  _ were on the couch in the living room, and Gabriel was walking in the door as they were coming down the stairs. He looked up at Cas and Dean and nodded, waiting until they were all the way off the steps before he passes them. Dean tried not to double take at the weed scented cologne he was wearing. From what he hears from Cas, the smell seems to follow the guy wherever he goes, whether he’s got some with him or not. But usually, more often than not, he’s got some on him. 

When they came into view of the living room, Dean was actually surprised at the fact that Lisa didn’t jump up to greet him. In fact, she didn’t even look at him. Anna however, watched him and Cas curiously as they tried to make their ways out the door but were stopped short when Mrs. Novak came out of the kitchen with a little girl on her hip. “Castiel, are you leaving?” 

“No, walking Dean out.” 

The mother turned her head, apparently just now noticing the new body. She smiled genuinely and exclaimed, “Dean, hello. It’s nice to see you again!” 

“Nice to see you too, Mrs. Novak.” 

“Are you leaving?” She asked, walking towards them as the child, who Dean presumed was Rachel, squirmed in her arms to be let down. “You don’t want to stay for dinner?” She finally let the kid go, who laughed in excitement and ran straight towards Cas, arms wide open. Dean vaguely registered her screaming “Cassie!” as Cas lifted her up with a “Hi, baby!” 

Dean smiled at the sight and turned back to their mother. “I would love to but unfortunately I’ve got to pick up my little brother from my uncles.” 

She nodded in understanding, “Well we would love to have you back sometime. It’s not too much trouble adding another plate last minute,” she chuckled. 

“Well thank you, Mrs. Novak, I appreciate it.” 

She nodded at him and then went on upstairs, Cas still had Rachel in his arms, talking to her and laughing with her, playing with her. She seemed to really adore him. Dean’s stomach fluttered watching them as he remembered when Sammy was that age - back when things weren’t nearly as complicated as they are now. But then, Dean thinks, weren’t they always? 

“Hold on, love,” Cas bounced the little girl on his hip before setting her down on the floor. “I’ve gotta walk Dean out and then I promise I’ll watch your movie, okay?” She nodded and stuck her tongue in her mouth before turning around wobbling further into the living room. “She watches  _ Enchanted  _ at least once a day. I don’t know why she loves it so much but she does.” 

“She looks like you. Has the same pouty face,” Dean teased as they shuffled out the door. 

“I do not have a pouty face.” He argues as his face morphs into one of pout. Dean laughs. They got to the impala and said their goodbyes, looking as platonic as possible because Cas was sure he saw Anna peeking out the window. He made Dean promise to call him tonight no matter what, and Dean swore he would he as rolled his eyes - an action that had no real heat - and mumbled a “yes, mother.” before winking and climbing into his car with one last wave before driving off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is the texting confusing?


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit heavier on the addiction front. 
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes!

The plan was to go to school Thursday, like he did everyday, but when Cas woke up that morning and opened his curtains, drinking in the sunlight, he couldn’t help but notice the old, grey toyota pick up parked across the street. He knew exactly whose it was, and he sighed, wondering when the hell this shit was going to fucking end. 

He went about his regular morning routine - showering, dressing, going downstairs for breakfast. His mother was in the kitchen already wiping down the counters and Cas could tell just by the way her shoulders were drawn that she wasn’t in a good mood.  _ So she definitely saw the truck outside.  _

“Hey,” he greeted as he picked out a coffee cup and began pouring from the pot. 

“Hey, honey,” she tried greeting him like she did every morning - cheery and happy, glad to see him - but she just sounded tired, and disappointed, and Cas ached when he heard her voice. He didn’t usually make a habit of faking being sick so he could not go to school, but he knew that Bartholomew's truck outside meant that there was a good chance he was here and on their property - staying upstairs with Gabe if Cas had to imagine - and that meant Becky was gonna be here alone with them for however long they were here and who knew what would happen. 

“I threw up this morning.” He blurted before he could really think it through, and his mother turned to him with wide, questioning eyes. “I, uh, I had an upset stomach last night and then I woke up around 3 and threw up. And then once again after I had showered.” 

She came around the counter and put her palm on his forehead, then turning her hand over and feeling his cheeks. “You’re not running a fever but you shouldn’t take any chances. I guess just try to rest today, son.” He nodded and went to sip his drink but then she added, “Probably shouldn’t be drinking coffee though. I’ll run to the store and pick up some things for you later.” 

“Thanks, momma.” It was silent for a few moments as she continued wiping down the counters and wringing out the washcloth. “So um, Bart is here, huh?” He was the only one of his siblings who actually ever discussed the stuff that happened with Gabe with their mother. When Chuck wasn’t there, or if he was too busy to talk, Becky often came to Cas about it. A few times she's even thanked him for being there and told him she didn’t know what she would do without him, and Cas had actually teared up during those conversations and immediately cursed his siblings for caring so little about the situation, refusing to talk about it. 

That was the problem, wasn’t it? Nobody wanted to talk about it? Everyone would just rather act like it wasn’t there, like it wasn’t happening and then maybe if they ignored it long enough then it would go away. The n something happens, they get upset about it, freak out and are disappointed, but what are they doing to help? 

How was this technique working for them, exactly? 

“I don’t think so, the car isn’t here so I’m assuming they took it somewhere.” The rest of the family started piling in then, Anna with Rachel on her hip and then Michael as he yawned tiredly and scratched his head. “Castiel is sick,” their mother spoke to Anna, “so you’ll be taking the car today. Rachel honey, don’t go near your brother.” 

Castiel knew then that the conversation was over so he picked up his coffee, informed Anna that his keys were on the hook, and then left off to his room. He curled up in bed and turned on his tv, scrolling through netflix and playing on his phone. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed - hours, minutes, - when his mother was knocking on his door telling him that she’d go to the store as soon as Gabe got back with her vehicle, and then she asked if there was anything specific he wanted or needed. He told her there was nothing and that she really didn’t need to go - he was okay. He felt bad for requesting things when he wasn’t actually sick, but then he thought maybe it would be good for her to get out for a little bit in the case that Gabe does come with Bart, then maybe she won’t be here to have to see them. 

Shortly after that he had heard a car door shut and then the front door open. He knew by the footsteps on the stairs that it was Gabriel, and judging by the fact that there was only one pair, he figured Bart was not with him, and if he was, he was smart enough to stay outside. Within only a few minutes, he heard the door open again and he got up to peer out the window, watching his mother go out to her car and no longer than 60 seconds later she was slamming the car door, stomping inside and then slamming the front door. Cas sighed for the millionth time that morning and it was only just after 9 am. He had heard Gabriel leave his room and go downstairs, and it was silent for a couple minutes before he heard what he assumed was his mother’s bedroom door slam shut, successfully rattling the house. 

He figured maybe he could speak to Gabe, as he has done so on so many different occasions, (the other siblings, like always, would rather not get involved and Cas was the only other one that could have a full conversation with him and genuinely listen has he spouts his bullshit and neither of them get upset), because he's always thinking that maybe the addict would listen to his younger brother. Most of the time it didn’t work, but there have been a few times where Cas has pride himself after talking to his older brother and was able to see that what he had said got to the man, even if the guy himself refused to admit so. But Castiel knew his brother, and he knew when he was bothered by words - hurt, affected, ashamed. After one particularly horrible incident that caused Becky not to speak to her oldest boy for a little over 2 weeks, Cas had finally got fed up with it and asked his brother,  _ “It doesn’t bother you that your own mom wants nothing to do with you? That Gadreel wants nothing to do with you? Anna and Michael don’t know what happened yet but you know that as soon as they come home she’s gonna tell them what happened and then they won’t want anything to do with you either. Then what do you have?”  _ Cas had seen the hurt flash in his siblings eyes, and maybe he saw the start of tears too before they darkened and he responded roughly,  _ “Because you guys just sit around and talk shit about me all day, right? She’s just dying to tell people how much of a piece of shit I am? A goddamn fuck up?”  _

Cas didn’t think that this discussion was going to be much like that, but you never know. 

He found Gabriel out on the porch smoking a cigarette. Cas stepped out and his brother turned to look at him, raising his eyebrows in greeting as he inhaled smoke. “Dude, what the fuck’s up with mom?” 

“I don’t know,” he chuckled easily, “figured it had something to do with you.” 

Gabe snorted, “Yeah, when does it not.” He took another hit, “I don’t know man, she just wouldn’t talk to me when I came downstairs and when I asked what was wrong she slammed the door in my face.” Castiel knew it wasn’t as simple as that, despite the fact that his mother does get upset very easily and especially when Gabriel is involved, and she also as the tendency to be a bit petulant at times,  _ especially when Gabriel is involved.  _ “I mean, probably has something to do with Bart’s truck but, you know.” 

“You know how she feels about him. She doesn’t want him here.” 

“He’s not here.” He stated firmly and Cas looked over at the truck and back to his brother. “His truck is here, he is not.” They discussed the man in question for a bit more, Cas asking if Gabriel had texted him to come over last week when he showed up, and Gabe admitted that yes, he had, but told him to come incognito and park in front of the neighbors house. “I told him not to knock on the door, that I would come out to him, but I was late getting here and he was impatient.” His voice was growing as he continued to speak of his friend, defending him,  _ A heroin addict,  _ Cas thought. “He didn’t show back up though, did he? You didn’t see him in your yard, you didn’t catch him on the cameras. He didn’t break in downstairs. You told him I wasn’t here, he left without question and didn’t come back. You all think of him as trash and scum just because he does heroin. That’s all you see when you look at him, but you don’t actually  _ know  _ him.” 

“Except for everything you’ve ever told us about him,” Cas argued, but he knew that his brother wasn’t wrong. They all did see Bartholomew as a junkie and only a junkie without ever really getting to know him, but can you blame them? Gabe was clean because of the man, yes, and they owed him that, but he’s also right back where he was months ago, and worse, because of him too. “How many times have you come home complaining about him screwing you over? You avoided him the entire week he was in jail because you said you realized he was taking you down the wrong path. You’ve been avoiding him all week while you do business with Nick here because you know he won’t like that.” He didn’t mention how when Hail was here the other night, she had told Chuck that Bart does nothing but talk down to Gabe, treat him like shit and Gabe just takes it, does whatever Bart asks him to.

Cas went on to ask about why he was here last night, and Gabe went off saying that Bart tried killing himself yesterday and Gabe wasn’t going to let him die, which Cas understood. “I took him to a hotel where I can watch him and I know he’s safe.” He told Cas that despite what they all think of the man, he meant something to Gabe and Gabe wasn’t going to let anything happen to him. Castiel hated to admit it, but again, Gabriel was right, wasn’t he? Who was Cas, or Becky or Chuck or even Kali, to say what the friendship between Gabe and Bart was? They didn’t know Bart like Gabe did, they didn’t know all of the shit they’ve been through together. Maybe he was a good guy, like Gabe, but just let his cravings and urges get the best of him and now this was his life - a heroin addict with a crackhead for a best friend. 

They stood outside talking for about 30 minutes, and somewhere towards the end of the conversation, when Gabriel was coming down from his anger, Cas had admitted in wildly small voice, so small it had actually surprised himself, “I just don’t want you to end up like him.” 

“I am not, Castiel. Bart is a junkie, I’m a drug addict. Bart  _ lives _ to get high,  _ I _ get high and I live.” He said it so plainly, like Cas was supposed to know what that meant - like he was supposed to know what the difference was between those two things. Getting high to live, and living to get high. There was no difference, though, not to Castiel. And as much as Gabriel likes to think, he does not have control over the situation. None of them do. No, he was not a junkie, not yet, but he was also way past the point of just being a drug addict. 

 

\--

 

\--

 

The rest of the day passed by pretty quickly with Castiel texting Dean on and off, Dean sending him cheesy pick up lines and winks through texts, telling him that if he didn’t have to work this afternoon then he would totally bring him some chicken soup, knowing good and well that Cas wasn’t actually sick. 

At just before 12, while Cas is curled up under his covers and watching some new scary show on Netflix about a house and a family and other shit, his phone rang.  _ Dean.  _

“Hello?” He answered, the smile evident in his voice. 

_ “Hiya, gorgeous.” _ Cas blushed. 

“You’re at school.” 

_ “You’re not wrong. But I’m at lunch, so you can’t get onto me about not paying attention to shit. What are you doing?”  _

Cas grinned, lying, “Just got out of the shower, sitting on my bed.” 

Dean’s voice grew dark,  _ “You’re lying.”  _

“Guess you’ll never know.” 

Dean scoffed,  _ “You just like to get me all hot and bothered during school and then not do anything about it.”  _ It was true - Cas did like to do that. He breathed a laugh, and Dean muttered a  _ “asshole.”  _

“So,” Cas hesitated before asking the next question, not sure how to do so and not sure how Dean would feel about it, but deciding to just rip the bandaid off and get to it. “I’m babysitting Rachel tomorrow night while my parents go out for some work thing of my dads and I was wondering if you would like to join me..” 

Dean was silent,  _ “You mean, do I want to spend my friday night watching  _ Enchanted  _ on repeat with you and your baby sister?”  _ Cas cringed, regretting the answer already, but then--  _ “Because if that’s what you’re asking me, then fuck yes. Of course.”  _

They spoke until the end of lunch when Dean reluctantly had to hang up, grumbling about it and cursing the school system. After that they went back to texting, only stopping when Dean had to take a test in 3rd period which he was sure to let Cas know how dumb he thought it was. The conversation had taken a toll when Cas had jokingly told Dean he needed to make good grades so he could get into college, he was taken aback when Dean responded, 

_ Not really my thing.  _

_ You’re not going to school after you graduate? _ Cas asked him. He wasn't sure why he was surprised, Dean didn't really seem like the type of guy to  _ choose  _ to go to school. 

_ Nah, got a job lined up at Bobby’s if I need it. Besides, gotta stay here with Sam, right? _ Cas wanted to reply that KU was an option, Dean could go there and still live at home, just like Michael does, but he didn't. Instead he decided it would be safer to change subjects and ask how things were with the younger Winchester brother. Dean texted back and said that things were better than they were at the beginning of the week, and Sam was actually starting speak to him again without an attitude, then he asked Cas if the boy had said anything to him about it.

_ No,  _ Cas typed,  _ I haven't spoken to him much this week.  _ He should really invite the sophomore over sometime. 

_ Hey you know, Anna came to talk to me today.  _ Cas was fixing a cup of coffee as he read the text and he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, asking Dean what, and the guy responded that he would tell him about it later, it was too much to type and he couldn't talk in front of Sam since they were driving home. 

It wasn't long after that that he heard the front door open and Anna’s voice drifting inside, then she was in the kitchen. 

“Feel any better?” She inquired as she set her bag in the chair by the island, going over to the refrigerator and getting out a soda.  

“Loads, actually. It was probably just an overnight thing.” 

Anna bobbed her head and gave him a look that said she definitely didn’t believe him. “Well, Lisa’s coming over later so just don’t get us sick.” Cas hummed absentmindedly while she continued, “She’s trying to get a date with Dean Winchester so she’d kill me if she got a bug beforehand.” He froze, the spoon in his coffee no longer stirring, and he turned around. 

“Dean, huh? How’s that going for her?” 

“Oh, great! She says he’s been playing a little hard to get but we think he’s coming around. I mean, he  _ is  _ Dean Winchester. Never one to turn down free sex.” Cas could hear in her voice that she was challenging him. He knew his sister well enough to know that this was how she spoke when she was intentionally trying to get under his skin. His only question though, was why? 

“Let’s hope so.” He says, sipping his drink, “Lis has the tendency to read things that aren’t there, especially with guys. I would hate for her to be throwing herself at him when it was all for nothing. _Then_ she'd look like a fool.” He smiled at her and walked by, satisfied with the way she was glaring at him.  

Maybe it was foolish, but the thought never even crossed his mind Dean was actually showing interest in the cheerleader. He had never really stopped to consider the fact that maybe Dean was seeing other people? Maybe Cas wasn’t the only one he was texting winky faces to and kissing after school? They hadn’t talked much about exclusivity and whatnot - they hadn’t talked about it at all, really, so Cas was left to wonder. What were he and Dean? Were they together? Like,  _ together  _ together? Were they friends who kissed sometimes and cuddled, and jerked each other off once? Were they doing that with other people, too? 

Cas wasn’t seeing anyone else, that much was for sure, but, what about Dean? 

 

\--

 

\--

 

When Cas got home from school on Friday he was by himself. Anna went home with Lisa, Michael most likely wouldn’t be coming home since it was a Friday and there were parties everywhere on the campus. His mom was home, he knew, but that was it. 

He pulled into his driveway and couldn’t help but notice his mom’s car, the one Gabriel has been driving for the past 2 or so weeks, was parked in front of the neighbors house - the college kids, not the methheads. He was curious, obviously, especially after what had happened at his house last night. Apparently their cousin Gadreel was going out of town for a few days and wanted to leave his car at the Novak's. It wasn’t unusual. However, Becky, being pissed off at Gabe, told Gadreel to take his car keys with him because she didn’t want to be the one responsible for Gabriel taking the car, nevermind the fact that Gadreel would have let them had Becky not said something. This left Gabe without a vehicle for 5 days. He’s been driving the car, yes, but with that he has to have it home every night and multiple times throughout the day in case Becky needs it, like she had earlier that day. 

Gabriel did not take too kindly to that fact and had a bit of an outburst last night. He was yelling and shouting in the streets, inside the house, inside Chuck’s office. He kept moving and pacing, screaming at the top of his lungs, saying horrible things. The thing about Gabriel is that he doesn’t get mad very often or very easily, but when he is, he sees red, he becomes blind. It’s that type of anger that makes you cry - that just makes you so fucking mad that tears just fall from your eyes as your voice cracks with rage and your face is so red you’d think it was right out of a cartoon with smoke blowing from your ears. He screams and he screams and he screams until he can’t scream anymore. Until his voice goes out and he can’t talk right for days afterwards. 

This didn’t happen often, and the last time Castiel saw him like that was years ago. Now here he is, calling his mother a bitch and saying she’s ruined his life; saying she’s made it impossible for him to work, she’s added time to his jail sentence and taken minutes from his life. He said we might as well call him a dead man because that’s what he is now. 

All because she took Gadreel’s car from him. 

Chuck was out in the streets with him, begging him to call down, chastising him for saying such awful and disrespectful things about his own mother. After half an hour of this, of Rachel crying and Anna and Castiel trying their best to calm the baby down so she didn’t hear what was happening outside, so she wouldn’t be scared anymore, Becky finally threw the keys to her own car at Gabriel and told him to leave. 

So when Cas sees him the next day parked in front of the neighbors house, lingering like some type of stalker, he calls him. Just to see what he was doing. 

He realized his mistake when, as soon as his brother picks up the phone, here he is, yelling again.  _ “What the fuck do you want?” _ He demanded immediately, didn’t even give Cas a chance to say anything first.  _ “Fucking staring at me like a goddamn perv, a fucking spy. What the fuck do you want, Cas?”  _

What? A perv? What? 

Cas took a breath, calm. “You’re the one parked at the neighbors house, just sitting in your car and  _ I’m  _ the perv?” 

_ “Because I can’t fucking do my shit at my own house! Because your mother is a fucking crazy bitch and won’t let me do my fucking thing!”  _

Cas hung up. He wasn’t going to listen to this - wasn’t going to take it, wasn’t going to be yelled at like this and treated this way. He pulled up his messages, clicked on his brothers name and typed,  _ fuck off. I’m not helping you anymore. Figure your shit out yourself. _

The reply was almost instant,  _ What the fuck have you helped me with? _

He was done. No more waking up at 3 am to let his brother in, no more covering for him when he brought Bart over and let him stay, no more going into the bathroom and finding crack pipes and burnt up balls of copper lying around and then throwing them away without telling anyone what he saw. He was done texting Gabe every time he left for days at a time and no one heard from him, just to make sure he was still alive and not overdosed in his car somewhere or shot in a fucking ditch. He was through being the only one defending him to their parents at his brothers most least deserving of times. 

He did this all because he cared about his brother, and he loved him, and he thought that if even though nobody else in their family was talking to him, Cas was. Cas was making sure he was okay and breathing. Cas was checking up on him and having civil conversations, listening to what he had to say when no one else would. He did this because he thought that in the end it would mean something to the oldest sibling. 

He also did it because he thought, if no one else was speaking to him, if no one else was making sure he was alive, then how would any of them know if Gabe  _ was  _ overdosed somewhere? Or shot in a ditch? Or arrested or taken or anything? How would they know? If they cut all ties with the guy, how would they know what kind of trouble he was in? They'd wait for the police to show up at their house?  _Mrs. Novak, I'm sorry to inform you, but..._ Fuck that. 

Cas often found himself torn between what to do here. On one hand, he wants Gabriel to know that no matter what, Cas is there for him. In his worst of times, in his most needed, in whatever. But on the other hand, if Gabriel knows that, then what if he thinks,  _ Oh, Cas is always there. I can do whatever I want, and get away with it, and know that I’ll always have Castiel there.  _ And so he does stupid shit, questionable shit, downright fucking horrible shit because he knows that Cas is there, and if that’s the case, how will he ever learn his lesson if he knows he always has his younger sibling to fall back on? 

Cas texted him back, explained to him in the all the ways he was done and in all the ways he had helped, and he didn’t get a response back, but he wasn’t expecting one. It wasn’t until later that night, a little after 6 when his parents had left for their dinner party at Chucks work and Cas was all alone - Rachel was napping in her room and Dean wasn’t supposed to arrive until 7 - when Gabriel had come back, entered the living room and walked right up to his little brother. 

“Cas,” he started, “There’s going to come a time when you’re gonna fuck up. You’re gonna fuck up and then everyone around you, everyone who you thought loved you, everyone who swore they’d be there for you, they’re just gonna leave you and you’re gonna be all alone, and then you’re gonna call  _ me _ , call  _ me _ for help, and then I’m not gonna be there for you either.” 

Cas stared at him in wonder, curious as to what the fuck he was getting at. “Okay..what’s your point?” 

Gabe started pacing again, his eyes darkening, his voice dangerous. “My point is that you haven’t helped me with a goddamn thing. You may think you have, but you haven’t. I’m on my fucking own, okay? You haven’t done  _ anything  _ for me. It’s fucking tough out there, Cas! These things that you think you’re doing for me, they mean  _ nothing. _ ” He’s rambling about that, going on and on about how trivial it all was - how little Castiel knows about shit, and then of course, he brings up the car thing again, about how mom was out to ruin his life. Cas rolled his eyes. 

“You got the truck anyways,” Cas argued, he could feel his heart beating faster, his face heating up. “You were upset she took Gad’s car and then you got it anyways, Gabe, you freaked out for no reason.” 

“I have the car because I got mad and I fucking said something about it!” 

“You pitched a fit like a little toddler, Gabriel! You threw a temper tantrum!” Cas was raising his voice now, just as upset as his brother seems to be, but now his words just made the guy angrier. He stomped over to Cas, his face inches away, Cas could smell his breath, feel the dampness of his words as he yelled,

“Threw a fucking temper tantrum? Are you fucking kidding me? Fuck you, Castiel.  _ Fuck you. _ ” He had never hit Cas before, and Cas had never even been worried that he would, except now. Now, when there was no one else home; now, when he was using more drugs than he normally would and so he was even less in his mind than usual; now, when he could do anything he wanted and there was no one there to stop him because,  _where the fuck are his morals?_

“You need to leave.” Cas all but growled, gritting his teeth with a rough voice. 

Gabriel spun around, throwing his head back. “Yeah you need to fucking leave,” he grumbled. “Fuck you.” He walked over to the front door and once again, yelled, “One day, Castiel. One day everyone’s going to leave you and you’re gonna call me and I’m gonna tell you to go fuck yourself.” With that, he slammed the door and it raddled the entire house. His dog, Nova, who’s laying in the corner of the living room, runs off of upstairs at the loud noise the door made. Cas is surprised she stayed in there for this long, what with all of the yelling and shit - she really doesn’t like loud noises.    
  
  


He didn’t cry. Not a single tear shed down his face. He was so fucking used to this by now - used to the actions of a drug addict, used to the mood swings and the foul mouth. It hurt him, it pissed him, and he definitely had a lot of fucking feelings about it, but he also took every word with a grain of salt because this shit happens when your loved one is an addict. The mood swings are sporadic. The shit they say and do -- you don't know whats real and whats not so you do with it what you will, believe what you want of it. It helped that he told himself it was the crack, that  _ Gabriel,  _ prankster and clown of the family, Mr. Heart-of-fucking-gold, wouldn’t ever dare say those things. Wouldn’t speak to his family the way that he just had. Wouldn't do have the fucking shit that he'd done while on drugs.

 

\--

 

\--

 

It was no surprise that Rachel woke up from all of the yelling and the slamming of the doors. Shortly after Gabriel had left she stumbled out of her room, her curly blonde hair all tangled and slept on. She had a pouty face - the one Dean swears she gets from Cas - from being woken up. “Hi, love,” Cas smiled at her, scooped her up. “Are you hungry?” In answer, she nodded her head as she wrapped one of her tiny little arms around the back of his neck. “Alright, let’s see what we can find. I think we have some chicken nuggets, would you like that?” Nodding again, and Cas sat her in her chair as he sifted through the freezer until he found what he was looking for. “Soft or crunchy?” He asked, and she only stopped sucking on her thumb long enough to answer the former, and Cas stuck 6 of them in the microwave. 

Like most 3 year olds, she was full of energy, but  _ un _ like most 3 year olds, she also loved sleep. She only napped for about 45 minutes before she woke up, and Cas knew that if he played with her for about an hour she would be tired again and most likely fall asleep during whatever movie they put on for her. 

After the chicken nuggets were done and she had finished eating them (it was probably safer to say that she actually had honey mustard for her meal with a side of nuggets) and thought maybe it would be a nice time for a bath. He let her play in the water for about 15 minutes as he fought to wash her hair and not get soap in her eyes, and then he dried her off, dressed her, and combed out her hair the best he could because that was the part she  _ really hated.  _ When they were all done with their nightly routine, Cas had just sat her on the couch when the door knocked. “I’ll be right back,” he promised the baby, “Sit here.” and didn’t wait for a response before he sashayed over to the door and swiftly opened it, coming face to face with a certain blonde haired Kansas boy in a brown leather jacket. He barely got a chance to say hello before Dean was moving into his space and pressing close, kissing him short but hard. 

“Hey,” Dean drawled, stepping further into the house. “Sorry I’m late, Bobby was fussing with me about a chevy that was brought in earlier and then I had to go home and shower.” 

“It’s alright,” Cas peeked around the corner to see that his sister was pretty engaged in the television, and he took Dean’s hand, pulling him into the living room. “Rach, this is Dean. You remember him from the other day?” She shook her head no, and Cas smiled. “Well, he’s my friend, he’s gonna help watch you tonight. That okay?” A nod. She really was not very talkative tonight. 

Cas sighed and sat down next to her, Dean sitting on his other side, his arm naturally falling over the back of the couch and their legs pressed as one. Cas asked Rachel what she wanted to watch, and to his surprise, it was not  _ Enchanted.  _ “ _ Stripes. _ ” She said, and Cas knew she didn’t mean with Bill Murray, she meant  _ Racing Stripes.  _ The zebra. He couldn’t blame her - it was one of his favorite movies growing up. It’s  _ still  _ one of his favorite movies. And he may or may not have shown it to her a while ago so she would know from the start what a great movie was. “Cassie. Wanna color.” 

“You wanna color?” She nodded. “You wanna watch while you color or do you just want to color?” 

“Color.” Coloring it was, then. He took a quick trip to her room to get a book and some crayons and then came back and sat them on the coffee table. He told her she had to sit there and do it so that she didn’t make a mess on the furniture. Surprising Cas once again, she hopped off the couch and held a crayon out to Dean. “Color?” Cas was about to speak up and say that of course he didn’t have to, he could just tell her no and she would live, but instead a wide, gummy smile spread across Dean’s face as he exclaimed, 

“Why thank you, I would love to!” He sat down criss cross next to her and she opened up a page in her book, one she thought would be okay for him to color, and pointed to it, tapping. “Is this-- Strawberry Shortcake? You want me to color Strawberry Shortcake?” 

“She’s my favorite,” she tapped it again and grinned. The picture he was coloring was of Strawberry smiling and hugging a bouquet of flowers, her large hat taking up the majority of the page. 

“Sammy’s never gonna let me live this down,” Dean grumbled half heartedly and Cas chortled, shaking his head as he watched the two in front of him color. Dean made small talk with Rach, and the baby finally seemed like she was really warming up to him. He would make funny faces when Rachel would look at him, she giggled. Dean asked how old she was, what her favorite color was, who her favorite sibling was, if she knew Sam and who she liked better between the two Winchesters. When they both finished their colorings (well, Dean finished, shockingly, and Rachael just scribbled all over hers and yelled “done!”) Cas thought it would be a good idea to turn the movie on so she’d get tired - it was getting late anyways. 

He held up the DVD case from cabinet, wiggled it at Dean. “Ever seen it?”  Dean shook his head no as Cas came back over to the couch and again, fell right under Dean’s arm. “Hypocrite. Tease me about never seeing Labyrinth but you’ve never seen this dime?”  

Dean laughed, “Labyrinth is different, this is a kids movie!” 

“The  _ best  _ kids movie. Isn’t that right, Rach?” She hummed in affirmation and Cas raised his eyebrow at Dean smugly. 

“Dork.” 

Like Cas expected, his baby sister fell asleep 30 minutes into the movie, snuggled up and snoozing into his rib cage, wrapped in a blanket. Cas always felt special like this - like when a kid chose  _ you  _ to sleep on or play with. When a kid likes you it’s the best feeling ever. He basked in the way his sister would cuddle up next to him and snore when they watched movies because he knew that eventually she’d be too old for it and not want to spend anymore time with him. 

It wasn’t until the movie was over did Cas pick her up and carry her into her room, tucking her in her bed and making sure the nightlight was on. He cracked her door on the way out and then went back to the living room with Dean. “Well? What’d you think?” 

“I didn’t hate it,” Dean smiled.

“You loved it.” Cas knew by Dean not answering and just scoffing that he was right. Dean was stubborn and would not let go of his pride. Cas didn’t see the point though, Dean just colored an entire Strawberry Shortcake picture but wouldn’t admit he enjoyed a movie about a zebra? Cas would never understand. 

“C’mere,” Dean tugged on his arm until Cas was basically on top of him, their chests aligned together, noses almost touching - that’s how close they were. 

“Question.” 

“What’s that?” Dean brushed their noses together - butterfly kisses, and then along his cheek, down to his neck, he inhaled. 

Naturally, Cas tilted his head, “It’s uh, it’s about Lisa.” 

“I mean, not really  _ my type  _ of sexy talk but if that’s what you’re into, sure, we can try it.” 

Cas laughed out loud and pushed against Dean’s chest so they could look each other in the eye. “Asshole, I’m serious.” 

Dean chuckled, too, “Alright alright, what’s up?” His hand was a nice presence on Castiel’s back, gently rubbing up and down and if Cas weren’t trying to talk about this right now, he would make a comment on how affectionate the senior actually is, even if he refuses to admit it. 

“Well,” he bit his lip nervously, “Not only about Lisa specifically but girls in general..” Dean raised his eyebrows for Cas to continue. “Are you..seeing any? I mean we haven’t really talked about seeing other people or if it was just the two of us, or..  _ I’m _ not seeing anyone else, but I guess it’s okay if you are though...n-not that I  _ want  _ you to see other people but I can’t really stop you if  _ you _ want to since we haven’t been clear on it and we’re not even  _ together  _ together and so I don’t really know what the rules for this are--” 

“Cas.” Dean was stern but soft, enough for it to make Castiel shut up. “No, I’m not seeing one else.” 

“Well do you--”

“No.” And Cas smiled at that. Good - they were on the same page. “You’re the only one.” Cas smiled again but Dean continued and caused Cas to let out a laugh. “The only pie in my window sill. The only bee in my garden, the only engine in my--” 

“Okay,” he tried to catch a breath as he grinned into a kiss, “I get it now. Thank you. Cheesy ass.” They melted into another kiss and Cas crawled all the way into Dean’s lap, straddling him as the older boys’ hands snuck up his back and under his shirt. They were pulling on each other, tugging and grinding and pushing up and it was getting heated fast. Cas knew that if they didn’t stop now then they wouldn’t and it was almost 10 o’clock which meant his parents should be home soon. 

As if on cue, they heard the sound of an engine pulling into the driveway and they broke apart, Dean groaning in objection and Cas kissed him once more, just a quick peck after he teased, “Who’s the pouty one now?” He scooted away, a respectable distance between the two boys as someone pressed the code into the keypad on the door and then Cas’ phone was ringing. He looked down, sighed when he saw it was Gabe. “Hello?” He answered, short and cold as he tried to push down the dread in his stomach. It had been a good night with Dean here and he was trying  _ not  _ to think about the events earlier in the evening. 

_ “You gonna let me in dude, or..?”  _ Cas rolled his eyes and ended the call, pushing up off the couch before he could even think about it. It wasn’t until he was unlocking the doorknob and opening the door that he realized he shouldn’t have. Not after the way Gabe spoke to him earlier. It was too late now though, he supposes. 

Without looking at his brother, he turned back and stalked back to the couch. Dean took one look at his disgruntled face and furrowed his eyebrows, silently asking what was wrong but Cas just shook his head and sat back down a little closer than he was before - when they decided to put space in between them - he didn’t care what Gabriel saw or thought, and the man in question just strode straight up the stairs, his friend Nick in tow. When they were out of sight, Dean put a comforting hand on Cas’ thigh but didn’t comment on the tension in the room, just asked if he wanted to watch something on Netflix. 

If the Winchester kept acting this way, Castiel was most definitely going to fall for him. 

..if he wasn’t already. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for child abuse!
> 
> This chapter is exceptionally shorter than the rest and for that, i am sorry.
> 
> Also, sorry for any mistakes!

Sunday afternoon actually found Dean lounging in a booth at The Roadhouse next to Jo, and Charlie and Dorothy were across from them. 

“So?? Are you guys a thing now or what?” 

Dean had been keeping Charlie updated on all things Castiel, like he does, and if she knows then Dorothy knows and if Dorothy knows then it’s only fair that Jo knows and so this is where he found himself - gossiping to his friends about a boy he likes, just like the little school girls they all were. “No, I mean-- kinda, I don’t know, we didn’t address that part.” 

“He asked if you were talking to anyone else, and you didn’t take that opportunity to make things official?? What the hell’s wrong with you?” Jo thumped him in the back of the head before taking a sip of her soda. 

“ _ Ow, _ ” he groaned and glared at her. “We basically are already. I don’t see what the big deal is.” 

“Oh! You should bring him to my party on Wednesday night!” 

Dean considered his redhead friend for a moment, “He doesn’t like parties, Charles, I told you this.” 

“Well he’s never been to one of  _ my  _ parties. He’ll love it, I swear.” 

Dean thought about it, promising his friend that he would ask Cas about it but he wasn’t going to try to persuade him to come if he seemed iffy. 

“Well if he does come then you’ll have to nut up and ask him then.” Jo stated, and then chuckled at her choice of words. Dean tried to roll his eyes in annoyance but he loved the blonde too much. 

“I’m not gonna ask him while we’re surrounded by a bunch of drunk assholes at Charlie’s party. That’s like the least romantic thing someone could do.” He didn’t comment on the “awing” coming from Charlie but he did throw a french fry at her, which she promptly caught and ate. 

Dorothy kept quiet for most of the conversation, choosing to just sit back and watch her friends tease and argue with each other like she usually did, but this time she snorted, “Would you look at that. Dean Winchester actually trying to impress someone.” Her tone was soft - she didn’t typically participate in the teasing, just laughed when something funny was said and then stood up for whoever was the joke of the day, but sometimes she would make a remark and it always shocked Dean when she did since it just wasn’t like her. He could never respond without looking like a stammering fool because it always took him off guard. 

“And a  _ boy, _ no less.” Jo added. 

He grumbled, “Yeah, yeah,” 

“Might surprise you two but  _ I _ always had a hunch. I have a spectacular gaydar, if you didn’t know. Gay-intuition.” Charlie knocked her finger against her temple. 

“If it’s gay-intuition then wouldn’t I have known, too?” Dorothy countered and Charlie mockingly scuffed, 

“I don’t see how you didn’t! It’s so obvious.” 

“Hey!” Dean protested. What did that mean? 

Charlie gave him a pointed look, “Dean, come on. No straight guy has  _ that  _ big a crush on Dr. Sexy.” 

“Or Clint Eastwood.”

“Or cowboys in general.” 

“Okay okay, you made your point!” Dean groused, waving his hand. 

Jo pondered, a thoughtful expression on her face, “You know, I get it out now. I definitely get it. I don’t how we didn’t notice this before.” 

“See?” Asked Charlie as she slurped her chocolate shake, and Dean rolled his eyes, mumbled, “I hate all of you.” 

“So what are you going to do about the whole secrecy thing?” Dean looked at Jo and asked her what she meant. She looked at the girls in front of them and Dorothy answered. 

“Well you can’t keep it a secret forever. You’ve been pining over him for ages now, you really don’t want to show him off? I mean, Castiel Novak is on your arm, Dean. That is no easy feat.” 

“Ah, Sam would have my ass if he knew and Cas’ entire family hates me. Plus he isn't out to his parents yet, anyways.” 

“That’s not true,” Charlie stated, “Anna doesn’t like you, Michael doesn’t know you, and his mom seems to be okay with you from what I’ve heard. ”

That doesn’t solve anything. “Yeah but still, I hear what people say about me, Charles. I hear what they say about my dad. No way his parents are going to approve of that, and God, Anna would fucking murder me if she could.” That was an understatement. Dean was positive now that he was her least favorite person on the planet, especially after she cornered him in the hallway the other day and all but fucking threatened him. 

“Anna hates everyone, Dean! And if you think that Sam isn’t going to be happy about this then it’s only because you’ve kept it from him for so long now. It’s been around a month, hasn’t it? Have you talked to Cas about it? What does he want to do?” 

He didn’t know what Cas wanted to do. They didn’t exactly clarify what they were doing here, it just kinda happened that they didn’t tell anyone. A silent agreement. Cas’ family would flip, John doesn’t know Dean’s into dudes, and Sam wouldn’t be happy with either of them. 

Thinking about it, it made Dean wonder they thought this would be a good idea at all. 

 

\--

 

\--

 

Cas didn’t seem dissuaded by the idea of going to Charlie’s party - even after Dean told him there was gonna be way more people there than usual -  he actually didn’t seem to mind at all. He knew Dean’s friends a lot better now, having ate lunch with them a couple of times and hung out once after school. The girls also seem to find him in the hallways between classes and harass him someway then. Cas says he enjoys it. Dean says “it’s okay, you can tell me the truth.” 

Dean had planned on talking to him before Wednesday night but when the boy called him late on Tuesday, who was Dean to turn him down? 

It was around midnight when he pulled up to the Novak’s and Cas was already waiting outside, a smile on his face as he approached the Impala. “Hey,”

“Hey, yourself.” Cas climbed in wearing a different sweater than he did to school - that one was dark green, this one was shades of brown and dark red, it looked nice on him. One of the tighter ones, not that Dean was complaining. “I want ice cream.” 

“Ice cream, huh? In 40 degrees weather?” Dean raised his eyebrow and Cas leveled him with a look. 

He rasped, “There’s no specific time for ice cream, Dean. The time is all the time.” 

Dean chuckled and said okay - if the guy wanted ice cream, the guy was going to get ice cream. Since it was too late for any of the good parlors to be open, Dean had no choice but to drive them to the closest Sonic where Cas ended up ordering a fucking slushie with a damn smile on his face and Dean got a milkshake. 

“Chocolate peanut butter?” Cas asked him, totally judging Dean’s choice of shake. 

“ _ Pickle? _ ” Dean made a face when he said it and Cas laughed, putting his hands up in defense. 

“It tastes better than it sounds, I swear!” He held out the cup so Dean could taste but the blonde refused and shook his head. 

“Nuh-uh. Not happening.” 

“Dean, it’s not that bad! It sounds disgusting really but I promise you it’s good.” 

“Not with peanut butter.” 

Cas squinted his eyes. “People eat peanut butter and pickles together all the time.” Dean still shook his head so Cas unbuckled his seat belt and scooted into the seat over. They were parked in one of the spots at Sonic so they weren’t moving and it was pretty deserted. Dean refused to look at him because he knew Cas would turn those damned puppy dogs on him and it would the the end of it. He’d be mixing pickles and peanut butter and chocolate and he’d probably not think it was that bad but at this point it was more about being stubborn and less about not actually wanting to taste it. 

Cas however, was relentless. He knew all of Dean’s buttons. He knew all of Dean’s sweet spots, his soft parts, what made him shiver, what made his breath hitch, what made him finally let up and give in. It was-- Dean didn’t know how it happened so quickly - how Cas already knew him so well after such short time. 

The Novak started nibbling at Dean’s neck, right below his ear because he knew it made Dean’s knees weak, but the Winchester wasn’t caving. Not yet. Except then Cas licked the spot and rubbed his nose along under Dean’s jaw, brought his hand up to turn the seniors head and next thing he knew, Cas lips were on his own and slowly but surely their tongues were twisting as they fought for dominance but tonight Dean was meek. The sourness from the pickles fulfilled his taste buds and he was right - he didn’t hate it. At least, not when it was coming from Castiel’s mouth. Or maybe it was just the taste of Cas’ mouth alone and that’s what he was enjoying. He didn’t know, he just knew he wanted more. 

He pressed closer with a hand in Cas’ hair and the other on his waist tugging him forward. Cas moaned, and, much to Dean’s dismay, pulled back. “Well?” He asked, and for a moment, Dean almost forgot what he was referring to. 

“Disgusting.” He smirked and Cas jabbed him in the ribs. 

“Liar.” A few more pecks, popping off with a smack, and then the Novak was back to slurping his slushie, making faces at the body next to him. Dean willingly gave up his drink when Cas reached for it and pulled out the straw, licking along the side, deep, blue eyes never wavering as they bored into green. Dean could feel the shift in the air, the arousal. He wanted to do whatever Cas was wanting to do - whatever this whole using-the-milkshake-to-seduce shit was happening. But he had to talk first. He had to get it out of the way, get it over with because his fucking stomach was twisting with nerves and unease at the thought of rejection from Cas. 

Turns out though, Cas made the decision without and before him, exclaiming, "I don't think I can be in this relationship you won't try my slushie." 

Dean fixes him and has confusion written all over his face, he knows he does, but he quickly tries to change it to something that's not that. "Relationship, huh? You sayin' we're boyfriends?" He tried for smooth and cocky, laid back and relaxed but he wouldn't be surprised if there was more than a note of nervousness laced in his voice.

"Maybe," Cas replies, a smirk on his face as he hands Dean back his shake. "If you want." 

Dean shrugs nonchalantly, "Maybe," he mocks and Cas lightly slaps his arm. 

"Jackass."

Still, Dean can't stop himself from needing the extra reassurance and he knows he'll beat himself over it if he doesn't just make sure. 

"So, uh-- it's official now? We're..a thing?" 

Cas grins around his straw, a takes a large gulp and then says, "I suppose we are a 'thing'" he used the air quotes and all and Dean wanted to fucking lick him to death right then and there because he was so damn adorable. 

"Okay," Dean declares instead.

"Okay?"

He nods, "Yes, okay." 

 

And Cas smiles his toothy smile, "Okay." 

 

\--

 

\--

 

Wednesday when the Winchesters returned home after school they had an unexpected visitor - that of their father. He wasn’t drunk, which was a surprise, but he also wasn’t in a very good mood. As soon as his sons stepped inside he faced them with a grunt, asked where all the “goddamned food was” and said if he was going to spend as much money as he was on groceries, there better fucking be some when he gets home. Dean made the mistake of telling him John didn’t pay for the groceries - Dean did with his own money. - then he may or may not have followed it with, “Because I don’t spend everything that I make on booze like a fucking alcoholic. I actually use it for important shit, like taking care of Sammy which is supposed to be  _ your _ fucking job, dad.” 

“The fuck did you say to me, boy?” John’s voice turned dangerous, evil, and Dean knew then that he probably shouldn’t have added the last part but oh well, it was out now and there was no going back. All he did was turn to his little brother, 

“Sammy, go get in the car.” He tossed him the keys and Sam protested, 

“But Dean--” 

“Go!” He watched Sam hurry out the front door and he turned back to his father who was staring actual fucking daggers into him. 

“The hell do you get off thinking you can speak to me like that, huh? I’m your goddamn father, little shit.” 

Dean was already in this far, he might as well just fucking stab the bear at this point.

“Fucking act like it then, Dad!” He shouted, and when John didn’t say anything, only a foot away, he just continued to glare before he picked up one of the lamps and chucked it across the room. It crashed into the mantel, knocking down a couple of photo frames and knick knacks before shattering to the floor. Dean flinched as some pieces of glass flung at his face but he still took the opportunity to duck out, not bothering to shut the door behind him.  He half expected John to follow him out but he never came. Oh well. He got into the car as fast as he could and drove off before taking any chances. 

“What the hell happened? Are you hurt? I heard a crash, did he hit you? Are you okay?” Sam was asking him frantically. Dean took a moment to breathe, letting his heart slow down from the adrenaline. He checked himself in the rearview, wiping off the blood prickling down the skin around his eye and cheek, one above his forehead. 

“I’m fine, he-- he threw a lamp. Broke the glass rooster that grandma gave us, and I think one of mom’s pictures but I couldn’t get a good look.” 

“Shit, Dean.” 

“Language.” 

Sam rolled his eyes and huffed a breath, “What are we doing now?” 

“We’re gonna go to Bobby’s for a little bit and then I’m going to Charlies.”   
  


He sat in the garage with his uncle as the man worked under a car someone had brought in, and Sam was inside the house watching some sort of movie or another. Dean hated bitching about his problems, especially to Bobby because the man would do fucking anything for them and not even blink an eye and Dean didn’t want that. Bobby didn’t have to fucking raise them like he did. They weren’t and still aren’t his responsibilities. The Singer/Harvelle family was way too damn kind to them after the way John has treated them over the years. 

“Son, I told you, we would take you two in in a heartbeat. All you gotta do is say the word.” 

Dean sighed, “I know Bobby, I just-- what am I supposed to about him?”  _ John.  _ “He’s not gonna let anything happen easily, you know that.” 

“You just let me deal with your father, okay? Ain’t nothin’ Ellen and I can’t handle ourselves. If you’re really worried about it, you two can stay here until he leaves again.” 

As much as he hated to admit it, he  _ was _ worried about going back home. Not just for Sam, but for himself, too. It was..the fact that John didn’t yell at him, didn’t immediately charge him and beat the shit out of him, he-- Dean saw the rage in the man’s eyes. He saw the ire, the wrath, the fucking fury.  _ John was pissed _ , and Dean was scared. Terrified, even. He fucked up. 

He can only muster up a “Thank you, Bobby,” and plaster on a brave face. He went back inside to check on Sam once, make sure he was okay and not too shaken, before he went on his way to pick up Cas for Charlies. When he got there there was no one out, so he got out and knocked on the door. It wasn’t too long before it swung open and there was Cas, worry and distraught written all over his perfect fucking face. 

“Dean,” 

“M’ fine, I promise, I’m fine.” 

“You don’t look fine. What the hell happened? Sam said you were bleeding and your dad was--” 

“Sam’s dramatic, you know this.” 

Cas put a hand on his face, running it down the side that wasn’t all cut up. His eyes were soft and sparkling with concern despite Dean’s trying to reassure him. “Come inside, I’ll clean you up.” Dean didn’t need cleaning up - he did it himself when he got to Bobby’s, but he’d let Cas do this, and he’d do it for Cas if it would get him to stop looking at Dean like his fucking puppy has cancer. 

He let Cas guide him inside and up the stairs to his bedroom. Cas sat Dean on the bed and left to get a washcloth, some peroxide and a tube of neosporin. He came and looked a little calmer as he prepped Dean’s face, delicate touches full of nothing but warmth and tenderness, care. “Tell me what happened,” he asked again, and Dean sighed, closing his eyes and enjoying the feeling of Cas’ fingers. The peroxide was cold and it stung a little, but he didn’t mind. Dean retold the story to Cas, stressing again that it really wasn’t as bad as however Sam probably made it seem. 

He didn’t tell Cas how scared he was, or how he regretted saying those things to John as soon as they came out of his mouth, not because they weren’t true, but because he knew the outcome of admitting it out loud. He didn’t tell Cas that it made him shiver just thinking about going home and the beat down he was definitely going to get the next time his father saw him. He didn’t tell Cas that he almost wished something would happen to their father so that he wouldn’t have to deal with the consequences of this. 

No, he certainly didn’t tell Cas any of that. 

He just insisted he was okay, and because apparently Cas was able to read through his lies as well as Sam and Bobby could, the boy didn’t look the least bit convinced. But also because he was able to read Dean like the others, he dropped the subject and left it alone, offering his ear for whenever Dean was ready to talk. For that, Dean was thankful. 

They sat together on the Novak’s bed for a few more minutes and Cas asked if there was anything Dean wanted to do before they headed to their redheaded friends house. “No,” Dean replied, “Just sit here with you for a little longer.” 

“Of course,” he repositioned them so that they were laying down, or, rather, Dean was laying down with his head on Cas’ stomach and Cas was resting with his back against the wall, fingers caressing short blonde hair. Neither one of them spoke, Dean relished in Cas’ scent right at his nose, soothing and relaxing him as he inhaled, exhaled. He felt better, not enough to get his mind off of his father, but enough to unruffle him at least a small amount. 

One thing was for sure, though - 

Tonight, he drinks. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SMUT

Dean was very drunk. Like, really drunk. Intoxicated, inebriated, impaired. Fucking plastered.

Well, not  _ plastered,  _ but definitely super drunk. Not to the point where he couldn’t stand on his own - though he was certainly wobbly - or where he was slurring his words or anything. He was aware of his surroundings, Cas thinks, but he’s not totally sure that Dean knows exactly what he’s saying, because right now he keeps going off about  _ blue,  _ and  _ nerds,  _ and fucking  _ basketballs  _ and at this point, Cas doesn’t even know what the guy’s saying anymore. 

They were sitting on the couch in Charlie’s den while the party goes on around them. There’s music playing and people dancing, making out, arguing about something or another. There aren’t  _ so  _ many people in the den with them, mostly everyone else was in the living room or the kitchen or having sex upstairs. Cas didn’t know. He was more focused on the 18 year old boy who was currently blabbering on as he stretched out on the loveseat, squishing Cas into the arm of it. Dean  _ insisted  _ that they sat there and said no one else was allowed to even touch that piece of furniture. 

“I just-- so fucking blue, Cas!”

Cas looked over at Charlie, who was watching them in amusement with a smirk on her face and something about that told Cas that she actually had an idea of what Dean was saying.

Jo leaned in as close as she could to the drunk senior and said, “Dean, sweetie, what the fuck are you talking about?” 

“Eyes, Jo! Eyes!” Cas furrowed his eyebrows and bit back a smile as Dean exclaimed to Jo like what he was saying was the most obvious thing in the world. 

Cas turned to him the best he could. “ _Who_ are you talking about?”

Dean giggled drunkenly, “You, sweetheart. Obviously.” Cas blushed at the open endearment and looked over at Charlie who was now shaking with laughter, poorly hiding it but Cas doesn’t even know that she was trying to. “You were the cutest nerd I had ever seen, you know. Even with your combed back hair and khakis, you looked damn near good enough to  _ eat. _ “ That last part he had said in Cas’ ear so that no one else heard and Cas’ eyes widened, his face immediately flushing. 

“I think it’s time to get you some water, huh?” He stood up, pointedly ignoring Dean’s heated gaze and the girls’ knowing gazes. He took Dean’s hand and pulled him up, making sure the guy was on his feet and was stable before they moved. They traveled through what little people were in that room until they were in the kitchen, where Cas went straight for the sink to pour a glass of aqua and then handed it to Dean. 

“I don’t like water.” 

“Water's good for you. Drink up.” 

Dean brought the glass up to his mouth, he was just about to sip before a sly grin spread across his lips. “What do I  get out of it?” 

“Not puking your guts out by tomorrow morning.” Cas smirked back and gave his best “mom” look. Dean rolled his eyes and mumbled something incoherent before finally drinking. He paced himself, didn’t chug it, but it was gone within a minute and when he was done, Cas gave him a satisfied smile which Dean clearly couldn’t refuse. 

“Okay, have to pee.” Cas nodded and watched as Dean trailed off towards the downstairs bathroom. As Dean was out of sight, Cas absentmindedly glanced around the room to see many people he knew here. Lots of people you wouldn’t think would be at a party, and lots of people you wouldn’t think would be at  _ Charlie’s  _ party. He saw a dark headed guy who he thought went by the name of Aaron but he wasn’t sure. They were in biology together and Cas has only spoken to him a handful of times but he seemed like a nice enough guy. He waved at Cas from across the room and Cas waved back, and before he knew it the guy was crossing through the crowd and then standing right in front of him. 

“Hey,” he greeted with a kind voice.

“Hi,” Castiel responded. He didn’t usually make conversation with people so he was a bit awkward. 

“Pretty sweet party, huh?” 

“Yes, I suppose Charlie’s rather great at throwing them.” 

Aaron laughed and took a sip of his beer. He looked at Castiel’s empty hands, “You got a drink?” 

Cas shook his head, “I’m not really an alcohol person.” The other guy nodded in understanding and licked his lips. 

“So uh, you’re Castiel, right? Michael’s little brother?” Cas smiled in answer because he didn’t trust himself to not have a snarky comment about being more than just  _ Michael Novak’s fucking little brother. _

Aaron continued. “We played baseball together when he was still here. How is he?” 

“Ah..basically the exact same. Hasn’t changed much.” 

Aaron nodded again like he wasn't really listening and his eyes roamed down Cas' body, “Hey, would you maybe wanna--” 

He was interrupted by Dean slinging an arm over Castiel’s shoulders, not saying anything, just smiling haughtily at the other person. Aaron’s eye’s shifted between the two before landing on the junior. “Uhm, you know what, nevermind..” he trailed off and looked somewhere to the side before walking that direction and not looking back. 

As soon as he was gone, Cas turned to his (boyfriend??) and squinted his eyes, “What was that?” 

Dean feigned confusion, looking completely oblivious. “What was what?” 

“That whole alpha male thing you just pulled. Like you were marking your territory or something.”

Dean snorted, “Trust me, Cas, if I was marking my territory, you’d know.” He added a wink and Cas hated how easily it was for Dean to make him blush. 

Still, he rolled his eyes. “Who’s the jealous one now?” He pat Dean on the shoulder and took off back towards the den where their friends awaited them. Dean hastily jogged to reach him, exclaiming, 

“Hey, I am not jealous. And definitely not of Aaron fucking Bass.” He made a face like it was such an absurd thing. 

“No?” Cas questioned and raised a defying eyebrow. Dean shook his head. “So then if I were to go over there and ask if he’d like to join us, then you’d..not mind?” Again, Dean shook his head, this time crossing his arms across his chest. Cas pondered this before nodding, “Okay.” he turned around, heading the direction Aaron was in when Dean caught his arm.

“Alright, alright! You caught me, yeah? So I was a little fucking jealous. Sue me.” 

Cas smiled at his pouty face, and, just for a few moments forgot about where he was at and who was around him, who was possibly witnessing this, who was paying attention to them. He stepped in close to Dean and snaked his arms around his waist. “You’re pretty cute, you know that?” 

“Yeah, yeah,” he grumbled, but couldn’t keep the grin off his face.    
  


They all but banned Dean from drinking for the rest of the night, mostly because Cas was worried about the hangover Dean would undoubtedly have in the morning, and also because Cas didn't really support the whole “drink my feelings away” thing, so he and their friends tried to be there for Dean whatever way they could for the rest of the night. 

Sometime between 12 and 1 the party started to die down until eventually it was left with only the 6 friends. Jo said she and Ash could handle getting Dean home for the night and Cas didn't see a problem with it. The two parted at the front door with a promise to see each other at school the next day, and Cas really felt for the Winchester then - tomorrow was not going to be blast for him. 

When he got home he was exhausted, he threw himself on the bed and laid there, staring up at his ceiling and just thinking.  Dean texted him a little after he arrived home, just to ensure Cas that he was okay. Cas replied and said  goodnight, and he thought it was the end of the conversation but a few minutes later his phone began vibrating where it lay on the mattress next to him. He figured if Dean was calling this late then there's a good possibility something might be wrong. “Hello?” 

_ “Cas.” _ Dean said immediately, Cas asked  _ what?  _ and Dean continued,  _ “Castiel.” _

“Yes, Dean.” 

_ “What does...that mean?”  _ He was still just a little drunk, Cas could tell. He could still hear it in his voice. 

“What does my name mean?” 

_ “Mhmm,” _ Cas could hear the ruffling of sheets and he figured Dean was probably trying to get comfy in bed. He sounded tired, like he was just about almost asleep, and Cas smiled at the slight lull in his hum. 

“Ah, angel. Of Thursday. My parents were pretty involved in the church when they had me.” 

Dean pondered it for a moment, and for a second Cas thought maybe he had fallen asleep.  _ “Angel? Like, with a harp and everything?”  _

“No, I-- I don’t have a harp, Dean.” 

_ “Hey, Cas?”  _

“Yes?” 

_ “Thanks,”  _ was all Dean said, so simple and sweet and like it held all the meaning in the world. Cas smiled, blushing even though he had no idea what it meant, just that it was a lot coming from Dean. 

 

\--

 

\--

 

“Mornin’, Sunshine.” Cas was sitting at his lunch table with Charlie, Dorothy and Meg when Dean’s voice sounded behind him. Cas turned around just in time to be met with a smile the size of fucking Texas, all shining and happy, radiant, and not hungover at all. Dean plopped down in the seat next to the brunette, who was not actually surprised to see him even though Dean doesn’t have B lunch, he has C lunch with Jo, but sometimes he sneaks out of class to visit his friends. “Or should I say,  _ Angel _ ?” 

“You’re pretty chipper for someone who could have easily matched Charlie Sheen in drinks last night.” Charlie said teasingly. 

“What can I say? I’m awesome.” 

“No seriously, why are you in such a good mood?” 

Though Cas has yet to say anything since Dean arrived, the senior still looks at him when he shrugs and says, “‘M just happy.” He winks at Cas as he speaks, effectively making the boy blush. This is one of those times where Cas wishes he could just reach up and kiss the blonde. Lay a smooch right there on those perfect fucking lips, in front of everybody and not have a single care in the world. He wants to be able to hold Dean’s hand in public and kiss him and hug him and let everyone know that,  _ yeah, Castiel Novak has Dean fucking Winchester and everyone else can go fuck themselves.  _

He was content with Dean, and happier than he’s been in ages. Even with all the relentless bullshit going on with Gabe, Cas was still goddamn exultant when it came to the Winchester. 

He grins at Dean, wide and toothy, and can’t seem to bring himself to respond when Charlie awkwardly excuses herself from the conversation to continue on talking to Dorothy and Meg. 

“So, um,” Dean starts, “I know for a fact that my dad left again and my house is completely empty.” 

“Oh, yeah?” Cas leans his elbow on the table and rests his face in his hand, he stares dreamily at the guy in front of him. 

Dean nods, “What do you say?” 

Then Cas snaps his head up and out of whatever almost-daze he was in and declares, “What? No! I can’t ditch with you, are you crazy? My mom would  _ actually  _ ground me for the rest of my life if she found out, Dean.” 

“She’s not gonna find out, Cas. Do you have any idea how many times I’ve ditched and not been caught?” Cas gives him a pointed look. It’s highly unlikely John Winchester is answering any calls coming from the high school. “I promise you, it’s gonna be fine. Besides, you’re almost 18 and have never skipped before. It’s time. What’s the worst that could happen?” 

“I’d be murdered by my own mother and then we’d never see each other again!” 

This time it’s Dean giving him the pointed look. “Sweetheart, come on, that’s a bit dramatic, don’t you think?” Cas glares half-heartedly at him and the older boy scoots closer. He looks around before placing a tentative hand on Cas’ arm. “Look, we barely get to see each other for more than a couple hours at a time and for once I’d just like to be with you without any responsibilities getting in our way. No interruptions.” 

Cas sighs, his reservations lessening the more Dean speaks and Dean must be able to tell because he scoots closer  _ again  _ and mirrors Cas leaning on the table, he lowers his voice and its simultaneously both deep and soft as he tries, “Just you and me in my bed for almost 4 hours, doing whatever we want. I’ll even stop and get you one of those damned slushies on the way there.” He looks around the lunch room for prying eyes and when he deems it safe enough, he leans until he’s only a few short inches away and whispers, “Please,  _ Angel, _ ” he grins when he says it and once again, Cas blushes at the endearment, or, new nickname. Whatever it is. 

“Okay,” he finally accedes, and he’s damn glad he did just for the fucking thrilled smile he receives when he agrees. 

“Sweet. I’ll meet you by your locker after lunch, yeah?” Cas nods and watches as Dean stands up, winks at him, and strolls out of the cafeteria. 

“Still can’t believe you’re boning that, Clarence.” 

Cas sighs lovely and rests his attention on Meg. He had decided to tell her a few weeks ago what was going on between them, her having known of the crush that he’s harbored on the senior for as long as he has. She squealed and congratulated him, high fiving him for the “win” as she referred to it. 

“I’m not  _ boning  _ him.” He feels the need to clarify, not that it’s any of their business what sexual activities Dean and he have done or not. “We’re taking it slow.” 

Charlie looks at Dorothy, muddled, and then back at Cas, “Taking it slow? Meaning..?” 

“Meaning..slow.. We haven’t had sex yet.” He says simply and takes a bite out of his chicken sandwich, savoring the combination of flavors - pickles and ketchup and mayonnaise bursting through his taste buds. He swallows and then takes a sip of water as the girls all look at each other in a mix of shock and confusion. 

“Cas, you wanna maybe..elaborate?” Charlie asks and she’s still got this look on her face like she has no idea what’s going on and Cas cuts his eyes at her, asking her what there is to elaborate on. “It’s just..I’ve never really known Dean to “take it slow” if you know what I’m saying.”

Cas furrows his brows and shakes his head, not understanding. Dorothy leans forwards and takes over. “What she's saying, Cas, is that we’ve just never known Dean to not head straight into sex. We’re just surprised he’s agreeing to it, is all.” 

Meg smirks and nudges him. “You hear that, Clarence? Winchester has really got the hots for you. S’it make you all gooey inside?” 

Truthfully, it does, and he  blushes in his seat and tilts his head down so that the girls can’t see the red tint to his cheeks.

Charlie puts a hand on his arm, asking for his attention and he provides. “We’re really happy you’re here, Cas. Dean is-- he’s a totally different person with you. He’s a  _ better  _ person with you. We haven’t seen him this happy in I don’t know how long.” Her words are sincere and he has no reason not to believe her, but he isn’t sure how to respond and not sound like a blubbering mess at her words because of how they made his fucking heart flutter. So he smiles at her, warm and kind and thankful, and goes back to his sandwich until the end of lunch. When that time comes, he throws his tray away, bids his friends a farewell and makes his way to his locker where he finds Dean waiting on him. 

“Ready?” Dean asks when Cas gets close enough. Cas nods and lets Dean take his hand to lead him down the halls to the gym where they slip out the side door and walk along the edge of the property until they’re in the senior parking lot and at the impala. Cas slips in when Dean unlocks the doors and waits as the beast rumbles to life and the radio starts, blaring  _ Crazy Train  _ and Dean immediately turns the volume up. “Awesome,” He says smiling and pulls out of the parking lot. 

After stopping at Sonic like Dean had promised, and buying slushies and snacks, they arrive at the Winchesters about 20 minutes after leaving the school. Before Cas knows it he’s tucked into Dean’s bed nearly an hour later, they’re watching  _ O Brother, Where Art Thou  _ and Dean’s shaking the entire bed with his laughter. 

_ “I don’t want Fop, goddammit, I’m a Dapper Dan man!”  _ Everett is shouting on the tv and Dean just guffaws, mouthing the lines along with the characters. Cas watches him, admiring him with a fond gaze as he’s crammed cozily under Dean’s arm. “I love this movie.” And  _ yeah,  _ Cas thinks,  _ I can tell.  _

Dean falls asleep sometime before the movie is over and Cas lays and lets him. He watches the rest of the film with a snoozing Dean next to him, and every now and then Cas looks over to take in his sleeping form. He looks peaceful and sated, like he doesn’t have a million different problems going on out here in the real world. He’s relaxed in his deep doze, and his lips part every few seconds to let out puffs of air. Cas smiles - he’s adorable like this. Beautiful. 

Cas thinks about today, how Dean has been so happy all day, not hungover or sad, worried, distracted. None of that. Just happy. And Cas wonders why. After yesterday, and how perturbed Dean had been after what had happened with John, why was he seemingly so care-free today? 

He lets Dean sleep, because Lord knows the kid doesn’t get enough of it, but then around 2:30 he starts to come out of it. He wakes up slowly, his eyes gently blinking open and Cas looks up from his phone to see him. Dean smiles at him and yawns, stretching his back like a little cat before murmuring, “Hi,”

“Hello, Dean. Did you sleep well?” 

Dean nods his head, “Sorry, I didn’t realize I was that tired.”

“It’s quite alright, you’re sweet when you’re sleeping.” 

Dean’s skin flushes a light shade of pink and he glances down to Cas lips, who instinctively licks them, Dean’s pupils widening at the gesture. They meet in a kiss, one Cas has been craving all day - one he’s been craving since before the party. Dean starts to shift until he’s close, pushing into Cas with his body and rolling on top of him. His leg is pressed between Cas’ thigh and Cas can feel himself growing in his pants. Dean feels it too, because his leg presses harder and it’s the perfect friction, making Cas gasp into the seniors mouth. 

It isn’t long before they’re both panting into each other’s mouths, Dean is practically riding Cas’ leg. Cas can feel the familiar sensation of an orgasm pooling in his stomach, and he doesn’t want to jiz in his fucking pants so he reaches between them and starts tugging at Dean’s jeans. Dean gets the memo and works both of their pants off, pulling Cas’ all the way down his legs. He’s hovering above Cas, straddling him and when Cas’ member bobs out of his underwear, Dean stares down at it, a look on his face Cas can’t quite decipher.  

“Dean?” He asks softly and the older boy jerks his head up, eyes matching Cas’ before he leans down and kisses him again, shorter this time as to start mouthing around Cas’ neck. He makes his way down Cas’ chest, kissing and licking and sucking multiple spots into the skin. He pays close attention to each of Cas’ nipples, all the while Cas himself is writhing beneath Dean, begging for some type of touch to his abandoned dick. 

Dean smirks at him from where he’s sucking a bruise into the space below Cas’ right peck, then he continues his way down until he’s right at the V of Cas’ legs. His face is red, and he’s nervous, Cas can tell, so he gives a reassuring smile and Dean shakily admits, “I, uhm, I’ve never done this before.” Cas knows he’s talking about sucking dick, and he reaches a hand into his blonde locks. 

“It’s okay, you don’t have to if you don’t want to.” 

Dean smirks at him, more confidently this time. “Baby, I’ve been wanting to taste you since I saw you in your fucking sweater vests and khakis your freshman year, I just-- I want you to like it.” Cas hears the unsaid  _ “I don’t want to fuck this up”  _ and he pets Dean’s hair soothingly. 

“I’m gonna like whatever it is as long as it comes from you.” Dean smiles at him and kisses under his belly button. 

He mutters, “Fucking sap,” and Cas outright laughs, though it's  short lived because then Dean’s lips are on the tip of his dick as he lays an open mouthed kiss there before his tongue laps up the precome and Cas thinks he might die just from this fucking view because it’s by far the hottest thing he’s ever seen. He bites his bottom lip and watches as Dean licks a stripe up his cock, slow and hot and then he swivels his tongue around the head. 

Cas moans, one hand in Dean’s hair and the other gripping the comforter beneath him. He tries to bite back another moan when Dean wraps his entire mouth around his dick and fucking sinks down as far he can, his fingers wrapping around the base to cover what he can’t reach. He pops off just long enough to utter, “Talk to me, Cas. Don’t hold back.” and Cas’ eyes snap shut in pleasure. 

“Fuck,” he groans as Dean begins to bob, and it’s all Cas can do not to buck his hips up just to feel the back of Dean’s throat. 

Dean bobs and bobs and bobs and he quickens his pace and sucks in his cheeks and Cas is warning, “D-Dean, I’m close, I--” and Dean is looking at him with wide, sparkling green eyes and his lips still wrapped around Cas cock and he nods his head once. It’s small and suttle and Cas almost thought it wasn’t on purpose but Dean’s eyes tell him to do it. Let go. 

So he does. His hand in Dean’s hair squeezes as he releases himself into the warmth of the seniors mouth and Dean sucks him through it until he can’t swallow anymore and he pops off, coughing a little as Cas’ spend drips down his chin and  _ fuck,  _ if Cas thought he was gonna die from the sight earlier, it’s  _ nothing  _ compared to this. 

He's overcome with damn arousal to do anything other than pull Dean up to him and  _ lick his fucking chin clean  _ before plunging his tongue into the boys’ mouth. The kiss is dirty and hot and Dean tastes like cherries and come, and Cas can’t get enough of it. They kiss only for a few more seconds before he feels hot liquid shooting down his leg and then he realizes,  _ fuck,  _ Dean totally just got off fucking kissing him and going down on him. 

Dean breaks off from the kiss to bury his nose in Cas’ neck as he finishes.  “Shit,” Cas says when they’re both just a pile of panting messes. “That was..”

“I can’t believe I just did that.” 

Cas knows he's talking about coming untouched, so he replies, “You have no idea how much I’m gonna think about that now, fuck.” Dean pushes up some to look at him and Cas is only smirking. “You know, for a first timer, you’re pretty great.” 

“Pretty great, huh?” Dean smiles at him kisses his chin. “Room for improvement?”

“Yes,” Cas simpers as they kiss again. “Guess we’ll just have to practice more.” 

“Guess we will.” 

 

\--

 

\--

 

Yet another week passes and not much is different in the Novak house. It’s been nearly 2 weeks since Gabriel’s outburst and their mother hasn’t said a word to him since. She doesn’t look at him, doesn’t answer when he asks her simple questions. She refuses to do his laundry, and she won’t buy him anymore food. 

About 4 days after  _ that Friday _ , Gabriel came inside while Becky was in her room and Cas was in the kitchen cleaning. He handed his little brother the keys to their moms car and told Cas to give them to her. From there, Cas isn’t really sure how it happened but he found himself outside talking to Gabe for the umpteenth time, trying to hear his thoughts and figure out how his brain is working, see why he’s been doing what he’s doing. 

Gabriel apologizes to Cas without actually saying the words “i’m sorry” but Cas knows the meaning is there all the same. Gabe explains to him how stressed out he’s been, he tells Cas,  _ “I didn’t want to say those things to you, little brother, I didn’t. But you caught me at a bad time, Cas.”  _ and Cas knows that its no excuse for the way Gabe acted, but he was too weak to stand there with his guard up against his older brother while the guy stood there in front of Cas, crying to him about how he didn’t want this life anymore. He was too tired to continue living like this. And Cas felt for him. Whether it was some sort of emotional trap, or whether Gabe was trying to manipulate him, or whether it was actually genuine, Cas didn’t know, but he told his brother it was okay and he forgave him. 

And now, 2 weeks later, everything is fine between the two brothers but there is still very obvious, very sharp tension around the house between the son and his mother. Cas stops Gabe on his way out one day and tells him it’s time for him to apologize - this has gone on way too long. “I know,” Gabe agrees, and it isn’t until the next day when Becky is out on the front porch sweeping and Gabe is in the yard playing tug-a-war with his dog, Cas walks over and taps on the window to get his brother’s attention and Gabe looks up at him. Cas jerks his head to the side to indicate “ _ do it now. _ ” and Gabe nods. A minute later and he speaks, “I’m sorry, mom,” and it’s the first time he’s ever actually said those two words. He implies them, and he dances around them until you know that’s what he’s trying to say, or he does say them but its sarcastic and hurtful and passive aggressive. He never says them and genuinely means them. Not until day. Or at least, Cas thinks it’s genuine. He hopes it genuine. 

“For what?” Becky had asked, not bothering to look up from where she’s waving the broom around on the concrete. Cas knows that tone of voice - he knows she wants Gabe to actually say it. Admit what he did. 

Gabe doesn’t actually, he only replies, “For being an asshole.” but Becky and Castiel both know that’s all they’re gonna get, and it’s more than they’ve ever gotten before, so she accepts it. 

After that it takes a couple of days of awkward tension and weird encounters before they’re back to acting how they did 2 weeks ago. 

Cas is sitting in the living room a few days later when Gabe walks through the dining room and Becky’s dusting the tables. “Hey,” she says in passing, and Gabriel responds, “Hey,” and the scene makes Cas smile. His heart warms. He’s happy again. 

 

\--

 

\--

 

Cas is sitting on Sam’s bed after school one day - the bed he had at Bobby’s - the boy in question is sitting in the floor in front of the bed and they’re playing video games. Cas is losing quite embarrassingly but it’s okay, he doesn’t care. 

“So, um,” Sam starts right before they start a new game. His voice is shaky and Cas can’t see, but he imagines the younger boy to be nibbling on his lip in nerves. “Jess and Brady broke up.” 

“Yeah?” Cas asks, and smiles a little at the pride he feels because he knows Sam has been waiting for this moment forever now.

“Yeah, she, uh-- asked if I would go to the movies with her.” 

“ _ She asked you out? _ ” Cas questions excitedly because  _ wow  _ this is great fucking news. He pauses the game so that he and Sam can talk freely, and Sam sighs and turns out to look at him. 

“Yeah..she asked me earlier today.” 

“When does she want to go?” 

This time, Sam does bite his lip and Cas sees it. “Friday.” 

“Well?? What’s the problem?” 

“Dean’s gonna have to drive us.” 

Cas squints his eyes in confusion, firstly wondering why he’d have to since Sam just got his license in May, he just doesn’t have a vehicle to use. Then Cas realizes that since Sam doesn’t have a vehicle  _ himself,  _ he’d have to use Dean’s and there is absolutely no way in hell Dean is letting his kid brother drive his baby. Secondly Cas wonders why being forced to have Dean drive him is such a big deal, and it hits him. “You think he’s going to embarrass you.” It wasn’t a question. It wasn’t a blind observation. It was a fact and Cas knew it. Dean loves to tease Sam any chance he gets just for shits and giggles. 

Sam nods and Cas continues, “You can take my car.” He says, and then internally cringes because he knows Dean will most definitely be hurt if Sam agrees. Which he did. 

“Really? You don’t mind?” 

Cas shakes his head, “Of course not. You’re a good driver, Sam. I trust you.” 

Sam visibly relaxes and lets out a deep breath. “Thanks, Cas, you’re a lifesaver.” 

Cas smiles at his friend. “I’ll drop it off here sometime after school on Friday and get Meg to follow me or something.” 

“I can make Dean do it, if you want. You guys have been hanging a little, right? So it won’t be so weird?” 

Cas chokes, “What-- um-- no? What?” He stammers and gulps, sure that Sam heard it a whole bed away. “I don’t-- what?” 

Sam gives him an odd, questioning look and he furrows his eyebrows. “Jess said she sees you guys talking in the hallway sometimes. And I’ve seen you two once or twice too. I just thought maybe you guys were warming up to each other or something. I know he can be a dick sometimes.” 

“He’s-- nice.” Is all Cas can manage to slip at the time. 

“I guess,” Sam shrugs and Cas feels a wave of guilt wash over him like he’s never felt before. 

_ What were they doing? Why were they lying? _


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, haha

“So have you seen your dad at all?” Cas asked Dean on Friday afternoon. They were in the library - Cas had to get a book before they went home for the day and Dean insisted on going with him.

“No,” was all Dean replied because he wasn’t super keen on having this discussion, especially not at school and in the fucking library, no less. He hasn’t seen his father, he hasn’t heard from him. It’s been a little over 2 weeks since their argument and that was the last contact between either of them. Dean was worried, yes, but he wasn’t as worried as he could be because this wasn’t the first time this has happened. They’ve gone weeks before without hearing from their father and they can go weeks again. Maybe this was the first time it happened after a big fight like that, but John wasn’t drunk when it happened. He was sober. He was in his right mind. Whatever decision he chose to make after that night, he did it with a leveled head. Or, as leveled as his head could get with all the damn damage from the fucking alcohol. 

Cas stopped his browsing and looked at him with unease, he was clearly fretting the situation with the Winchesters. “Are you--” 

“I’m fine,” Dean smiled as best he could and he knew Cas didn’t believe him, but he didn’t press any further either. Just continued on his search. “What are you looking for, anyways?” 

“A book I read last year for English but I’m doing a report on it this year.” 

“What’s it called?” 

“ _ Night.  _ It’s about the Holocaust. She gave us a list of books we could do but I wasn’t interested in any of them except this one and since I had already read it…” He trailed off as he squatted down to the bottom shelf and if Dean unabashedly checked his ass out, well, it was nobody’s business. 

“So Sammy’s got a hot date tonight, huh?” 

“Yeah, I told him he could borrow my car.” Cas moved down some, still on the floor, and Dean followed him. 

“Your car? He didn’t ask to borrow mine..” 

Cas looked at him, amused. “Would you have let him?” 

“Cas, come on, be serious. This is  _ Baby  _ we’re talking about.” Cas snorted from his spot on the floor and he must have found what he was looking for because he made a slight  _ oh! s _ ound and stood up, a book in his hand. He held it up at Dean, proud and smiling before he strutted down the aisle, Dean towing after him once more. “So, guess that means you’ll be at the house tonight?” 

“For a little bit, I guess. I was planning on taking Meg with me.” 

Dean scrunched his face but didn’t reply as they got to the checkout desk. A minute later the two boys were walking out of the library and Dean continued, “Why would you do that?” 

“I can’t just wait at your house the entire night, Dean.” Cas looked at him like,  _ you should know this.  _ Dean did not know this. “I need a ride home.” 

“I’ll give you a ride home!” 

“You don’t think your brother might be a little skeptical of that? You’ve never offered it before.” 

Dean bounced back a little, feigning offense. “I am a changed man, Cas.” They stopped shortly at Cas’ locker so he could get his book bag, then they made their ways to the parking lot. “Meg can follow you if she wants but it’ll be a moot trip. I’m giving you a ride.” Cas turned to him with his eyebrows raised at the unintentional innuendo. “Oh you know what I mean, you pervert.” 

That caused the boy to throw his head back in laughter as they reached his car. The parking lot was buzzing with traffic and students and Dean wished more than anything they were alone at this moment. He put a hand on Cas’ door and leaned on it, preventing the boy from opening it up. “What time is he going?” Dean asks, staring intently at Cas’ lips. 

“I’m getting there around 6:45 and he’ll leave then.” 

Dean nods, “Okay. I’ll be there.”

“Dean--” 

“Nuh!” He holds up a finger, shushing Cas, “I’ll see you at 6:45.” Without giving him a chance to protest, Dean winks at him and stalks off back up to the senior parking lot. Though he can’t see it, he knows Cas is watching him leave, a smile on his face and Dean relishes in that fact. 

\--

\--

Dean sits on his couch as Sam frantically rushed around the house, hurrying to get ready for his date and making sure everything about himself was perfect. Dean watches in amusement, but he bites back any snarky comments since he promised Cas he wouldn’t tease the kid. “Dude, you’ve never bothered brushing your hair before, what’s the big deal now? Just run your fingers through it like you always do.” 

Sam gives him bitchface #197 but otherwise ignores the remark. “Cas is gonna be here in less than 10 minutes, Dean.” 

The older Winchester sighs and stands up, walking over to his brother in his nicest flannel buttoned all the way up and his crisp blue jeans, and he puts his hands on his brother’s shoulders. “Sammy,” he starts, and waits to continue until Sam calm downs and looks at him. “Jess would be fucking insane if she weren’t as crazy for you as you are of her, okay? You’re a fucking catch, little brother. Just be yourself and don’t worry about a thing. Have fun.” 

Sam takes a couple of deep breaths and nods, “Thanks, Dean.” He goes to brush his teeth and a couple of minutes later the doorbell dings. Dean (totally does not skip) over to the sound and opens the door to be greeted with bright blue eyes. He smiles at Cas and looks behind him for another vehicle but doesn’t see one. “No Meg?” He asks and can’t hide the smugness of his voice. 

Cas half-heartedly rolls his eyes and pushes his way through, “Shut up,” Dean smirks. “Where’s Sam?” 

“In the bathroom, got a little too nervous if you know what I mean.” He makes an  _ ew  _ face and Cas’ eyes widen, Dean can’t help but to laugh. “Nah, I’m just kiddin’, he’s brushing his teeth.” Cas glares at him and goes to sit down on the couch. Dean gradually walks over to him and doesn’t miss the way the blue eyes slide up and down his body. He only got off work 15 minutes ago, begging Bobby to let him go early so he could “help Sam”. He hasn’t had time to shower, and maybe he didn’t even want to, in hopes of being able to feel Cas’ hungry gaze just like he does now. 

Neither of them get to act though before Sam hustles out of the hallway with his coat rustling where it’s wrapped around his shoulders. “Okay,” he says, “I think I’m ready.” 

Cas stands up when he sees him to give him the car keys, “You look great, Sam. Jess will be very pleased.” 

The younger Winchester smiles gratefully and takes the keys, “Thank you, Cas. I promise I’ll be careful!” He’s on his way out the door already and Dean yells one last, “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” before Sam climbs into the drivers side. 

They watch him leave, and when he’s completely out of view, Dean wraps an arm around Cas and sighs dramatically, “They grow up so fast.” 

Cas snorts and lightly smacks his chest, “Fucking dork.” He goes to walk away but Dean grabs his arm and pulls him back, their chests slamming right into the others. Dean noses under his jaw, nuzzles the skin and Cas tilts his head back to give him more space. 

“Miss you,” Dean speaks into the skin and Cas chuckles warmly. 

“You just saw me a few hours ago.” 

“A few hours too many.” 

“We can make up for that,” Cas whispers, and takes Dean’s hand, starts dragging him over to the couch. He pushes the blonde down, head on one end of the couch and feet on the other, and Cas crawls over him, straddling him. Dean stares up at him, green eyes into blue and arousal fills the air around them. It’s thick and heavy and Dean’s dick grows where its confined in his jumpsuit. His hands are on Cas’ hips, and Cas’ hands are raking down Dean’s chest. “How long have you been home?” 

Dean shrugs, “‘Bout 20 minutes.” 

Cas eyes the jumpsuit and dried oil on Dean’s face. “Didn’t clean up?” 

_ And miss this?  _ Dean thinks to himself,  _ fuck no.  _ “Didn’t have time.” 

Cas nods as he starts to unzip the suit, slowly and painfully pulling the zipper down. His eyes never leave Dean’s and he’s got his fucking eyebrow raised and Dean hates when he does that shit because he can never stop himself from getting hard right then and there. It’s actually embarrassing how fast that works on him. 

When Cas gets the zipper all the way down he starts pushing the fabric off Dean’s shoulders, and Dean sits up to get it all the way off, revealing a white V-neck underneath. Castiel still eyes him hungrily and Dean wants to squirm because his gaze is so fucking intense but he can’t, he just-- it turns him on so much more that Cas refuses to look away from him. 

Cas begins to tug at the white shirt and pulls it up too, and when it’s off, when Dean has nothing on the top half of him, Cas feels him. He runs his hands all across Dean’s chest and shoulders, over his biceps and down his pecks. “So fucking sexy,” he rasps in his too-deep-voice. He kisses Dean’s left shoulder, “You don’t how many times I’ve thought about you, Dean,” another kiss to his clavicle. “Naked, not naked,” kiss on his throat, “You in this goddamn jumpsuit,” the other side of Dean’s throat, “Me taking it off of you,” He bites into the skin right below the collarbone and sucks. Dean winces, just a little at the pain and then Cas licks the spot to sooth it. “I’ve thought about fucking you,  _ so many times,  _ Dean, you don’t know.” He sucks another spot. “I’ve thought about you fucking me,” and then he moans. He fucking  _ moans  _ thinking about Dean inside him. 

As he’s saying these things, confessing his dirtiest thoughts to Dean and marking places on his skin, he’s also reaching into Dean’s fucking bottoms and wraps a loose hand around his dick, pumping twice before he pulls it out. He tells Dean to lift, and Dean does, shimming out entirely of the jumpsuit until he’s got nothing on but his boxers and Cas is still fully fucking clothed. 

“You want to fuck me, right, Dean?” He whispers seductively and his blue eyes are so round and deep and all Dean can do is nod dumbly because  _ fuck yes he wants to do that.  _ “Yeah? You think about it a lot? Get off on it?” 

“Fuck, Cas, yes.” Dean moans when the boy starts sucking on his throat again and no doubt Dean’s gonna have to wear a fucking hoodie for a week after this. 

“Yeah, me too, Dean.” He tugs at Dean’s boxers until they’re sliding off and now Dean’s left in nothing. He’s absolutely fucking naked and this time he  _ does  _ squirm under Castiel’s heated gaze. 

“Cas, you’re still-- Clothes,” he spits out because it’s all he can do, it’s all he can say ‘cause then Cas does wrap his fingers around him and he skims his thumb over Dean’s tip to smear the precome and at this point Dean is fucking throbbing. He feels like he could explode at any given moment. There’s this whole side of Cas that Dean never knew existed but he sees it now and  _ fucking a  _ is it sexy as hell. Cas has completely taken control. Gone is the boy who blushes every time Dean winks at him. This Cas is-- fuck. Dean doesn’t even know, he just knows he likes it.  _ Loves  _ it, even. 

Cas doesn’t say anything as he takes Dean’s bottom lip between his teeth and bites down, making Dean moan once more as the boys hands are still pumping his cock full. Dean really just wants Cas to fucking bury himself inside of Dean but he doesn’t think it’s going to happen today, because even though this Cas can totally pass as a sex God, Dean knows that  _ his  _ Cas, cute and shy and adorable Cas, isn’t actually ready to go all the way yet. 

Still, Dean begs for whatever Cas is willing to give him. He  _ needs  _ it. 

“Baby,  _ please, _ ” he moans and pleads and Cas shushes him. 

“I know, Dean, you’re growing impatient,” His gravelly voice rumbles into Dean’s ear and then he licks a stripe behind the skin there, much like he did to Dean’s cheek that one day they sat on Bobby’s back porch. 

Cas tightens his grip on Dean’s member and his movements grow faster on harder. 

“What are you thinking about now?” Cas asks him lowly, “What do you want?” 

Dean whines, “I just-- You, Cas, you’re all I--  _ fuck,  _ want.” Later he'll look back and regret how fucking needy he sounds, but right now he doesn't care. He just  _wants, wants, wants._

Cas’ chuckle is rich, “So sweet, Dean,” he says, “So good.” 

All at once Cas increases his pumping, pushes his tongue in to devour Dean’s mouth and the motherfucker brings up his free hand to pinch Dean’s fucking nipple and that was it. That was all Dean could handle. He shoots his fucking load without any warning, hot and white and wet and it goes all over Cas’ shirt and pants, most definitely ruining that outfit but Dean can’t force himself to focus on that right now. All he’s thinking is  _ release, release, release.  _ Cas talks him through it, still whispering dirty things into his ear, still pinching and pulling on his goddamn nipple. 

When he’s done, empty and sated, he falls back onto the couch, Cas following. 

“Fuck,” is he all he manages to say.    
  
  


An hour later, both of them high off of the best orgasms of their life - Dean gave Cas another blowjob in return for the best hand job he’s ever recieved - they’re curled up on the couch. Since Cas got come all over his clothes, Dean gave him a shirt and some sweatpants to borrow, and if the boy weren’t laying on top of Dean right now, he wouldn’t be able to take his off of him because Cas in Dean clothes was a  _ fucking sight.  _

Every now and then the junior would look up and kiss Dean senseless, then he’d turn back to their bingeing of  _ Scrubs  _ and laugh some more. 

Dean can’t remember a time where he’s ever been this happy. Even with his dad disappearing and their secret from Sam, he’s still fucking elated and he owes it all to the boy on top of him. Cas has literally saved Dean. As simple as that. 

They watch another episode and Sam texts them both at some point, telling them things are going really well and he thinks Jess is having as good a time as he is, and they each respond their own thing - Cas says he’s happy for him and he knew it would work out, and Dean tells him to use protection. After that Dean asks Cas if he’s hungry and they decide to order a pizza. Dean wants 3 meat and Cas thinks there should be at least some type of vegetable on it and Dean refuses at first but all Cas has to do is fucking suck his tongue into his mouth again and Dean’s agreeing on bell peppers but that’s as low as he’ll stoop. 

The pizza comes and it ends up being that Aaron kid who delivers it but he doesn’t say anything, just seems as surprised to see them together as they are him. And there’s one point when Dean’s standing at the door while Cas goes to get the money and Aaron’s eyes follow him so Dean steps into his line of view to block it. Like last time he saw this kid checking Cas out, Dean didn’t say anything. Gave him the same haughtily smile and waved him goodbye when he left. 

“I don’t like the way that guy looks at you,” Dean admits when they’re back on the couch wrapped in their blanket with pizza in their lap. 

Cas shrugs and says with an effortlessly straight face, “Wasn’t him I just jerked off, was it?” 

Dean chokes, and almost coughs his damn brains out. “Jesus, Cas, you can’t just say shit like that!” 

Cas only smirks at him because he knows what he’s fucking doing, and then he turns back to their program. 

Not too long after that they were in Dean’s car and on their way to the Novak house, not wanting to take any chances of Sam coming home on them. 

When they’re a few minutes away, Cas squeezes Dean’s hand in his lap and asks, “Does it ever bother you? Lying to Sam?”

“You don’t think he’d flip out if we told him?” 

“I mean, maybe a little, but I think he’d be more upset that we didn’t tell him. Not that we’re actually together, that part I don’t think would be that big of an issue.” 

Dean ponders that for a moment. He’s thought a lot about this before, and he’s made up every possible outcome in his head but the bad ones outweigh the good, like always. He doesn’t want to lie his brother, and he knows Cas doesn’t want to lie to his friend. Dean wants to be able to be with Cas openly, in front of everyone, no more secrets, but they’ve really fucked this up by lying to Sam for almost 2 months now because how do you explain that part?? 2 months? The only excuse for that is there is no excuse. They just lied. That easy.

“You wanna tell him or you want me to?” 

Cas bows his head, he looks at their hands tangled together in his lap, his thumb brushes over Dean’s, back and forth. “I want to.” It’s barely above a whisper and Dean still struggles to hear him as he turns onto Cas’ street. 

“We can do it together, if you want.”

“No, I-- I think that’ll make it worse, he’ll..think we’re leaving him out or something. Like we’re ganging up on him.” He sighs, “I’m just sick of lying to him. I feel horrible about it, Dean,”  They pull in front of the Novak house and Dean shuts the car off, turning to his boyfriend. 

“Look, baby, we’ll figure it out, okay? I promise. We’ll tell him and we’ll handle the consequences together, yeah?” He gives his best Winchester Smile and Cas returns it, relaxing if only a little. He gives him a couple of kisses for goodbye, “I’ll see you later,” he says as Cas exits the car. Dean watches him until he’s safely inside the house and then drives off, back to his empty abode where he does his best not to think of his father’s absence. 

\--

\--

Dean decides to call his dad sometime saturday night when he gets off work. He wasn’t surprised in the slightest when the phone went straight to voicemail, so he tried again. The second time it rang, and rang, and rang, until eventually the annoying lady comes on and says she’s sorry but the voicemail box is full and blah blah blah. Dean hangs up, throws his phone - not hard enough to smash it - and thinks then that it would be a good idea for him raid John’s liquor and get drunk. 

30 minutes and half a bottle of Jack later, he’s sporting a pretty good buzz. Well, more than a buzz, but who’s paying attention anyway, right? 

An hour later and he’s in his room, slurring his words as he talks to no one but himself and then he starts throwing his books and shit. He takes pleasure in each one hitting the wall, and then at some point Sam barges in there and tells him to knock it off, then he takes whatever is left of the Jack and throws it out. Dean’s too fucking canned to chase after him, so he lays in his bedroom floor with his music blaring and doesn’t give a damn. 

He falls asleep there, and when he wakes in the morning with a killer fucking hangover he immediately rushes to the bathroom to puke his brains out. He doesn’t answer anyone’s calls or texts for the rest of the day, not Charlie’s or Jo’s, not Cas’, He doesn’t go to school on Monday because he’d rather lay in bed all day and drink, and when he shows up to class on Tuesday with a smile on his face like nothing at all happened this weekend, no one says a word. Cas gives him strange looks but he lets it go, and Dean knows at some point he’s gonna have to deal with this, but not today. Or this week, or maybe not even this month. Who knows. 

\--

\--

Thursday he’s under a car when someone nudges his foot for him to roll out, so he does and is stuck with Bobby’s face staring down at him. “Yeah?” 

“Don’t “yeah” me, boy. Come talk to me.” Not giving him a chance to reply, Bobby stalks off to his office and Dean sighs and goes after him. The old man’s sitting in his chair when Dean gets in there, and he bee-lines the seats in front of the desk. “Well?” Bobby asks when Dean doesn’t say anything. 

“Well what?” 

“You gonna tell me what’s crawled up your ass or am I gonna hav’ta pull it out myself?” 

Dean scrunches up his face because  _ ew,  _ and lies the best he can. “‘M fine, Bobby.” 

“Don’t bullshit me, son. I know this crap with your daddy has got you crossed 6 ways to Sunday so ain’t no use in lyin’ to me about it.” 

“Well if you already knew then why are you asking me?” 

“Dean.” He uses his authoritative tone and Dean sighs again, relenting, 

“Look, I’m sorry, okay? I just-- I’m tired of dealing with this crap. I’ve dealt with his shit my entire life and I don’t want to anymore. If he wants to fucking coware off like a scared cat and drink his ass to death just because I called him a bad dad, let him. I don’t fucking care anymore.” He crosses his arms over his chest in a huff and stares at the floor. 

Bobby doesn’t speak for a few moments and then he stands up and walks over to put a hand on Dean’s shoulder, briefly, before he leans back on the desk “That man’s a piece of work, you know,” Dean snorts. “And he’s done one helluva number on you two boys, and you have every right to be upset about it. But don’t you the cope the same way he does or else you’ll end up just like him.” 

“I’m not--” 

“You think I can’t smell the alcohol on you from a mile away? You reek, boy.” 

Dean falls back into his chair, ashamed. Like a kid who's just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar, or a dog who was busted while jumping on the counter looking for scraps.

“I’m not saying you can’t deal with this whatever way you want, I’m just saying that going down this particular path ain’t gonna get you nothin' but heartbreak.” 

He’s right, Dean knows he’s right. He’s always fucking right. But it doesn’t make it hurt any less. Every night since Saturday, Dean has called John’s phone and got the same bullshit results every time. And every fucking time it makes Dean even more upset because  _ fucking why?  _ Why was he the unlucky son of a bitch who was stuck with the shittiest fucking dad on the entire planet? Why couldn’t he have a normal life? A normal childhood with a mom who isn’t dead and a dad who isn’t an abusive alcoholic? What was wrong with him that God decided this was what he fucking deserved? This was how he needed to grow up and spend his entire childhood and teenage years? 

He was damn tired of having such a fucking dysfunctional life. 

\--

\--

Tuesday is one month since he and Cas made things official, and it’s somewhere near the 2 month mark since they got together in the first place. Dean wakes up that morning and finds enough joy to push down his daddy issues and stick an actual fucking genuine smile on his face when he heads to school. He sees Cas at his locker and greets him with a “Hey, baby,” and the feeling he gets when Cas turns to him and smiles his big goofy smile was better than anything Dean has felt in the last week. 

“Hi,” Cas says, eyes shining bright blue. The closer they get to thanksgiving, the more season-appropriate colors he wears on his sweaters. Today it’s a striped pattern of maroon and burnt orange and he’s looking pretty sexy with his mussed hair. 

“I, uh, I wanted to say sorry..” he looks at the ground, the lockers, the black headed girls ponytail 10 feet away, anywhere but blue irises. “For being such an ass lately, it’s just been a bad week.”

“It’s alright, love.” Cas says and it’s the first time he’s used any sort of nickname with Dean and he kinda doesn’t hate it. “I know you’re going through your stuff, I’m here whatever way you need, just..slow down a bit with the drinking?” He hesitates when he asks the last part, like he’s scared to or something and  _ Jesus, Dean really wants to punch himself.  _ How much of a dick was he? 

“Fuck, Cas. Babe, I’m so sorry, I wasn’t even thinking about that--” Cas shook his head and stopped him, 

“It’s fine, Dean, of course. It’s okay.” It’s not okay, but he nods his head nonetheless and walks with Cas when he shuts his locker and heads down the hall. “Do you have plans tonight?” 

Dean shakes his head and tries his best attempt at normalty by winking, “Nothing that doesn’t involve you.” And he considers it a score when Cas laughs. 

“Well then in that case, I was thinking we could go see a movie or something?” Dean agrees and asks which one he’d like to see, and Cas tells him they’re showing  _ How the Grinch Stole Christmas  _ down at the moviehouse, and he follows the statement up with, “It’s a classic.” giving his best puppy dog eyes that could totally rival Sam’s, so how could Dean refuse? 

They get to Cas’ classroom where they should probably part but instead they just stare at each other at the door, completely oblivious to Cas’ friends watching them from inside at their seats. Eventually Cas sighs and says he should go as the first warning bell rings, knocking them out of their spells. “Okay,” Dean tells him, “I’ll try to come see you at lunch.” Cas nods and tells him bye, and Dean winks when he walks away, basking in the adorable fucking blush that never fails. 

They text on and off during first and second period and when third rolls around and Dean sneaks out of Ms. Trunchbull’s class to B lunch, he stops when he sees Cole Trenton standing around with his asshole friends, Alistair and fucking Azazel, they’re crowded in a circle out at the front of the commons area right before you go into the cafeteria. They’re laughing at something, and Dean can’t tell what, but he knows he doesn’t like the looks of it so he trudges on over, his head high and his shoulders wide, and it’s only when he’s a few feet away does he see that they’ve got little Kevin Tran surrounded by their dumbasses and he looks just about scared out of his mind. 

“Howdy boys,” he drawls when he approaches, all nonchalant and friendly, but there’s a tone to his voice that he only uses when he’s gearing up for a fight, and he inwardly smiles when it’s obvious the boys don’t miss it. That extra twang. “Problem here?” 

It’s Alistair who speaks, and Dean is glad because even though the other two are just as skeevy, Dean’s always had a particular hate for this creep. “Nothing that concerns you, Winchester.” 

“Aw, I think it does. Kevin here is my friend.” He sees Kevin glance at him with wide, frightful eyes and Dean subtly nods to him once. 

“We’re only talkin’ with ‘em.” Al says all innocent like, and Dean inclines his head, cutting his eyes in that menacing way that he does. 

“That so? Kevin?” He looks at the kid for answer and Kevin does nothing except silently plead with Dean. 

“I-I, I’m g-good.” He stammers and Dean looks over to the 3 guys, scanning his eyes over them. 

“I think you’ve done enough talking.” He speaks, slow and hard, and he’s not at all surprised when Cole steps up and says, 

“No I don’t think we have, Winchester, so why don’t you just scurry on and leave us be, yeah?” 

“Sure,” Dean smirks, “When you let my friend go.” He begins to roll up his sleeves, preparing himself and he’s not sure just how exactly it happens after that but he knows that it’s Alistair who charges first, and Dean ducks, avoiding his blow but then Cole starts and at that point it becomes a challenge and an even harder one when Azazel joins in. It’s 3 against one and Dean is holding his own pretty well, having had all that practice with his Dad for the last decade, plus all the meaningless fights he’s gotten himself into just because he was bored. 

He gets quite a few good punches in, and still ducking and avoiding throws left and right but it’s not that hard a task when 2 of out 3 of these pricks don’t know how to fight to save their fucking lives. He earns a few nice blows himself but doesn’t wince too much since he’s quite honestly missed what it feels like to be hit by something other than a beer bottle. The fight doesn’t last too long because soon there are teachers and administrators coming to break it up, splitting up all 4 boys and carrying them each off. It takes a bit to separate Dean and Al but the blonde backs up when he’s told, not wanting to make the situation for himself any worse than it is already. 

He’s escorted to the nurse's office; a swollen eye, a bloody nose and a busted lip. It doesn’t hurt too bad, and he’s had way worse than this, but his rib does ache a little and he thinks he remembers Cole kicking him at some point but he isn’t positive. The nurse isn’t in there when he arrives, probably tending to the other jackasses before she does him. As he waits, someone knocks on the door and he mumbles an incoherent answer to indicate that whoever it is can come in, then he instantly regrets it when Bobby walks in with his stern face and permanent frown and Dean knows he’s in deep trouble. 

“What the hell did we talk about?” The man asks and Dean only barely resists rolling his eyes as he lays back on the mat that’s in there. 

“I was helping a kid out, Bobby. They had him cornered.” 

“You wanna look at me when you’re talking to me, son?” Dean stubbornly fixes his eyes on him and waits until Bobby continues. “Now tell me what happened.” 

“I was walking past them when I saw they had Kevin backed into the wall and I went over to see what the fuss was about.” 

“What were you doing walking past the cafeteria?” 

Dean squints his eyes, “Using the bathroom? That against the rules or something?” 

“You can’t use the bathroom on your own hall? You had to use the one on the other end of the school?” Fuck, he was right. Dean didn’t say anything, just stared down at the floor. “Well go on,” Bobby says, waving his arm, “Finish the story.” 

“I told them to let the kid go and they didn’t and then Alistair jumped me.” It wasn’t really as simple as that, but it also kinda was. 

He feels his phone vibrate a couple times in his pocket but he can’t check it while Bobby’s here. 

The old man huffs a breath. “If you can honestly tell me that you were doing this for the kid and not because you’ve been itchin’ for another fight since your daddy left, then I’ll go talk to Rufus and see what I can do. If not, you’re on your own.” 

Dean looks him straight in the eyes, his voice weighty and strong and his green irises determined, he lies, “I did it for the kid.” 

Bobby considers him for a moment and Dean starts to think he wasn’t convincing enough, but then the man mumbles an “Okay,” and turns out the door. Dean throws his head back in another sigh and feels his phone vibrate  _ again,  _ and he reaches in to check it. 

He’s got texts from Charlie and Jo, from Sam, and a few from Cas so he looks at those first. 

_ Please tell me that wasn’t you that Mrs. Mills had to pull off of Alistair.  _

_ Dean??  _

_ Just tell me if you’re okay or not.  _

He looks through the other texts, which are much of the same, but he only has time to text Cas back and say,  _ Everything is fine.  _ Before the nurse comes in and starts cleaning him up. When she deems him okay enough to leave, he’s forced to head straight to Principal Turner’s office and deal with this.    
  


He gets off with 3 days of In School Suspension for participating in the fight at all, and Alistair and his cronies all get a week of Out of School Suspension. “You’re lucky I like you, kid, or you’d’ve got the same as them. Don’t let me see you in here again. I thought we agreed last time would be the last time.” Rufus tells him, and Dean nods. 

“Yes sir, thank you, Principal Turner,” He leaves when he’s excused and by that time there’s only around 20 minutes left in the day so he figures it won’t matter much if he goes and waits in his car for Sammy to finish. Ideally, he would like to go home and get trashed, but he knows he can’t. Not unless he wants Cas pissed at him for ditching him tonight, and Sam pissed at him for “acting like dad.” 

Thinking about that just makes him think about what Sam is gonna say when he gets into the car this afternoon. It gives him even more of a headache. 

He waits about 30 minutes until Sam climbs in, and, much to Dean’s surprise, and he can’t tell if it’s fortunate or  _ un _ fortunate, the kid doesn’t say much to him. He looks at him, nods his head, says, “First fight in over two months.” Dean nods but otherwise doesn’t respond, and then that’s it. Sam doesn’t say a word after that. Not when Dean skids out of the parking lot, not when Dean blares his music going down the interstate, not when Dean pulls to a halt in front of their house and both of them jerk forward in their seats. Sam gets out, grabs his bag and goes inside. Dean follows. 

“Alright,” he says as he throws his own bag on the couch, “You wanna tell me what’s up? Why you’re not bitching at me about this?” 

And Sam shrugs like it’s no big deal. “You’re clearly going through some things, Dean. I’m just letting you handle it how you want.” He turns around and starts towards his room, 

  
“Sam.” Dean says, but no answer. “Sam!” It’s more persistent this time, more demanding, “ _ Sam! _ ” He stops when he hears the bedroom door shut and then he gives up. Mutters, “Fucking a,” and slams his own bedroom door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY THANKSGIVING


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's late!! 
> 
> A song I was listening to while writing the Dean angst - Weight of the World - jon bellion cuz i love him.
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes!

Thanksgiving day came and went, and it was a very hectic day at the Novak’s to say the least. Stuff happened. Mom freaked out at Gabe, and anyone who took his side - Cas and Chuck - she is not currently speaking to. It’s 2 days after and the same old shit is happening. What scares Cas the most is the toll it’s taking on their parents marriage. Becky just keeps getting angrier and angrier and takes it out on Chuck because she refuses to talk to Gabe himself, and when Chuck isn’t there to deal with it (using work as an excuse because, and Cas quotes, “I don’t want to be there. I don’t want to see her.” Chucks words.) Which leaves Cas to take the brunt of it. 

He tries talking to Becky, about unimportant, mundane things, but she won’t do it. Yesterday she apologized to him, saying,  _ “I’m sorry, this isn’t about you. I don’t mean to treat you this way.”  _ and of course, Cas told her it was okay because  _ it was okay.  _ He understood. He knew how stressed she was. But then later on in the day they got into it, Becky yelling at him because somehow she had figured out that Cas lent his brother some cash a few weeks back and she was adamant Gabe wasn’t going to return it. Cas told her differently, and then eventually it turned into something else and Cas ended up telling her,  _ “You’re yelling at me like this is my fault, like I’ve done something to warrant this reaction from you and I haven’t. You’re upset with me because you’re upset with him and you want me to feel the same way but I don’t, so you’re blaming me now.”  _ She didn’t stay for him to finish what he was saying. Instead she stomped off and slammed the door. She hasn’t even looked at him since. It wasn't Cas' fault that his brother acted like an asshole when he was using, and it's not Cas' fault that he's able to forgive Gabe and treat him like an actual person and family instead of some junkie on the side of the road. Or fucking.. _Bartholomew_ for fucks sake.

Ever since Cas was Rachel’s age, he and Gabriel have had this special connection, or whatever. Gabriel always took up for him when the other siblings would gang up on him, whenever they’d play superheros, it was always Anna and Michael against Cas and Gabe - they’d win every time. When Gabriel moved out for a few years after high school, he called Cas once a week to check in on him and make sure things were okay with him. They’ve always had a bond. Really, each of the siblings had a particular bond with one another, but Cas and Gabe’s was different. They were closer. 

And maybe that was why Cas couldn’t treat him the way Becky wants him to. Or maybe it was just because she was being way irrational. Who knows. All Cas knows is that he could never find it in himself to stay mad at his older brother. No matter what he did, no matter how everyone else reacted to it, Cas was always the first to forgive him. And now it feels like he’s the only one left to believe in him at all. Maybe it’s naive of him, and maybe it’ll definitely come back to bite him in his ass, but until that time comes, he refuses to give up. And when Gabriel finishes this, when he kicks addictions ass and he’s able to get sober and stay sober, Cas was there. For everything. 

\--

\--

Dean seemed to be doing better. At least a little bit. They haven’t seen each other in a couple of days, and have barely spoken much on the phone with the holiday and everything. They text on and off but only about trivial things. Nothing too interesting. The last time they actually hung out was last tuesday when they went to see the Grinch at the movie house. It was an okay night, nothing too great or special because Dean seemed distracted the majority of the night. Cas couldn’t help but think that maybe Dean was...pulling away? What with the constant drinking and the fight the other day - which he still won’t talk about - and the fact that normally they’d have spent every moment together out of school that they could get, holiday be damned, but Dean just wasn’t acting like he was all that interested. And when Cas tried to make plans with him, Dean told him he was too busy at Bobby’s or helping out at Ellen’s, or  _ something  _ that he just couldn’t get out of. Cas was inclined to believe him, he had no other reason not to, but he was still worried. 

Now that he thinks of it, maybe the senior wasn’t actually doing all that better. 

Cas doesn’t feel great about it - but he feels guilty if he even thinks about getting upset that Dean is seemingly ignoring him, because he knows Dean is going through some things and Cas is just trying to give him space. He doesn’t really know how to deal with this, and it’s not like he can talk to Sam about it because that’ll raise questions. It’s confusing - he’s confused. He’s not sure what he’s supposed to do. He wants to be there for Dean, yes, but he isn’t sure the senior wants him to be there. 2 months and Cas likes to think they’ve gotten pretty close and they know each other fairly well. He prides himself in knowing that Dean has opened up to him in ways he’s never with anyone before, and Cas has done the same with him. Now, though, it appears as though things are different.

Maybe things with him are just particularly bad now and they’ll get better and Cas just needs to let him do what he has to do until he doesn’t feel the need to drown himself in alcohol all the time. 

Just give him space.    
  
  


Saturday night, around midnight, Cas’ phone rings. He was asleep, just barely, so he easily came out of his doze when the vibration started. He rolls over, fumbling for the device and he almost silences it before he sees it’s Dean. “Hello?” His groggy voice melts into the speaker and he closes his eyes as Dean responds. 

_ “Did I wake you?”  _

“No,” he lies, he doesn’t know why. 

_ “You sure? Sounds like I woke you.”  _

Cas smiles because it’s good to hear Dean’s voice, his slightly southern drawl. He sounds easy, like he isn’t holding the weight of the world on his shoulders tonight. “I’m sure,” Cas says, “What’s up?” 

_ “Nothin’, I miss you. What are you doing?”  _

Cas looks around at the emptiness of the room. “Laying in bed,” before he even thinks about it, he asks, “Wanna come over?” Then he curses himself for being so impulsive, but he just couldn’t stop himself and he misses Dean  _ so fucking much  _ that at this point he would take just about anything. 

He hears the smile in Dean’s voice when he answers,  _ “I was hoping you’d ask that. I’m on my way.”  _

“Okay,” Cas grins, “I’ll just wait here then.” 

Dean chuckles and hangs up, and Cas gets up to go unlock the door for him when he gets there. It takes about 10 minutes, Cas waits in the kitchen until Dean arrives. Michael comes up from the basement at some point, where he’s got his friends drinking and listening to music and smoking. He wants ice. 

“Sup, Cassie,” he says with a nod of his head. Cas mocks the movement. 

“Sup,” 

Mike teases, “Past your bedtime, isn’t?” Because the younger Novak is usually locked away in his room this time of night if he isn’t sneaking out with Dean. 

And Cas jokingly cuts his eyes, “Har, har.” His brother sniggers as he gets the biggest bowl in the kitchen and begins transferring all of the ice from the freezer into it. Cas continues, “If you must know, I have a friend coming over.” His go-to reaction is to chastise himself and say he probably shouldn’t have volunteered the information, but then he reasons that it won’t mean anything and he’s worrying for nothing. 

Michael turns around with a cock of the eyebrow. “Friend, huh?” Cas hums. “Would this friend be Dean Winchester?” And Cas chokes on the water he was sipping on, making his brother titter once more.

“W-Why would you think that?” 

He shrugs, “Dunno. I’ve seen his car here a few times, seen him pick you up and drop you off.” 

Cas blushes and cringes at the same time, thinking about all of the ways he and Dean have greeted each other in the dark when they thought no one was out to see them. 

“Hey,” Mike says as he gently touches a hand on Cas’ shoulder, “Are you happy?” All the kid can do is nod, his wide, blue eyes peering into his brothers'. “Then okay. That’s what matters.” 

“Y-You don’t care?” Cas stammers, and it’s not the fact that Dean is a boy, all of the Novak siblings are completely aware of their brothers’ preferences and they don’t mind, but it’s that fact of who the guy actually is. 

“Why would I care?”

“Because it’s Dean Winchester..?” Cas says it like it’s obvious, because he’s expecting Michael to have the same reaction Anna did when she found out they were “friends”. Michael snorts, 

“So?” And Cas stares at him, addled beyond words. “Cassie, you more than anyone should know that people aren’t always who they perceive themselves to be. As long as he treats you right and you’re happy with him, then I’m happy for you, baby bro.” He scruffs Castiel’s hair as he gathers his bowl of ice, and Cas scrunches his nose because he wants to comment on the “baby bro” part since Michael is literally only 2 years older than him, but instead he smiles and before his brother can slip back downstairs, he speaks, 

“Thanks, Mikey.” and earns a wink in return. He only sits there for a few more minutes before he hears the impala pull up, and he rushes out of his seat to the front door just in time to see Dean pull up across the street. Cas stands there on his porch, tucked in a sweatshirt and sweatpants, and  _ fucking fuzzy socks with bees on them,  _ and he rocks back and forth on his feet as Dean makes his way to him. 

“What’s cookin’, good lookin’?” Is the first thing Dean says to him, a smirk on his face as he wraps his arms around Cas’ neck, and Cas’ around Dean’s waist, and squeezes tight. “Missed you.” 

“Missed you,” Cas mutters into his chest. He breathes in Dean’s scent and for once, doesn’t smell alcohol. It makes him rather happy. 

As much as he’d like to stand here like this, enveloped in Dean, it  _ is  _ fucking cold and his feet are still freezing on the chilly concrete, even with the fuzzy socks, so he unfolds himself from the warm body and says, “Let’s go inside,” and takes his hand, pulling him in. 

He isn’t even able to shut his bedroom door all the way before they’re on each other, kissing and licking in frantic, needy motions. Hands in each others hair, tugging at each others clothes. Cas pushes Dean against the door, effectively shutting it all the way with a slight slam but doesn’t think on it too much as Dean slides both of his hands down until they’re cupping Castiel’s ass and  _ fuck,  _ he bucks his hips up. “God, you smell so good,” Dean mumbles into his throat, and Cas can only moan at the feel of hot breath on his neck and warm hands on his ass. Dean tells him he misses him again and Cas has a brief thought that, yeah, Dean has been blowing him off for the past few days and has kinda been acting like he’s on a different planet recently, but Cas can’t think about that now. He doesn’t  _ want  _ to think about it now. All he wants to think about is the feeling of Dean on him, and once they get that out of the way then Cas will bring up the un-fun things and they can talk about it then. But for now, it’s reacquainting themselves with each others bodies - like the horny ass teenagers they are -  after not having touched like this since that last time on Dean’s couch. 

Dean turns them around, to where Cas is now the one pressed against the door, and his hands trail down from Cas’ ass to his thighs, lifting. Cas jumped and wrapped his legs around Dean’s waist, moaning at the friction. “Dean,” he sighed, breathless as his heart pounded -  _ beating  _ like it was going to pop out of his chest right then and there. His head spun, his ears throbbed. His  _ cock,  _ fuck, his cock,  _ that  _ throbbed. Trapped in his pants..he needed to free himself, like, pronto. 

He pushes his back against the door, willing Dean to take them to the bed. He did, he threw Cas onto the mattress and stood above him, eyes never leaving each others as he stripped. His jacket, his flannel, his t shirt, and fuck, so many damn layers. Shirtless, he unzipped his jeans, shucked them off, underwear as well, and he stood there naked as Castiel only then broke the eye contact and raked his eyes down the naked flesh. Beautiful, tan even going into fucking winter. His chest and arms were muscled and his stomach was just a little pudge but Cas loved it. He was gorgeous. 

Dean nodded to him once and Cas made quick work of taking off his own clothes until he, too, was wearing nothing but a pink blush. Dean watched him as he undressed, nowhere near as seductively as Dean, yet the older boy apparently couldn’t stop himself from reaching down and stroking himself. 

“Dean,” Cas squirmed, needing some type of touch. Dean smirked and finally kneeled on the bed, falling between the V of Cas’ legs and their cocks sliding together. They both groaned at the sensation as Dean kissed him again, they fought for dominance until eventually Cas gave out, letting Dean do as he pleased inside his mouth. 

“Cas, I--” His breath shuddered and he spit on his palm before reaching between them and taking them both in his hand, pumping. “Need you.” He places quick, open mouthed kisses down around Cas’ neck and throat, over his collarbone and shoulders. 

“Here, Dean. ‘M here.” 

“No,  _ need you,”  _

And  _ oh,  _ Cas thought. Oh. He was-- oh. Was he ready for that? Were they ready for that? Was  _ Cas  _ ready for that? He’s fucked guys before, but-- not someone he cared about as much as he does Dean. Not someone he lo-- 

No, we weren’t doing that now. Not today. 

Were he and Dean ready to _have sex_? Because are far as he knows, Dean has never had another dick inside him before, which means he’s still partly virgin, like Cas, and if it means as much to him as it does Cas, did he really want that? Under these circumstances? Sneaking into each other’s houses after not being together for almost a week because Dean’s been blowing him off? 

Fucking Dean, he could do anytime. Any day. But for Dean,  _ being  _ fucked, and for the  _ first time,  _ Cas didn’t want that. Not when he knows that there are things they still need to discuss. Things that still seem a bit distant between them.

Now, rubbing their dicks together when they had things to talk about, it was different. It was-- they were connecting, they were feeling each other, sure, but it’s not the same as  _ being inside  _ Dean, and having Dean  _ wrapped around him.  _ That was-- you can’t get that same feeling and-- and-- experience, and profoundness while you’re jerking each other off or sucking each others dicks. That was nice, and it meant something each time, but it wasn’t  _ making love.  _

And  _ that,  _ Cas wanted to do when he felt closest to Dean. When neither of them felt like the other was pulling away. When they both didn’t have outside obstacles constantly catching their attention. What they were doing now was release, and it was..sharing their emotions, too, but it wasn’t--  _ that.  _

“ _ Cas,  _ need you,” Dean tightened his grip and Cas slid his hand between them too, memories of their first time doing this running through his head, their fingers entwined as they worked to finish each other. 

“I know, Dean, I know, I--  _ shit, _ ” he stopped to breathe and bit his lip, he was panting and whining and  _ God,  _ it was so good. 

He let out a cry as he came, splurting it down both of their legs, and then Dean was coming, too, with a muffled moan as he bit Castiel’s shoulder, trying to stay quiet.    
  


Afterwards, both clean and in only their underwear, they lay warm and cozy in Cas’ bed. Cas sits with his back against the wall while he contemplates whether or not he should bring up what’s been bothering him for the past 2 weeks. Dean lays next to him, with his head on the pillow, his body flat on the bed, Cas’ hand in his hair. 

Before the Novak has a chance to say anything, Dean does it for him.  Only, it’s not at all what Cas expected to hear. 

“I think my dad’s gone for good.” 

And Cas is so taken off guard that he only stutters a, “W-what?” 

Dean sighs, calmer than Cas would be expecting, and when he talks he’s so casual, like this is everyday conversation, like it happens all the time. “He doesn’t answer when I call, he doesn’t answer when Bobby or Ellen call. I’ve talked to hospitals and I’ve tried police departments and no one has heard anything. I called the fucking place he works for and you know what they told me?” He deepens his voice to better match whoever he talked to, “‘ _ John Winchester? That’s a name I haven’t heard in a minute.’  _ He was fucking fired, Cas. Years ago, from what it sounds like. Where the fuck has he been? Where does he go? Where  _ is he? _ ” The emotion comes towards the end, the crack in his voice and the lump in his throat that’s so obvious in his words. 

“What have the police said?” Cas asks softly, because he doesn’t know what else to say. He doesn’t know how to comfort. He continues to play with Dean’s hair, and tries to convey all of his love into the gentle caresses. 

“It’s the fucking Lawrence police and they’ve dealt with him enough times that they don’t believe a goddamn thing he does. They take it with a fucking grain of salt. They won’t do shit.” 

“Dean--” 

“I don’t even care, you know? I don’t care. He’s a fucking drunk and he’s a horrible dad and my mom would fucking hate who he is now, okay? She would fucking hate him because he’s never been a father to me! He’s never been a father to Sam! He’s a liar and an asshole and  _ a fucking drunk _ . He can fucking be laying in a goddamn ditch for all I care, okay? Because I hate him. I fucking hate him. The coward who’s too scared to deal with life without fucking booze and I hate him!” At this point tears are rolling down his face, Cas can feel them on his rib cage where Dean’s head is buried, he cries into Cas skin, and all Cas can do it just hold him tightly and kiss his hair and tell him it’s gonna be okay, they’re gonna figure this out. It’s okay. Dean sobs over and over again, voice turning hoarse, “I hate him, Cas.” And Cas tears up as well, in pain for Dean, hating to see him like this. 

He rocks them back and forth, “I know, Dean,” he soothes, “We’ll get through this. Whatever you need. It’s okay.” 

\--

\--

Dean falls asleep in Cas’ arms. He cries until nothing comes out anymore and then he falls asleep. And every time Cas tries to move, to situate them into a more comfortable position, to tuck the blanket around them so they don’t get cold, Dean just squeezes tighter, not letting go. In a way; a small, selfish way, Cas is kinda warmed by it. Dean refuses to let him go. Dean, Mr. Bad Boy, anti-feelings, i-don’t-need-help, manly man Dean, is wrapped around Cas like a fucking octopus and he won’t let go. And Cas hates to say it, but he’s loving it. He’s loving that he’s that person for Dean. Dean feels safe with him, Dean cried to him, he confided in him and now sleeps in his arms and Cas  _ fucking loves it.  _

Cas loves him. 

He’s not even the least bit surprised when the thought fully forms in his head. It’s fucking true. 

\--

\--

In the morning, Cas wakes before Dean does. Some point during the night Dean had actually let go of him and rolled over, only to pull Cas with him. So Cas  detaches his limb from where it was snaked around the other boys’ abdomen, and slipped out of bed. With a glance at his alarm clock he sees it’s just past 8:30. He isn’t sure what time to expect Dean to wake up, but he sneaks out the bedroom door anyways and heads downstairs. His mother’s in the kitchen when he goes in, and she takes one look at him before grabbing her coffee and ditching. He rolls his eyes and makes an annoyed huff, going over to the coffee pot and pouring himself some. 

Anna walks in shortly after, greeting him a good morning and then asking, “Is Dean here?” 

“Yeah,” was Cas’ shortened answer. He was beginning to hate this subject when it came to talking about it with his sister. She never had anything good to say. 

“Must have come over pretty late, huh?” 

“Uh huh.” He takes a sip, adds more sugar. He wonders how Dean takes his coffee, if he’s a sugar and cream kinda guy, a milk guy, a black guy. He looks like the type of guy who would drink it black, so Cas poured him one and left it alone as Anna stood at the island muttering, 

“Weird.” 

Cas turns around, “What?” 

She shrugs, “It’s just strange to me that he comes over in the middle of the night. Why not come earlier? Why come at all if it’s gonna take him that long?” 

Cas gives her a look like,  _ what the fuck are you talking about?  _ “Do you have a point?” 

She shakes her head no, but her face is saying something different, like she wants to say something, some snarky, smartass comment but doesn’t. It pisses Cas off. 

“Whatever grudge you’re holding with him, Anna, get over it. If it’s about Mick, he was a cheating asshole who talked nothing but shit and deserved whatever Dean did to him. And if it’s about Lisa, then I can tell you right now that he’s uninterested. He’s not leading her on, he’s not fucking with her, he’s not playing hard to get. He  _ doesn’t want her.  _ And if she wasn’t such a damn narcissistic loon, and you weren’t such a judgmental asshole, then you would both understand that, but I guess that’s too fucking hard for either of you to comprehend, so instead you’d rather look at him and talk about him like he’s fucking scum than give him a chance. And that makes you just as bad as however you  _ think _ he is.” He picks up both cups of coffee and stalks off before she can say anything else, and she just looks at him, stunned. 

He feels rather proud of himself, that he finally got the balls to say something and tell his sister what he thought. 

Yes, he was feeling pretty good this morning. 

As he shut the door to his room, gingerly and as quietly as possible, he realized Dean was just beginning to wake up. Blinking his eyes open, he sat up and ran a hand through his messy hair, looking around the room and Cas figured he had forgotten where he was for a moment. 

“Good morning,” Cas says just above a whisper, using his best inside voice as he traveled over to the bed and sat the coffees on the nightstand before he climbed in. 

“Hey,” Dean replied as he sat up, taking the proffered joe. “Thank you,” 

Cas nodded, though he didn’t think Dean saw him. “I wasn’t sure how you liked it so I just made it black. I can go back and add some stuff though if you want.” 

“This is good, Cas, thank you.” He repeats softly, his voice is scratchy. 

“How do you feel?” 

“Like I could win the award for biggest fucking crybaby.” He breathes a laugh but Cas knows it’s forced. He gives Dean a small smile and takes his hand.

He’s not sure what possessed him to say it, but he did and he can’t take it back. “We could find him.” 

“What?”

“We can look for him and we could find him. I’ll help you.” 

Dean doesn’t say anything for a moment, just stares at him in confusion. “I--” He considers it, looks away, “I don’t think I..want to.” 

Cas furrows his eyebrows, “Why not?” 

He chuckles dryly, “Because if we don’t find him then I’ll be worse off than I am now and I don’t want to have to deal with that disappointment again. This is-- this sucks, Cas. I hate feeling this way, I don’t want to go through it all over again.” 

Cas nods again and this time Dean does see it. “I understand,” he squeezes Dean’s hand, “But if you change your mind, you know where I am,” He grins - a particular part of his lips that he’s positive Dean can’t resist, and he’s right, because Dean leans forward and kisses him once, 

“You’re an angel, you know that?” 

“So I’ve been told.” 

\--

\--

When Cas showed up to school on Monday it was to Balthazar waiting at his locker, a look on his face Cas couldn’t decipher but he expected it had something to do with his and Anna’s argument yesterday and Cas was already regretting showing up. 

“Cassie,” he said.

“Balth.” 

“Are you..doing okay?” 

Cas raised an eyebrow as he unlocked his locker, “Why?” 

“Well your sister told me about your little outburst yesterday and I was just wondering how you were.” He wasn’t being facetious, he wasn’t being passive aggressive, he sounded genuinely concerned about his friends' mental health. But still,  _ outburst?  _ He should have figured Anna would make it seem like he just totally flipped out on her while she just stood there all innocent like. 

“I’m fine, Balth.” Because he was fine. He and Dean were okay, he and Gabe were okay. He was going to tell Sam this week and everything was going to be fine. It was okay. 

“Well, you know..if you ever decide you want to talk about.. _ whatever,  _ you know I’m free.” He and Balthazar were friends before Anna and Balthazar were ever a thing, but they weren’t  _ best friends.  _ Not like Cas and Meg, or Sam. Though before Dean, Cas never had anyone that he felt he could just spill everything to. 

After his friend and his sister got together, it wavered a little on their friendship. Mostly because Cas thought it was weird having two people so close to him being so close with  _ each other  _ and so it took a bit of getting used to. Which is partially why Cas was hesitant in telling Sam in the first place, because Anna and Balth didn’t even hide their relationship like Cas and Dean did. But on the other hand, Sam and Cas have a much better relationship than he and Balth, and Sam and  _ Dean  _ have a much better relationship than Anna and Cas. 

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. 

He snapped out of his thoughts when a hand banged on his locker, catching his attention and he turned back to his friend. “Sorry, ah-- Yes, thank you Balthazar, I appreciate that.” He gave his most convincing smile and watched as the other guy seemed satisfied enough by that answer. “I, um-- I have to use the bathroom before class so I’ll meet you in there?” Balth nodded and turned around on his own, leaving Cas to take a short trip to Dean’s locker. 

As soon as Cas spotted him, a smile erupted on his face, his lips splitting into the biggest, toothiest grin ever. Dean leaned against the metal doors in his leather jacket and holey jeans with his short blonde locks spiked up at the front. He played on his phone, every now and then looking up to watch people pass but otherwise he wasn’t paying attention to his peers. He looked good this morning. Rested and relaxed, not nearly as stressed as he’s been the last 2 weeks. Cas thinks it might have been that Saturday night was the first time he really let his emotions overcome him instead of forcing it all down and willing himself to forget about it with a bottle of Jack. Dean really let go, and Cas knows that a good cry every once in a while really does the trick because you’re just releasing everything, you’re not holding it in anymore, and afterwards, even if just for a short amount of time, you feel like you can finally breathe again. You’re not 6 feet underground inside your own bed anymore. 

He strolls on up to Dean, and the boy probably saw him coming from the corner of his eye because he looked over just in time, his own gummy grin forming on his mouth as he said, “Hey, you.” From here, Cas can see the circles under Dean’s eyes aren’t nearly as dark as they could be, and his actual eyelids are less swollen than they were when he woke up yesterday. 

“You look nice today,” 

Dean smirks, “You sayin’ I don’t always look nice?” 

“I’m saying you’re particularly glowy this morning,” Cas laughs, and watches Dean blush at the compliment but shrug it off like he always does by either deflecting or being cocky since he doesn’t know how else to respond. 

“You don’t look so bad yourself there, sweetheart.” Deflecting it was. Cas shakes his head but can’t seem to shake his smile. Once again, he finds himself aching to reach out, brush his hand against Dean’s cheek, nuzzle his neck, feel his lips,  _ anything.  _ But they can’t, and it’s frustrating, and one look at the older boy says he knows exactly what Cas is thinking. “Soon.” He promises, and Cas can only nod hopefully before they each go their separate ways, watching each other leave with a longing look in their eyes. 

\--

\--

Cas was sitting on his bed, scrolling through the ever distracting social media on his phone. He says distracting because he really should be studying for his test on Wednesday but he just-- doesn’t want to. And he got on his phone to DM one of his classmates about notes, which lead to him swiping down his news feed, which lead to him checking tags and explore and stalking pages and it was just...distracting. 

He’s just about to put his phone down and resume studying when there’s a soft tapping on his door. He knows that tap. It’s not a knock like with your knuckles, it’s a gentle beat of your fingertips on the door and there’s only one person in this house who knocks like that. “Yeah?” He says, and a second later Gabriel is opening his door, slipping through and spreading across the foot of Cas’ bed. 

“Hey,” is all he says, and Cas watches in amusement. It isn’t very often that Gabe comes in to hang out with him, and today, as far as Cas knows, he’s been asleep all day. Since about mid-afternoon yesterday, actually. 

“What’s up?” Cas asks, setting finally setting his phone and papers aside. 

“Wanna watch a movie or something? Football?” 

Cas scrunches his nose in a laugh because it’s so unlike either of them to intentionally sit down and watch an entire sports game of any kind. “You wanna watch football?” It’s not the most appealing thing in the world, but he’d do it because right now it seems like Gabe needs it. 

His brother shrugs with a breathe of a laugh, “Seems like the thing to do, I don’t know. We can watch a movie.” 

“We can watch football if you want, I don’t mind.” 

Gabriel nods and sits up some, closer to the end of the bed. “I haven’t smoked any crack all day.” He says it so bluntly, and Cas wonders when they crossed that line of this being casual conversation between them. 

“Well you’ve also been asleep all day.” He regrets it as soon as he says it, because really what he should have said was  _ good,  _ or,  _ proud of you.  _ Not raining on his brothers drugless parade. 

Gabe doesn’t seem fazed by it, though. “I know. It was because I didn’t  _ want  _ to smoke crack, so I slept to not think about it.” 

Cas wonders,  _ but did you have a choice? Are you out of drugs? Out of money? Did you sleep all day because you’re forced to go into withdrawals?  _ He didn’t voice these things out loud, of course, he just smiled fondly and proudly as they mozzied on downstairs to the living room. Gabriel suggested they watch  _ Snow Day,  _ and Cas would have thought it an odd request if he didn’t know his big brother had a soft spot for old Disney Channel and Nickelodeon movies. One time when he was withdrawaling he didn’t want to watch anything but  _ The Thirteenth Year.  _

They made popcorn and watched the movie and it was no surprise to Cas when Gabe knew all of the snowplough guys’ lines. He would laugh, shake the entire couch, and say, “He’s my favorite,” about 5 different times during the movie and Cas would nod and chuckle, happy to see his brother like this. Spend time with him while he's sober and  _Gabe._

After that movie Gabe asked to watch another.  _ Big Daddy,  _ this time. And after that,  _ Mr. Deeds.  _ Yes, he also had quite a liking for old Adam Sandler movies. 

It was nearing 1 am and Cas could barely keep his eyes open by the time this last movie ended. He heard soft snores and looked over to see Gabe passed out, once again, on the couch and Cas just can’t believe it took as long as it did. He was expecting it. He knew his brother was bound to doze off again. He put a blanket over him and turned off the tv and lights and snuck upstairs as quietly as he could. 

It ended up being a pretty good day, he thinks. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i actually have a plan for john. he's not missing or dead or anything, so they're not just brushing it off lol


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mentions of drugs

“So Jess is like, your girlfriend now, huh?” Dean asked Sam as they sat at their kitchen table eating hot dogs and mac n cheese. 

“I guess so. She wants me to meet her parents tomorrow night.” 

“Got enough time to get a haircut before then?” 

Sam bitch faced him and took a bite of noodles. “Real funny, Dean. I’m already nervous enough as it is.” 

Dean took his last bite of food and washed it down with beer, setting the bottle on the table with a thud and scooting his chair out. “Ah, don’t be. You’re adorable, they’ll love you.” He was happy for Sam, proud of him, but the whole idea struck a chord in his heart, reminding him of Cas. How Dean actually, surprisingly enough, wants nothing more than to bring Cas home to meet the family except he already knows Sam and there aren’t really any parents for him to meet unless Dean counts Bobby and Ellen but he can’t introduce Cas to them as his boyfriend until he introduces him to Sam as his boyfriend and who fucking knows when that’s gonna be, so..it’s kind of a downer. 

Dean smiled at his brother, “So? When do I get to meet her?” And Sam snorted, 

“When I get to meet your mystery woman.” 

Face staying neutral but he knows his shoulders tensed, he just hopes Sam doesn’t notice that. “I don’t have a mystery woman.” 

“No?” The little Winchester raised his eyebrow accusingly, “Then who are you always sneaking off to see?” 

“No mystery woman, I can tell you that.” He laughed nervously and usually he would kill this with some sort of snarky, cocky comeback that in someway turned the attention off of himself, but he figures now is as good a time as any to tell his brother that he likes guys so why not. 

“A...guy, then?” When Dean didn’t answer, “What guy?” 

“Just.. a guy, Sam, I don’t--” 

“Do you like him?”  _ So fucking much,  _ Dean wants to say, but instead he answers with, 

“Yeah, he’s alright,” and maybe it would have been convincing enough if he didn’t have this dopey, love-struck smile on his face that gave away all of his secrets. 

“Well, what’s his name? Do I know him? Does he go to our school? How did you meet him? Does he--” 

“ _ Sam, _ “ he interrupts because if he doesn’t then the kid will just go on and on asking questions that Dean really doesn’t know how to answer without giving away Cas’ identity. “We..” he tries to think about how he’s going to say this carefully, “It’s been 2 months, but, uhm-- it’s quiet, you know? Obviously we haven’t been telling people, and--” 

“2 months?? How come you haven’t said anything before this? Does Charlie know?” 

Fuck, he’s really in it. “No, Charlie doesn’t know.” It’s actually paining him to lie right now. “And, uh-- I mean, it’s--” what the fuck is he saying? “I swear I’ll tell you soon, okay?” He really just chickened out right now. Totally. 

Sam squints at him skeptically but nods anyways. “Okay.. does this mean you’re gay?” 

“No, Sammy, it doesn’t mean I’m gay.” 

“Bi?” Maybe? He’s never thought about that before. He thinks guys are attractive, he’s watched guy porn, but the only guy he’s ever looked at and just wanted to fucking attack was Cas. He’s never really had that urge with anyone else so he doesn’t know. 

“I don’t…” 

“I mean, you don’t really have to decide that, you know. You can be..whatever you want to be. Jess says you can be straight your entire life and only be attracted to one person of the same sex. It’s totally possible.” Sam was giving him an easy smile, a comforting and reassuring smile. Dean had never been more thankful for his little brother then, and every moment that they had ever argued or fought or even looked at each other the wrong way, it was forgotten. It meant nothing.  _ This..  _ and conversations  _ like this _ ...it was everything. 

“Thanks, Sammy.” 

\--

\--

Cas doesn’t show up to school the following Tuesday. When Dean texted him during 2nd period to see where he was, Cas told him Gabe had court that morning and Cas wanted to go with him. Dean knows this isn’t the first time the boy has gone with his brother - he goes as many times as Becky will allow him to skip school. Dean texts back and asks if everything is okay, and when Cas responds almost 15 minutes later, he says they don’t know anything yet. Around lunchtime Cas finally messages him and says they were done for the day and they continued his case. 

Judging by the way Cas sounds through text message, he’s worried about his brother. Dean can tell. So he tells him that Sammy’s got a date tonight and Dean is off so if Cas wants to come over, he will 100% make it worth his while. 

_ How worth it?  _ Cas asks as Dean’s pushing his way through students, trying to get to his 3rd period class. Not that he’s in any hurry..Ms. Trunchbull is his  _ least  _ favorite person on the planet but if he fucks up in her class again then he’ll have Bobby on his ass and the last thing he needs right now is to have that old coot looking any more over his shoulder than he already has been. 

Still, Dean smiles when he reads the text, no matter how unhappy he is about the time of day, and he replies,  _ Soooo worth it.  _ He sends another,  _ Crazy worth it.  _ And one more,  _ You’ll be overwhelmed with worth.  _

_ Oh yeah?  _ Cas responds in less than 30 seconds,  _ Got something planned? Who’d’a thought Dean Winchester was a romantic?  _

The blonde chuckled as he sat down in his chair,  _ Only for you.  _

It was cheesy, and unlike anything Dean had ever said before he was with the Novak, but what can he say? Cas just brings it out in him. 

After the worst 3rd period class he’s ever had to endure, and an okay 4th period, he was finally free to leave. Only, on his way to his locker he was stopped yet again by an overly pushy brunette who knew exactly what made his fucking explode in irritation. Lisa. She waltzed on up to him in a tank top and sweater, though the sweater wasn’t doing it’s job and covering what it was supposed to because her tank was damn near transparent and Dean could see just about  _ everything.  _ He averted his eyes almost immediately, though she already caught him staring and smirked at him like she knew what he was thinking, but he was positive she didn’t since it wasn’t actually anything flattering. 

“Hey, Dean,” she drew out seductively, and not so subtly pushing her chest out. “See something you like?” 

He smirked back, not nearly as flirty as her though, his was more...smug. Condescending. “Hate to disappoint, but, uh..not really my type..” 

She stepped closer and moved the shirt of his collar a little, pulling it down to expose the hickies Cas had left on him the other night. He cursed himself, thinking he had covered them up well enough that no one would know unless they were staring at him, but he guesses not. 

She eyed them curiously, with a glint in her eyes. “And biters are? Didn’t figure you’d be into the whole... _ marking _ thing.” 

Oh he was definitely into the whole “marking thing”, just not with her. Or anyone unless they had dark brown hair, blue eyes, and went by the name of Cas. Couldn’t exactly tell her that though, so he shrugged disinterestedly, “I don’t imagine there’s too much you do know about me.” 

“That an invitation?” 

“I wouldn’t bet on it.” He kept his face neutral as she raised her eyebrows suggestively. 

“Well,” another step closer until she was pressed right into him, her mouth at his ear, she whispers, “When you get sick of playing with little Novak, you let me know.” She dabbed her tongue at his earlobe and walked on, Dean didn’t flinch, didn’t move. He wasn’t sure what to do. He did know though, hearing Lisa, having her so close to him and smelling her, her boobs pressed against his chest, her breath on his ear, her tongue on his skin, he wasn’t turned on. Not in the slightest. 2 months ago it might have been a different story, seeing as he already knows what it feels like to be inside the girl and have her pressed as close as possible to him, but now..now it’s not something that’s even remotely appealing to him. 

\--

\--

_ “Hello?”  _

“Hey, baby,” Dean smiled as he heard Cas’ scruffy voice through the phone as he shut the door to his bedroom. It wasn’t long before Sam was supposed to head to Jess’, and Dean was pretty sure the kid had mentioned something about her coming to pick him up, and then Dean was free to start getting the place ready for Cas and going to get him. 

_ “I’ve been thinking.”  _

“Oh, yeah? ‘Bout what?” He sat his bags by his bed and bent down to start unlacing his boots. 

_ “Monkeys are so...clever, and they’re sensible in that they leave the skin  _ on _ the bananas that they eat. Is it really necessary to test cosmetics on them? I mean, how important is lipstick to you, Dean?”  _

“You watchin’ another one of your documentaries again?” 

There’s a pause on the other end and it makes Dean chuckle.  _ “...It was on.”  _ Cas admits sheepishly and Dean can imagine his face when he said it. Pink cheeks complementing his blue eyes as he looked down, slightly embarrassed. But Dean knew he didn’t have anything to be embarrassed about. It was adorable that he watched documentaries for fun, Cas was just that type of guy who could do that and get away with it.  _ “And..there’s a bee one that comes on after it.”  _

The conversation drifts then to making a more solid plan for their night. Dean tells him Sammy’s about to leave and then he’s gonna take a shower and has to make quick trip to the store before coming to pick him up. “So you’ll have plenty of time to watch your bees.” 

_ “It’s all I really care about.”  _

Dean rolled his eyes fondly and they said their goodbyes. He saw Sam off, making sure not to tease him too much about Jess’ parents. After he had the house to himself he turned on some music and showered with the door wide open, water as hot as he could stand. It was no easy feat refraining from touching himself as he lathered up. He had the best fucking dream about Cas last night and it was all he could think about all day, so of course that’s where his thoughts traveled as soon as he stepped under the spray. 

He never got his hopes up when it came to sex with Cas (any of the kind) because he didn’t want to seem too presumptuous. He was taking this at Cas’ pace. Doing things when Cas wanted to. Sure, he’s never gone this long before without having penetrative sex (he cringed when he used the word because if that wasn’t a sign of Cas rubbing off on him, he didn’t know what was) and he’s definitely never made such a sacrifice for someone before (not that he’s had to really but there was that brief thing with Cassie when he was a sophomore that never lasted longer than a month because she had to “trust him” first and he respected that, all the while she was putting her trust into some other douche. A couple of douches, actually.) 

His point is, he’s actually willing to wait as long as he has to until Cas is ready because he knows that when the boy really is up for it, it’ll be every fucking bit worth the waiting he did. He’s positive of this. 

Still, on the chance that Cas  _ does  _ want to take things in a sexual direction tonight (because, in all honesty, there’s no lying that they have been doing that more and more recently every time they’re alone together) Dean didn’t pleasure himself because he didn’t want to spoil anything. He had hopes, yes, but they were not up...not all the way, at least. 

 

He knocked on the Novak’s door and then walked on in because Cas had texted him on his way there that no one was home except for Gabe and so Dean could just come right in in case Cas wasn’t 100% ready to go. 

“Hello?” He called, stepping in all the way and relishing in the heat of the house that he felt the moment he walked in. Such a huge difference from the coldness outside. “Cas?” 

“Up here!” He figured it came from Cas’ room so he hurried up, seeing his bedroom door was cracked open and he could see just a glimpse of the boy himself standing in front of the mirror and trying desperately to tame his hair. Dean selfishly - but unashamedly - wished he didn’t succeed. He had quite the soft spot (though it wasn’t actually all that soft, if you know what he’s saying) for Cas’ relentless sex hair and each beautifully dark, chocolate strand seemed to have a mind of its own, going every which way that it pleased. 

Dean went immediately over to the bed and sat down, perfectly content in just watching Cas do whatever else he had to. Cas caught his eye in the mirror and smiled, “Hi,” and Dean returned it with, “Hey,” 

“Did you get your test back from yesterday?” Dean nodded, huffing a breath at the reminder of school and homework. Lame. Sunday the two had spent the day studying for a math exam that they both had for the same class. Dean was pretty reluctant at first because all he wanted to do was lay in bed with Cas, but the boy got clever and every time Dean got one of the questions right, he’d get a kiss. The more he got right, the better the quality of the smooch. It was really rather motivating. He’d study for all of the exams if that’s what he got in return. They did get distracted a couple of times though because they’re both pretty irresistible and Dean can be pretty convincing when he wants. 

“Yeah, 83.” It wasn’t the  _ best  _ that you could get, but it was better than anything he’d gotten in a long time. And he’d never admit it, but he was actually really proud of himself. 

Cas spun around from his spot at his dresser, “An 83?? That’s great!” His smile was so wide and gummy and filled with nothing but fucking pride. It was sweet, it made Dean swell up even more inside, knowing that his small success was enough to put that look in Cas’ eyes. 

Cas strode over to him, leaned down and kissed him, a hand in his hair. “I knew you could do it.” So fucking warm. 

A knock came at the door and then Gabriel’s shaggy haired head was poking through, looking directly at his brother and asking, “Can I talk to you?"  Cas nodded to him, squeezing Dean’s hair once and pulling away. He had a slight blush going down his neck and Dean figured it was from being caught in such an intimate position. 

He walked out of the room, to the hallway, Dean assumed, but he didn’t shut the door behind him so Dean could hear almost every word that was being said. 

_“Where’s my microwave?”_ Gabe asked his brother in a hush tone, and Castiel replied, _“I’m not telling you.”_

In an angrier voice, Gabe hissed _“Just tell me where the fucking microwave is, Cas.”_

“ _ No. _ ” The younger Novak was persistent, unfaltering. 

_“Fine, then I’m just gonna use the one in the kitchen.”_ Dean heard Gabriel huff a frustrated breath, but petulant. 

“ Oh well. _ You’ve already been using the one in the kitchen, Gabe. At least this way you actually have to come out for air instead of staying holed up in there and doing it.” _

Dean knew they were talking about the drugs, and because he isn’t an expert on how to make what, he’s assuming the microwave is somehow used in the process of transforming cocaine to crack. It’s not hard to figure out that Gabriel had one of his own that he used in his room and Cas most likely went in there and stole it, then hid it, and is now refusing to give it back. 

_“Alright, whatever.”_ Gabriel sighed and his footsteps carried him down the hall while Cas came back in with his own sigh, shutting the door behind him this time and then going back to the mirror to finish fixing his hair. Dean feels for him because he knows what it’s like to put up with a family members shit for so long that you become unfazed by it. Or at least, you like to the think you’re unfazed by it now, but then that one thing happens and it sets you off back to fret and panic and overthinking things, becoming constantly upset. It’s a never ending process and every time you think you’ve got it handled, you’ve got it under control, it’s quick to remind you that you’ll never have it under control, you’ll never have it handled. And then after that, when you think you can’t put up with any more of it, you can’t possibly take on more, you do. You deal with it, and it takes a toll on you, but you do deal with it. Then you’re back to thinking that maybe you  _ can _  do this, and it just-- it doesn’t stop. It’s a fucking endless cycle. 

“Everything okay?” He asks anyways.

Cas finally gives up on his hair, and, much like before, he turns around with a smile on his gorgeous face as he comes back to re position himself between Dean’s legs, his hands back in the blond locks. “Everything is fine,” he whispers, and bends Dean’s neck as far back as it goes so they can kiss from where he’s standing. “Are you ready to go?” His lips move against Dean’s as he speaks into his mouth, and Dean wants to say no, he wants to say they can just stay right there for the night, but he’s thoroughly excited for Cas to see what he had planned back at the house. 

Not being able to resist, he squeezes both of Cas’ asscheeks and smirks when the boy half yelps, half moans. “Sorry,” he says, “couldn’t resist.” Cas gives him a certain look, one Dean has only seen a few times before, but it’s the only warning he gets before Cas is plunging his tongue inside Dean’s mouth in the most soul crushing kiss between them ever. Swirling his tongue around, licking into every crevice, running it along the roof of his mouth and Dean is almost positive it touched the back of his throat but he really can't say.

Cas detached with a pop, lips swollen red and spit-slicked, “Sorry, couldn’t resist.” He winked and then pulled away completely, going to slip on his shoes. 

“We, uh, gotta make a quick stop before heading to the house, is that okay?” 

“Of course, Dean.”  

 

As soon as they stepped inside the Roadhouse Dean took a huge whiff of the air, soaking in all the different scents. Grease from the kitchen, alcohol from the bar, cigarette smoke following each patron around, clinging to them. The place smelt like home to him, he loved it here. 

He looked around, instantly spotting all of the regulars that came in only once the sun set. It was usually the same type of people; truckers, who sat at the bar along with the old grumpy men who wore vests and dirty baseball caps; the drunk college kids who usually occupied the pool tables - there were a few booths over there that the equally young and drunk girls liked to hang around as they watched the boys goof - and then, if it wasn't too late in the night, families or other groups of people would take up the rest of the tables that were a safe distance from all the intoxicated assholes.

Dean turned around to see Cas behind him, regarding the place with a curiosity. He caught Dean’s eyes and smiled, and then Dean lead them through the weave of tables all the way up to the bar where two regular ole joe’s sat, each nursing a beer and both sporting the aforementioned vests and baseball caps. They hadn’t noticed the two younger bodies next them yet, not until Dean knocked on the bar's surface and demanded, rather loudly, “What does a guy have to do to get a couple’a beers in this place?” 

Bobby swirled his head around, brows furrowed and Dean knows for a fact the man had the intention of telling him off until he recognized him and his face softened just the tiniest bit. “Lower your damn voice, idjit. That's what.” 

Dean threw his head back in a laugh, expecting no other answer than that. “Surprised you heard that, old man.” 

Rufus finally glanced over at them, and if it were anyone else besides a Winchester, he’d have torn them a new one for talking like that, but instead he just inclined his head, “Kid’s right, Bobby.” Bobby rolled his eyes and took a sip of his drink.

“Bobby, Rufus, you guys know Cas, right?” Both men turned around, only then noticing that Dean wasn’t alone, and they nodded their heads at the junior. They were both familiar with him, Dean's sure, but neither of them really  _ knew him.  _ Rufus especially, he didn’t interact with kids outside of the school and never really formed any relationships with the students since he was mostly holed up in his office and wasn’t exactly the most inviting person. Dean grew up with him, so Dean knows him. 

Bobby should be more acquainted with the kid, considering the amount of times Cas has been to his house, but usually the man is in the garage or held up at the school. Dean is sure they’ve met once or twice though. They had to. And judging by the way the old man eyed them suspiciously and then looked at Dean like he knew exactly what was going on, Dean silently willed him to not say anything about Cas being Sam’s friend and then having some smart remark about them being together, and,  _ “does Sam know?”  _ Dean can hear it now - the conversation to come between the two and he was not looking forward to it. 

Nevermind the fact that Dean basically just came out to his uncle right now. Without having to say anything at all because Bobby knew fucking everything, picking up on every little thing and connecting the dots before there were ever any fucking dots  _ to  _ connect.

Cas smiled politely, not overly kind like was trying to impress the principal and a teacher, but he was genuine and sincere, like he was greeting two ordinary men that held some type of importance in Dean’s life. “Hi, Mr. Singer, Mr. Turner.” 

“Please,” Bobby scoffed, but it wasn’t a bad sound. “Bobby and Rufus off of school grounds, you hear? I believe I’ve told you this once already.” 

“Yes, sir.” Cas glanced up at Dean and Dean smiled at him approvingly. 

Rufus snorted, addressing Dean, “You see that, boy? Kid’s got manners. You could learn something from him.” 

“Yeah, yeah, Rufus. Ditto.” But he winked at Cas nonetheless. 

Bobby had just asked them what they were getting into tonight when Jo stalked out of the kitchen, 2 plastic bags in hand. “Winchester!” She exclaimed, “Right on time!” She handed them over, which Dean graciously took as he gave her some cash in return. Her eyes met Cas’ and she smiled warmly at him. “Hiya, Cas.” 

“Hello, Jo,” The parting of his lips held the same warmth that hers did, and for the thousandth fucking time that night, Dean’s heart fluttered. It was important to him that the people he loved the most got on well. 

“Well,” Dean cut in, “As much as we’d like to hang around a chat a bit more, we’ve got plans.” He nodded once at the two men, “Fellas,” and then to Jo, “Thanks for the food, Harvelle.” And just like that, they were out the door and back in the Impala. 

 

“What? Cas, come on, Bobby’s a big softie!” 

“To you, maybe! To everyone else he’s like fucking Shrek!” Dean couldn't help but cackle at that as they walk up the sidewalk to his house. He has this image in his head of Shrek stomping around the village but with Bobby’s face and it's hilarious. He totally gets it. “And I swear to  _ God _ if you ever tell him that, I’ll--” 

“You'll what?” He unlocks the door, Cas following him through as he turns on the lights.

“I’ll…” Whatever he was going to threaten, it came out short on his tongue as he took in his surroundings.  Now, Dean wasn’t actually a romantic. Yes, he sometimes let’s himself get roped into watching rom coms with Sam, and yes, he sometimes does respond in ways that aren’t generally considered “manly” when the two characters finally confess their undying love for each other, and yes, he almost always has Cas in mind when he’s watching these cheesy tropes, but that doesn’t necessarily make him a “romantic”, does it? He doesn’t think so.  

But he can’t deny that the way he set up his living room tonight just to make Cas smile like he is, that shit is straight out of a movie. He’s not even a little embarrassed by it. It wasn’t grand - there wasn’t a trail of rose petals scattered across the floor, or candles placed strategically around the room, there wasn’t a bottle of champagne perched on a mountain of ice, and Frank Sinatra wasn’t playing on low in the background. 

There were two candles on the table and like, 3 flowers that he might have stolen from his neighbor’s garden, and he did set the table for two with actual dinnerware, but they were only eating burgers and drinking soda, so he couldn’t very well go all out with arrangements when they were having something so casual. BUT, there was string of lights he got at the store that he hung across the ceiling. A little something special. 

“You did all this?” Cas whispered softly, intense blue eyes finding Dean’s and sparkling brighter than ever. 

“Yeah, I, uh-- listen Cas,” he was going to apologize again for acting like a douche when he was upset about his dad, and then how he turned into a snotty little mess while blubbering into Cas’ chest like a fucking baby, but then Cas was interrupting him, blurting, 

“I love you,” and Dean froze, taken aback because.. _ what?  _

“What?” 

“I love you.” More insistent this time, more sure. 

Dean didn’t how to respond, what to say or do because he’s never told anyone that before.. He’s never said it to Sam, he’s never said it to Bobby or Ellen, and certainly never his father. He thinks..the last person, and only person, he’s told that was his mom..but after she died, nothing. 

Does he love Cas? He thinks about the feeling he gets when he’s around the other boy. The butterflies that pop into his stomach when Cas texts him, the flutter in his heart when Cas laughs, the tug in his chest when he sees Cas walking down the hall every morning, or stepping out of his house, or bobbing his head in the passenger seat of the impala when they’re listening to music. He thinks about how Cas is always the first person to pop into his brain when he sees an old couple hugging outside, or when Ellen talks about how stubborn Bobby is but she loves him anyways. 

He thinks about how, when Sam is feeling particularly sappy and asks Dean about their mom, and if Dean thinks she would like Jess or not and Dean says that yes, Mary would love Jess, he can’t help but start to wonder if Mary would love Cas too. He knows she would, because Cas makes Dean smile, and he makes Dean study and do well in his classes, and he ignores the rumours and the bullshit gossip - some true and some not - about Dean that flies around their school about him beating people up and sleeping with every girl that turns his head. Cas  _ knows  _ Dean, the good and the bad, and he’s with him  _ because  _ of those things (and also despite). 

Mary  _ would  _ love Cas. 

Dean loves Cas. Of course he does. He isn’t sure why he ever even had to think about it. He is 100% certain, without a doubt, he loves Cas. 

But...it’s not a matter of  _ if  _ he loves the boy or not, it’s a matter of him saying it. He can’t...bring himself to do it. And it’s shocking to him, with how easily he’s opened up to Cas before, about everything, why can’t he say just 3 words? 

3 words that haven’t left his mouth since he was 4 years old. 3 words that have been reserved for 1 person for his entire life. He loves his family, obviously, but he expresses that to them differently. Saying whatever he can that means the same thing, or doing things for them. And  _ they know  _ that’s what he’s saying. Dean knows they know. 

Tonight, he conveys his love by decorating his living room, by kissing Cas so deeply that both of them are left weak in the knees, by wrapping his arms around the boys’ frame and holding him like he’s never felt the touch of another human before. Cas returns everything in kind, and he lets Dean pick him up and carry him to the bedroom where they strip their clothes and take each other in their hands, panting and locking lips and hugging each other close as they climax in a mess of warmth. 

Later, when their food is all but forgotten and Cas rests his head on Dean’s chest, he says, “It’s okay if don’t say it back. Doesn’t change anything.” And Dean holds him closer, squeezing his shoulders until he feels Cas squeeze him back. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have mentioned ms. trunchbull so many times and none of you have said anything about it and i'm really disappointed 
> 
> also, when sam finds out, what should his reaction be? i'm having trouble writing that part


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is so incredibly late, writers block is one hell of a thing, eh?
> 
> please attempt to ignore any and all mistakes, as i am not so great at spotting them while i reread.

“No, Robert Frost died in ‘6 _ 3\. Langston Hughes _ in ‘67.” 

“This is stupid. Why do I care about a bunch of dead poets? When am I ever going to need this?” Dean grumbled, sprawled out in Cas’ floor as the younger boy helped him study for an upcoming english test. 

“Never know. Maybe one day when you’re walking on the street, some sweet little old person working on their crossword puzzle will ask you,  _ ‘excuse me sir, but do you happen to know when Maya Angelou was born?’ _ and you’ll feel great because you’ll be able to confidently tell them 1928.” Cas heightened his voice to sound like an elderly, and Dean stared blankly at him. 

“Surprisingly hot.” 

Cas laughed, throwing a pen at him, “Shut up. Who was the first female Poet Laureate?” 

Dean thought about it for a moment, and Cas could tell he was genuinely pondering. For a second Cas thought he wasn’t going to answer, but then his face lit up and he exclaimed, “Carol Ann Duffy.” They were doing rewards this time, much like last, but instead of Dean getting a kiss every time he answered correctly, Cas would take off an item of clothing. He started out with his shoes off, then his socks, and lucky for him it had been particularly chilly today so he had like 3 different shirts on and a sweater. He had already removed that once before, but since Dean got the last question wrong, Cas put it back on, only to take it off again this round. Dean watched him as he did it, biting his lip in anticipation and Cas smirked at him. “This isn’t a fair game, you have like 15 layers on today.” 

“You have 15 layers on  _ every _ day. This is the  _ only  _ fair game.” 

Dean cut his eyes at him and sat up. “Next?” 

“What is T.S. Eliot's most famous poem?” 

“What? That’s a trick question! What if what’s most famous to me is different than what’s most famous to everyone else?” Cas gave him a pointed look and he sighed, “The Hollow Men.” Cas reached for his sweater and Dean’s eyes widened, “Wait wait wait!” He stammered, “Uh..is it..” eyes darting around the room like he would somehow find a hint there. “The Waste Land!” 

The junior smiled and unbuttoned his top shirt, a red flannel that when he showed up at school today Charlie told him he’d been hanging out with the Winchesters for too long now. 

They finished almost all of the rest of the questions and when Cas was down to only his jeans on and one question left, Dean asked him, “What happens if I get this one right?” 

“I’ll take my pants off.” 

“And after that?” 

Cas shrugged, “Guess you’ll just have to answer to find out.” Dean considered it for a moment, teeth tugging on his bottom lip before he finally nodded, giving Cas the go ahead, “Who was the author of the 1865 poem,  _ O Captain! My Captain! _ ?” 

The answer was immediate, “Whitman! Walt Whitman!” When Cas raised a questioning eyebrow, he explained, “Sammy did a project on Lincoln back in 8th grade and that was part of it.” 

Cas nodded from his spot in his desk chair where he was staring down at the blonde in the floor. He opened his arms wide, revealing the waist on his jeans. “Well?” And it didn’t take long before Dean was bouncing up, books and pens and paper flying, he stood in front of Cas and leaned over him, both of his hands on the dark denim, ready to undo. 

“You know, I, uh-- got a little bit of a kink for the whole teacher thing.” 

“I hadn’t noticed,” Cas smirked slyly at him as Dean put his legs on either side of him, straddling Cas in his chair. “Should I put on my glasses, too? Or save those for next time?” 

“Baby, don’t mess with me like that.” Cas laughed at how worked up his boyfriend was getting, and he vaguely remembers the night at Charlie’s party when Dean kept talking about Cas’ khakis and sweater vests, and it makes sense to him now. “You seriously got glasses?” Cas nods. “ _ Fuck,  _ how did I not know this.” 

The brunette slid his hands up the back of Dean’s shirt and pulled it over his head, then began running his fingers along the spine, across his shoulders - feeling the muscles and the skin, the bones, the scar from when he was little. Dean shivers where he sits in Cas’ lap, and that slight shake, the goose bumps that scattered across his skin is what makes Cas lean forward with a sudden urge to  _ taste,  _ and he spreads open mouthed kisses to Dean’s pecks. 

The Winchester’s still talking about Cas’ glasses, thinking out loud about the perfect outfit the younger boy would wear if he were a teacher. “I mean, are they the real thick round glasses? Because if they were then you could-- ahh,  _ fuck, Cas,  _ shit,” Cas takes Dean’s nipple into his mouth, he sucks on it, rolls it between his teeth, swirls his tongue around it. Dean arches his back and moans, his member rock hard where it pokes into denim, aching to be released. “Fuck, y-you can’t just--” 

“You don’t like it?” He looks up innocently into green eyes, though he already knows the answer. He can see it all over Dean’s face, can feel it in the way his dick twitched in his pants. 

“I-- uh, C-Cas--” His words cut off once again when Cas licked the skin a second time.

“If you don’t like it, I won’t do it,” he reaches his hand between them and palms his crotch, “but I have to admit, I’m getting some mixed signals.” This time when he took the peck back into his mouth Dean’s hand flew up to tangle into the dark head of hair and he  _ whined,  _ actually fucking whined. It was definitely, without a doubt the most hottest thing that Cas could ever have experienced. 

“Babe, shit,” he rolled his hips forward and moaned, started grinding down into Cas' lap and the Novak proceeded to mouth at his pecks. “Okay, harder,” and Cas obliged, basking in the sounds Dean was making, the way he was rolling their hips together and was even stealing a couple of gasps from Cas, too. 

But Cas didn't want to continue on in the chair, where they were both uncomfortable and there wasn't nearly enough room to move around so he patted Dean’s ass for the older boy to stand up, when he did it placed his throbbing, jean-clad cock right in front of Cas’ face so the brunette couldn't resist. Dean moved to go to the bed but stopped when fingers hooked into his belt loop. Cas unbuttoned the pants, wasting no time in pulling the member out, admiring the way it sprung up to Dean’s stomach before it was buried in hot, wet mouth. 

“J-Jesus,” Dean breathed, hands going back to wrap around dark locks. Cas sucked for a few moments, loving the taste and the feel of solid, veiny dick heavy on his tongue. “Wait,” Dean started pushing him off, nudging his head back and Cas looked up to him with questioning eyes. The blonde didn't say anything, only walked over to Cas’ nightstand and reached inside the drawer for lube. 

Castiel smiled at the fact that Dean knew where it was, them having used it a couple times before during their mutual handjobs. 

Dean’s bare feet padded back over, sheepishly handing Cas the lube, silently urging Cas to do what he’s been asking for for the past couple of weeks. 

Without a word, Cas nodded and stood up, guiding Dean to the bed and laying him down. “It’ll be more comfortable on your stomach,” he spoke softly, and Dean instantly shook his head in protest. 

“Wanna see you.” 

Cas pulled Dean’s jeans and boxers all the way off, throwing them in the floor before leaning down to kiss him while he doused a finger in the clear gel. He pressed the tip to Dean's hole, making him hiss at the coldness and Cas chuckled. “Ready?” 

“More than you know,” he smirked and inched his body closer to Cas’ hand as the younger boy pushed his finger in. He slowly worked it in and out, trying not to get too distracted by the wonderful fucking noises coming from the body below him. When Dean asked for him to add another, he did, and then one more until the blonde was a writhing, moaning mess and begging, “I’m ready, baby, please,” and who was Cas to deny such a beautiful request when asked so nicely? 

He leaned over to the drawer and pulled out a condom, ripping it open with his teeth before he rolled it on and then once more caught Dean’s lips. “You’re beautiful like this, you know.” 

Dean smiled against his lips, “You should see it from where I am. Fucking fantastic.” They kissed some more but Dean pulled away in a gasp when the tip of Cas’ dick breached his hole. “ _ Fuck,”  _ Cas wanted to give him time to adjust, knowing that he’d never done this before, but Dean seemed to be taking it all in stride, especially when he grabbed Cas’ ass with both hands and started pushing their bodies closer, “More,” 

“Impatient, are we?” Cas groaned when he bottomed out and paused, soaking in the sensation of Dean being wrapped around him; the warmth, the tightness, it was fucking amazing. 

“Cas, m-move, please,” 

“Shh, baby,” he was taunting, he knows, teasing, and it was killing him as much as it was killing Dean but he liked Dean begging, he liked him all needy and wanton and desperate. And so he didn’t move, didn’t shift even the least bit, just inhaled deeply, trying to catch his breath because honestly what’s happening right now is so fucking overwhelming and better than anything he’s ever fucking done. 

He nosed along Dean’s jaw, licking and kissing, moving down his chest and doing the same, listening to the heart beat growing faster and faster. 

“C-Cas,  _ okay-- _ ” 

Castiel chuckled and finally began moving, in and out, gingerly, and then being so overcome with emotion, with the electricity between their two bodies, that he couldn’t help but to indulge in himself a bit and increase his movements the more the blonde underneath him pleaded and squirmed.

“God, Dean, you feel so good, so fucking tight,” he felt him clench around him and it only made it better, only made him want more. He thrusted in and out, rotated his hips, Dean bucked up, still writhing and wriggling and he was so beautiful, so sexy. His forehead glistened with sweat, lips swollen red, eyes sparkled shades of green and gold, and Cas couldn’t look away - not that he wanted to, though. 

Wrapping a hand around Dean’s cock, Cas tilted his head down, taking the blondes lips once more, sucking them into his mouth as he shifted his hips just slightly, pulled all the way out and slammed back in, effectively hitting that one little spot that made Dean shout with pleasure. 

“ _ Fucking, a,” _ he cried, and Cas grinned into his skin, repeating the action. 

A few more thrusts, a few more grazes against his prostate and pumps on his dick, and Dean was coming, his orgasm washing over him like it was his first time having one. Cas came not long after and then collapsed on top of him, tired out yet still having all the energy in the world. That was--  _exhilarating._

“Holy shit,” Dean said, and Cas only hummed in reply, totally spent and unable to form any proper words. “We are  _ so  _ doing that again.” 

This time, Cas laughed.

 

Around 6 o’clock was when the rest of the family all started piling their ways inside. Becky had groceries and pizza and inquired Castiel’s help. He told Dean he didn’t have to participate, but the senior insisted and they shuffled downstairs where they saw Anna and Lisa.

Passing them on the staircase, Lisa looked every bit as obnoxiously smug as she normally does, but where she would usually make googly eyes and draw out a “Hey, Dean,” that always made Cas’ blood boil, this time she didn’t say anything. She eyed Dean like always, but then she winked at him, which immediately made the hairs on the back of Cas’ neck prickle. He fights the wave of jealousy that pours over him, as what generally happens, but this time there was...possessiveness? He’s never felt it before, for anyone, but he was sure that’s what it was, which is why he decided that acting so carelessly wouldn’t matter as he glared at the girl and took Dean’s hand, snaking it around his own waist. 

“Lis,” he all but growled, and she didn’t keep that great a poker face as she liked to think she did because soon she was scowling just as hard. 

“ _Cassie_ ,” 

Anna and Dean both looked at their companions and then the redhead finally spoke, “Okay well we’re just gonna..” she trailed off and grabbed Lisa’s hand, pulling her up the stairs. Cas followed them, eyes never leaving until they were all the way out of sight, and then he finally turned around, muttering, “I hate her,” and making his way to the kitchen to unload. 

His mother only started speaking to him again a few days ago. She was gradually loosening up and acting like he was actually her fucking child and not some random kid - though she’s nicer to the kids - and now she greets him like normal and doesn’t ignore him when he walks into the room. 

“Hey, ma,” he says as he walks in, and then bee lines to his baby sister sitting at the table. “Hii, baby,” he kisses her on the cheek and ruffles her hair, “Did you have a good day at school?” He says “school” but really it’s daycare. She nods to him and then her attention focuses completely on Dean standing behind him. They’ve met a few more times since Dean helped him baby sit that one night, and the child has taken quite a liking to the older boy. (Not that Cas can blame her.)

“Dean!!” She exclaims and jumps out of her chair to run to him, where he squats down and opens his arms in welcoming. 

“Hiya, squirt!” The strings on Cas’  heart tug, a gentle reminder of their presence as Dean picks Rachel up and sets her on his hip. “Hi, Mrs. Novak,” he flashes his winning grin at Becky and once again Cas thinks about how great Dean is at charming people. 

They start unloading bags, putting things away while making idle conversation. Becky asked Dean if he’d be staying for dinner, and Cas turned his puppy dog eyes on him because he could feel the declination coming, could feel the way Dean was going to politely turn down the offer out of worry of imposition. 

“He’d love to,” Cas answered for him, smiling wide and gummy so Dean couldn’t resist. 

Not long after that they parked themselves in the living room to watch a movie of Dean’s choosing and he chose  _ Without a Paddle  _ for some fucking reason, Cas had no idea why, but they ended up watching it and reluctantly kept a fair distance between their bodies, much to both of their dismay. At some point Rachel came in and asked if she could hang out with them, and Dean was quick to pick her up and set her in the middle of the two of them, tucking her under the blanket where she wrapped either of her arms around one of theirs. 

The pizzas were ready around the time the movie ended and Becky called everyone to the kitchen to eat. Lisa and Anna were first pick, then Dean and Cas behind them, and Mike and Benny came up last because they would eat the most. They didn’t sit around the table and talk, the girls went back upstairs but the boys all stood around the kitchen to talk. Mike and Benny were definitely giving Cas some knowing looks and he blushed under the attention and at the fact that Benny  _ knows  _ what Dean is to him. 

When they were done eating everyone went their separate ways, Dean included.

\--

\--

The following Monday Cas didn’t attend school in favor of going with Gabe to his court hearing. After quite a bit of begging, he finally convinced his mom to let him go, and where he would normally try to make it to class if they were done early enough, this time he spent nearly 4 hours at the courthouse. From 9:30 to 1, he sat on a crowded pew squished between his brother and some rather questionable strangers, until finally, when they were the very last people in there, it was Gabe’s turn. And after almost 2 years and 3 ½  hours, Gabriel Novak was a free man, and Cas couldn’t be happier about it. 

They celebrated afterwards by Cas buying his brother lunch, and that evening when everyone was home, Chuck made his son’s favorite meal for a family dinner. They all laughed and told jokes, and for the first time in a while Cas thought his family had never felt more whole, and-- in  _ love  _ and united . It was wonderful. 

Of course, it didn’t last very long because that weekend, while Cas was spending the night at Charlie’s with the rest of their group, he woke up Saturday morning with a text from his oldest brother, something about  _ “Cas, what’s wrong with mom? She’s upset I didn’t bring the car home last night and now she’s talking about leaving dad because he’s taking up for me? Do you know how long Dad dealt with this shit when she was the one taking up for me and he didn’t agree with my lifestyle? I get she’s pissed at me but why is she taking it out on him? What’s wrong with her?”  _

Cas was taken aback by the message when he read it, and he wasn’t sure what to reply, but it was along the lines of “ _ I don’t know, G, but I know she’s isn’t herself, I just can’t get her to talk to anyone about it.”  _ He didn’t get a response, but he wasn’t expecting one. 

Cas has urged and urged and urged his mother to talk to someone, anyone, just open up about the things she’s feeling and going through, because obviously talking to himself and to Chuck isn’t doing her any good, and her and Chuck argue more often than not these days, yet she continues to insist that she’s fine. And things like this continue to happen because she’s got all this pent up shit inside of her that she refuses to let out, so she ends up taking it out on those around her. 

After texting his brother back, he shot one to Chuck asking if everything was okay, and got an immediate response of,  _ Sooner or later things are going to come to a bitter end.  _

The first thing Cas thought was that if they were going to get a divorce, then they should just do it already because he was tired of the constant fighting and hostility and all of the shit that is so unlike anything apart of their marriage. 

Then he felt guilty about thinking that, because he didn’t actually _want_ his parents to get a divorce, this was all just very exhausting. It was one thing when they were arguing about Gabriel, but now they seem to argue about the most meaningless, trivial things. They both overreact, they're both to blame and they're both stubborn as fucking hell, and neither of them ever apologize for it. They just all of a sudden start talking to each other and then everything is fine until a couple days later and they're sleeping in separate rooms again. It's confusing, it's old, and Cas hates to see two people who used to be so happy and in love act like this towards each other. 

He sighed from his spot next to Dean, they had crashed in the floor and when everyone had woken up and made breakfast, they collapsed onto the couch with empty stomachs and full plates. 

Dean glances at him and speaks around the sausage in his mouth, “So, what did your brother have court for, anyways?” 

“He...set a guys car on fire,” Cas mumbles hesitantly into his coffee cup. He hated retelling this story because he either got 2 reactions out of people (not that he’s told very many) and it was either they looked at him with wide, amazed eyes and thought it was super badass and the coolest shit ever, or they looked at him in disgust and thought Gabe must be fucking insane and out of control for doing some shit like that. 

Dean’s reaction was the former, and he chuckled, choked on some food and coughed before replying, “Dude, that’s awesome.” 

_ It’s not,  _ Cas thinks, even if the guy did deserve it, (because he totally did) but Gabe never would have pulled something like that if he wasn’t strung out on crack and out of his fucking mind. 

\--

\--

The following week was spent studying for exams, taking exams, studying, taking. It was draining and consuming, and Cas was ready for it to be over. Luckily this was the last week they had before break started so they didn’t have to endure much more. 

While Cas was walking out of the stalls in the boys bathroom on his break between 2nd period and 3rd, he was unaware of the fact that none other than Cole Trenton was standing outside, leaning against the wall and it was almost as if he was waiting on the junior. 

“Castiel,” he sneered, and Cas only tilted his head at him in a greeting before moving to wash his hands. He wanted the least contact as possible. “Haven’t seen you in a while, did you forget about me?” 

“If only,” Cas commented in disinterest, his voice dripping of condescension as he reached for a paper towel to dry off with. 

Cole chuckled low and dark, and it almost sent a shiver down Cas’ spine, but the younger boy was all too used to the seniors antics and therefore had grown bored with them. “Watch it, Novak,” he warned as he pushed off the wall and followed Cas to the door. As soon as Cas wrapped his fingers around the handle, Cole’s hand came up flat on the wood and slammed it shut. 

“Fuck off, Trenton.” 

“Or what? I don’t see your little Winchester asshole around to protect you this time, Cassie. Just you ‘n me.” 

Cas tried to push back but he was too weak as he was jerked into the door, his head hitting it with a bang as a fist connected with his cheek. He could hear Cole laughing, and it only made him angry. With a grunt, he pulled his knee up as hard as he could, right into the other boys’ crotch, and he basked in the way Cole immediately hunched in on himself, groaning in pain and displeasure. “Fuck,” 

Cas touched his knuckles to his cheek to check for blood but felt nothing. He exhaled, and attempted to exit the bathrooms yet again, but then hands were on his shoulders, wrenching him back and throwing him on the ground. Cole was on top of him then, kneeling over him as he threw a blow to Castiel’s face, chest, abdomen - anywhere he could reach until Cas scrambled and finally managed to push the heavy weight off of him with one hard deck to the chin, and an equally hard one to the ribs. Cole clambered to the ground as he hissed in pain, cursing Cas when the junior quickly gained enough strength and stood up, leering over him before kicking the toes of his shoe into the guys’ side. He didn’t enjoy the way Cole cried out and shriveled up, he didn’t enjoy the way Cole looked so black and blue and bloody on the floor. Cas didn’t like violence, so he didn’t take pride in what just happened. But he wasn’t going to let Cole have his way with him either, so he fights back when he needs to but otherwise avoids conflict like this. 

Without saying anything, he steps over the pile of limbs on the tile and goes to retrieve his belongings that were previously thrown around. The only noise coming from the bathroom now was the sound of Cas’ footsteps and the heavy breathing of Cole, who wasn’t doing much but just lay there - in shame, Cas would guess, but he wasn’t sure. Right as he was about to exit, he heard a gruff, “This isn’t over, Novak,” come stubbornly from the guy behind him, and despite the fact that he wasn’t happy with the events turned out, he smirked nonetheless. Maybe he could allow himself to feel a little good about it. Right? 

By this time the halls were clear, the bell for 3rd period having already rung. He didn’t get that great a look at himself in the mirror, but he knew he was a bit bloody himself, and his clothes were torn and dirty now so there really wasn’t any use in staying for the rest of the day. He pulled out his phone, sending a,  _ Come to my locker?? _ to Dean, and didn’t have to wait long for a text back asking when, to which Cas replied,  _ now.  _

A few minutes had passed because Dean was stuck in Ms. “Trunchbull’s” class - what Dean insisted on calling her - and Cas knew she was as strict as they came, but finally, after about 10 minutes of leaning against the cold metal, he heard the rough padding of Dean’s boots hitting the flooring as he sauntered down the hall. 

Cas was a bit scared to meet him, knowing Dean wasn’t going to be happy with what happened and the current state of Cas’ face, and he was right, because as soon as he lifted his head and met Dean's gaze from halfway down the hall, the older boy furrowed his eyebrows and rushed forward, his features a mix of concern and fury. “What the hell happened?” He demanded, a hand on Cas’ arm and the other one gently lifting his chin. 

“Ehr..do you have anymore exams today?” Cas asked first, because school was important and he wasn’t going to let Dean skip after all the hard work he’s put into studying. 

He looked exasperatedly at Cas, as if the boy had grown a fucking third eye for asking that, but then he shook his head, “No, 4th periods tomorrow and Trunchbull isn’t giving exams,” 

“Okay,” Cas decided, “Then I’ll tell you if you get me out of here,” he smiled as sweetly as he could with dried blood all over his face and fresh red still dripping down. He brushed a piece of hair behind Dean’s ear. 

The blond snorted and wrapped a hand around Cas’ waist for support. He didn’t really need it, but he accepted it all the same. “Yeah, of course, come on,” The best part about Dean thinking he was too cool to take his book bag to class with him was that he didn’t have to go back to get his things if he decided to leave, and with his witch of a teacher so invested in not paying attention to her class, yet still making their lives a living hell, she wouldn’t notice whether he came back or not. 

They shuffled down the corridor as quickly as they could, Dean taking Cas’ backpack from him and carrying it himself until they successfully escaped to the impala, the beast rumbling to life as they skirted off down the road. 

“So?” Dean inquired impatiently in the car when he realized Cas wasn’t going to volunteer the information anytime soon. 

The junior sighed and shifted in his seat so he could lay his head on the back rest. “Cole,” he mumbled, staring out the window and watching trees pass, people walking their dogs, trucks unloading their boxes. “I was in the bathroom and he cornered me…” Cas relayed the events of the early afternoon to his boyfriend, paying careful attention to the way Dean’s knuckles turned white on the steering wheel, and he put a soothing hand on Dean’s leg. 

“Why didn’t you tell me he was still bothering you?” They pulled into the Winchesters driveway and Dean insisted on helping Cas out. 

“Because he wasn’t! He hasn’t even fucking looked at me in 3 months. I don’t know why he all of a sudden decided to jump me in the fucking boys room.” He sat down on the couch as Dean hurried around the house to get some wash clothes and the first aid kit. When he returned, he sat on the coffee table between Cas’ legs and gingerly cleaned him up, patting the rag to the cuts as softly and effectively as he could. 

“I'm gonna kick his ass, fucking asshole-- what the fuck?” 

“No,” Cas warned, “you’re not. It’s over now, and you can’t afford to get into any more shit this year.” 

“Like hell!” Dean tossed the cloth down and stood up, pacing back and forth. “He’s not going to get away with this, Cas!” 

The Novak stood up and met Dean across the living room, taking his face into his hands and speaking softly, “Really, love, I can take care of myself, okay? I appreciate this whole macho thing you’re doing but I swear I don’t need it. Look, I’m fine,” he smiled reassuringly and pecked him on the lips, hugging him close, “I’m fine,” 

 

Before 3:00 Dean drove him back to the school so that he could get his car, and meet their siblings. They parted ways with Dean promising to call when he got off of work that night. 

Anna freaked out when she saw Cas’ face, and when he didn’t tell her anything she put two and two together when Lisa mentioned that she had seen Cole earlier and he was pretty beat up as well. 

\--

\--

On Friday night Cas took Dean out to celebrate the end of exams and the semester. Usually it was always Dean taking Cas out, because he didn’t like to ride shotgun in another guys car, but this time Cas was rather persuasive and they took his vehicle to the movies. Inside the theater, they sat in the back row, away from everyone else, because they both knew there wasn’t going to be a whole lot of actual watching. 

It was true, they spent the majority of the movie necking and then Dean’s hands started to travel and Cas might have just let him give him a blow job right then and there but he was too much of a wuss, so they put a stop to things and tried to focus on the rest of the film. When they were done they went out for ice cream and then Cas drove them to the lake. Even though it was dead in the middle of winter, it wasn’t too chilly out. The temperature was low, yes, but there was no wind, so it was at least a little sufferable. This time, they actually got out and walked around a little bit. Dean lead them to a little opening right in front of the water where they laid down on the grass and stared up at the sky. Neither of them know how long they were there, but they didn’t really care. 

“Are you going to Ellen’s for Christmas?” Cas asked, circling his fingers around Dean’s stomach, intentionally going lower and lower to his sides because he knew Dean was ticklish there. The blonde squirmed and grabbed Cas’ hand, moving it back over his abdomen to a safer area. 

“Yeah,” his answer was short, reserved. 

“Are you worried about your dad?” 

Dean snorted, like that question was so far away from what he was really thinking about, like it wasn’t even a possibility. Cas knew him better than that, though, unfortunately for Dean. 

“If you are,” Cas tried, “It’s okay. It’s the holidays, Dean, you’re supposed to be around family.” 

“I am around family,” Dean countered with a grin, a little more forced than he probably allowed himself to admit. “You and Sam, Bobby and Ellen, Charlie and everyone. I don’t care about John, or how drunk he is, or if he’s in a fucking ditch somewhere. He never showed up for Christmas anyways and if he did then he was so fucked that he couldn’t even stand up straight and then he ruins it for everyone until Bobby has to kick him out and even after that it’s still uncomfortable. I’m fucking happy to not have to deal with that shit this year.” 

Cas didn’t say anything, just turned his head and kissed Dean's shoulder for support. 

They stayed for a little while longer until Dean’s phone rang with a call from Sam, sounding urgent and impatient, telling Dean he needed to get home right away and not saying anything other than that. The two boys rushed to Cas' car, who drove them back to Dean’s as quickly as he could. The older boy sat silent and restless in the passenger seat, his foot tapping anxiously for the entire ride. When they pulled into the Winchester’s house, there was a silver toyota parked in their driveway next to the impala. 

“Who is that?” Cas voiced as they unbuckled their seat belts. 

“No idea,” Dean hurriedly exited the car, Cas following behind without a word. He knew it was risky coming in with Dean, showing up together after having been out for hours before, and he knew Sam would catch on, but if either of the Winchester brothers were in trouble, Cas wasn’t just going to leave them here and go home. 

Dean opened the front door, “Sammy?” but he stopped dead in his tracks before entering any further. Cas was right behind him, halfway inside and halfway out since Dean didn’t get far enough through the threshold before freezing. Cas peeked over his shoulder to see a woman and a child sitting on the couch. The woman looked slightly uncomfortable, and maybe a little regretful, and the child looked scared, like any kid would be if they were at some random persons house. 

Cas looked at Dean and saw that the 2 strangers weren’t what occupied the blonde’s gaze, no, it was the man who was standing in the middle of the living room, a man Cas recognized immediately and his breath hitched. He gasped quietly, not wanting to draw any attention to himself as the hairs that scattered along his body stood up on the defense.

Dean swallowed loudly, his voice breaking as he choked out, “Dad?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments give me life, thank you for reading


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all ever write a story and then at some point in the middle of it you're like, "huh..what" and then it's too late to do anything about it you're already lost

He left over a month ago, not to be seen or heard from since, and now all of sudden here he was standing in their living room with-- who?? 

Dean looked around everyone in the room, his gaze shifting to each person; Sammy, who was very clearly upset, and worried, most likely to see the reaction from his older brother; the blonde petite woman who looked like she couldn’t be more uncomfortable, whose eyes kept wandering back to John; the kid, who was tucked under the woman’s arms, who looked nervous with a sense of curiosity, who was most likely the son to the blonde. And then to John himself, who no longer appeared as the shell of a man he used to be, but-- fuller, now. Awake, aware,  _ sober.  _ His hair was combed back, his scruff was neat and not so  _ scruffy.  _ His clothes were-- not torn, or dirty with stains, he didn’t reek of alcohol or smoke, he smelled like cologne,  _ expensive  _ cologne, and-- who was this man? Because it wasn’t the John Winchester who raised the two boys. Or maybe he was, deep down, just wasn’t showing it in front of whoever these strangers were. 

“Dad, what--” Dean trailed off, his tongue tied and his throat dry because he wasn’t sure what to think, what to say. He felt Cas’ hand on his lower back, tugging on his shirt. It was hidden from everyone else, and Dean turned his head slightly and nodded at the boy behind him, a subtle move that no one would notice, no one except Cas himself. 

Sam stood up from his spot in the chair and he stepped forward, closer to his brother, “Dean, um-- this is, uh..this is Dad’s, um-- they’re Dad’s..” Sam looked around awkwardly, over to his father and then down to his feet. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” Dean addressed his father harshly, impatiently, wanting to hear whatever Sam was about to say from his father. “Where have you been?” 

John shuffled closer, and had this been any other time, he would have immediately been on the defense at the tone his son was using, but tonight, not so much. “Son,” he started, and it was the first thing he had said since Dean arrived, it was the first thing Dean has heard since he all but told his father to get lost all those weeks ago. “If you would sit down, I’ll explain everything..” 

Dean glanced over at the two people sitting on the couch, and then back at the man. He shook his head stiffly, “I’m good.” 

“Dean--” His brother tried, but Dean interrupted. 

“No, you don’t get to just disappear for over a fucking month and not call or give us any type of fucking sign that you’re still alive, and then just show up here with-- I’m sorry, but who the hell are you?” He asked the lady, who was taken aback at his choice of words, the rudeness as he addressed them. 

Instead of answering, however, she looked over at John, seeking help. “Dean, this is Kate Milligan, my fiance.” 

_ Fiance? Did he just say fiance?  _ Dean’s head was spinning, he felt dizzy, sick to his stomach. Had he heard that correctly? Fiance? Some poor lady had agreed to marry John Winchester? 

He heard the sharp exhale of Cas behind him, the curse under his breath that was almost silent, so quiet Dean barely heard it. 

Apparently, though, the cake wasn’t all the way iced just yet, because John was continuing, walking over to the small boy who still sat shyly on the couch, looking up at John with a certain familiarity, a trust in his eyes showing that he hadn’t yet been let down by the man. Dean almost felt bad for him, if not a little jealous, too. “And this..this is Adam, he’s your brother. Well,  _ half- _ brother, I should say.” He was smiling down at the kid, ruffling his hair. The sight made Dean’s blood boil. 

“My--” he shook his head and ran a heated hand through his hair. He turned around and looked at Cas in disbelief, who in return had the same expression on his face, though his was accompanied by this apologetic glint in his blue eyes - pity. “You’re kidding me, right? This is a joke?” He shifted his sight to his little brother, standing a ways behind John and Dean was hoping he'd be some help, he'd say they were kidding and this was some cruel prank, but no, Sam stood still, quiet, an affirmation written in the way he was holding himself up. 

This was true? He had another brother? A fucking  _ step-mom _ ?? And this is where John has been? This is where he goes when he’s supposed to be gone working? 

Dean’s head spun, feeling like he was going to fall over, pass out. And his skin was hot-- burning with rage _.  _ He felt bile creeping up his throat, the bitter taste filling his mouth. He’s never been so angry in his life, he’s never felt so fucking--  _ hurt.  _ And he didn’t even know why! He’s been disappointed by John his entire life, he’s been beaten by him and lied to, abandoned and forgotten. John has been the worst possible father to them, so it really shouldn’t come as a surprise to Dean that while he’s struggling to pay the house bills and getting shoved into the wall and choked out, getting fucking bottles smashed over his head, some other little kid is living the fucking dream with their dad. Getting the full suburban experience with a mom and a dad who isn’t a drunken mess all the time. 

“I gotta-- this is bullshit, I gotta get out of here,” he mumbled and pushed his way to his bedroom, hearing his brother calling after him but he slammed the door shut, praying that by some miracle it would lock him in there, not let anyone in and drown out all the noise from the rest of the house. Unfortunately, it was a prayer that was never answered because not a minute later Sam was knocking on the door, demanding to be let in. “Go away, Sammy,” 

“Dean, open the door.” 

With an angry huff, he marched over and unlocked it, not bothering to open it before he stomped back to his bed and threw himself down. “What?” He snapped. 

“Are we going to talk about this?” 

“You mean the fact that our dad is living a fucking double life and we’re the ones getting the shit end of it?” 

Sam sighed and padded over, residing on the bottom corner of the mattress as he drummed his fingers nervously on the covers. “I know you’re upset, I am too, okay? But this isn’t the time to shut me out, we have to handle it together.” 

“There’s nothing to handle. I don’t want anything to do with them.” 

“Dean--” 

“No, Sammy.” 

“But that’s our brother!” 

And finally, for the first time during this conversation, Dean shot his head up. “That kid means nothing to me.” 

Maybe he’ll regret saying it later, and maybe it was a douche thing to say at all, but he was fucking pissed right now. 

“Dad’s an ass for doing this to us, yes, but Adam and Kate are innocent in this, Dean, don’t take it out on them.” 

Dean went back down into his pillows, burying his face in his arms. “I’m not talking about this anymore, Sam.” 

He heard his little brother grumble something and then let out a long breath. “Fine,” he agreed, “if you won’t talk about it, we’ll talk about something else.” Dean answered in some incoherent noise and Sam continued, “what’s Cas doing here?” 

The older Winchester's eyes shot open but he didn’t move.  _ Shit,  _ he thought, how was he supposed to answer that? And fuck! Cas! He’s still out there with everyone else, probably looking around and awkwardly clearing his throat. What if they’re trying to make small talk with him? What if John is talking to him? Fuck, if John is acting like an ass to him then Dean doesn’t care who’s here, he isn’t afraid to pick another fight with his father, no matter how badly he’ll get hurt from it. 

“What do you mean? Cas and I are friends,” he tries for cool - calm and collected, but knows that if anyone can see through his front, it’s Sam. “You think you’re the only one of us allowed to hang out with him?” He hears his brother sigh,  _ again,  _ and he can basically  _ feel  _ the eyeroll that he’s positive his brother did, and if Dean had to guess, he would say Sam is  _ definitely  _ sporting bitch face #23 right now and sporting it  _ hard.  _

“Dean, you can cut the crap.” 

Dean furrows his eyebrows and turns his head, peeking up out of the corner of his eye and through the fold of his elbow to peer at his sibling. He doesn’t say anything, Sam goes on, and his next words make Dean wish this conversation wasn't a thing and making his heart thump like it was inside his fucking stomach.

“I know,” is all that comes out of the 16 year old's mouth, and Dean wants to feign ignorance, wants to act like he has no idea what they’re talking about, what Sam is trying to imply, but he knows it’s pointless. He knows his brother is smarter than that. 

This time, Dean is the one sighing. He sits up fully, turning his body around so that he’s leaning his back against the wall and facing Sam. “How long?” 

“How long has it been going on?” 

Dean shrugs and murmurs quietly, almost ashamed, “Few months.” He averts his eyes, looking anywhere but the intense hazel ones that are doing their best attempts at boring into his soul right now, deciphering everything that he’s feeling and reading all of his thoughts. 

“I wasn’t positive about it, but I knew both of you pined after the other. You guys think I don’t notice, but I do. The way you watch each other when the other one isn’t looking, and sometimes you would both try to nonchalantly ask me about the other, like I wasn’t aware of what was going on. Then you’re gone all the time, and Ms. Missouri next door says she sees Cas with you a lot, and you guys aren’t exactly subtle at school when you’re both at each others lockers the minute you get the chance. Then of course there’s the showers and you’re not really quiet about--” 

“Okay, okay,” Dean puts up a hand for him to stop. He’s heard enough, and really he’s actually pretty embarrassed, he can feel his cheeks warming up. “Uh-- you’re not-- it’s not weird for you? You’re not upset?” 

Sam shakes his head gently, “No. I mean, not at the fact that you’re--  _ together,  _ or whatever, I just wish you had told me. Both of you.” 

“We wanted to!” He urges, “Cas has been wanting to tell you for a while now but we could never find the right time and he was always worried about how you were going to react to it. He thinks it’s uncomfortable for you.”

“No, but, uh-- don’t like, make out in front of me or anything. Or have sex when I’m here.” He gets this look of horror on his face and he visibly shudders. It makes Dean let out a laugh of relief. This wasn’t a conversation he was expecting to have tonight, and especially not with what had happened with their dad, but he’s glad he got it out of the way and over with, and he’s glad that he and Cas don’t have to hide so much anymore. 

They talk for a few more minutes and Dean does his best to convince Sam that Cas isn’t another one of Dean’s hookups, that he actually does like him, more than he’s ever liked anyone in his entire life.  _ Loves him,  _ even, but that part he kept to himself. Eventually he tells the sophomore that this was as much “chick flick moment” he can have for a night and Sam laughs and nudges him playfully, rolling his eyes. Someone knocks at the door then, a light rapping of their knuckles and then Cas is poking his head in, blue eyes wide and hesitant. “Uh, your father and--” he pauses, because he isn’t sure what to call them, “They just left. He said they were staying at the Whispering Pines and he was going to give you two space to think. He, um, he left Kate’s phone number and the room that they were in..” He gingerly crosses the room with a piece of paper in his hands and holds it out to Dean, staring down at him questioningly and with a worried look that Dean knows is for him. 

Sam stands up then, clapping his hands and knocking the two boys out of their spells. “I’m going to shower, it’s been a long day.” he looks at his friend and smiles, nodding, “Cas,” before turning around and walking out, shutting the door behind him. The pair watches him leave, and as soon as they’re alone Cas climbs onto the bed next to him and puts a hand in his hair, saying nothing. Dean leans into the touch, has been yearning for it since they got here tonight, and he wills the calmness to wash over him, that feeling of  _ home _ that he gets whenever Cas touches him, whenever Cas is  _ near him.  _

“Talk to me,” the boy requests softly, scratching his blunt fingertips on Dean’s scalp. 

Dean looks over at him, his smile sweet yet tired, feeling drained, he tells, “I’m fine,” Cas doesn’t believe him, and it’s patent in the way he cuts his eyes and tilts his head. “I’m awesome.” 

Cas moves his hand down to Dean’s neck, the side of his throat, “Dean,” he insists. 

“Baby, I-- I can’t, I can’t, I c-c--” He hates the way his voice breaks, the way he can feel the lump in his throat and he swears it’s so big that you can see it from the outside, you can just  _ tell.  _ The tears swell up in his eyes, break over the edge of his bottom lid and he wipes them away. 

“Okay, okay,” Cas concceeds, pulls Dean into him so that the blonde’s head rests on his shoulder, “Okay,” he kisses his hair, rubs his hand up and down Dean’s arm. 

It’s nice - leaning on someone like this, leaning on  _ Cas,  _ being tucked into him and warm and protected and maybe it isn’t the most manly thought in the world, but he doesn’t think about that. He’s grateful for it, for this, for the dark haired boy next to him, holding him, making him feel safe. He forces away the tears and the lump and the anger that dredges its way up inside him and begs to be let out, released. He pushes it all back down and tries to focus on the good, on what’s happening right now, on where he is, what he’s doing, who he’s with. 

Cas. Cas, Cas,  _ Cas.  _

After several moments of silence, of nothing but the sounds of their breathing, he finally speaks, his voice much steadier. “Sam knows.” 

“Sam..knows?” 

“‘Bout us.” 

The movements on his arm pause for a minute, then Cas continues his hand. “How, uh--” he clears his throat, “What?” 

“He’s okay, he says he already knew. That we aren’t great at being discreet.” Dean chuckles, genuinely and breathy, “Should’a figured, kid’s a damn genius.” He hears Cas huff a laugh through his nose and he can feel his smile against the top of his head. 

Cas doesn’t say anything else about it, and Dean knows that he’s turning it over in his head, thinking about it and picking at it. Wondering. It’s getting late, and Dean knows this isn’t the end of the conversation, he knows they’ll talk about it later. Talk about  _ everything  _ later. 

“Hey, uh, since everything is, you know..out in the open now, you think you could stay tonight?” He didn’t know why he felt so..vulnerable asking that, why he was so afraid that Cas might say no. It’s not like this was their first time spending the night together, they’ve done it a few times before, but..this night was different, Dean feeling so susceptible tonight with his dad and shit. Though, as soon as Cas opened his mouth and muttered three little words of “Of course, Dean,” the older boy couldn’t stop the grinning from spreading across his face, and he snuggled in close to Cas, smelling him and committing the memory to a special part of his brain, like he’s done so many times before. 

They fell asleep not long after, and Dean slept better than he thought he would, but when he woke up in the morning it was to a throbbing head and an empty bed. Quickly he sat up, rummaging around for a note but couldn’t spot anything. He fell back into his pillow, taking a breath as the events of the previous night replayed in his head. 

Adam. Kate.  _ John.  _ A half brother, a soon-to-be stepmom, a mostly absent father, who, as it turns out, isn’t a total piece of shit dad, just a piece of shit dad  _ to Sam and Dean.  _

Dean sits, stews, thinks,  _ why?  _ Was he not good enough? Was Sam not good enough? What was so different about Adam that made John want to actually be a father to him, want to actually try with him? Did John beat Adam, too? Is he a drunk when he’s with them? Is he “John Winchester” when he’s with them? 

Has Adam ever had to question the love of his dad? Has he ever laid in his bed at night after a particularly horrible drubbing and wonder, why him? 

And Kate? Does she know? Is she aware of the type of man she’s marrying? Does she know that her fiance is the “town drunk” of Lawrence? Or how many times he’s been thrown into a cell for being out in the streets, wandering around after drinking the entire fucking liquor store? Who is he to them? 

He lays there, ponders, stares up at the ceiling until there’s a small knock on his door, and, like last night, Cas pokes his head in, smiles when he sees Dean is awake, and then slips further in with a cup of coffee. “Hi,” he greets, handing over the steaming mug and sitting on the edge of the mattress. “Your father called Sam this morning, he, um-- he wants you to have dinner with them at their hotel..” it comes out slowly, like he’s gauging Dean’s reaction as he speaks, so he can pinpoint the exact moment that Dean snaps, or maybe it’s just because it’s such a horrible request to make and he knows that, so he drags it out as much as he can. 

Nevertheless, Dean snorts stubbornly and sets the coffee on the floor next to him, he rolls onto his side as he faces Cas. “What time is it?” 

“Almost 1, you were sleeping pretty soundly, I didn’t want to wake you. Sam says you needed it.” 

“Sam needs to stop mother-henning.” 

Cas tilts his head pointedly, “He’s just worried about you,” he takes Dean’s hand and plays with his fingers. 

“He doesn’t need to be, I’m good. Hell, I’m great.” He wouldn’t even have believed it himself had it been someone else telling him that, but oh well. He can try. 

“Are you?” No, Cas doesn’t believe it either. 

“‘M fucking awesome.” 

“Are you hungry? Sam made pancakes earlier.” 

Smiling wryly, Dean leaned forward, “Hungry for somethin’,” he mutters, nosing under Cas’ ear, wrapping his hands around the boys frame and pulling him back as Cas bursts into a fit of giggles, Dean climbing on top of him.

Cas laughs, squirms under him, “Dean,” he gasps, his fingers tangled in blonde locks, “We can’t,” 

Kissing his neck, Dean asks, “Why?” Roaming a hand up Cas’ shirt, slipping it behind his back, pressing closer to him. 

“Um, your brother is--  _ fuck,  _ he’s in the next room, and--” 

“So we’ll be quiet,” He sucks Cas’ earlobe between his teeth and the boy moans. 

“ _ And, _ ” the younger boy continues, holding Dean’s face in his hands, pushing back so that they’re looking into each others eyes. “You’re not..you’re not here, you know? You’re-- i don’t know, distracted? Or..maybe using  _ this  _ as a distraction?” Dean sighs and starts pulling away, Cas pulls him back with a hand on his shoulder and the other remaining under his jaw. “Look, Dean.. if you need to take your mind off things, I’ll help you whatever way I can, but not like this.” He was right, and it wasn’t fair for Dean to use sex like some sort of buffer, or-- mind shield so that he doesn’t have to face reality. 

Cas kissed the top of Dean’s forehead and Dean smiled at him, “Okay,” 

“Okay?” 

Nodding, “Okay,” Cas kissed him again, on the lips this time and then moved to get up. 

“Come on, breakfast. You need to eat.” 

\--

\--

John called later that day, Dean faught with him about dinner until the boy finally agreed to go. He was quiet the entire time he was getting ready, not grumbling or cussing about it, not fussing to Sam about it. On their way Sam asked if he would behave, it seems that was the question that clicked to Dean, flipped that switch from  _ calm _ to  _ freak out. _

“ _ Am I going to behave?? _ “ Dean exasperates, “What the fuck, Sam?” 

“I didn’t mean it like that, Dean, I just wanted to know if you were going to be able to keep your cool.” 

Dean huffed angrily, “Why should I? Last I checked,  _ he  _ was the one who walked out on us, not the other way around. And since when are you so gung-ho about this? You hate him, Sam!” 

“Yes, because of how he treated you. He doesn’t-- he doesn’t seem like that person anymore, Dean.” 

“How would you know? He’s been back for all of 5 minutes.  _ 5 goddamn minutes. _ ” 

Sam takes a few breaths from his spot in the passenger seat, and quietly, he says, “I can just-- I can feel it, Dean, I don’t know, I can’t explain it. I just know he’s different.” 

They were arriving at the hotel now, Dean smoothly pulling the impala into a spot with practised ease. “You don’t know anything, Sam, you’re a kid. You haven’t been around for half of the shit I have, and if you were, you’d be thinking differently about it.” With that, he opens up his door and steps out, stalking off towards the building entrance without waiting for Sam. There’s a bench outside of the doors with a smokers receptacle standing tall and inviting next to it. Dean takes a seat on the metal, feels around in his pocket for a lighter and his pack of cigarettes, and lights one up. He keeps his eyes trained on his boots and concrete beneath him so he can pointedly ignore Sam’s disapproving stare as the younger brother stalks up. 

“Really?” He asks, “You’re gonna do that now?” 

“Yeah, Sammy, because I’m a fucking adult. I can make my own damn decisions.” 

He hears his brother scuff, “An adult, huh? How about acting like it then, Dean, instead of throwing a fit.” 

Was Dean overreacting? Was he acting like a child? Should he be more forgiving? 

No, he thinks, his reaction is just fine. He’s allowed to be upset. 

He snorts where he sits cold and alone of the bench.  _ Act like an adult.  _ He’s been acting like a fucking adult since the day his mother died in that fire. All he’s ever done is  _ act like an adult. _

When he gets upstairs, it takes him a few moments before knocking on door. Sam’s already inside, too pissed at his older brother to wait on him, and Dean stands awkwardly on the other side of the door, shifting nervously on his feet. He considers calling Cas for half a sec, but he decides against it, thinking it was better to just bite the bullet and get this over with. Dragging a hand up the wood, he raps 3 times on the door, gentle, quick, and it isn’t long before the door is opening, the barrier between him and his father, his brother, and 2 strangers who, evidently, are his soon-to-be-kinda-already-are family. 

John’s face emerges from behind the door, smiling warmly and welcoming and-- Dean hates it. “Hey, son.” 

“John.” It’s dry, expressionless and rude. John just continues on smiling, like he was expecting such a cold greeting. He planned for it, he knew what he was going to get. He knew that Dean was going respond this way. He  _ fucking knew  _ and that only made it worse. 

“Ah, please, come in,” the man steps out of the way so Dean can enter, and he does so curtly. Inside it’s neat, clean, a lot of open space. Sam sits on the couch with a glass in his hand, talking to Adam, laughing about something, and Dean hates to admit it but it’s a good sight. Sam’s always been good with kids, and maybe in another life where their mom was alive and their dad wasn’t an alcoholic then they might have some more siblings. 

Kate is in the kitchenette, and John joins her after he asks Dean if he wants anything to drink. Dean still can’t get over this-- all of this, seeing his dad acting like a fucking human after being so dysfunctional for so long. He wonders briefly if this is the type of person John was when he married Mary, when she knew him and they were young and he was a decent person. 

Then he feels bitter - jealous on his mother’s behalf that another woman could turn John back into that man, when he wouldn’t have even turned into the monster that he was had his wife, their mother, still been here. 

Or maybe he still would have, Dean doesn’t know, he never will, but he likes to think they’d still be a happy family.

He joins Sam on the couch, and the kid seems to have forgotten about their previous disagreement, because he looks up to Dean with his soft hazel eyes and grins. “Adam’s into cars, too,” 

“Oh, really?” Dean asks, trying to look as interested as possible, and  _ he wants  _ to be interested, he wants to talk to this kid, or, hell, even just  _ look at him  _ without feeling that burning pit inside of him that fills with resentment every time he thinks about the life that Adam has, when it could have been Sam and Dean instead. 

Adam nods, eagerly yet shyly, his blue eyes look up at Dean innocently. “Dad says that you have a 1967 Chevy Impala, can I see it?” 

_ “Dad”, _ Dean thinks. Inwardly, he scoffs. 

“Maybe after dinner,” he smiles tightly and Sam almost glares at him. They talk a few more minutes, Dean staying out of the conversation as much as he can, until John and Kate announce that dinner is ready and they start bringing dishes to the table, asking everyone to gather around. It’s meatloaf. Dean hates meatloaf, and he can’t blame Kate for not knowing that because, really, how could she? But John should know, right? 

The dinner table is round, and Dean got stuck between his brother and Adam, and sitting across from John, who’s smiling and holding Kate’s hand, and, “Okay boys, let’s say Grace.” 

_ What? John Winchester has never sent a prayer in his entire life.  _

Dean sends a sharp look to Sam, the kid’s slightly apologetic but his eyes are also saying,  _ just do it and shut up.  _ So Dean silently huffs a breath and takes the hands of the 2 people next to him, reluctantly closing his eyes and listening as their father begins. John starts off about thankful he is to be sharing this meal and being alive and whatnot, shit you would normally pray about, then he goes into how great it is to have his “two boys finally joining him and the rest of the family” and he ends it with how he wishes for nights like this and he’s proud that he’s once again been reunited with his sons. 

The entire time Dean’s blood is boiling, smoke basically fuming out of his ears, his eyes are open and glaring at the man across from him while everyone else has their heads down and eyes shut. He must be squeezing his hands because Sam nudges him with his elbow until John says “amen” and they all let go to start on their dinner, except, as soon as Dean looks up he catches his father’s eye, glaring into the aged, brown iris's that are filled with what looks like shame, guilt, and apologies but Dean can’t find it in himself to care. What the fuck was that prayer?

 

Dinner was awkward. For Dean, at least. Everyone else seemed to be getting along just fine and if you didn’t know, you’d think Sam was born into the family just like Adam was. It’s not a thought Dean enjoys, so he squashes it down as soon as it pops into his head and he tries to think of all the differences between him and Sam and..these people. 

Because Dean isn’t a fucking savage and has actual fucking manners, even if he’s against the current situation, he’s still a decent enough human being to help clean up after dinner. He carries his plate and dishes to the sink, asks if there’s anything else he can do to help while John talks to Sam and Adam in the living room about something Dean doesn’t even care because he has no interest in hearing anything John has to say. He ends up drying the dishes with his soon-to-be step mother and tries not to seem so uncomfortable and weird. 

Eventually, and spooking Dean out of his thoughts, Kate says out of the blue and without any warning or beating around the bush, “He’s trying.” 

It’s unexpected, and Dean has to take a few moments to realize that she said something to him and what she was referring to, and even then he can only choke out a mumbled, “Pardon?” 

“John, he’s trying. I know it’s not easy for you boys, but it’s more challenging for him than you might think.” Dean clears his throat, shifts his feet and gently retrieves the soaked plate she’s handing him. He doesn’t say anything, mostly because he still isn’t sure what to say and if he can even do so and not sound rude about it, but also because he gets the sense that Kate isn’t finished with what she’s had to say. “We all..make mistakes, Dean, and I’m aware of how bad and seemingly unforgivable John’s mistakes are, but...please trust that he’s doing everything he can to make up for his wrongful past. He’s a new man now, Dean, he’s-- he’s found God, as I’m sure you’ve noticed, and with that means he’s also trying to find forgiveness, which would mean the world to him if you could, eventually, give that to him. I’m not asking for it tonight, and I know it might not come very soon at all, but I can only hope that you’ll find it in yourself to let go of the anger you hold towards him and make amends. The John Winchester you knew and grew up with is a thing of the past. That, I can promise you. Give  _ this  _ man a chance, please.” 

She hands him the last dish, and he takes it without really feeling himself do it..more like he’s..going through the motions of wiping the glass down as he just stares at the blonde woman before him incredulously with his eyebrows furrowed and his mouth hanging open. She smiles at him kindly - like she knows what’s going on his head but he’s sure she doesn’t - and puts a, what she probably thinks is if a comforting hand on his shoulder but really it does nothing for him, and she walks away. Sooner or later Dean snaps out of it and glances at the clock on the stove, sees it’s getting late and takes it for what it is - an out. 

He walks into the living room and sees Sam sitting in the floor while Adam shows him a book of some sort. “Sammy, we, uh-- we better head out. It’s getting late.” He puts on his best smile and begs with his eyes, hoping his brother will catch on and get up without question. For a second, the sophomore looks like he’s going to protest but he takes one look at his older sibling and nods. 

“You boys sure you need to go?” John asks as he stands up, “We could watch a movie or something, play some board games?”

It’s odd to see John like this - pussyfooting around his own 2 sons as if they’re strangers to him, like he hasn’t known them all of their life and he’s only just now meeting them and realizing he wants a relationship with them. 

“Sorry, we promised Cas we’d stop by his house tonight for some games,” Sam chimes in before Dean has a chance to object to John’s request. It’s a lie, what Sam said, but everyone else doesn’t have to know that. 

“Oh,” John comments, and nods in understanding. “Cas, is that, um-- a friend of yours? The both of yours?” 

“Sammy’s best friend, Dad, 2 years now. He’s been to the house several times. He was there last night, even. You spoke to him.”  

Sam cuts Dean a glare because Dean knows good and well that Cas has never had the misfortune of meeting their father before last night and even then there was too much going on for a proper introduction. 

Again, there’s that look back in John’s eyes, the same one that was there after they said blessing at dinner. The guilty look, the shameful look, and Sam jumps in again, this time to...defend him? “It’s, uh-- there was a lot going on last night, dad, and he's never been over before that while you were there. It's okay..” 

“I see. Well maybe we can have dinner at the house some time and he can join us. In fact, if you boys have girlfriends, too, I’d love to meet them.” 

Dean almost snorts, but he saves himself just in time. “Yeah, sure, c’mon, Sammy, let’s get going.” 

They say awkward goodbyes at the door and John looks like he’d like to say more but instead Dean rushes them out before he gets a chance. He made a vague promise to the couple that they’d “come back soon” but he isn’t sure if he’s willing to uphold that just yet. 

As soon as he and Sam get to the car, the kid rounds on him, slamming his door and exclaiming, “Why do you have to be such a dick to them?” 

_ Here we go,  _ Dean thinks. “Why are you defending him? For the last year you’ve been begging me to leave him, Sam, take you and get as far away from him as we can and now all of a sudden you want something to do with him? Have you forgotten that he’s made our lives a living hell since we’ve been  _ kids,  _ Sam? Since I was 4 fucking years old I’ve been taking care of you, not him. He’s never been a father to you in your entire goddamn life! To either of us!"

“He’s trying to be _now_ , Dean! Can’t you see that?” Dean’s about 3 seconds away from slamming his fucking fist into the steering wheel and screaming  _ “too little, too fucking late,”  _ but Sam is already continuing, “I just-- I never got the normal family, Dean, I never got a mom, I never got a dad who was actually  _ there,  _ and now I feel like this is my chance...this is  _ our  _ chance. We have a brother, now, a step mom, and dad, he's-- better. And who knows, maybe whatever's going on with him will last, or maybe it wont, but don't you want to experience a normal family while you can?" 

They’re both silent after that, Dean looking in front of him and pointedly avoiding eye contact with the younger boy until finally he sighs and says, “Do whatever you want, Sam, but I’m not going to be apart of that.” before starting the engine and driving them back home. 

Merry fucking Christmas. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for those of you who are still tagging along, thank you


	15. Chapter 15

Every christmas the Novak kids get a check. It’s from their aunt in Wichita, and it’s usually a pretty penny and so everyone looks forward to getting theirs. Except, this year, Christmas was going to be delayed for a few days. Not many, just a couple. 

On the Sunday before the holiday they had dinner at their grandparents house, like usual, and when it was over their grandparents gave each kid a small check as well, like usual. For Gabriel though, it wasn’t enough. The entire time he was heckling Cas about when they were going to get their Aunt Naomi’s check, when that was going to be a thing. Cas told him he didn’t know, but it probably wasn’t going to be then. 

To speed things along and not drag it all out, Gabriel, as everyone knows, is a drug addict. And drug addicts spend all of their money on drugs, and when they run out they’ll do whatever it takes to get their next fix. Generally. So on Sunday night when Gabriel asked Cas for  _ his  _ Christmas money and Castiel flat out refused, Gabriel wasn’t happy. He swore it was so that he could go fix his phone and not get drugs, and then,  _ “Is my word not enough for you, Cas?”  _ Cas sighed and responded,  _ “Your word means nothing to me, Gabe, you know why? Because you are a  _ drug addict,  _ and I can’t believe anything that comes out of your mouth, especially when you’re in this frame of a mind.”  _

It turned into a whole thing and then Gabe stormed off and didn’t speak to Cas when he came back later that night, and they argued some more on Monday until Gabriel eventually apologized on Tuesday, Christmas morning, and everything seemed fine. Tuesday night however, when Gabriel woke up after having slept all day due to withdrawals, he was not very sunshine and chipper. 

“Cas,” he had asked while Cas was in the kitchen making a cup of hot chocolate, “Where’s Naomi’s check?” 

And Cas, being annoyed by the situation and Gabe’s persistent ways, turns around and says, “I already told you, we’re not doing Christmas until Friday,” because they were waiting on Gadreel to join them, and even when he’s away so much, he’s still just as apart of their family as everyone else. “Meaning we’re not opening presents or cards or _anything_ until Friday.” 

Gabriel reels back, upset and agitated, and snarls, “That’s some bullshit.” 

“Okay, well, I don’t make the rules. You can wait 3 more days.” Admittedly, looking back at it, maybe Cas was being just a little too smart when he was speaking to his brother. Maybe he was agging it on, maybe he was perfectly aware that withdrawals aren’t the time to catch an attitude with the person. Maybe he was poking the bear. 

“I could slap you for saying that shit to me right now,” Gabriel counters, his voice threatening and dark and Cas knows this voice. He knows that glare, and that furrow in his brothers eyebrows, and he knows not to make it worse, so really he can’t actually tell you what possessed him to cut his eyes and lift up his hand, promptly flicking the oldest Novak off. 

It  _ definitely  _ was not amusing to the brother, and Cas thinks Gabe was more surprised than anything to see little Cas, who’s always so patient with him, to  _ not  _ be understanding at the time and just, really, pretty much instigate the behavior, because almost before Cas knows it Gabriel is lurching forward, ready to fight, but his younger sibling quickly puts up his hands and pushes forward, shoving Gabriel away from him. He trips, falls back a little but catching himself on the counter and hissing, “Goddamn, Cas,” 

Cas glares at him, turns to walk out of the kitchen, thinking that would be the last of it, and growling, “Don’t fucking do this, Gabe, not tonight.” 

_ However,  _ that was not the last of it. This time, the older Novak was successful in catching his brother off guard and coming up behind him before Cas could do anything about it and wrapping his arm around the boys throat, throwing him onto his knees while locking him in a choke hold, his grip only tightening. “I will break your fucking neck,” he threatens, “Snap it right fucking now if you talk to me like that again,” 

Cas, taken way beyond aback and being so stunned by what’s happening that all he can really do is pull at Gabriel’s arm, try to loosen his hold because he can feel his face getting red and blood building up under his skin, his lips are getting tight and his brother isn’t letting go as he continues to hurl malevolent words into Castiel’s ear. And finally, when Cas feels like he could pass out at any moment, he flings his elbow right back into Gabriel’s crotch, causing the man to draw back in pain and release his grip. Cas wastes no time in jumping to his feet, turning on his brother as he sees nothing but black and just hits and hits and hits wherever he can reach, whatever he can get, slams his fist over and over again into his brothers form, who’s ducked his head and brought up his hands in defense, no longer fighting back but protecting the back of his head where Cas is still throwing punches. 

After about 20 seconds of this Cas stops, deeming it okay to settle down and ease up, but as soon as he concludes his movements Gabriel starts up _again_ , only this time Becky is running into the room and screaming, “Hey, hey, quit!” And when Gabriel only pursues to lurch forward at his younger brother, she places herself in the middle of it. “Goddammit, Gabriel, I said  _ enough!”  _

That’s when they both quit. Gabriel walks away in a huff and Cas stands there breathing heavily and angrily and still fucking shocked at what the fuck just happened. Becky follows her oldest son back into the kitchen, yelling at him, chastising him for his actions. “I have  _ never  _ seen him act that way so you obviously did something to warrant it.” She rebukes when Gabriel for some reason thinks he can get away with claiming, “I didn’t even do anything, he just came at me,” 

By this time the rest of the family has heard all the ruckus and everyone rushes in, wondering what’s going on. Chuck goes to get Becky, calm her down and get her away from Gabriel, and then he has a talk with his son himself. Cas walks away, not wanting to be apart of it anymore and he goes to check on his mother, tells her everything that happened and then hugs her as she cries into his neck, “I’m so sorry, this isn’t your fault, I’m so sorry,” and Cas wants to cry, too, seeing his mother like this and because he never expected things would get this out of hand. 

Cas resides to his room for the rest of the night and at some point he hears Gabriel leave, storm out and take the car and who the fuck knows where he’s going, but in the morning, when Castiel wakes up from a troublesome night of sleeping, tossing and turning the entire time, he lays in bed and replays the events of the previous night and past few days. 

Now, he should be mad. He should be enraged and pissed and just, fucking-- after everything he’s helped his brother with, this is what he gets in return? He has a right to be upset. 

Except, he’s not. He’s disappointed, he’s shocked, he’s hurt, but he isn’t mad. Really, there isn’t an ounce of anger in his body that’s placed towards the oldest Novak. If he was being totally honest, the main thing he feels is guilt. Like he aggravated the situation, like he overreacted and  _ he  _ was the one who took things too far.  _ He  _ was the one who worked it all up. He knows how frustrated Gabriel was, he knows that any little thing could have made the man snap, and yet, there Cas was, flipping him off and treating him like, well, an addict. Like  _Society_ treats addicts. 

He basically asked for it.  _ That’s  _ what people do when they don’t have their drugs.  _ That’s  _ how they act when they can’t get their fix.  _ That  _ was the addiction. Castiel knew that. He should have known that. 

But instead he was a smartass and got himself locked in a chokehold while he played the victim because he was too-- what? What excuse does he have? 

_ None.  _

 

Despite not being upset with his brother, he still wasn’t ready to deal with him. He couldn’t look at him, he couldn’t talk to him, he couldn’t be in the same room with him because all he felt was guilt and pain. 

He ends up spending the morning with Meg because he doesn’t want to involve Dean in what happened when he knows Dean is dealing with other things. He does text his boyfriend frequently throughout the day and then after hours of the blonde begging him to come over, Cas excuses himself from his best friends house and drives the short way to the Winchesters when he thinks he’s okay enough to not give away any indications that something happened. 

Sam answers the door, and it’s still weird for Cas to be here the same time Sam is and not actually be here  _ for  _ Sam. 

The kid looks surprised to see him and then, as if it just dawned on him that he was here for something else, he gets this weird  _ look  _ on his face before stepping aside and letting Cas in. “Dean, um-- he’s in his room.” 

“Is everything okay?” Because whether Cas is here for Sam or not, he still cares about the boy, they’re still friends. 

“Yeah, he’s just being Dean.” 

Cas smiles tightly and nods, not wanting to say anything else because whatever is going on between the two brothers, he doesn’t want to seem like he’s picking sides. “How was your Christmas, Sam?” 

“It was good, I went to my dad’s place and ate with them. Kate and Adam are really cool, he and I are a lot alike.” 

Cas had heard from Dean that Sam had spent the holiday with his father and “new family” while Dean opted to go with his  _ actual  _ family and had dinner at Ellen’s like they do every year. 

Again, Cas isn’t picking sides, but he thinks that their surrogate parents deserve at least  _ some  _ credit and maybe there's a little _something_ in his voice when he asks, “And how are Bobby and Ellen?” 

Sam’s smile fades, “John is my dad," 

"And maybe it isn't my place, but when's the last time he actually acted as a father to you?" 

The kid looks down, sighs, "You're right, Cas." and Cas thinks he got him - that that was what Sam needed for it all to click, but then he continues, "It's not your place." 

Cas tilts his head, opens his mouth to say something but stops, and then just goes with, "Dean's probably wondering where I am. It was nice talking to you, Sam."

“Yeah,"

Cas nods awkwardly and and stiff before hurrying down the hall and knocking twice on the door, poking his head in and smiling when he sees Dean lying on his bed with his headphones in and music blaring, eyes closed and so therefore not paying a lick of attention to Cas, who watches from the doorway with a fond expression. The junior slips in, eases his shoes off and climbs onto the mattress, finally catching Dean’s attention and he just smiles at Cas, takes his headphones out and muses, “Hey, baby,” 

Cas leans forward to kiss him, “Hi,” and then settles into the bed cozied up next to Dean’s warm body. “What are you listening to?” 

“Zeppelin,” 

“Should’a figured,” he lays his head on Dean’s shoulder and takes one of the ear buds, sticking it into his own and listening. “I talked to Sam outside,” 

“Yeah?” Dean doesn’t sound interested, his tone is short and dry, monotone. Cas sighs, and takes the bud out of both of their ears, shifting his head to look up at the blonde and putting a hand on his chest. 

“You have every right to be upset with your father, you know that, right? After the way he’s treated you, both of you, but you especially, you don’t owe him anything. He can come back here as a “new man” and shove his family in your face all he wants but if you’re not ready for that, if you don’t  _ want  _ that, then that’s okay.” When Dean first told Castiel about what Kate had said to him after dinner that night, Cas had been furious. Who does she think she was? What right did she have? She was out of place, and had no business telling Dean how he should feel about things. “Take all the time you need, and even if you never reach the point that they’re asking for, that’s alright, too.” 

Okay, maybe Cas  _ was _ picking sides. But it’s not a “I’m choosing my boyfriend over my best friend” thing, it was a “everyone else is wrong and Dean just so happens to be right” thing. Cas can’t help that. 

Dean doesn’t answer for a few moments, and really, Cas didn’t expect him to, but right as Cas opens his mouth and is about to change the subject to something lighter, Dean mutters these 3 little words that Cas was in no way prepared to hear. 

“I love you,” 

And yes, maybe Cas was taken by surprise and caught off guard, and maybe he would love to feign ignorance and ask for a repeat, but he knows it wasn’t easy for Dean to say it in the first place, so he wasn’t going to make him say it again, and he wasn’t going to ruin the moment by questioning it either. So he looks up into green eyes that are intently watching the other side of the room, and he responds, “I love you, too,”

 

A few hours later finds them lazily making out as they’re wrapped around each other, and Cas is  _ this close  _ to climbing on top of Dean and taking him right then and there because he’s missed him and they haven’t had sex in a couple of weeks, but they promised Sam they wouldn’t do it while he was in the house, so Cas reluctantly retrieves his mouth from Dean’s and sits back, earning himself a whine that’s almost enough for him to dive back in, but he’s strong. 

“Spend the night,” Dean asks needily and  _ no, bad idea, bad idea,  _ is all Cas thinks. He laughs at the thought and says, 

“You’re trying to kill me,” he wants to, but he knows it would be iffy with things still being tense between the two brothers and Cas doesn’t really want to cause anymore harm. “But you can come have dinner with my family tomorrow if you want,” he flashed his most winning smile and puppy dog eyes and could see in Dean’s face that he had won. 

After that they laid together and clicked through the channels on Dean’s tv until they found something to watch. Cas didn’t _really_ love suffering through an episode of _Dr. Sexy MD_ but for Dean, he would. 

“I don’t understand what’s so appealing to you about this show,” he mumbles into the blonde head of hair resting on his chest. 

“Um, Dr. Sexy... Is that not reason enough?”

“I mean, I guess if you think cowboy boots are attractive, though they don’t really match his scrubs.” 

“Cas,” Dean groans and sits up, and the hand that was rubbing through his blonde locks falls to Castiel’s side. “ _ Please _ tell me you’re joking.” When the junior only raises his eyebrow in response, Dean takes a deep breath, looking extremely disappointed but there’s an air of humor floating around him, and Cas smiles at it. “I have to break up with you,” 

If he didn’t sound so fucking dramatic about it, Cas might have thought he was being serious, but he couldn’t even keep a straight face for longer than 5 seconds after he said it, causing his boyfriend to burst into a fit of giggles and breathe out, “Shut up,” as he playfully whacked him in the arm and Dean grinned, “I’m kidding, but we’re gonna change your mind about the boot thing,” he leaned down and pecked Cas on the lips and then went back to the position they were in previously, his head tucked under Cas’ chin and Cas’ hand twisting itself into his hair. 

\--

\--

On Cas’ way home that night he finally came to the conclusion it was time to come clean to his parents about his preferences. He’s not sure if he just felt like it was time, or if this was the first time Dean would be having dinner with the entire family and Cas wanted them to be meeting “Dean his boyfriend” and not “Dean his friend”, or if he just thought  _ fuck it,  _ and decided whatever happens, happens. Maybe it was all of the above, or maybe it was for completely different reasons, he doesn’t know. All he was certain of though was that he loved Dean and he didn’t want to have to hide that anymore. 

When he got home, instead of wanting to wait any longer, he went straight to his parents room and knocked on their door, waiting on a mumbled, “Come in,” from his mom before he slowly turned the doorknob and crept inside on uneasy feet. “Hey, Cassie,” Becky greeted him kindly from her spot on the bed, and he tried returning the gesture as best he could. “Where’d you go all day?” 

“I, uh, was at Meg’s and then went to Dean’s.” He knew his voice was shaky and  _ he  _ was probably shaky but he wasn’t sure because his heart was beating so fast and loud that it was right in his ears, the blood pumping in his head drowned out any outside noise.

“Are you alright?” He could vaguely hear his mother question worrily but mostly he read it on her lips. 

“There’s, um-- there’s something I have to tell you.” 

“Okay..” Becky looked over at Chuck and then they waited as Castiel prepared himself, not rushing him for an answer, or asking him to speed it up. He was grateful for that. 

He took a deep breath, squeezed his hands into fists a couple of times, bit his lip a little harder than necessary and then stammered, “I..like guys..” It came out more of a question than he meant for it to, but he said it. It was out. Over with. 

_ Fuck,  _ he felt like he was going to pass out. What if they throw him out? What if they try to send him to one of those camps where they pray the gay away? What if this changes everything? 

These weren’t things that he ever felt like he had to consider before, but now that he’s said it and it’s out, there are millions of possible ways that this could go down and they’re all just now rushing into Castiel’s brain and  _ oh god,  _ he’s gonna be sick. He’s definitely going to be sick. 

At least, he thinks he is, but then his mom looks at his dad once again and takes his hand and then looks back at Cas and says softly, “Baby, we know.” 

And  _ what?  _

“Y-You..know?” 

“Yes, honey, we know.” 

Did someone tell them? Was it Anna? Did she blab to them about her speculations? Did Michael tell them? How could they possibly have found out?” 

“Castiel, there are things that some parents can tell about their children, and some they can’t. Ever since you were little there’s been something about you. You didn’t play with dolls, and you’ve never been interested in makeup or shoes, but.. Do you remember Ed?” 

“The kid that used to live next door?” 

Becky nodded, “He used to come over all the time and play and whenever you were about five, he moved, and you kissed him on the cheek before he left and then cried for days afterwards. And every time someone would talk to you about him, you’d scream,  _ “But I loved him! We were supposed to get married!”  _

Cas’ cheeks burned and he chuckled at himself, as dramatic as he was as a child. He can’t believe he doesn’t remember that, though. 

Chuck laughed, too, “After that, son, you’ve never really shown any interests in girls, it was always the boys that you’d come home and rave about.” 

Cas was quiet, not really sure what or how to respond, and he just stared at his hands twiddling in his lap. After a few moments, his mother spoke, “Is there a boy, now?” 

His smile is hidden and he mutters, “Maybe..” 

“Is it Dean?” Chuck asks, and Cas’ head pops up. By his reaction, both of his parents laugh at him. He knows he’s blushing, he can feel it and it’s worse than before. 

“You knew that too, huh?”

“ _ That  _ wasn’t hard at all to figure out.” 

“We’d love to have him for dinner sometime, sweetheart.” 

“Of course, mom,” he stands up to leave and then stops, turns around to face them and says, “Thank you. Both.” 

With that over with, and a fucking weight the size of Texas lifted off of his shoulders, he mozies on up to his room and slips into a peaceful night of sleep, better than what he’s had in months. 

\--

\--

Seeing Gadreel was great, and as soon as he stepped into the house Cas tackled him, happy to see him after so long. After everyone had caught up and said their hellos and told stories about their most recent shenanigans and whatnot, they proceeded as if it was actually Christmas and went on opening their presents from everyone. 

Christmas at the Novak’s, when it isn’t extended family but those who actually live inside the house (or once did), has always been open for everyone. Friends, girlfriends or boyfriends, anyone who wants. Everyone’s invited, and Chuck and Becky always make enough food for a fucking army. So a couple of hours after presents, Kali arrives from Wichita for Gabriel, Benny joins with Michael, Anna invites Balthazar, Gadreel has one of his old friends over, and Dean comes, too. Cas is nervous to introduce him to everyone, but he knows his parents already like him and Michael gave his blessing, and he’s positive Gabriel will act okay. Yet, he’s still anxious. Excited, but anxious. 

He told Dean that morning about coming out, and Dean congratulated him and told him he was proud of him, making Cas’ cheeks turn hot pink over the phone. 

Dean’s the second to last person to show up, and Cas is just about a mess when he goes to answer the door, seeing that Gabe is already there, standing in front of Dean with this weird look on his face as he states, “Sup,” 

Dean smiles politely and returns with his own, “Sup,” and then Cas is there and he’s grinning from ear to ear to see his boyfriend all dressed up and looking nice. 

Cas looks over at his brother and gives him a look that says, “okay you can go now i’ve got this” and then they’re left alone, and Cas takes Dean’s hand and pulls him inside, right until their bodies are pressed together. He’s never been happier that there’s a wall separating the foyer and the living room because he quickly wraps his arms around Dean’s neck and kisses him chastely yet sweet. “Well hello to you, too,” Dean draws out against his lips and Cas cackles. 

“You look nice,” 

“I, uh, I wanted to impress your parents,” 

Cas looks into green eyes and beams, “I think they like you better than Balthazar already,” 

“Oh, yeah?” 

“Yeah,” and then Cas asks, “Sam didn’t come?” 

“No, he said he wasn’t feeling good, I don’t know. I think he’s weirded out by the situation. Even though he says he isn’t, I can tell he is. Either that or he just doesn’t want to be around me at all because of this whole dad thing.” 

“Your brother will come around, I know he will, there’s just been a lot of changes recently and everyone needs time to adjust.” They share a few more kisses and then Cas decides to go ahead and bite the bullet, so they make their ways into the living room where everyone, save for their parents, are sprawled around on the furniture paying them no mind. Cas takes Dean’s hand and leads him over to Gadreel, introducing the two and getting little butterflies fluttering about in his stomach when he says, “This is Dean, my boyfriend,” Gadreel eyes Dean suspiciously, sizes him up like Cas knew he would, and then offers his hand, saying, “As long as you treat Cassie right, we’re good.” Cas rolls his eyes but it has no heat. After that he  just points around to Kali and Kelvin, which is the friend that Gadreel brought, and tells Dean who they are, and shortly thereafter Balthazar arrives and it’s not long until they’re all placing themselves around the table. 

Dinner lasted a little over an hour, and it was easier than Cas had expected, though he should have known. Dean got along great with everyone and they all seem to like him a lot, and no one batted an eye when Cas held Dean’s hand, or when Dean put his arm on the back of Cas’ chair, or when they shared glances throughout the meal. Michael and Benny gave Cas these little looks, teasing him like they always do, but Cas knew it was out of love. They were happy for him, Cas was happy for himself.

It turned out to be a good day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone or a loved one is going through addiction and needs someone to talk to about it, I'm always open to it. For the longest time i didn't want to tell any of my friends because I was embarrassed by it, and i couldn't talk to my parents about it because my dad wasn't very empathetic of the situation or my brother, and my mom never wanted to talk about it because it was too hard for her. 
> 
> I finally did accept it though and realized it wasn't anything to be ashamed about, whether it's you or someone close to you. Addiction isn't a taboo, it's serious and it's scary and it affects tons of people. 
> 
> I know how hard it is and that it isn't an easy thing in any aspects of it, so if you're looking for an ear without any judgement (because trust me I've seen and heard it all) you can catch me on tumblr @spn-skam


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am SO sorry it's so late
> 
> started you off with a little smut to make up for it, hope you enjoy!!

Sam was at  _ John’s.  _

Dean wasn’t. 

Dean was at his house, in his room, pinned to his bed with a very horny, very  _ asshole  _ Cas who was 2 fingers deep and dragging it out. Teasing Dean, waiting until he was a writhing, moaning, begging mess. It didn’t make sense, Cas wanted it just as much as Dean did since they’ve both gone almost a month now without it, so why was he taking so long with it? 

“Cas,  _ please, _ ” Dean beseeched, “I’m gonna come right now if you don’t  _ get on with it. _ ” 

Cas grinned, chuckled dangerously, “You wouldn’t dare,” 

Dean made eye contact and challenged, “Watch me.” 

For a second he thought Cas was going to cave, but then the blue eyed boy only leant in real close to Dean’s ear and whispered darkly, “Do it. I’ll just make you come again.” He wrapped a hand around Dean’s rock hard member and clenched, making the senior buck his hips up in impatience. 

“I am so gonna get you back for this,” 

Cas arched the two fingers he had inside Dean and Dean groaned, squirming. “I’ll be looking forward to it,” he added a third finger and wiggled them around until he found Dean’s prostate, pressed right against it as he continued to murmur, “So how do you want it?”

“Just-- like this,” 

“Yeah?” Cas growled, nipping at Dean’s earlobe and all the blonde could do was just nod hurriedly. “You wouldn’t rather I bend you over the desk? Or..shove your face into the pillows on your hands and knees?” 

“ _Fuck,_ no. Wanna see you this time,” 

He scraped a finger up Dean’s chest, a light touch of the skin and then pinched his nipple just as he jabbed his prostate again and Dean cursed.  __

“Sure?” Cas was taunting him now, Dean knew it, and he was distracting him with all of the other things he was doing; like finger fucking him, or going back and forth between jerking him off and twisting his nipple, or licking his fucking ear as he waited on a response. When he tugged particularly hard on Dean’s tit and Dean moaned out his name instead of answering, he crooked his 3 fingers and roughly spat, “ _ Dean, _ ” 

“Yes, babe, please, I--” it was the most coherent thing he’s said since Cas’ fingers broached his hole. “Please just fuck me,” 

“Well,” Cas drawled, “Since you’ve asked so nicely,” he slowly removed his hand from inside Dean, and slicked himself up, both of them deciding earlier to forgo the condom, and lined his dick along with Dean’s ass. “Ready?” Dean nodded and Cas cut his eyes at him, wanting a verbal response like always. 

“Ready,” Dean affirmed, and from then it was pure bliss. Cas pushed inside, bottomed out and then moved with ease as he began thrusting, every push better than the last. 

“So fucking good for me like this, Dean, so beautiful,” 

Dean would blush but he was too caught up in other things at the moment to really dwell on the compliments. 

Despite the mood of things before Cas did actually penetrate with his.. _ cock,  _ this round of sex was..gentle, and kind, but full of everything they needed to make it amazing. He wasn’t too slow, wasn’t too fast, he hit the spot every time and was never too rough or soft. 

He buried his face into Dean’s neck, still whispering words of endearment, always telling Dean how great he was, how beautiful he was, how Cas was the lucky one here.

Dean dug his nails into Cas’ back, whining and groaning because it all felt so fucking good, and then-- “Baby, I’m-- fuck, I’m gonna come,” 

“Yeah, Love, do it,” 

With a couple more thrusts and a tug on Dean’s dick, they were both releasing themselves, Dean coming all over Cas and himself, and Cas filling up Dean’s insides. He collapsed on top of the older boy and Dean wrapped his arms around him, feeling sweaty and gross with fucking jizz smushed between the two of them but neither of them cared. 

  
Later after they had both showered and Cas blew Dean against the bathroom wall, Dean was drying himself in the mirror, toweling his hair when he noticed all the red spots on his chest and neck. 

“Possessive, huh?” He teased as Cas picked up their clothes off the floor. 

“Hmm?” The brunette asked, and walked over so he could see what Dean was talking about, then immediately blushed as he took in his work. “Oh, um..sorry,” he bit his lip and looked down, embarrassed. 

Dean could never get over how Cas went from this fucking sex God in the sheets to this adorable, shy little guy who blushed at everything. He stepped over and slipped his arm around the juniors waist, pulling them flush against each other. “No need to be,” he nuzzled below Cas’ ear, “Fucking hot,” his hand on Cas’ back slid down to his ass and squeezed, making Cas let out what could only be described as a squeal, and Dean took the opportunity to kiss him. He plunged his tongue into the other boys' mouth, savoring the sweet taste of  _ Cas  _ and also a slight hint of Dean’s come, which  _too_ was fucking hot. 

Dean shifted until he was pressing Cas into the bathroom counter, “How ‘bout round 3, hm?” He kissed down Cas’ neck, snaking his hands underneath the boys’ towel. “I could return the favor from the shower,” Cas moaned against him and hopped onto the counter as Dean stepped between his legs and completely undid the towel. “We could switch rolls, you could finally be the one begging, huh?” 

“I’m sure you’d love that,” Cas joked, and Dean mocked him before leaning back into a kiss. Right as Dean was about to “feel him up” as some would say, a loud ringing came from the other room. 

“Fucking a,” 

“Looks like you’ll have to make me beg some other time,” Dean glared at Cas’ wink and warned him not to go anywhere while he rushed to go answer his phone, but hesitated when he saw it was his dad’s new number. He cleared his throat before answering a curt, 

“Hello?” 

_ “Dean, hey,” _ John’s voice travels through the phone, and Dean waits for him to continue but he doesn’t, just breathes into the speaker and Dean rolls his eyes impatiently. 

“You need something, or..” Cas comes in behind him and shuffles around his drawers until he finds some sweatpants. Dean tries to appreciate his naked figure as he slips the fabric over himself but he can’t fully with his dad in his ear, ruining what could have been some pretty great sex had they not been interrupted. 

Quickly, John’s voice morphs into something darker than when he first spoke.  _ “I can’t call my own son to see how he’s doing?” _ It must have been loud enough to be heard from the other side of the room because Cas snaps his head up and furrows his eyebrows in a questioning manner. Dean waves a hand and rolls his eyes again.

“You’d think not,” he mutters and hears a sigh in return. Truth is, he’s been pushing his father more and more each time they speak just to see what it will take to get him to finally let go and show his true fucking colors. 

_ “Look, your brother’s here, we were gonna head to the Roadhouse for some dinner and we wanted to see if you would join.” _ Not to say that Dean isn’t curious as to how Bobby and Ellen are going to react to seeing this “new and improved” John Winchester, but he’d rather be literally anywhere else than sitting at a table with them all in public. 

“Can’t,” he says shortly, “Already got plans.” 

_ “Doing what?”  _

“None of your business.”

_ “Dean,”  _

“You’ve never cared before about what I’m doing when I’m not being your punching bag, so you don’t get to start caring now just because you claim you’re sober.” 

_ “Dean--”  _

“I gotta go,” he doesn’t give John a chance to protest before he’s ending the call and throwing his phone on the bed. “Fucking asshole.” He pads over to his dresser and sifts through until he finds a pair of underwear which he hastily changes into. 

“Everything okay?” Cas asks from his spot on the mattress, where he leans against the wall and plays on his phone. 

“Yes,” 

Though he can’t see it, just by the sound of Cas’ voice, Dean is willing to bet that his eyebrow is raised as he urges, “Sure?” 

“Why is he still here? Why hasn’t he fucked off back to wherever the hell he’s been hiding every time he leaves here?” 

He hears movement behind him and then arms are wrapping around his waist, and there’s a mouth by his ear that’s saying, “Because he thinks he still has a chance to make things right with you. And even though you aren’t giving in, Sam is, and he’s using that,"

“Yeah, well, I don’t want to be apart of their merry little band of family or whatever,” 

“I know,” Cas kisses below his ear, “You don’t have to be. Your father won’t be able to hide himself for long.” 

\--

\--

Going back to school after break is harder than Dean had expected. For one, he doesn’t want to, and for two, he’s fucking exhausted. He spent the entirety of the day before fighting with Sam, and this morning wasn’t much easier because all the little dweeb did was just cut his eyes at Dean and huff and puff the whole ride to school every time Dean reached to turn the music up. 

The parking lot is packed and people are barely moving out of the way enough for Baby to slide through to her spot, and the hallways inside aren’t much better. Everyone’s chatting and standing in the middle of the halls meeting their friends and hugging and acting like it’s been an entire fucking lifetime since they last saw each other but really it’s only been a couple of weeks. 

Dean spots Charlie’s bright head standing by his locker before he even gets there, and it’s only when he walks up does he see she’s joined by Jo and Dorothy, too. 

“Winchester,” they all mumble their greetings and Dean mutters a, “Ladies,” right back as he messes with his locker. 

“So how was break?” Charlie inquires, and Dean only fixes her with an odd look before answering, 

“You know how my break went, Charles, you were there.” 

“Yes, but I meant how was your break as of a few days ago,” and ah, that’s what she was getting at. Jo must have filled them in on what happened at the Roadhouse this weekend. 

What Dean _ heard _ was Bobby and Ellen both ripped the father Winchester a new one for dipping out when he did, and then coming back to demand they be a family again. Dean wishes he was there only for that, because he’d loved to see the look on his uncles face when he saw John walk in, but when he envisions the scene he can see it playing out perfectly, almost like he was there. 

Bobby claims he wasn’t as badass as everyone makes it out to be, but Jo swears she’s never loved anyone more than she did when he was chewing John out, and Dean knows exactly how that feels. He praised the old man all day at work yesterday until eventually Bobby called him an idjit and told him to “Shut it and get back to work,” but Dean knows he appreciated it. 

“At least you don’t have to deal with them much longer, right?” Jo says, stepping out of the way to glare at some kid that just bumped into her, “I mean, the kids’ got to go back to school at some point, doesn’t he?” 

“Nope,” Dean admits with reluctance because his life was just that fucking perfect, “Home schooled.” 

“You’re shitting me,” Jo’s almost amused when she says it, and Dean would laugh about it too if he didn’t feel like it was ruining his life, but, oh well, right? 

Dorothy, who is ever the reasonable one, offers, “You don’t care at all that you have another sibling? Don’t you want to know him, at least?” 

Maybe, Dean thinks, but he just can’t get over the fact that Adam has the life Dean was supposed to. And he knows it isn’t the kids fault, and it’s probably dumb to be jealous of a fucking 7 year old but can you really blame him? When John was supposed to be here, in Lawrence, taking Sam and Dean to baseball games and fishing and  _ not  _ beating the hell out of them in a drunken haze, he was in fucking Wisconsin doing all of those things with  _ Adam.  _

Perfect little Adam with a living mom and sober dad who he goes to fucking  _ church with.  _

“Not really,” Dean replies alas, and shuts his locker. “Anyone seen Cas this morning?” He was dying to change the subject anyway. Charlie gives him this  _ look  _ like she knows exactly what he’s doing, but that doesn’t stop her from telling him with a sigh that she thinks she saw him somewhere near the main entrance chatting with Anna. “Cool,” he says, and winks at all 3 of them before stalking off in search of his boyfriend. 

He finds the dark haired boy by the bathroom in the commons, drinking from the water fountain. Dean makes a beeline for him and only quickens his pace when he spots Cole and his douchebags heading towards the fountains, too. Or more, heading towards  _ Cas.  _ They get there first, unfortunately, but don’t have an opportunity to do much before Dean is there as well, smirking smugly at them. “Boys,” 

“Losechester,” Cole sneers and the chuckles coming from behind him would make Dean cringe if the nickname itself wasn’t enough. 

“Clever,” he smiles, “Did ya make that one up all by yourself?” 

The smirk, as Dean expected, is immediately wiped off Trenton’s face. He growls, in an attempt to make himself not look like a complete dumbass, “What are you doing here anyways, Winchester? Coming to check on your  _ boyfriend _ ?” And no, there’s no way that Cole knows the truth about Dean and Cas, so he’s only saying it in a teasing manner, thinking he can get a rise out of Dean by accusing him of such a thing. Only, he isn’t expecting the shit eating grin that smears across Dean’s face as he affirms, 

“I am, actually,” and Dean swears all 3 of their big ass mouths drop to the fucking floor as they struggle with what they’re supposed to do with that. Cas doesn’t look much different than them, actually, stares at Dean with wide eyes and his lips parted in an  _ O _ as his eyebrows are so furrowed they’re almost  _ touching.  _

“D-Dean,” he stammers in a quiet voice, heaps of confusion in just that one syllable. 

Instead of looking at his boyfriend, however, Dean continues to address the heard of idiots and asks, “Problem?” and when all he gets in return is a slow shake of the head from the lead idiot, he nods, takes Cas’ hand, and walks away. “Whew. That went better than I expected,” he says when they’re a good few feet away. The halls are still so crowded that no one really notices they’re holding hands, and Dean knows Cas doesn’t mind, with  how introverted he is and doesn’t like being the center of attention, yet the blonde is still surprised as they approach Cas’ locker and the brunette, out of nowhere, pushes Dean against the metal and locks lips. 

Dean really didn’t think Cas was one to be big on PDA, not that he’s complaining now, but if they were really trying to be discreet then this would blow their whole cover. Cas has one hand behind Dean’s neck, tangled in his hair, and the other is on his waist, while Dean’s are both on Cas’ hips, pulling his body closer. 

The kiss is hot and sloppy and full of tongue and clanking teeth and it’s everything Dean loves but didn’t expect in  _ here _ of all places. Cas speaks against his lips, “Been wanting to do that for a while now,” and there’s this adorable pink tinge to his cheeks that tells Dean he’s slightly embarrassed about what he just did. 

“Well, don’t stop on my account,” Novak rolls his eyes fondly and pulls away to get into his locker as Dean wipes the excess spit off his lips. “So, you’re okay with that? Me telling them? I mean, we haven’t really talked about what would happen once our families found out, and--” 

Castiel’s eyes are bright and blue when he focuses them on the blonde. “Of course, Dean, I’m tired of hiding,”

They chat a little more until the first warning bell dings and Dean walks him to his class, seeing him off with a kiss since he’s allowed to do that now, and then he heads to his own. The day passes by fairly quickly and uneventful, safe for a few dirty looks from some girls whenever they saw the two boys holding hands, but for the most part it seems they’ve generally been approved of. 

At the end of the day when Dean meets Sam at the car, the kid tells him about how John has been pushing for a family dinner where he can “meet his two boys’ girlfriends” and Dean wastes no time in telling him it isn’t going to happen. 

“Why?” Sams demands from his spot in the passenger seat. 

He tries for simplicity by saying, "Don't have a girlfriend," and it only earns him a glare, so he figures humor isn't going to get him out of this one.  “Because I don’t want to spend any fucking time with him, Sam.” 

“Well you can’t keep avoiding him forever, Dean. You’re going to have to face him sooner or later.” 

Dean grumbles, “I’ll take later,” and tightens his fingers around the steering wheel when Sam slams his hands on the dash in, once again, another fit of anger.

“Why can’t you just be grateful that he’s here now? I mean, isn’t that what you’ve always wanted? For him to be an actual father to us? But you’ve got your head so far up your damn ass now that you just can’t see that that’s what he’s been trying to do for the last 2 weeks.” 

Dean practically kicks the brakes in trying to pull safely off the road, and he turns to his little brother, “If you’d get  _ your  _ head out of your ass then you’d see that we’ve always had a fucking father, it just wasn’t him. Maybe  _ you  _ should be more grateful for the people who haven’t fucking ditched us over and over again since mom died, Sam, who have dropped everything on more than one occasion just to fucking be there for us when we needed it. Have you talked to Bobby since John’s been back? Do you have any idea how upset they were when you didn’t show up for Christmas? No, you don’t, because you’re so goddamn focused on having an “actual family” that you’ve brushed your real one to the side without a second thought. Don’t fucking lecture me on what I need to be more grateful for when  _ you’re  _ the one who can’t see the damn truth here.” He starts the car and pulls back onto the highway as Sam sits there with his arms crossed, staring out the window in silence for rest of the ride. 

\--

\--

John calls him, and calls him, and calls him, and he has a few missed calls from Kate’s number but he never returns them. 

It’s two days later and Sam is at one of his after school clubs so Dean took the opportunity to invite Cas over to “study”, except Cas is hellbent on actually studying and it’s kind of ruining Deans plans so he sits there and sighs and throws his pencil down and kicks his feet out and shifts until he finds a comfortable position, only, the problem isn’t that he’s uncomfortable - it’s that he’s bored. Cas ignores it all, just perches against the arm of the couch with his head tucked, chin resting on his chest as he flips through his textbooks and transfers the words to his notebook. 

It’s about Dean’s fourth time sighing as he taps his pencil incessantly against the hardcover of his book that Cas finally lets out a breath, looks up and asks, “Are you.. _ okay? _ ”

“Hmm? Oh, yeah, yeah,” Cas nodded and went back to work, much to Dean’s dismay, so he continued heavy breaths and tapping his pencil and shaking his leg until Cas got fed up and put a hand on his, stopping his movements. 

“Dean,” he said.

“Aren’t you tired of studying?” The blonde whined, “It’s been forever,” 

“It hasn’t even been an hour yet,” 

Dean snapped his eyes up, “An  _ hour _ ?? You expect me to do this for an  _ hour?? _ ” It felt like  _4,_  already, how was he supposed to keep going? 

Cas smiled fondly at him, “It’s not going to hurt you, Dean,” 

He groaned and threw his head back onto the cushion behind him. His brain was running a fucking a mile a minute and there’s no way that he could sit there long enough to actually take in facts and remember them and be able to repeat something he read even a minute after he read it. Therefore, studying was pointless since he’s so fucking distracted it would just go in one side of his head and right out the other, with no recollection of what it was he was actually supposed to be studying in the first place. 

“I’m thirsty, you thirsty?” When Cas only shook his head distractedly, Dean stood up, murmuring something about getting a beer and then headed into the kitchen. One beer was nowhere near enough to really have an affect on him, but that didn’t mean that the cool liquid swashing in his mouth and pouring down his throat wasn’t relaxing in itself. 

It didn’t take long for him to return back to the living room where he promptly gathered his books and papers, pens and pencils, and piled them onto the table along with his drink, and slung himself onto the couch, nudging his head as far into Cas’ lap as he could. The boy in question didn’t say anything as he pushed his book out a little to make room for Dean’s head, and the hand that he had setting on the book went into blonde locks. Dean was content to lay here like this all day, not move, not speak, not do anything except keep exactly like this as Cas went on doing his homework. 

 

Nearly 40 minutes later and not much had changed other than Dean rolling over with his face in Cas’ stomach. “I’m almost finished,” Novak offered, his fingers still twisting in his boyfriends hair. 

“Mmm,” Dean nestled closer and murmured, “Y’can keep doin’ that if y’like,” He feels, more than hears, Cas chuckle and mumble a, “Baby.” So Dean blows air under his shirt, tickling his stomach and successfully earning a grunt. 

“Don’t,” Cas warns, because he knows, but Dean doesn’t listen, just blows harder into his stomach, slipping a finger or two under the t-shirt to lift it up. He’s close enough that his nose touches the skin now that the fabric is out of the way, and so he gladly sticks out his tongue until it, too, pokes just beside Castiel’s belly button. “Dean,” 

“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” laying a few ticklish kisses, he feels Cas squirm underneath and above him, and it only motivates him to do more. He isn’t  _ totally _ sure where he gets the idea, but before he knows it he’s blowing a fucking raspberry into the boy’s stomach, making Cas burst into a fit of giggles, his hand tightening in Dean’s hair. 

“D-Dean,” Cas tries through the laughter, “S-stop,” One more time, and he’s red in the face from laughing so much, trying to catch his breath. Dean sits up to kiss him, his cheeks warm and pink and his hair is a mess but all he can think about is how gorgeous Cas looks. When they break apart he hears a harmless, “Asshole,” escape Cas’ lips but it only makes him grin wide and sweet. 

"You know you love me," 

"You're lucky I do," he grinned.

During all of the laughter and the teasing and fucking around, neither of them heard the deep rumble of a truck pull into the Winchester driveway, however, they did both jump a little when there was a sharp knock on the door. Dean groaned and hopped to his feet, not having the first clue as to who was standing on the other side, but positive that he was going to speed along whatever little visit it may be. 

“Who is that?” Cas asked from the couch and Dean shrugged before twisting the knob and coming face to face with none other than the head Winchester himself. 

“Dean!” John greeted, smile big and toothy and as far as Dean was concerned, completely fake. 

“Dad,” he said, looking back at Cas and then at his father again. 

“I was, uh, hoping you would ride to the store with me and see what you wanted for dinner tonight.” 

“I’m not hungry,” was Dean’s immediate response, and then he followed it up with, “And I’m busy right now anyways,” his hand moved from the knob on the door up to the wood and John quickly stuck his hand up, preventing it from shutting before Dean even tried. 

“Uh, you will be, and you can take a break from whatever you’re doing and help me. It’s not up for discussion.” That was his  _"dad voice"_ that he for some reason thought he was still entitled to use.

The senior squinted his eyes and glared at his father, pursing his lips in disagreement, and then Cas was standing beside him, breaking the ice and taking some of the attention off of Dean. “Mr. Winchester, nice to see you again,” 

John looked back and forth between the two before settling uneasily on Cas and responding, “Right. You, too, uh..” 

“Castiel, dad. His name is Castiel.” 

John cleared his throat, cocked his head once, “Castiel, sure. Uh, listen, sorry to cut things short but this is more of just a family thing.” He wasn't even trying to sound polite about it, and  Dean balled his fist by his side, growling, 

“Cas is family,” 

The junior, not phased by John's behavior in the least bit, brought a hand to Dean's shoulder which John eyed warily, “It’s okay, I should probably get going anyways,” he smiled reassuringly and grabbed his bag and book, nodding before slipping out the door. Dean watched until his car was out of sight before turning back to John, 

“Where the hell do you get off--” 

“Oh, cut the crap, Dean, would you? I know you're pissed at me, I know I haven't been a star father to you and Sammy, but I still  _am your father,_ which means you treat me with some damned respect. Now are you coming with me, or not?" 

Narrowing his eyes and staring at the man for at least 20 seconds, Dean huffed a breath a grabbed his coat, slamming the door behind him.

\--

\--

The ride to the store was filled with Metallica blaring through the speakers, and tension so fucking thick you could cut it with a damn knife. Well, that, and Dean internally cursing Sam for agreeing to dinner on his behalf and having it at the house. He was going to kick the little squirts ass for that. 

Thankfully, John didn’t try to make any actual smalltalk until they were inside the store and searching the aisles. He asked how Dean’s grades were, how Charlie and “them” were, and if Dean had gotten serious with any girls recently. He received nothing but 1 or 2 word responses, and an annoyed, “No, Dad, I don’t have any girlfriends,” Then he asked what Dean wanted for dinner, and, just out of spite, Dean replied, “Winchester Surprise,” not looking his father in the eye, but smirking with his back turned, knowing John couldn’t see him. When he didn’t get a reply and realized the buggy had gone silent, signaling a stop, he turned around and was met with angry eyes and an unamused face. Dean played innocent and kept walking until they were at the meat section and he asked, “You remember how to make it, right?” 

To John’s credit, he didn’t let the choice of meal dispirit him too much, as he only continued on asking Dean questions.  _ “Do you still like this beer?” “You’re still a Led Zeppelin fan, aren’t you?” “Do you still eat your burgers with extra onion?”  _ In all honesty, Dean was surprised the man knew that much about him to begin with. 

It wasn’t until they were passed the checkout line and loading up the car with groceries, did John say something that instantly put Dean on the defenses. 

He started with, “So this  _ Castiel  _ fella,” and Dean whipped his head around with his eyes cut, the walls around him rebuilding themselves and he was ready to throw away any form of “bonding” that he and John might have shared together in the store, because he knew that tone of voice, and he knew the way John spit out Cas’ name like it was some alien thing to him, and he  _ knew  _ that whatever was about to come out of his father’s mouth next, he wasn’t going to like. 

“Little weird, isn’t he?” 

And there it was. 

“No,” 

John, taking into account the way Dean is so tensed up, nods and says, “Well, you’d know him better than I do.” And Dean was just going to leave it at that, because talking about Cas with his dad is the last thing he would  _ ever  _ want to do that, but John just  _ had  _ to keep going. “I don’t know though, son, something just seems a bit off about him to me,” 

“Probably because you haven’t even taken the time to remember his name after meeting him 3 fucking times,” 

“Dean,” John held up a hand as he closed the trunk, “Calm down, I’m just saying I don’t like the kid, alright?” 

“It doesn’t matter if you like him or not, Dad, I’m not looking for your goddamn approval on it.” With that, he stomped over to the passenger side door and slammed it shut, leaving no room for anymore to be said.

Fuck John Winchester.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stole a little thing from ep 11, haha


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this between the hours of 7pm, and 3:41 am, so there will most definitely be mistakes and errors and if you would be so kind as to ignore them if you can, unless it just gets too much
> 
> please enjoy 
> 
> oh and haha ps, funny story about halfway through writing this I only just remembered that dean requested winchester surprise, and that probably most likely doesn't require a grill, so let's just say John is grilling some kabobs.

If it was up to Cas, he wouldn’t have left Dean alone with John. He would have stayed, perhaps helped Dean get rid of the man, or maybe make it not so horrible with just his presence alone. He was worried about it the entire ride home, he felt guilty and nervous and knew that if anything happened between the two Winchesters because he left then it would be  _ his  _ fault for leaving in the first place. 

If he had a choice, he’d still be at there. 

But while Dean was standing at the door sassing his father, Gabe was texting Cas and asking him if he was home, and if not, when would he be back? It was unusual, to say the least, for Gabriel to be curious about his younger siblings' whereabouts, and Cas especially. So Cas responded to him that he was on his way, and thus, excused himself (before John had a chance to do it for him again,  _ asshole, _ ) and promptly carried himself and his things to his “ugly ass pimpmobile” (as Dean calls it) and made his way back to his place. 

Of course, Gabriel was  _ not  _ there upon Castiel’s arrival, which was enough for him to curse his older brother the entire time he was heading to his room, but he didn’t have to wait longer than about 30 minutes or so before he heard the telltale signs of his older brother pulling into the driveway; blaring rap music that makes the entire vehicle shake and can be heard from a mile away. 

Cas met him at the door, casually and nonchalantly, as not to scare Gabe away since it was so easy to do any time he sensed confrontation. And even though Cas knew his sibling well enough to know that that text message was not out of sheer curiosity, but out of “hey I need to talk to you, where are you”, he still knew that he’d have to ease his brother into whatever talk they were about to have. 

“Hi,” Cas smiled sweetly and hopped off of the bottom step as the front door opened and Gabriel appeared, bundled in his black toboggan and purple Bathing Ape that he only took off for  _ actual  _ bathing, and an unlit blunt hanging out of his mouth.“I was about to make some hot chocolate, want some?” Though he figured Gabe would deny the offer since he wasn’t big on sweets and it was maybe a bit too juvenile for him, the older man grinned and said, 

“Yeah, I’ll take some,” 

Together they made their way into the kitchen, and while most people would turn their heads and cover their noses when catching a whiff of Gabe’s scent, it only made Cas happy to smell. Sweat, cigarette smoke, and weed, with a  _ hint  _ of old spice if he remembered to use some that day. It wasn’t a pleasant smell by any means, but to Cas it was home. It was comforting, because he knew that if the smell was there then that meant his brother was there, and Cas was never not going to want his brother to be there. Even if sometimes the scent was a bit  _ too strong  _ due to the oldest Novak not having showered in a few days and it might make Cas want to throw up. (Luckily, it wasn’t  _ his  _ head that was going straight into Gabe’s armpits every time they hugged, it was Becky’s, and Anna’s, and their poor sweet grandmothers heads. Cas was fortunately just tall enough to stretch an inch or two and be right at his shoulder.) 

“What’s up?” The younger brother asks as he fills two coffee mugs with milk and sets them in the microwave. 

A few moments of silence and lack of reply made Cas turn his head around and he saw his brother staring at the hardwood of the kitchen floor, biting his lip - an obvious sign of stress, apprehension, especially when it came to Gabe. Alas, “I’m gonna quit.” 

It was the last thing Cas expected to hear. He stammered, “What?” 

“I’m quitting. I know that you probably don’t trust that, but watch me, I’ll quit.” Cas just stared at him with wide eyes, not having the first clue as to what to say. “It’s a new year, Cas. Things are gonna change, believe me. And..” he paused, thinking, “I’ll pay you back this evening and I won’t ask for anymore after that, I’m sorry,” referring to the $125 that Cas loaned him last night to help him make a sale, “Don’t tell anyone about this, Cas, please. I just want to keep it between us. And I’ll need your help, like, a lot.” 

Cas considered him, licked his lips and ignored the beeping of the microwave signaling their milk was done. And then finally, “This isn’t going to be one of those times where you make everyone believe you’re doing better but really you’re just as bad as always?” He’s thinking back on a time several months before, where they stood out on the front porch a couple days after one of Gabriel’s blowouts and things were still pretty heated at the time and no one else would speak to him. Gabe had told him,  _ “You have no idea how good I am at hiding this shit, Cas. I can make everyone think I’m doing great and better than ever while I’m more high than I’ve ever been. For  _ months  _ I’ve been doing that and all of you are just stupid enough to believe it.”  _ So yes, Cas was a bit wary. Who wouldn’t be? 

And however reassuring his brother’s response is, “I’m telling you, only you, for that reason,” Cas still can’t just give in 100% and trust everything that he’s saying. How many times has Gabe said this? In the past 10 years of his being an addict, how many times has he promised that he was getting better and then, just, not? 

Not only him, but addicts everywhere. 

“Why me?” Cas inquires, because really, why him? What makes him so special? Why not Kali? Or Gadreel? Or, hell, even Chuck or fucking Michael? Why Cas? 

Gabe shrugs, “Because you’re the closest person to me that understands me.” Cas wants to be flattered, and really, he is, because if it’s the truth then it’s one hell of a compliment, but,  _ is it  _ the truth? There’s nothing in Gabe’s expression or his tone that makes it clear for Cas to tell. There’s nothing that screams to him,  _ he’s not lying.  _ And _that_ in itself screams to Cas,  _be careful, don't get your hopes up._

“Uh, okay, what changed your mind? Why are you all of a sudden wanting to quit?” 

“Because it’s just gonna keep bothering you and mom and continue to hurt you even though it’s completely unintentional. It’s just gonna get harder and harder to live around here if I remain smoking.” He looks back down to the floor and shifts his feet, Cas nods even though he knows he isn’t seen. “New year. A chance to regroup, replan. Change course. Change the cycle I’ve been stuck in.” 

Cas is proud of him, and he wants to tell him that, and he  _ will  _ tell him that, as soon as he knows that this is real. That Gabriel is serious about this, that he’s not fucking around this time and is actually going to try, and do whatever needs to be done.

“Gabriel, you can’t get sober-- you can’t  _ recover  _ because everyone else wants it. If you do this then it’s for yourself, because  _ you  _ want to. Because  _ you’re  _ ready for it to happen,  _ you’re  _ ready to do something about it. It’s never going to work if it’s any other way.” If it doesn’t happen, it’s because it was never for himself, but to please everyone around him and to stop being nagged at. 

As if Gabe could feel Castiel’s eyes on him, he looks up, and his whiskey colored irises connect with blue, “For peace of mind for all,” he finally mumbles. “Without expectations from anyone but me.” 

Cas relents, and he can’t help but to smile because that’s such a  _ Gabe way  _ of putting things. “You know I’m not going easy on you during this. You think I bug you now but I’m just going to get worse,” 

And Gabe returns the up-tilt of his lips, “I know,” he admits, “That’s why I’m asking you, because you’ll stay on me,” 

They don’t hug, and they don’t tell each other they love the other, Cas just reheats the milk and pours the powder in, mixing it and handing it over with a toothy grin, and everything else is implied. 

\--

\--

Cas doesn’t receive any alarming messages from the Winchester brother’s so he assumes everything is going fine on their end. Dean isn’t answering his texts but that doesn’t mean he’s like, beatin to a pulp or anything, right? 

He should probably try calling, though, just to make sure. Yeah, that’s what he’ll do. He pulls out his phone and clicks on Dean’s name, and it rings and rings and rings until the lady comes on and apologizes because the number dialed couldn’t be reached and his voicemail box hasn’t been set up yet and Cas hangs up, tries again, and this time it rings about 4 times before Dean’s voice is traveling through the line and he’s saying hurriedly,  _ “Hey, baby, I can’t really talk right now,” _

“Wait!” Cas throws out his hands for no reason because Dean obviously can’t see him right now but he feels like the boy is about to hang up so he quickly asks, “Is everything okay?” 

_ “Yeah, yeah, ah, just kinda got a lot happening. John’s making me stay and have dinner and apparently Sam invited Jess to join us because dad wanted to meet her, I don’t know, but I’m trying to start this fucking grill so can I call you back later?” _

“Uh..yeah. Yes, of course,” and he doesn’t have a chance to say anything else before Dean curses and utters,  _ “Great! Okay,”  _ and then hangs up. 

Huh. So..Dean  _ didn’t  _ invite Cas to have dinner with them, but that doesn’t mean anything, does it? He probably just doesn’t want Cas to be around John if he doesn’t absolutely have to. Right? 

That’s probably it. It’s not like Cas has a  _ right  _ to be there or anything. Dean isn’t  _ obligated  _ to invite him, he shouldn't just _assume_ his invitation. He’s just so used to doing everything with Dean, and hearing everything there is to hear about John and Kate and Adam, that he just kind of assumed Dean would want him there. For support, if nothing else. 

Cas understands why Dean  _ wouldn’t  _ want him there, I mean, they don’t have to be together every fucking minute of every fucking day and maybe the guy just wants some space. Maybe this is all stressing him out to the point where he doesn’t want to have to worry about making sure Cas is comfortable the entire night, or entertaining him the whole time. 

..Or, 

What if Dean doesn’t want him there because he’s embarrassed? What if he doesn’t want John to know about the two of them because he’s ashamed? He knows John would be disappointed that Dean is in a  _ gay relationship. _ Cas is  _ sure  _ that John Winchester  _ would not  _ approve of their relationship. No way in hell. And if that’s the case, Dean probably doesn’t want to take any chances of him finding out. With Sam and Jess there and everything, it would just be too risky and he most likely wants to avoid any type of blow out. 

That has to be it. 

He spends about 15 minutes pondering this and then his phone starts vibrating in his hand. He gets excited thinking that it’s Dean calling back because he  _ does  _ want Cas there, and then he’s only  _ a little  _ crestfallen when he sees that it’s not Dean, it’s Sam. The disappointment is only momentary though because then he’s back to being filled with worry because what if Sam is calling because somethings wrong? What if something happened to him? Or to Dean? 

“Sam?” He answers distraughtly, because if Cas was anything, he was a keg-half-empty kinda guy and couldn’t help but to overthink the worst of situations and completely upset himself for no reason. Even when he was younger, he would always go to Michael about anything he was nervous about, and Michael would always tell him, over and over again,  _ “Worrying doesn’t help anything at all. It only makes you feel worse, nothing good comes out of worrying.”  _ And Castiel tries to remember that every time he gets like this, but it’s hard. Especially given this situation. 

He calms down a great amount whenever he hears how easy Sam’s voice is; no stress, no anger, no sadness. “Hi, Cas,” he says, and the Novak physically relaxes because if something were to have happened, Sam would not sound like  _ that.  _

Still, it doesn’t stop Cas from asking, “Is everything okay?” just to make sure. 

“Yeah? I, um, I was calling about you coming tonight,” he sounded...hopeful? Like, his voice went higher towards the end of the sentence like he was asking a question. 

“Oh, ah, no, I don’t think so,” Cas tried his best to sound as level as possible and not like the lame kid who was upset about not being invited to the party that everyone else was going to. This last part though, it just kind of slipped out and he thinks it was neutral enough that Sam would take whatever he wanted to out of the tone of his voice. “Dean didn’t ask me to,” 

“Uh, yeah, I gathered,” he let out a friendly chuckle, and for the first time in weeks Cas actually recognized his friend; how Sam sounded before John Winchester’s return, before he knew about Dean and Cas, before things were weird between the 3 of them, whenever they could just hang out on the Winchester’s couch and watch movies together and the secret wasn’t out yet. 

Cas realizes how horrible that sounds and he chastises himself for it, but it seemed things were way easier a few weeks ago. 

“Even if he didn’t say so,” the younger boy continues, “I know that Dean wants you here, so  _ I  _ am taking it upon  _ myself  _ to ask you,  _ for him. _ “ 

Wouldn’t it be weird? Would Dean be mad? That Sam and Cas went behind his back? “I don’t know, Sam..” 

“Come on, Cas, I know things have been rocky between us but I was hoping we could get back to normal. Starting tonight. And I really want you to spend some  _ actual  _ time with Kate and Adam. I think you would like them a lot, especially Adam. He’s a lot like Dean,” When Cas says nothing, too busy pulling on his lip in thought, Sam sighs, “Please? For Dean at least? ” And Cas is willing to bet that if he could see Sam right now, the kid would be practicing his  _ very best  _ puppy dog eyes, which have proven on multiple occasions hard to say no to.

Fortunately, Cas isn’t there to fall victim to them.  _ Un _ fortunately, he’s on the line to fall victim to the younger Winchesters pleading request to “do it for Dean” and that is something Cas can never say no to. 

Even if Dean never asked him himself. 

 

Cas shows up the their house about a quarter till 8, and Sam has reassured him through text over and over again that there was still  _ at least  _ 20-25 minutes to go before they actually sat down. 

He knocks lightly on the door, loud enough that they’ll hear him but not so loud that it sounds like the police trying to beat it down (as Gabriel has informed him time and time again is what Cas sounds like when he knocks.) 

It takes a few moments, and Cas raised his fist to knock again whenever the door swings open and there’s a tiny human standing there, staring up at Castiel with wide, curious blue eyes. “Uh..hi,” Cas says awkwardly because he isn’t really sure what to say here. He’s met Adam as many times as he’s met John over break, save for this afternoon, but they haven’t really said words to each other before. “Is..Sam around? Or-- or Dean?” 

Then there’s a voice, and Cas instantly notes who it belongs to, and it’s saying, “Adam, you know you’re not supposed to be opening the doors for people,” and Sam is standing there with a fond expression and sparkling eyes when he looks at his baby brother - something Cas can honestly say he has never seen Dean look at the youngest child that way, only when looking at Sam. “Oh, Cas! You’re here! Awesome,” he’s opening the door wider and Adam steps out of the way, smiles at him and waves, and Cas of course waves back because it’s a fucking kid and you just-- you  _ have  _ to wave back. 

Cas doesn't want to dwell too much on Sam's sudden change in behavior, he chooses to believe Sam's willing to put it all behind them and move on, and somewhere in the back of his mind he thinks it might be more than that, but like he said, he's choosing to believe the former.

Upon walking in, he sees Jess sitting on the couch talking to Kate, looking fairly comfortable and relaxed, and Adam soon runs over to sit next to his mother. Cas can kind of see out the back door and he checks off John’s whereabouts - at the grill. He doesn’t, however, see Dean. Before he has a chance to ask, though, Sam apparently reads his mind and offers, “Dean’s in his room, he hasn’t been very social,” there’s a hint of annoyance, mixed with resentment in Sam’s voice and it pulls at Cas’ heartstrings. He aches for  _ both  _ brothers. 

Because he isn’t rude, he greets Kate, who, thankfully remembered him this time, unlike John, and then he says hi to Jess, who stands up to hug him. And right before he makes his way to Dean’s room, he sees Sam join the blonde haired sophomore on the couch, and he wraps an arm around the back cushion. It makes Cas smile, he can see the love in both of their eyes when they look or talk about each other, and it reminds him of him and Dean. 

He’s glad Sam has that. 

Dean’s door is shut, and he gently taps his knuckles on the door, signaling that it’s him, because that’s how he always knocks on Dean’s door. Then he opens, peaks his head in like always, and Dean looks up, confused when he sees him, and his face stays twisted like that more than a few seconds, which makes Cas feel weird about being there but he can understand..he guesses. 

“Hi,” he says, and enters the room, his body easing only a small amount when Dean’s questioning expression slowly does morph into a smile. “I, um-- Sam insisted I come but if you don’t want me here, I understand, I can-- I can leave, I don’t want you to be uncomfortable or anything, or feel like.. _ responsible  _ for me all night or, or--” Dean’s eyebrows furrow and he stands up from his spot on the bed, rushing forward as Cas just vomits words, not even knowing what’s coming out of his mouth at this point, he just keeps saying shit, “-- If you’re embarrassed, or ashamed, or--” he was  _ fumbling.  _ Fucking pouring his words and thoughts and, who was this? This wasn’t Cas! Cas didn’t become so overwhelmed with nerves and insecurities that he just fucking had some sort of-- of-- of--  _ word attack?? _ What the hell was this! 

If you think about it, it’s ridiculous, isn’t it? He’s like..majorly overreacting. Big deal, he didn’t get invited to Dean’s family dinner with his used-to-be-abusive-but-now-apparently-born-again father, and almost-step-mom and supposed-mini-me little brother. 

Oh, shit. 

“Cas,  _ Cas. _ “ Dean reaches out and puts both hands on his shoulders, anchoring him. “Baby, stop, calm down. Look at me,” it’s not like Cas is having a panic attack or anything; he’s not hyperventilating, he isn’t hot, he’s not shaking, he can hear everything that Dean is saying to him and he can process it, he just-- he doesn’t know. He really doesn’t know what the hell just came over him.  “Why wouldn’t I want you here?” 

Cas takes a steadying breath, calms himself as he catches Dean’s soothingly green eyes and lets himself be pulled back down onto earth. “You didn’t invite me, and I don’t know, it confused me and then my mind just started going down all of these paths and-- Oh, god, I’m so sorry. Fuck, Dean, I--” What kind of an asshole was he? Dean’s got enough shit on his plate, he shouldn’t have to worry about constantly reassuring Castiel and making him feel loved and wanted 24/7. That’s not on him, it’s on Cas.  _ Stupid  _ Cas. “I don’t normally freak out like this,  _ you know _ I don’t freak out like this,”

Dean smiles warmly at him and shifts one of his hands from Cas’ shoulder to his jaw. He says, “I know, it’s okay,” he leans in for a peck and then takes Cas’ hand and walks them over to the bed to sit down. “So Sam invited you, huh?” Cas nods. “Bitch,” Dean scoffs and shakes his head but Cas can tell there’s no heat behind the remark. “‘M glad you’re here, though,” 

“Yeah?” 

Dean nods, “I, uh, I didn’t really want you to be here to witness whatever might happen between me and John, which is why I didn’t invite you. He’s..he’s an asshole, and after the way he treated you earlier, I guess I’m just a bit embarrassed by it.” He sheepishly ducks his head and fixes his eyes on their joint hands, and damn, Cas feels like a fucking dumbass. He never even considered Dean being embarrassed of  _ everyone else,  _ being ashamed of  _ everyone else.  _ It wasn’t about him keeping Cas from them at all, it was about him keeping  _ them  _ from  _ Cas.  _

“I’m sorry, I didn’t even think of that,” he certainly feels like a selfish prick. 

The blonde waves him off, “Sam did actually have the balls to do it for me, so I guess I should be thankful for that,” 

Cas kisses him on the cheek and leans his head on his shoulder, “Does that mean you two have talked without having a full on screaming match?” And the older boy chuckles, 

“Almost.” 

_ Almost is a start,  _ Cas thinks. 

 

A few minutes later and Adam is knocking on the door, telling them to come out, and both boys brace themselves for what’s to come. 

When they approach the table everyone is already seated, save for John, who Cas assumes is still making some last minute preparations for the food. Dean and Cas both take their seats, which are luckily right next to each other, putting Cas right next to Jess, and Dean on the end by John. 

Everyone’s in their own conversations with each other, and Dean only looks mildly uncomfortable and like he’d rather be elsewhere. When John walks in he just barely glances at everyone, and he’s got this smile on his face like he’s a proud father, like this is all he wanted was to have his family together, and Cas doesn’t blame him, not really, because even though the Novak’s don’t have the Winchester’s story, per se, they’re still a reasonably dysfunctional family, and not that Cas wishes it was very different, sometimes he just wishes they were a little  _ less  _ dysfunctional. Sometimes all he wants is to have his family together in one place, without all the current issues and situations and all the past mistakes still having an effect on the present. Sometimes he just wants for everyone to  _ be there.  _

Maybe John wants the same thing. Maybe he does regret his decisions in the past. Maybe he does want to change, maybe he is trying. He’s still an alcoholic, whether recovering or not, he’s an alcoholic. It doesn’t define _who_ he is, because he’s just as unfortunate as anyone suffering from this horrible illness, but it’s his _actions_ that tell you what type of person he is. And what’s so bad about this is that you can’t use the excuse, “it’s the addiction, it’s not him,” because he still beats his kids either way. Whether he’s drunk, or completely sober, John Winchester has anger issues, even when 100% clean of anything in his system. It’s only amplified when he’s drunk, and that makes it _so much worse._

Now he’s here, and “sober”, but what a lot of people don’t understand is that being sober, and being in recovery, are two different things. Sobriety means you’ve cut alcohol out of your life, recovery means you’ve changed as a person. Better attitude, better behavior, better lifestyle, and you’ve rid yourself of the things that  _ make you want to use.  _ Or in his case, drink. 

Is John Winchester  _ in recovery _ ? Or is John Winchester  _ sober _ ? 

Truth is, it’s none of Castiel’s business and it most definitely isn’t up to him to figure it out, but sometimes he finds himself analyzing people’s behaviors. When he’s at school, when he’s around some of his other family members. Cas knows a lot of users, some active, some in recovery,  _ some sober.  _ And he knows alcoholics, too. And he’s done so much fucking research on this shit that he can’t help but to try and figure out everyone else’s situations that he comes across. He compares and relates and he marks the differences and he thinks of reasons and explanations and  _ how’s.  _ He does it without even realizing he’s doing it. 

And worst of all, he finds himself more often than not, judging them; the people he doesn’t like, the people who have done inexplicable things, and he comes up with ways as to how they’re so different from everyone else, and why they don’t deserve the same treatment as an addict that he  _ does like.  _ It’s unfair, and he’s not proud of it. 

Right now, it’s John Winchester. 

John Winchester whose eyes are scanning the entire table and slide right past Cas and then he double takes, and his smile falters just a smidge, and then he’s quick to revamp. He doesn’t say anything to Cas, he just moves on to everyone else and then he sits down, asks that everyone join hands and then he bows his head and then, oh, they’re praying. Okay. 

Throughout dinner John seems to avoid any confrontation with Cas at all. He focuses mostly on Sam and Jess, asking how they met, how long they’ve been together, how Jess likes high school and if she’s got any idea what she wants to do after she graduates.. _ in two and a half years.  _ Whereas Dean, who’s graduating at the end of this year, and Cas, who’s only got  _ one  _ more year, John doesn’t even bother asking them. 

And then, there was this awful moment where the conversation lulled and John ran out of questions for the young couple, and he clearly felt he had no other choice to fix his attention on the two boys. “So, Casteel,” he starts, and Dean is quick to correct him, an edge to his voice as he does so. 

“Castiel, dad, you  _ know this. _ ”

John only gives his son a pointed look and then continues, “You being older, and younger than both of my sons, how is it that you know them?” he plastures on a tight smile and doesn’t even bother sounding, or looking, genuine in the least bit. 

The Novak cleared his throat, “I had a class with Sam and I met Dean through him,” 

John nods and apparently that was all he cared about because he was turning to Dean now, “So, son, got your eye on any girls at school?” 

Castiel almost choked on his water but he stopped himself in time, and he slowly turned his head to Dean, who locked eyes with him for exactly one second before breaking the contact and looking at his plate. "No, dad,"

“Oh, come on, not one? There’s gotta be someone special catching your attention. And don’t tell me you haven’t found anyone, Winchester men are  _ great  _ catches. Ain’t that right, Jess?” The blonde is taken by surprise by being addressed by the man so she only smiles politely and nods, and then seeks Sam’s eyes for assistance when John winks at her. 

“Hey, dad,” the younger boy says, “Tell Dean about that old bike you found when you were in Minnesota.” Cas can tell immediately that this is Sam’s attempt at the father and son bonding. He mentions something he’s  _ sure  _ that Dean would be interested in, but what he doesn’t understand is that Dean isn’t interested in  _ anything  _ their dad has to say. Hence how the oldest Winchester son just sat boredly with his chin resting in his hand as John went on animatedly about how he found an old motorcycle on the side of the road and fixed it up and now has he “purring like a kitten”. Cas watched Dean, noticed how he didn’t perk up in the slightest, so he found the blondes hand under the table where he sure was hidden from anyone else, and twined their fingers together in support. 

After dinner was desert, which Dean surprisingly turned down, and excused himself from the table. Cas isn’t exactly sure what to do, so he excuses himself as well and follows Dean in his retreat back to the bedroom. 

He doesn’t hear how John asks everyone else, “Does that kid just follow Dean around like a lost puppy? What’s his deal?” 

They’re sitting on Dean’s bed, a couple inches apart but not so far that it would be an unusual distance between the two, and Cas notes how Dean seems perfectly normal now that it’s just the two of them. Or perhaps, now that he’s out of John’s presence. 

He doesn’t ask if Dean is okay, because he knows that isn’t what the boy wants to hear, instead he asks if he wants to watch a movie, and together they find a position where Cas is leaning with his back against the wall, sitting criss-cross-applesauce, and Dean’s head in his lap, much like the position they were in while studying early. Or, more accurately, while  _ Cas  _ was studying early. 

Cas isn’t totally sure  _ what  _ they’re watching but he knows it’s some old Adam Sandler movie because that’s pretty much all Dean has. He doesn’t think either one of them are really paying attention to it, it’s mostly just being used as something to fill the quietness due to neither of the two boys feeling much like chatting. It’s not awkward in the room, and there isn’t some weird tension, but they’re both just  _ there.  _ With each other. 

_ There with each other.  _

At some point Cas scootches down to lay his head on the pillow, and then Dean shifts his body until his head is resting on his boyfriend’s chest. 

Cas has recently realized that Dean likes to do this thing when they’re lying down like this; with his head on Cas’ chest, or tucked under his chin, or even in the center of his fucking abdomen, the blonde always,  _ always  _ takes the hand thrown over Cas’ middle, snakes his fingers up under the side of Cas’ shirt, and then slots them between the junior’s back and the bed, with his thumb skimming over Cas’ rib cage. But they  _ have  _ to be touching his skin. Have to be. 

Cas isn’t sure why Dean does it, or if he even notices that he’s doing it, but he never fails to make that move any time they’re like this. 

It isn’t sexual, but it’s intimate in ways he can’t even describe, and he  _ loves it.  _ It’s grounding, and he supposes it’s the same for Dean. 

“Do you think we’ll last?” Dean speaks after a while, his voice quiet and unsure, and Cas doesn’t think he’s heard him sound quite so small. 

“Why do you ask?” 

He feels the blonde shrug against him, “Lot’s of couples don’t make it after high school,” 

“But there are still a lot that do,” he tries to reassure, but he can see where Dean’s coming from, he’s thought about this himself quite a bit. 

“What if you find some other hot guy in a leather jacket and kickass car when I’m not there?” 

Cas breathes a laugh, “What if you find some other small, weird guy that Sam brings home?” 

Dean looks at him, completely serious when he says in this raspy voice that sends chills down Castiel’s spine, “You’re definitely not small,” and Cas laughs outright while trying to fight the blush spreading from his chest. He knew  _ exactly  _ was Dean was talking about, and he wasn’t surprised at all that that was where his mind went. 

“Promise not to find some hot guy in a leather jacket and kickass car,” Cas whispers, his gaze switching back and forth between Dean's eyes. 

Dean seems pleased with the vow, and he whispers one himself, “Promise not to find some weird, dorky guy that Sam brings home,” 

They both laughed, and then soon it was turning into kissing as Dean’s tongue skimmed the seam of Cas’ lips, eager to request entry which he quickly granted with a welcoming hum. It was the sweet type of kissing that was only to connect, only to taste each other and be apart of each other and not to lead anywhere. Chaste kisses as they lick into each other’s mouth but that’s it. They were both content with just this. 

Until the door burst open and Sam exclaimed a rather loud, “Oh, fuck! Sorry,” and they jumped apart but not quick enough for John’s nosy ass to ask, “What’s going on--” and then he freezes in the doorway as he takes in the sight in front of him. 

And that, was the moment John Winchester lost his cool. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when writing this story I never planned for sam to become such a little shit with this whole john situation, and I'm aiming for a more "he's really just a little kid and as much as he likes to think he does, he actually has no idea and knows nothing" (you know nothing, jon snow) approach so maybe it'll be easier to forgive him for how he's acting, when the time comes. 
> 
> you see him change just a little in this chapter and we'll explore it deeper in the next. 
> 
> and for those of you who may be wondering, sam did not have an ulterior motive while inviting cas. it was purely out of care for dean, despite everything that's been going on between them, and i think that's what's so great and special about the sibling bond. 
> 
> ALSO, HOW'S ABOUT THAT 300TH EPISODE, HUH??????? WHAT DID EVERYONE THINK


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have tried SO hard to get this chapter perfect, and to get it exactly how I wanted it. I'm pretty pleased with the way it turned it out, and I only hope you all feel the same way. Enjoy!!
> 
> Oh and also warning for a little homophobic language in the first part of the chapter. And I, in NO way, agree with John's views on any of this.

“What the  _ fuck  _ is going on here?!” John howled, voice dripping with anger as smoke practically burst out of his ears like a fucking locomotive.

Cas and Dean both jumped out of bed, tripping over each other as they hastened to stand up straight. It wasn’t that Dean was embarrassed of Cas, or their relationship, but more,  _ what  _ they were doing, being so close to each other and intimate and fucking  _ kissing  _ and it wasn’t exactly a position Dean would have loved for his father, or anyone else in his family for that matter, to see him in. 

“D-Dad,” Dean tried, but the older man wasn’t hearing him, only continuing to yell. He pointed a finger at Cas, 

“You!” He spat, “What the hell were you doing to my son?!” He started stepping forward, getting closer to the two boys and Dean briskly inserted himself between Cas and John, before John could actually do anything. 

“It wasn’t--” Dean sighed exasperatedly and fumbled for words, “He wasn’t doing anything, dad,” 

“The hell he wasn’t! You don’t think I haven’t seen the way he’s been looking at you all night, Dean? The kids a goddamn queer and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna let him drag you down with him, now move out my way,” 

“Stop!” Dean pleaded, trying to shove John away and defend himself and Cas from the man’s flailing hands. “Dad, st--” No one was helping, no one was doing anything. Sam stood there stock still, rigid in his place and fucking Kate was too busy trying to shield Adam’s eyes away from the damn commotion. It was good, Dean thought, let them see what they’ve been living with, let them see what Dean and Sam have had to fucking grow up with. “ _ Dad! _ ” He tries again a little louder, more stern, and then finally, “Cas is-- Cas is my boyfriend!” He yells, shoving his dad with everything he’s got and thank the fucking lord the old man heard him and froze in place from where he was plunged backwards. 

“You--  _ what _ ?” 

Dean takes a heavy breath, looks behind him to make sure the boy in question is alright, and he attempts to catch his breath as he only offers a simple, “He’s my fucking boyfriend, dad.” His green eyes locked tight with John’s hazels and the son challenges his father to say something,  _ do  _ something. 

“Dean, you--” He huffs, sliding his tongue across his bottom lip as he glances back and forth between the blonde and brunette, his eyebrows furrowed in a displeased manner. “You _funny_?” And Dean immediately rolls his eyes at the old fashioned way of describing it, couldn’t even say the actual word. 

He wasn’t sure how to respond, didn’t know if he wanted to agree with that - agree with the term John used, but he knew that explaining exactly what it was wouldn’t do much because John wouldn’t care, he wouldn’t see it like that. Especially a simple,  _ “I’m bisexual”  _ wouldn’t do any good. John’s never concurred to that before, he doesn’t think it’s a thing. You can be gay, you can be a lesbian, but as far as anything else goes, you don’t exist, and if,  _ by chance,  _ you do, then you’re either confused and stupid, or you’re a pervert. And for John, that’s just how it went. 

There is no way that this isn’t going to end bloody. There’s no way, Dean’s sure of it. And not that he really cares about what John thinks, or what he approves of, or what disappoints him, Dean liking guys period, on top of him liking guys  _ and girls both,  _ it’s just going to be an absolute fucking wreck. 

To hell with it though, right? No sense in lying about it, no sense in hiding it. “Bisexual,” he admits, and thinks he heard Kate curse under her breath from where she stood in the doorway with her hands covering Adam’s ears and his face tucked into her chest. 

John’s eyes turn dark, he narrows them and zeros in on one thing. Dean knows instantly what it is, knows it isn’t him, knows it’s behind him, and he’s only got a couple of seconds before John’s moving in, throwing himself forward once again with Cas as his target. He’s able to get one hand wrapped in Cas’ collar, tugging him forward with such  _ force _ and he’s yelling, screaming, blaming everything on Cas, saying it’s all his fault. “What did you do to my son? You turned him into a fag! You turned him into  _ you _ !” Dean’s not even sure what Cas is doing, he has no idea, and it’s not like the blonde isn’t fully aware that Cas can fight for himself, defend himself and kick John’s ass if he needs to, but the fact is that he shouldn’t  _ have to.  _ He shouldn’t have to fucking defend himself to Dean’s father. 

“Jesus, Dad! Would you fucking calm down!” He hollers but knows it’s no use, so he reels his fist back and swings it as hard as he can, hitting his father square in the jaw. 

“Dean!” He hears Sammy yell, but he isn’t really focused on it. He steps forward towards John when the man tries to remit one of his own but Dean blocks it just in time, thinking maybe this won’t be so hard since he’s younger and faster and has better reflexes than the oldest Winchester, but turns out that John is not as clumsy a fighter when he’s sober as he is when he’s drunk, because as soon as Dean dodges the first hit, John comes in with his other hand and gets his son right in the ribs. He hears his name being called again and he thinks it’s Cas this time but he isn’t really in the position to think about that when John lunges forward and tackles him. 

His head hits the floor,  _ hard,  _ but somewhat cushioned due to the carpet. He dizzies only a little before he’s back in the present and he’s throwing punches with his dad for the umpteenth fucking time in his life. 

Kate yells out John’s name but she doesn’t dare move forward, probably doesn’t even  _ think  _ about getting in the middle of this. Not to worry though, apparently, because Cas is here and he’s pushing John to the side, throwing him off of Dean so Dean has enough of a chance to switch positions and climb on top, using the leverage from this new vantage point to strike the old man as many times as he can before there’s a fucking hand around his throat and then he’s focusing on getting that  _ off.  _

In the moments to come, he wouldn’t be able to tell you  _ exactly  _ what happened because he kind of blacked out, but was also fully conscious and aware of his surroundings, they just didn’t really register to him at the time which caused him to not really remember any of them. All he knows is one moment he’s leaning over John and being choked out, and the next he’s watching his dad on the other side of the room being held back by Sam and Cas both, and Kate and Adam are  _ nowhere  _ to be seen. 

“This is fucking ridiculous!” Sam screams, and Dean doesn’t have it in him to comment something smart like  _ language, Sammy.  _ “How are we supposed to be a family if you two hate each other and are constantly trying to kill the other?” 

“Face it, Sammy, it’s not happening.” Dean states, and rubs his mouth of the blood dripping down his lip. He could see his brothers annoyed look, his disappointed eyes and his lips turning into a pained frown. 

John groans, squirms from where he’s restricted, “I wonder why, Dean!” He says loudly, condescendingly, “You haven’t even tried since I got back. You’ve made no attempts at getting to know your little brother,  _ or  _ Kate. You’ve been a fucking bitch about everything and I can see  _ why now. _ ” He spits and glares at Cas, as if this is all his fault. 

“We’re not a family because you’re a fucking drunk, dad! You wouldn’t know the first thing about family _or_ being a father since mom died. All you’ve done for the last 14 years is drink and complain and beat on your fucking kids, and that’s  _ if  _ you were around. So you don’t get to fucking show up after  _ years  _ of abusement,  _ years  _ of abandonment and demand that we all start over and forget about everything that’s happened,  _ forgive you,  _ and act like you’ve ever been anything more to us than the alcoholic jackass who wastes all of our money on booze, lost his temper way too many fucking times and spent Sammy’s entire goddamn childhood shitfaced.” 

He takes a few steadying breaths, wipes the tears as they roll down his cheek, and then licks his lips and immediately regrets it as the bitter taste of iron invades his taste buds. He swallows, and more quietly this time, with what he hopes doesn’t sound like a broken voice and because he thinks this part of the situation still hasn’t been handled, he says, “You don’t get an opinion here, dad. You don’t get an opinion on who I’m dating, you don’t get an opinion on whether it’s a guy or a girl, and you don’t get an opinion on my fucking sexuality. I’ve done  _ great  _ making decisions without you, I’ve been a damn adult since I was four. I’ve never needed your thoughts or approval before, not really, and I definitely don't need them now. I'm  _good_ without you."

He doesn’t dare shift his eyes from where they bore into his old mans, but he knows that Cas is looking at him with a proud smile, and he can’t exactly decipher Sam’s face from where he’s at but he hopes the kid isn’t upset with him. John, however, squints his eyes, chews on his tongue and then finally responds lowly, “I don’t want a goddamn queer as my son anyways.” He jerks free from Cas’ hold and to Dean’s surprise, doesn’t make a move on any of them, only walks straight out of the room with heavy boots and bloody clothes. 

A few moments later they hear the front door slam, and Dean subsequently moves his gaze from where the man was standing and he allows himself to look at his younger brother. Sam’s eyes are already on him, and he doesn’t look angry, doesn’t look like he’s mad or upset with Dean, he just-- he looks  _ sad.  _ And maybe a little nervous, who could blame him. 

“Sammy--” Dean starts hesitantly and reaches out but he’s interrupted by the kids’ small voice. 

“I-I, I should go with him, I should make sure everything’s okay with Adam and Kate,” and he leaves without a reply, following John’s path and out the door, too. 

\--

\--

The next day at school Dean almost doesn’t go because he’s so swollen and bruised, but Sam never answered any of his texts and Dean knows this is his only chance of seeing the kid since he left last night. 

He convinced Cas to stay the night with him, and though he knows the boy wasn’t as reluctant as he made himself look, Dean still might have milked his injuries just a little bit more so that he could experience more of Cas playing nurse for him. Or rather, Doctor (Sexy.) 

It was weird getting ready for school without Sam there to rush him out of the shower, shoot him dirty looks for slurping his coffee louder than necessary, or judge him for his choice of breakfast - the least healthy options of food in the house. And while normally Cas would have been the same way, he let it all slide this morning because he thinks Dean doesn’t need the extra nagging, but truth is, what he doesn’t need is people pitying him and going easy on him and being nice to him because they think he’ll snap or something.

Dean tried telling Cas he was fine, that this wasn’t the first time John has told him he was a disappointment and then disowned him and left, but it  _ was  _ the first time that Sam followed behind him when he left, and that’s something Dean does his very best not to think about. 

 

First period passed by painfully slow, Dean almost fell asleep several times but was able to catch himself just as his head was about to slam into the desk. He’s been sporting his best “blue steel” since he trudged up the parking lot earlier because the last thing his wants is for someone to interact with him. While he acts normal with Cas and welcomes his company no matter how horrible he’s really feeling, he’s not up for contact with anyone else here because he’s still in mountains of fucking pain with a banging headache. 

He weaves his way through the throngs of people and tries to get to his locker without physically and aggressively pushing some innocent kid out of the way. He sees Kevin walk by with his girlfriend and he vaguely contemplates stopping him and asking if he’s talked to or seen Sam all morning because he still hasn’t himself, but then Charlie’s there and she’s greeting him and Kevin is already too far away. 

“Jesus, who’d you pick a fight with last night?” The redhead asks all cheery and jokingly and then reaches out to touch the cut above Dean’s left eye. “Certainly got you good, didn’t they?” 

“Couple of cheap shots,” he mumbles with a too tight smile and turns back to his locker, sifting through it for ibuprofen and closing it a little harder than he needed to when he came up short. 

“What happened?” 

“Dad,” is the only explanation he gives because that should be enough, and thankfully it is for the time being because understanding strikes his friend and she nods, no more to be said, other than asking if he’s okay and he nods in affirmation. “”M peachy,” he grins his signature grin and doesn’t even wince when he’s reminded of the cut on his lip. 

“Right,” Charlie says, and looks around before the warning bell dings and they’re forced to head to second period. 

 

By third Dean is texting Cas and asking if he’s talked to Sam, or heard from him, or even seen him at all and Cas says no, he hasn’t but he’ll try Jess. Dean’s not really worried about it, he just wishes he had a chance to chat, to see if things were okay between the two siblings, to see if he fucked up and Sam didn’t want anything to do with him anymore. 

Dean skips part of Trunchbull’s class to hide out in the bathrooms. Normally he’d go visit Cas and Charlie at lunch but he just wasn’t feeling it today. He tries Sam, texts him a couple of times but never hears back. By the end of the day he’s pretty hopeless, and when Cas asks if he wants to hang out after school, Dean tells him he’s more beat than he thought and still really sore and just wanted to go home and rest but he promised to call later. 

He spends all night Friday and most of Saturday binging  _ Star Trek  _ while sprawled out on the couch and when he finishes the series he just starts over and then over again. He hasn’t really moved from the spot since he crashed on it yesterday after he got home from school, except to use the bathroom and to make himself food, but otherwise he’s stayed exactly where he was. 

He sleeps more in these few days than he has in a while. 

He sleeps, and then the minute he wakes up he wishes he were back asleep because every single time, as soon as he opens his eyes from slumber he’s burdened with this enormous fucking weight. It’s huge, and dark, and there’s this weird combination of him feeling like he’s carrying thousands of pounds, but also missing this huge chunk of himself. And this-- this  _ thing,  _ this invisible block type of thing that’s just looming over him, it’s this ginormous fucking pressure that’s just  _ there,  _ just hanging out and with every move he makes, with every crack of his eyelids, he feels it pulling on him, dragging him somewhere that he  _ knows  _ he doesn’t want to be, but he just can’t seem to pull  _ back _ and fight it. He can’t seem to stop it. 

He used to get this feeling a lot, back when he was a lot younger and more affected by his father’s disownment and just sheer lack of love, but he hasn’t felt it in at least a few years since he’s grown so used to it, and now it’s  _ back... _ but he knows it isn’t because of John. It’s because of Sam. 

_ Sam  _ has disowned him this time. 

_ Sam _ is disappointed in him. 

_ Sam _ left him.

He shifts his body, not able to find a comfortable position, and then he buries his face into the cushion to try and escape the metaphorical mass.    
  
  


Some time later, he’s not actually sure but he thinks it's at least Sunday, he wakes up to the sound of a gruff voice saying something to him as he sleeps. It’s muffled and he can’t understand it so he groggily rolls over from where his face is squished into the pillow and the entire side of his cheek and chin, along with the fabric of the couch, is wet from his drool.

He wipes at his mouth, mumbles something incoherent and tries to sit up. 

“‘Bout time your lazy ass woke up. Been standing here talkin’ to ya for 10 minutes already,” 

He doesn’t have to squint his eyes open through the harsh light of the day to tell whose voice it is, and he internally groans. “Yeah, well, rough night,” he rasps out, knowing the old coot wouldn’t fall for it. 

“Mhmm,” Bobby hums, “Rough few  _ days _ , so I hear.” He kicks some stuff around with his boot, mumbles something along the lines of  _ damn pigsty in here, idjit,  _ but Dean’s really not sure because he chooses to not to pay too much attention. 

He stands up and stretches, sporting only a pair of underwear that he should probably definitely change, but whatever. “So what brings you to my humble abode, hmm?”

Bobby raises an unimpressed eyebrow at him, “Aside from the fact you ain’t showed up to work in nearly 5 days?” 

“Yeah..” Dean admits, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck, “About that..” 

Bobby gives him this look, not exactly pity, but-- sympathy, and he takes a breath, “Heard about your daddy,” he offers as he takes a seat in the recliner, and Dean doesn’t bother to look at him, just stays with his eyes planted on the floor. 

“Jo told you, huh?” 

“Little bit, got most of the story from Sam, though,” now this,  _ this  _ is what makes Dean snap his head up so fast he nearly gives himself whiplash. 

“You talked to Sam?” 

The old man nods once, “Why yeah,” 

Dean thinks to himself,  _ be cool, don’t freak out,  _ so he tries, “How, uh--” and then has to clear his throat because his voice comes out a bit high pitched and scratchy. “How is he?” 

“He’s alright. Been stayin’ at the house,” 

“He’s-- what the  _ hell,  _ Bobby? How long?” 

He shrugs from his spot in the chair, like it’s nothing, like Dean hasn’t been a useless mess of self-loathing and anxiety for the past 3 days. “Came by my classroom Friday, asked if he could stay with me for a couple’a days, I wasn’t goin’ta tell’em no.” Dean doesn’t comment. He bites his lip, looks around the room at nothing in particular, he tries to get his thoughts in order. “Between you ‘n me, I think he’s a bit nervous about seein’ you, and that’s why he ain’t tried callin’.”  _ Or answered his damn phone, _ Dean adds in his head. 

“I need to see him.” 

“I know that, but it ain’t up to me.” Dean shakes his head and curses. This is a fucking disaster. Bobby stands up and runs his hands down the front of his legs. “We can talk more about this after you’ve showered. You smell like a damn hippie commune.” Dean wrinkles his nose and lifts his arm to smell under his pit, and almost as soon as he does it he regrets it. He mumbles a half-assed comeback to his uncle and heads off to the shower. 

There are so many damn thoughts running through his head; questions upon questions, upon questions. Is Sam okay? Is he hurt? Did John kick him out? Where  _ is _ John? Did something happen between the two of them? What did Bobby mean when he said Sam was nervous about seeing Dean? 

He doesn’t  _ really  _ get to enjoy his shower because he’s so focused on everything else, but he is aware of how good it feels to wash off and start smelling nice again. He hadn’t realized how dirty he had felt until he was actually clean. 

When he’s done and dressed he makes his way back out to the living room, only to see that Bobby has tidied up and threw his whole mess away. It makes him feel like shit, but he’s thankful nonetheless. He brews a pot of coffee and they sit down at the kitchen table, cups of joe in front of each of them, and Bobby relays everything about Thursday night that Sam told him. Dean agrees with most of it, and is sadly surprised to hear he wasn’t made out to be the bad guy in the story. 

Bobby doesn’t tell him anything that Sam has said as far as where Dean is concerned, or how he feels about it, and even though Dean pretty much begs for it, Bobby just continues to shake his head and tell him that it isn’t his place to say. 

He does, however, ask Dean for  _ his  _ side of the story, which Dean happily puts forth. He mentions how all throughout dinner Sam kept bringing up common interests between Dean and John, constantly starting conversations about things that he thought might spark some sort of interaction between the father and son that isn’t negative. Like,  _ “Dean, tell dad about that Galaxie you were under at the shop the other day,”  _ or,  _ “Dean, tell dad about how you basically aced your exams for last semester,”  _ It went like that the entire dinner, and when Dean wouldn’t cooperate like Sam wanted him to, he’d get an annoyed huff, or an eye roll, or one of the many bitch faces. Sometimes, all 3 of those things. 

Though Dean wants nothing to do with their father, he guesses he can understand why Sam is so fucking hell-bent on them getting along. Still, he won’t be forced into it when he’s not ready for it. 

Before Bobby leaves, he tells Dean he’ll talk to Sam because the “two idjits need to stop acting like damn toddlers and get their shit straightened out” and Dean can only roll his eyes without any real heat behind it, thank the man for everything. 

He makes an extra point to assure his presence at work tomorrow. 

\--

\--

It’s when Dean is wiping down his hands after sliding out from the bottom of some poor Prius that he hears footsteps behind him and someone clear their throat. 

He’s the last one in the shop, just about to go home since he had decided to work a little over time to make up for his missed days this weekend.

He turns around to see Sam leaning up against the bumper of the blue Chevy in the neighboring bay, and he looks hesitant and squirmy, shifting his eyes around until finally landing on Dean. 

“Sammy,” he says quietly, and he throws the rag onto the tool box before rubbing his hands together just for something to do. Sam smiles shyly at him, though it’s kind of sad. 

“Hey, Dean,”

His words kind of just hang in the air there, as neither of them know how to continue on with the conversation, and there’s just awkwardness and intensity. Dean mentally chastises himself because there’s no reason that there should be fucking  _ awkward silence  _ when it comes to two brothers.  _ Especially  _ these two brothers. That’s ridiculous. 

Dean clears his throat, “So I, uh, I heard Bobby had you waking up at the asscrack of dawn so you could hitch a ride with him this morning,” it’s not an ideal way to start when in their situation, but it’s  _ something,  _ right? 

Sam breathes a laugh, “Yeah, it wasn’t so bad,” He chews the insides of his lip and Dean nods. “His music on the way there almost put me back to sleep, though,” this time when he smiled it was more genuine, more sure, and Dean beamed, chuckling because he knows all too well about Bobby’s boring radio choice. 

“Oh,  _ God, _ ” Dean groans, “Did you try to turn it?” When Sam inclines his head sheepishly Dean can’t help but to tease him about it because, “Classic mistake, Sammy. Driver picks the music--” 

“Shotgun shuts his cakehole,” The kid finishes for him, “Yeah, yeah,” It doesn’t take long after that for the two of them to start joking and laughing with each other, kidding around like before. After about 20 minutes when they’re both coming down from a giggling fit, Sam sighs and Dean can tell by the sound of it that the jokes are ending and the serious stuff is coming. He’s already regretting it. 

“I’m sorry, Dean,” Sam admits, so low and hushed that Dean almost didn’t hear him. 

“Don’t worry about it, Sammy, we both did dumb things,” 

“Yeah, but I shouldn’t have-- I shouldn’t have been so naive. I should have listened to you more, trusted you.” 

“There’s really no need for this, Sam,” 

Sam looks at him pointedly, narrowing his eyes only slightly. “Just, let me, okay?” And Dean sighs and eventually nods, motioning with his hand for his younger sibling to continue, “I know that this isn’t an excuse, but I just-- I wanted a family  _ so badly,  _ I wanted to to be apart of that. And.. You knew mom, you got to spend time with her and have an actual relationship with her. I’ve always been jealous of that, so when Kate showed up with dad I figured this was  _ my  _ chance now.  _ I  _ could experience what you experienced.  _ I  _ could be the brother to Adam that you were to me.” He looks away, his voice cracking a little but he keeps going. “And dad..I guess I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that he hadn’t really changed, I just didn’t want to see it because then that would mean this whole family thing wasn’t permanent and at some point it would have to end, and I..I didn’t want it to end.” 

Dean doesn’t say anything at first, really just soaks it all in, absorbing the words.  He looks at the boy in front of him - the sophomore who’s not all that little anymore, not the scrawny  kid that he used to be; almost as tall as Dean, working his way up to the same muscle mass. He’s growing up, physically, and he’s smart as fucking hell, but as much as he would like to think he does,  _ he doesn’t know everything.  _ He’s still naive, he’s still easily influenced, he’s still  _ young.  _

And he  _doesn’t know everything._

Dean reaches his arms out before anything and pulls the younger Winchester into a hug. He wraps an arm around his shoulders, cradles the back of his head. “I am your family  _ always, _ ” he promises, “Whether with or without dad, with or without Adam and Kate, you’re  _ always  _ going to have me, you’re always going to have Bobby, you’re always going to have Ellen. We’re not going anywhere, okay?” He feels Sam nod against him, his shaggy ass hair tickling Dean’s ear. Dean pats him on the back a couple of times and pulls apart, ruffling his hair just for good measure. “Bitch,” 

And Sam grins, “Jerk.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the end is nigh, my friends. I'm thinking probably one or two more chapters and we'll be good to go!! It's been quite the pleasure writing for you all.


End file.
